Author femaletroubles Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 It isnt unreasonable of a request, shes entitled to privacy but its a damn phone for crying outloud. My buddys wife locked him out of her phone because she was sending negative texts. After he caught her she has no problem showing her phone to him and before she made him feel like **** that they kept having problems because he had trust issues and turned out she was cheating so..... Its just a phone its not like you are asking for medical and bank statments and her SSN If she wont work with you end it now, relationships are a team effort, and she isnt trying. Besides its easier to be the one ending it than the one cheated on and dumped yea i think i'm going to end it, i can't take the fact that she doesn't let me go through her phone. I'm going to let her spend the night thinking everything is ok. I'll have her take her own car tomorrow. Then i'm going to tell her i'm not putting up with her speaking to another man like that, that i should be the only hubby/hunny in her life. After what i've seen i'll always be wondering no matter what she says. i don't ever see myself marrying a girl like this. I just knew she was going to throw that excuse out there. She obviously wants to keep this hidden from you, so why would she come clean now? Bottom line: She shouldn't be talking to other males in that way, period. As long as she is with you, you are her only 'baby, babe, hubby, etc'. Another thing i'm wondering, is that usually when two people are in a relationship, they are aware of their friends. Especially friends that are so close to them that they would speak to eachother in the manner that your gf and this guy have been speaking to eachother. Red flag. Huuuge red flag. I'd re-consider the quality of your relationship (please don't take offense to that), and whether or not this is something you are willing to put up with. You have two options. They are not flexible ones. Option A - Break up. Option B - Allow her to continue on the way she is, and you cannot doubt her/question her/snoop. She has made it very clear she doesn't want you in her 'personal' life, so you either need to deal with it, or move on. Wow. I completely understand that you're in denial... But she is taking you for a ride, sorry to say!!! I would have packed up her **** for her and told her to get the hell out of your house. Don't let her walk all over you. She needs to realise that what she is doing is COMPLETELY WRONG and isn't allowed to treat people with such disrespect! i asked her last night who she was texting and she said her father. She didn't mention this guy. Now she says he's her bff. I told her i didn't want her flirting like that, she said either breakup or accept it. I told her to tell me she would never cheat on me. And she did say that "i will never cheat on you" she still will not let me look through her phone, says that i'm not the CIA she used to flip out when we sat in class together and i would look over at her screen to who she's talking about. She would get really REALLY PISSED. "What you're computer doesn't have a screen!" etc --very angry then she claims shes not a private person I think i should just end it tomorrow.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 No offense, dude, but she's making you out to be a huge tool. It seemed like you weren't going to stand for that mess initially, but it seems like she's gained control of your mind. And the unfortunate part is that she's likely going to end it on her own terms. Everyone's advice her is legit, but it seems like you're just not willing to believe this woman is a liar or a cheater. Oh, well. Aww, dude, this is so wrong! Tell us what you are thinking, maybe that'll help. no you guys are right, i'm going to end it tomorrow. I'm just going to let her spend the night, then i'll say lets take two cars tomorrow, bc i'm going to "go home and see my sister before she goes back to college" which is true then i'll just text her and say, i don't believe your story, i can't deal with the passwords and the secrecy, i can't have my gf flirting with other men like that. you're unwillingness to be open has ended this relationship. everytime i see her play with her phone, whether she's on facebook or not, i wonder who she's talking to. If she won't remove her pw and let me look through it, then i don't see any alternative than ending it (i just keep asking myself if i'm really overreacting, if maybe they are just bffs, that i'm ending it for no good reason. then i read over her texts, see her call him babe...) she is an outgoing person, she calls people in our class future husband, but doesn't refer to them as baby
Author femaletroubles Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 she asked me a while back if i had "remote access to her computer"
Heartford Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 There's something wrong going on here, and it seems sickening. You need distance. I'm never so forward as to say "BREAK UP" but in your case I think you should. Break up with her and get some distance. Take the time to think. What difference does it make? She's already talking with someone else online! Break up, get some clarity.
Cracker Jack Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Nah, dude, you're not overreacting. She's making a mockery of your relationship. If you were texting girls and saying stuff like that, I'm sure she'd be pissing flames of fury on you. You just want honesty and complete trust--and she simply doesn't have it. You're doing the right thing by moving on. I mean, look how much she has you worrying every single time she's on the phone and stuff. That's no way to live. Btw, how old are you and her?
OpenGL Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Why is this thread still alive? He should of already dumped her. Is he just trying to attention whore now?
