latinachicka Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 My boyfriend of 3 months has a female best friend. They have been friends for about 7 years and she moved away. She is back and he is spending time with her. They write "I love you" on myspace, text, facebook, etc.. they are extremely close. He has been weird with me today and not as loving as usual. He is going out with her tonite to spend time with her, and its bugging me! he's 29, and im 30. She's his ex girlfriends younger sister. She's like 22. He tells me there are no feelings other than a strong brother/sister thing, and has even let me know they are hanging out today. The way they talk to eachother really freaks me out. He has never given me a reason to worry; ever. He is actually a very good boyfriend who shows his love, and makes sure I feel special. He tells me he loves me, and all that. I just don't know. Do I have the right to feel worried? Should I just ignore it and try to just shake off the feelings? I have went to him with my concerns once before and he laughs it off saying that if something were to happen, it would have, and that she's just a sister to him.
Ihavenoidea Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 i dont think you have anything to be worried about 7 years is a long time and i am pretty sure it would be awkward for them to get together considering shes related to an ex. Situations like this are never really comfotable, just have to work through them. I always try and include my GF with my female friends, especially the first time.
BeautifulMan Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 My closest friends are female and best friend of 9 years is a female. As long as he has his priorities straight with you, there is nothing to worry about.
Author latinachicka Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 A 30-year old dude in a platonic friendship with a 22 year old woman? Yeah right. They are definitely banging. What 30 year old dude has so much in common with a 22 year old woman that he needs to see her so often if it doesn't involve sex? That might be true, but he hasn't seen her in months.
marsle85 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I find it highly unusual that a 30 year-old man could have a close relationship with a 22 year-old woman and it doesn't involve sex. He's right, it is unusual. But, there are cases. For example, my brother's friend is 9 years older than I am, and we've known one another since we were kids. He's never tried anything, and I would reject him if he did. It happens.
Author latinachicka Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 Thanks all. I'm going to try to trust him.
Eeyore79 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 It sounds extremely dodgy to me. Even if he isn't into her, you can bet she's into him. It's one thing being friends with someone of the opposite sex, but it's something else entirely when they're writing "I love you" and stuff - how humiliating for you if any of your friends saw your bf writing "I love you" to another woman! I don't have a problem with my partner having friends of either gender, but I would have questions if he wanted to spend a lot of time with a particular woman one-on-one - especially if that woman was a relative of his ex's! Is he trying to maintain some sort of link with his ex perhaps - is he still in love with her? If they've been friends for seven years, that means she was 15 and he was 23 - what sort of 23yo man wants to be friends with a child of 15? It all sounds extremely dodgy to me, not to mention disrespectful to you when they're saying "I love you" - I think you'd be within your rights to ask that they at least stop saying intimate things to each other, and ideally see each other less (and not one-on-one).
dazzle22 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 They shouldn't be proclaiming their love for each other on Facebook. That is total BS, and frankly, I would dump a guy for this kind of crappola.. I have learned that it is all about what you are willing to put up with in life that gives you the most misery. If you don't put up with BS, you won't get nearly as much of it blown your way.
sally4sara Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Let me ask you - just how "best" was this best friend before and during her living far away? Was their relationship just intially friendly due to him dating her sis but is now all "best friend" because she moved back home and he declared her to be his best friend? Just how long was this "I love you" theme going on? The whole time or just since she moved back home? Is it cool in your relationship to maintain contact with exes? If this is not cool in your relationships, how has he been best friends with her while still not being in contact with his ex? Did the whole family move away? Will he now be interacting with his ex because this girl is back in town? If both of you are fine with being friends with exes, disregard this second line of questions. You've only been with him 3 months. 3 months and already in love? I'm not trying to say its not possible, but it (to me) seems rash and jumped into. I'd be concerned with him making other rash investments with someone else. And to the only having been with him for 3 months - if this REALLY REALLY bothers you, you don't HAVE to continue dating him. You don't HAVE to be okay with this. But you might HAVE to become okay with this if you want to continue dating him. Ask yourself if you'd be in this relationship right now if this "best" friend wasn't living somewhere else when you met him.
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