latinachicka Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 My boyfriend of 3 months has a female best friend. They have been friends for about 7 years and she moved away. She is back and he is spending time with her. They write "I love you" on myspace, text, facebook, etc.. they are extremely close. He has been weird with me today and not as loving as usual. He is going out with her tonite to spend time with her, and its bugging me! he's 29, and im 30. She's his ex girlfriends younger sister. She's like 22. He tells me there are no feelings other than a strong brother/sister thing, and has even let me know they are hanging out today. The way they talk to eachother really freaks me out. He has never given me a reason to worry; ever. He is actually a very good boyfriend who shows his love, and makes sure I feel special. He tells me he loves me, and all that. I just don't know. Do I have the right to feel worried? Should I just ignore it and try to just shake off the feelings? I have went to him with my concerns once before and he laughs it off saying that if something were to happen, it would have, and that she's just a sister to him.
candymoon Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hell, I'd be suspicious and I'm not the jealous type. Maybe it's time you meet her. Have you suggested you ALL go out to dinner, or lunch, or just hang out sometime together? Maybe just have him invite her over. Sure it'll be awkward that first time meeting her, but that's not important. What would be important is his reaction to the suggestion, which will tell you everything you need to know-- If he gets uppity then there might be some fire behind that smoke, if you catch my drift. I mean, if you have met and hung out with his male friends before, why should she be any different?
Dexter Morgan Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I just don't know. Do I have the right to feel worried? yes, you do have the right. They say, "I love you" to each other? Tell me, would he say this to his male friends? If not, then its inappropriate and is obvious they both consider each other more than friends. and spending time with her?? alone? unacceptable. not saying men and women can't be friends. I have female friends, but none that I hang out with, at least not without my significant other or as couples. Should I just ignore it and try to just shake off the feelings? ask him if he says "I love you" to any of his male friends.
Reality Drip Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You should definitely talk this out with him and make your presence known with the other girl. See how they interact around each other. See if he's still respectful of you being around while in their company. The situation is shady and you know already that if he's saying, "I love you," to an ex's little sister that you feel uneasy. For good reason, the whole thing is unnatural. When a similar situation happened for me (ex with a cute sister) I slept with her. A man can only take so much temptation (plus being teased with braggin rights). -Max
stace79 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 1. You're his girlfriend, so you should be his priority. 2. It's one thing to continue to have friends outside of your relationship, but quite another to spend time alone with another woman. 3. He shouldn't have a female "best" friend, because YOU should be the best female friend he has, along with his lover. I would definitely talk this through with him. In my opinion, I would take this as a sign that he is not serious about you long-term.
jadepeony Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Next time he hangs out with another close female friend, why not ask him to bring you along so that you can meet her. First of all, you're his girlfriend and there's a reason why he made you that. It doesn't matter if he's known her for a longer time, you are his priority now. Why does he need a deep emotional attachment to another female in his life other than is girlfriend (possibly future wife) and his mother? Maybe it was alright to say "I love you" to that girl when he was single, but now that he's in a relationship with you, I don't think he should be saying that to anyone else other than you or his relatives. You should talk to him about it, and tell him to set boundaries between him and his friend. Don't nag him about it, just tell him very calmly that it makes you uncomfortable. If he loves you and respects your relationship with him, he'll do something about it.
Clep Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Maybe nothing is happening, but he has no place with a woman for a best friend. I find it difficult to believe that flirting or the idea of sleeping together has not arisen, especially since their friendship started through their teen and young adult time. I think he is being selfish and not at all putting you or your relationship first. You are supposed to be his best friend. Laughing off your concerns is an even bigger concern to me though. Is that how he is going to handle other concerns he doesn't wish to address. How did this look during his other relationships, assuming he had another woman in his life that would put up with this. I personally wouldn't go there at all. I wouldn't put out my energy to try to be around them and find out if there is something going on or if there ever has been. If I had been with a guy for three months and was made aware that his closest friend was a woman I would simply walk. We all have different tolerance levels though
linwood Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 You haven`t met her? Another woman on such intimate terms with your man who you`ve never met? No...that`s a dealbreaker.
Parlanchina Posted June 3, 2010 Posted June 3, 2010 If I were in that situation, I would really urge that I be part of the picture, too. If there is nothing there but brother/sister/platonic and that she is a very close friend (deep relationship right there) then you should at least get to know her and be around! Don't worry, but don't totally shake it off. What would be cause for concern if they meet religiously or hang out a tad too much. The best way to counter any advances of the girl is to make her feel that you could also be another good friend, a 'big sister' if you will, complementing your boyfriend's 'big brother' status.
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