Ihavenoidea Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 i computers have remote access Seriously though who asks that, sounds like she is wanting to know what she can and cant hide form you. Ya defintiely end it but if you do, go no contact, otherwise you will just walk right back to her.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Nah, dude, you're not overreacting. She's making a mockery of your relationship. If you were texting girls and saying stuff like that, I'm sure she'd be pissing flames of fury on you. You just want honesty and complete trust--and she simply doesn't have it. You're doing the right thing by moving on. I mean, look how much she has you worrying every single time she's on the phone and stuff. That's no way to live. Btw, how old are you and her? we're both 23, exactly, i want honesty and complete trust, no secrets, no PW's i don't see why you need to have a lock on your phone. Yes i talk about her to my friend. i've told her take my phone, let me see yours she says she doesn't want to this isn't for me, if she was willing to stop, and to let me see her texts it'd be fine....my gut tells me she's hiding something the only thing is, she spends a ton of time with me, no clue where she would find the time to cheat.
2sunny Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 why aren't you just breaking it off RIGHT NOW? stop being so wimpy and just tell her to leave. it's over.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Why is this thread still alive? He should of already dumped her. Is he just trying to attention whore now? thanks for the bluntness, no just trying to make sure i do it properly, and that i'm not over reacting. This was the first, and only girl i've ever slept with, naturally i'm attached to her. i computers have remote access Seriously though who asks that, sounds like she is wanting to know what she can and cant hide form you. Ya defintiely end it but if you do, go no contact, otherwise you will just walk right back to her. yup, thx
ComeUndone Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 OP - Here's the deal: If you don't break this off with her then you will be going through this again in the near future. You will not trust her, you will daily wonder who she is texting, who she is talking to... what kind of life is that? There are other women out there that are trustworthy and will treat you right. You may not be interested in anyone but her, but that is right now... you won't feel this way forever. You need to leave her so you get a little self-respect back. You owe this to yourself.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 OP - Here's the deal: If you don't break this off with her then you will be going through this again in the near future. You will not trust her, you will daily wonder who she is texting, who she is talking to... what kind of life is that? There are other women out there that are trustworthy and will treat you right. You may not be interested in anyone but her, but that is right now... you won't feel this way forever. You need to leave her so you get a little self-respect back. You owe this to yourself. ya i have to end this, as she sits across from me reading and highlighting, she looks over to her computer and types for a bit...i wonder who she's talking to? when i got out of the shower she was trying to be all nice, like "kiss me" etc. because i told her i wanted to see interest i can't live like that, it's going to be hard but i need to end it. hard thing is seeing her everyday for the next 3 years, and ignoring her existence
daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) I'm not sure what I've missed from the texts, but I'm not convinced that she's cheating on you at all. I say this, because I have a Jamaican buddy and we text the same way. I'm flirtatious, but he's always suggesting that in the future he'll be ready to commit to me and make me happy. I call him my man on the side, because I had been seeing someone else who's my main squeeze. And I have absolutely NO intention of dating this man but it makes us both feel silly to flirt. From the texts themselves, I'm just not convinced. Her reaction seemed blasé, but if she's young she may be insensitive to your feelings because she doesn't like your controlling behavior. If she had been cheated on before, she'd be more empathetic. I can only see her being kinda bitchy. I am wondering if you're not completely overreacting also.. Edited May 25, 2010 by daphne
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I'm not sure what I've missed from the texts, but I'm not convinced that she's cheating on you at all. I say this, because I have a Jamaican buddy and we text the same way. I'm flirtatious, but he's always suggesting that in the future he'll be ready to commit to me and make me happy. I call him my man on the side, because I had been seeing someone else who's my main squeeze. And I have absolutely NO intention of dating this man but it makes us both feel silly to flirt. From the texts themselves, I'm just not convinced. Her reaction seemed blasé, but if she's young she may be insensitive to your feelings because she doesn't like your controlling behavior. If she had been cheated on before, she'd be more empathetic. I can only see her being kinda bitchy. I am wondering if you're not completely overreacting also.. hmm interesting, you're Jamaican yourself? the texts themselves were absolutely flirty. She calls him babe, and hunny, boo etc... She tells him "buy a rock and they can settle down and have 2 kids lol" I'll tell you the texts i saw her "No ****in massage! u love too much ooman!!" him "lol" her "same old same old u scarce lately who a keepin you down deh babe" Him "hey hunni, how u been?" her "good u? him "u on break yet?" "just watching them pussy deh a mash up the street, but otherwise i'm good babe" him "ok hun so what u been up to?" her " just school and more school, trying to stay outta trouble until my baby comes" him "i can't wait baby it's gonna be awesome" Him "i'm a married man, faithful to my boo that is u" ";-)" her "let bitches know ur wifed up!" him "heyy" her "hey hubby" her "cum nuh, buy a rock and we can have 2 pretty babes. lol" him "lol let's do it" him "come stay with u?" Her of course, anytime u want" him "would love that babe" her "i don't need a big ting" him "i'll arrange everything then tell u the date then u fly down we start popping and it's all good babe?" her ";-)" That's all i have, some may be out of order
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I'd be gone like dust in the wind. Not a word. why aren't you just breaking it off RIGHT NOW? stop being so wimpy and just tell her to leave. it's over. yeah, i can't ever see myself with someone who flirts with another guy, that may be ok for some, but for me i want a completely open honest relationship thanks all
legallyblonde289 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 hmm interesting, you're Jamaican yourself? the texts themselves were absolutely flirty. She calls him babe, and hunny, boo etc... She tells him "buy a rock and they can settle down and have 2 kids lol" I'll tell you the texts i saw her "No ****in massage! u love too much ooman!!" him "lol" her "same old same old u scarce lately who a keepin you down deh babe" Him "hey hunni, how u been?" her "good u? him "u on break yet?" "just watching them pussy deh a mash up the street, but otherwise i'm good babe" him "ok hun so what u been up to?" her " just school and more school, trying to stay outta trouble until my baby comes" him "i can't wait baby it's gonna be awesome" Him "i'm a married man, faithful to my boo that is u" ";-)" her "let bitches know ur wifed up!" him "heyy" her "hey hubby" her "cum nuh, buy a rock and we can have 2 pretty babes. lol" him "lol let's do it" him "come stay with u?" Her of course, anytime u want" him "would love that babe" her "i don't need a big ting" him "i'll arrange everything then tell u the date then u fly down we start popping and it's all good babe?" her ";-)" That's all i have, some may be out of order this doesnt sound like flirting. it sounds like she has told them that they are in a relationship (long distance) and he doesnt know about you. she wants you around so she has someone nearby (as harsh as this sounds). women like her give women a bad name.
