Need ! ex boyfriend/best friend!

[hapagirl88]

** sorry the title should say "NEED ADVICE! CONFUSING EX BOYFRIEND/BEST FRIEND" I have no idea why the post would remove that from the title..**

 

 

I'm 21. My ex boyfriend and I have been best friends since we were kids. We dated for 3 1/2 years before he broke up with me and started dating my "friend". It’s only been 3 months since we broke up and he started dating her the day after we broke up, he emotionally cheated on me by hanging out with her behind my back, but he says its cause he wanted to experience new things. We did fight near the end, but the break up came as a shock to me because we talked about it and said we were still going to work things out. We also went through a lot of crap (I found out I was pregnant after we broke up and I had a miscarriage, school, family problems, etc), but through everything he has always been there and we're still the best of friends. HE calls me all the time and texts me every day, even comes to visit me and hang out every once in a while, and he does this all unprovoked and by his own free will. He tells me he really likes his new girlfriend and doesn't want to do anything to jeopardize his relationship with her, yet his girlfriend found out many times before that we’ve been talking and each time has told him to stop talking to me, but he continues to hide it from her even though I tell him he shouldn’t lie to her. He feels guilty about it, but we even have hooked up on several occasions.

 

I don't want to end my friendship with him because he been my best friend for over 15 years and we've been through so much together and I very much don’t want to respect her by not talking to him because she doesn’t deserve it for being a backstabber and pretending to be my friend, (we were suppose to be roommates this summer term). I asked him if she gave him the ultimatum to either stop talking to me or she’s dumping him what would he choose, he said he’d always choose me because I’m important to him and he wouldn't give up someone who knows him so well and is always there for him (I know right? Why is he still dating her then..). He knows I still love and care about him, and he says he cares about me a lot, but doesn't love me the same way anymore, yet he still says I love you when we end conversations. He does all these sweet things for me like he use to when we were dating, when we hang out or talk on the phone its like the break up never happened, and he gets overly jealous and protective when he hears about guys hitting on me or me going on dates with other guys. He asked me about this guy I’m into and started to act cocky and arrogant, telling me that he's still better than the guy and he’s even bugged me to change my profile picture on my facebook because it made me look “too hot”, though its just a headshot.

 

I’ve talked to him many times about what's going on between us, but he either tries to change the subject or he says the same things, that he wants to have different experiences, he wants me in his life, he doesn’t see me that way anymore, or he doesn't rule out we can't be together later in the future. It doesn't make sense, but actions speak more than words right? Granted I’m somewhat happy with the relationship we have now because we still have that bond, but I do wish we could get everything clear and out in the open.

 

I don't need to hear your criticism on my actions, I understand what I have done, and please don't say we shouldn't talk anymore because that indefinitely is something we both don't want and unlikely to happen, but you would understand when are strongly bonded and care for someone deeply that you can forgive and forget no matter what their flaws. He too accepts me for who I am. Yes, I know hooking up with him is shady in its own way, yes, he cheated on me, EMOTIONALLY, not PHYSICALLY, but he’s cheating on her PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY, yes, I know I should be angry at him because of what he did, and yes, I would go back with him if I had the chance, but I’m not perfect and neither is he. He’s not a “jerk” or an “douche”, though he did do some messed up things, but doesn’t everyone? I don't want anyone to think he's a sleazeball cause he really isn't, and yeah I'm defending him because he's never acted or done something like this before. He just made bad decisions and those bad decisions are affecting me. Through it all, no matter what we go through we always end up talking again and being there for each other.

 

I’m confused and need real advice on how to process a situation like this. I don’t know what he’s thinking or why he’s so blinded and confused to his actions or why he’s even cheated in the first place because he has never done that before. Seriously, if he cared about his girlfriend right now he wouldn’t be having sex with me or be emotionally attached to me because he has never physically cheated on a girl before, he may have cheated on me emotionally, but she’s the only on he’s really cheated on both physically and emotionally and it’s with me, his first serious relationship, his first love. Doesn’t that mean anything? Why would someone give up something they claim to be the best relationship they had with someone who is so important that they would do anything to keep them in their lives? Why? I'm so confused.

 

 

*If you don’t have any advice and just want to be rude and insult me or insult him, please don’t bother leaving a response*

Edited May 24, 2010 by hapagirl88

[GrayClouds]

Why would someone give up something they claim to be the best relationship they had with someone who is so important that they would do anything to keep them in their lives? Why?

 

Why because he thinks he can do better and believes you will stick around being his back-up plan in case he does not and a booty call when needed.

 

 

Why are you defending this guy so hard?

 

You really deserve someone who treats you better. Boyfriends do not do this to women they love and respect. Friends do not treat friends like this.

 

I suggest staying way from all realtionships for while. spend some hard effort to understand why you think you deserve to be treated so poorly. Understand why you would on to someone who obviously does not respect you. Do not confuse the emotional intensity of drama for love.

Edited May 24, 2010 by GrayClouds