Arasae Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hey there ladies and gentlemen! I'm in need of assistance in how to let someone down gently. =/ I went on a first date with interwebz-guy, and I'm not attracted to him and can't really see myself with him due to age difference. However, he's sent me several e-mails that indicate to the contrary, using words like, "if we're going to make this last", "in lieu of a date, I read a lot of your blogs on myspace", and, when I told him I couldn't see him again until Monday, "you're going to make me wait THAT long???" (Our date was Thursday) -.- All of which made me even less attracted to him. He's a really nice guy, very sweet, and I respect and like him as a person.. I don't want to lead him on, so I want to let him down gently, but how? Gentlemen, if you were in this situation, how would you like the woman to proceed? Total blunt honesty or something milder? Should I go out with him again and tell him there, or shoot him an e-mail? I'm clueless.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hey there ladies and gentlemen! I'm in need of assistance in how to let someone down gently. =/ I went on a first date with interwebz-guy, and I'm not attracted to him and can't really see myself with him due to age difference. However, he's sent me several e-mails that indicate to the contrary, using words like, "if we're going to make this last", "in lieu of a date, I read a lot of your blogs on myspace", and, when I told him I couldn't see him again until Monday, "you're going to make me wait THAT long???" (Our date was Thursday) -.- All of which made me even less attracted to him. He's a really nice guy, very sweet, and I respect and like him as a person.. I don't want to lead him on, so I want to let him down gently, but how? Gentlemen, if you were in this situation, how would you like the woman to proceed? Total blunt honesty or something milder? Should I go out with him again and tell him there, or shoot him an e-mail? I'm clueless. Write this : On our date I did not feel a real spark or connection. I can remain a friend but I see no romantic future . Good Luck on your dating adventures " JUST LIKE THAT ! Send it soon....please , lol...before he thinks there is a future....
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 :lmao:@ Mary. WORD! Arasae- I have gone through this several times now. I am not sure if you want to kill'em exactly as Mary suggested but be honest and tell him that the attraction is not mutual. May I add, that this is not guaranteed to work. LOL! Sometimes it triggers the psycho in them. Good luck! Keep us updated. I want to know how you handled it.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 :lmao:@ Mary. WORD! Arasae- I have gone through this several times now. I am not sure if you want to kill'em exactly as Mary suggested but be honest and tell him that the attraction is not mutual. May I add, that this is not guaranteed to work. LOL! Sometimes it triggers the psycho in them. Good luck! Keep us updated. I want to know how you handled it. True Mimo ! ( hope its okay to call you that If this guy is a clingy stalker nut it may take a few letters to get rid of him. Don't let him know where you live ! The only reason I go hard is because if you are nice they keep calling !
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 True Mimo ! ( hope its okay to call you that If this guy is a clingy stalker nut it may take a few letters to get rid of him. Don't let him know where you live ! The only reason I go hard is because if you are nice they keep calling ! Yes, it is perfectly fine to call me Mimo. I can't! LMAO. This is true through, they do keep on calling and you grow more turned off by it. If the magic doesn't happen from the jump and you can't see yourself smooshing it off with this guy, drop'em!
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 (edited) -.- All of which made me even less attracted to him. He's a really nice guy, very sweet, and I respect and like him as a person.. I don't want to lead him on, so I want to let him down gently, but how? Gentlemen, if you were in this situation, how would you like the woman to proceed? Total blunt honesty or something milder? Should I go out with him again and tell him there, or shoot him an e-mail? I'm clueless. A sweet nice guy. When was his last lay? Girls can usually pick them out before they get a date. Now you got a mess on your hands. Better come up with something crafty. Edited May 24, 2010 by John K
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 A sweet nice guy. When was his last lay? Girls can usually pick them out before they get a date. Now you got a mess on your hands. Better come up with something crafty. * Nice Guy * is the death blow to ever getting her into bed.....
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 * Nice Guy * is the death blow to ever getting her into bed..... Perfectly said.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Perfectly said. I said that to a guy once and he about fainted ....
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I said that to a guy once and he about fainted .... Nerd ivy league educated guy who memorized all the constellations. Am I close?
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Nerd ivy league educated guy who memorized all the constellations. Am I close? No , this guy was too short and too little for me. Handsome face with blonde hair ( I usually prefer dark haired men ) and he had a pretty white dog. I like big men that look like they can protect me But no spark was there and he was upset when I said that...