daphne Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 FT, I'm not Jamaican. I'm American but my buddy is Jamaican. He flirts just like this. He knows I'm not interested in a relationship with him. But the way he talks, one day we're going to settle down and get married. I entertain it because he's been a friend for years but I know the score and so does he. I have had conversations very similar to this, except that I generally did insert the presence of the new guy I was dating on occasion into the texts. Probably just in case he ever picked up my phone because he's paranoid too. If the texts and her hard headedness are all you're going by, again, I'm not convinced. Only because I know how Jamaican guys can be. In my case, it's all talk.
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 this doesnt sound like flirting. it sounds like she has told them that they are in a relationship (long distance) and he doesnt know about you. she wants you around so she has someone nearby (as harsh as this sounds). women like her give women a bad name. she does not want to meet her mother, her father, her brother, etc although she claims they know shes dating me she says that after having been basically being engaged, the hardest part of breaking that off was having to tell her family she doesn't want to put it on facebook, because she doesn't want the whole world knowing her business, which i can understand. But i don't like the fact she won't introduce me to her mother. FT, I'm not Jamaican. I'm American but my buddy is Jamaican. He flirts just like this. He knows I'm not interested in a relationship with him. But the way he talks, one day we're going to settle down and get married. I entertain it because he's been a friend for years but I know the score and so does he. I have had conversations very similar to this, except that I generally did insert the presence of the new guy I was dating on occasion into the texts. Probably just in case he ever picked up my phone because he's paranoid too. If the texts and her hard headedness are all you're going by, again, I'm not convinced. Only because I know how Jamaican guys can be. In my case, it's all talk. it might all be talk, idk for sure, but i do think that talking in that way to another man is disrespectful to me i can say for 100% that i will NEVER put a ring on this woman. it would be 50 years of misery, because she is never willing to find a middle ground on anything
legallyblonde289 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 she does not want to meet her mother, her father, her brother, etc although she claims they know shes dating me she says that after having been basically being engaged, the hardest part of breaking that off was having to tell her family she doesn't want to put it on facebook, because she doesn't want the whole world knowing her business, which i can understand. But i don't like the fact she won't introduce me to her mother. it might all be talk, idk for sure, but i do think that talking in that way to another man is disrespectful to me i can say for 100% that i will NEVER put a ring on this woman. it would be 50 years of misery, because she is never willing to find a middle ground on anything thats just more evidence that shes hiding you from the people in her life because there's someone else, i read your other thread too. i hope you stick to your guns and kick her to the curb because you deserve better. stay strong!
Author femaletroubles Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 thats just more evidence that shes hiding you from the people in her life because there's someone else, i read your other thread too. i hope you stick to your guns and kick her to the curb because you deserve better. stay strong! thanks for the support, i feel like i need to, i don't believe her story, she's done nothing to reassure me. Still insists on PW on her phone. I have nothing to hide, i wouldn't mind. somewhere between college and med school i lost my spine
2sunny Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 thanks for the support, i feel like i need to, i don't believe her story, she's done nothing to reassure me. Still insists on PW on her phone. I have nothing to hide, i wouldn't mind. somewhere between college and med school i lost my spine well grow a spine now... no need to wait...just tell her to leave - you are so done. that's it.
hats Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I think everyone's on the same page that you need to dump this girl. Frankly she's already dumped you and passive aggressively trying to get you to dump her so she doesn't have to deal with the guilt. The general tone of you posts and the fact that you didn't dump her hours ago (and bought her dinner instead!) shows how afraid you are of being alone/losing her (even though she treats you badly). If I can pick up on that other women can surely pick up on that. The reason why women will walk all over you in relationships is because it's so clear you have no boundaries.
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