CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I'm ok with multi-dating, but I recently started seeing a guy who was not only seeing someone else, but sleeping with her (they were/are monogamous with one another). They both agreed that they didn't want a relationship, so both were free to date others. I appreciated his honesty, and decided to give it a go anyway, since I was ok taking it slow and have been a little gun shy since my divorce. But, it soon became obvious that this is was a no-win situation. For me. After a couple of weeks, several dates, meeting his friends and hanging out at his house, I started to get resentful that I couldn't even kiss the guy I was into. He gets the enjoyment of both women's company, sex with one, while the "new girl" gets to date him platonically until he figures out what he wants (assuming he doesn't just want to maintain the status quo, which was my biggest concern). I ended up walking away after just a few weeks when he didn't seem to care about my frustration (that I couldn't even kiss him...yeah, poor, poor guy to have such problems). I never asked him to do anything, demanded he "choose," or anything like that. I just decided that "platonic dating" wasn't for me. And it sucks because I really, really liked him. Is this a common situation that I should expect to encounter again? Would you date someone who was already sleeping with someone else?
Jilly Bean Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Is this a common situation that I should expect to encounter again? Would you date someone who was already sleeping with someone else? No, and no. So, this guy was exclusive with someone else, sleeping with her only, yet claimed they weren't in a relationship and that they were dating other people? I don't get it. To me, sounds like he was giving you a snow job, and was trying out other women to see if he wanted to dump his currrent GF. Sounds like the totally codependent type who needs the assurance of a new relationship, before letting go of another one. Good for you for removing yourself from the situation.
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Thanks, JB. I'm happy I got out it, too, even though he was the first guy I've had butterflies for in a long while. But, I have to put myself first. I totally get the "mongamous" factor as I don't sleep with more than one person at at time, either, but I can't imagine sleeping with a guy and being ok that he's dating others. The whole this is just fishy and I think my gut instinct that he would forever want to maintain the status quo was probably dead on. He was definitely a little immature when it comes to relationships.
tami-chan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Is this a common situation that I should expect to encounter again? Would you date someone who was already sleeping with someone else? I don't know if it is common but I believe men like that usually would sleep with both women. It is a good thing you removed yourself from that situation, you see, he covered his bases and laid his cards down and you were ok with it, then found out you really weren't ok. That is fine, a lot of times we don't know what we can stomach until we are in the situation itself.
Jilly Bean Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Thanks, JB. I'm happy I got out it, too, even though he was the first guy I've had butterflies for in a long while. But, I have to put myself first. I totally get the "mongamous" factor as I don't sleep with more than one person at at time, either, but I can't imagine sleeping with a guy and being ok that he's dating others. The whole this is just fishy and I think my gut instinct that he would forever want to maintain the status quo was probably dead on. He was definitely a little immature when it comes to relationships. Yeah, I'm with you. To me, multi-dating means you are casually dating many people, and sleeping with NONE of them. This whole business about being committed and exclusive to sex with someone, yet not in a "relationship", and free to see other people, is odd. Perhaps they are on some kind of "break". Who knows. It's too bizarre to worry about, and you did the right thing in moving on.
Jilly Bean Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 P.S. I was in PDX a few weeks ago, and it is SO beyond gorgeous and lush! Just love it up there.
Author CrestfallenNoMore Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 P.S. I was in PDX a few weeks ago, and it is SO beyond gorgeous and lush! Just love it up there. Thanks! It's absolutely gorgeous up here - I feel like I live in a green paradise year-round.
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