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 :lmao: You guys are killing me! I went on a date the other day and the guy sat there talking all this nonsense and negative ish... Then asked me "soooo what do you think about me?". I said- "you're cool" (while twisting my neck). He wasn't too happy and said "Cool?!?! That's the best you can come up with". On boy! WTF exactly do you want me to say? Besides, you just sat there and told me how pathetic and miserable you really are. PAUSE! DELETE!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Write this : On our date I did not feel a real spark or connection. I can remain a friend but I see no romantic future . Good Luck on your dating adventures " JUST LIKE THAT ! Send it soon....please , lol...before he thinks there is a future.... I agree with this, but I would leave out the part about remaining friends. This guy might just see this as "well, I still might have a chance" and try even harder.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 OP you have a built in excuse that he can't change -- the age difference. Focus on that. Don't mention being friends because that will give him hope. Flatter him and say he would be a great catch for someone else and you're sure he will have no problem finding someone more suitable.
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I've always enjoyed being turned down in a way that seemed like it would have worked.... Like "I enjoyed our time togather but the situation has changed and some one from my past has come back into my life" .... if you don't want lie then just say " your a cool guy but I don't see us becoming more then friends" I would just do it over the phone and not in person
stepka Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I think email is perfectly appropriate considering they've only gone out once-- that way he can't try to talk (or guilt) you into more.
Author Arasae Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I think email is perfectly appropriate considering they've only gone out once-- that way he can't try to talk (or guilt) you into more. Nope, he can instead write me an essay-long e-mail about how he paid 70 dollars for the date (I offered to pay my half, thank you!), how he thought we had so much in common, he likes me so much, etc. This hasn't happened yet, but I'm thinking it's going to, considering he opted to send me an "e-date" since I had work that was probably three pages long about how much he likes me.. ugh. This is why I HATE dating! If I'm not interested in a guy, I get shoved up onto this pedestal and it's awful to have to hop down, dust myself off, and say "bye", and I don't like letting people down. Necessary, but.. it sucks.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 This is the point where you send the short email: Thank you for the date, but I am not interested in taking things any further. Good luck. And then filter all of his emails to auto-delete or go directly to spam. He can write all the mega emails he wants, but that doesn't mean you even have to know he's doing it.
Morals Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Nope, he can instead write me an essay-long e-mail about how he paid 70 dollars for the date (I offered to pay my half, thank you!), how he thought we had so much in common, he likes me so much, etc. This hasn't happened yet, but I'm thinking it's going to, considering he opted to send me an "e-date" since I had work that was probably three pages long about how much he likes me.. ugh. This is why I HATE dating! If I'm not interested in a guy, I get shoved up onto this pedestal and it's awful to have to hop down, dust myself off, and say "bye", and I don't like letting people down. Necessary, but.. it sucks. I think there is a difference between respecting women and putting them on a pedestal. It's a hard line to find, and I find myself frequently having to check my behavior and make sure I'm being respectful but not overzealous. I hate having to play these mind games, but ...C'est la vie.
Mary3 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I agree with this, but I would leave out the part about remaining friends. This guy might just see this as "well, I still might have a chance" and try even harder. You are absolutely right Lucrezia . I think the friends thing is to let them down easier but you are correct when you say we should not say we will remain friends. Afterall , he wants more...
Author Arasae Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Well, I did it, and now I feel like crap.. This is what I sent: "So.. I've been thinking a lot about it, and while I had fun on our date, it wouldn't be fair to you to go out again. I think we're at very different points in our lives; like I indicated on my profile, I'm just looking to have fun and casually date, whereas I think you're looking for your wife, which is fine. But it wouldn't be right to keep going out when I'm not ready to settle down for at least another five or ten years. =/ Good luck on your dating adventures, and I hope this wasn't too disappointing! I wish you the best!" So.. hopefully I don't get a stupid angry letter or a long phone call or whatever. =/
gypsy_nicky Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 can I ask the OP, why did you go out with him in the first place? Were you slightly attracted to him or you thought you could get attracted to him in the period before the 1st date?
Author Arasae Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 It was an online dating thing; I didn't know if we'd have any chemistry, and we don't. Since the date, he's also shown me a complete lack of self-esteem in who he is and what he does, not to mention, has e-stalked me "in lieu of a date" he says. So.. yeah, it's not going to work.
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Tell him you don't feel there was a romantic connection there for you, so it's best you move on. If he retaliates with "it was only one date!!!" tell him "yeah but I usually know right away"
Twenty-ten Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Well, I did it, and now I feel like crap.. This is what I sent: "So.. I've been thinking a lot about it, and while I had fun on our date, it wouldn't be fair to you to go out again. I think we're at very different points in our lives; like I indicated on my profile, I'm just looking to have fun and casually date, whereas I think you're looking for your wife, which is fine. But it wouldn't be right to keep going out when I'm not ready to settle down for at least another five or ten years. =/ Good luck on your dating adventures, and I hope this wasn't too disappointing! I wish you the best!" So.. hopefully I don't get a stupid angry letter or a long phone call or whatever. =/ That was mean, you should not have said that. Not only are you not being truthful you are leaving it open-ended for him. It leaves him with hope.
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