carrie3107 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Current situation relationship 6 month broke up last month. We both started nc at the same time no talking etc. both agreed no hassle because we live in the same street, drink the same places etc etc. Into 5 week of nc. Last week in the pub he comes and says that some of my friends have been slagging me off to him which he defended. I just told him to let it go over his head. This week in the street im walking along going out and he pips and gives general brief conversation We leave company and i end up texting him saying good to see u in a good mood would like to talk. NO answer back My mates all say he just wants to be friends but at this moment in time its very confussing because even though we have broke up its still quite raw for me. So even though he is trying to be friendly and to him hes not playing mind games and but to me he is hassling me. My friend says that if he is talking to me its a good footing but at the moment why cant he just leave me alone until im totally over it!!!!
GrayClouds Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Current situation relationship 6 month broke up last month. We both started nc at the same time no talking etc. both agreed no hassle because we live in the same street, drink the same places etc etc. Into 5 week of nc. Last week in the pub he comes and says that some of my friends have been slagging me off to him which he defended. I just told him to let it go over his head. This week in the street im walking along going out and he pips and gives general brief conversation We leave company and i end up texting him saying good to see u in a good mood would like to talk. NO answer back My mates all say he just wants to be friends but at this moment in time its very confussing because even though we have broke up its still quite raw for me. So even though he is trying to be friendly and to him hes not playing mind games and but to me he is hassling me. My friend says that if he is talking to me its a good footing but at the moment why cant he just leave me alone until im totally over it!!!! Your friend is saying what you want to hear not what you need to be told. What he is doing is one or a combination of trying to relieve his guilt, build his ego by keeping you interested, and/or keep you on the hook for a backup plan for lonely nights. None of them are respectful and you should make it clear to him that his behavior is simply not acceptable.
Ilovecake Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Your friend is saying what you want to hear not what you need to be told. What he is doing is one or a combination of trying to relieve his guilt, build his ego by keeping you interested, and/or keep you on the hook for a backup plan for lonely nights. None of them are respectful and you should make it clear to him that his behavior is simply not acceptable. 99.9% of the time this is the case. You know spending a bit of time here I noticed that this happens a whole lot and usually it’s the dumper who initiates the contact and the friendship idea, my ex included. I wonder do they realize that they are making the healing process this much harder for us? Do they realize that when they contact us and offer crumbs while we're still grieving the loss of the relationship they just get our hopes up just to knock them back down again? Do they know it but not care because their needs override their empathy towards other people or are they completely blind to the fact and actually think they are doing us a favor?
Author carrie3107 Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 Graycloud - In a way my mate is doing both she is saying get on with life meet new people, to get over the situation. She is one of my closest friends and she has seen me go through worse situations before. When i told her that i had seen him on friday night i had said he was happy, she was very truthful and said let him sort his head out and get on with your life. If he is happy then he will not be back and i was stupid for texting him cause he wont reply. And i should let him know that his actions are not appropriate at this current time as I'm still fragile over the situation, but the only way that i can now show him that his actions are not appropriate is by ignoring him. Which i did on sunday by making sure that he couldnt make eye contact with me. I nearly didnt go out on sunday because I knew that we would be in the same place, but why shouldnt i go out, its me who gets anxious cause i now im going to see him. In a way this is back to being at school, you stand at one side of the playground ill stand at the other. My mind says its over get on with it, but as soon as I see him i get a flutter in my heart and my head goes to pieces. Yes he's ego is being built back up while mine is low. When i have discussed relationships with my friend she has said that "most men" are different from women as men seem able to block off their emotions more than a women can.
Ilovecake Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 What your friend tells you is not proven scientific fact so take it with a grain of salt. She's going to say things that she thinks will make you feel better, that's what friends are for. Strangers however will give you advice without an alternative motive since they don't know you.
Author carrie3107 Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 (edited) I know hun and it does make you feel better for a while... and then your mind starts all over again which is a nightmare Im trying not to talk about him to my friends anymore cause all they have heard of me for the last couple of weeks is about what happened. Broken record syndrome or what!!! One of my mates asked me on Saturday about what had happened and i just turned round and said i'm sick of talking about it, but i dont seem to have much of a conversation at the moment (always go into my shell a bit after a break up) I used to have fun and have a laugh before i got with him, and i need to be carefree again but something is stopping me, and i dont know why??? Im guessing that im worried about talking too much about him, worried about trying to have a laugh, trying to look happy and getting on with life, when inside im still hurting but my closests mates know when i go into my bubble and they still put up with me and care for me deeply Edited May 24, 2010 by carrie3107
GrayClouds Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 She sounds like a wonderful mate, and the good ones will let you talk their ears off as you work through the grief. And it is important that you do. Though as much as they are willing to listen it is important to make sure you are showing them through action that you are working to move on. This means not putting yourself in situation that hurts you. There is nothing wrong avoiding the place your EX will be if going their makes you feel bad or that you have to change your behavior. Your do not have to prove anything to him, what you have to do is care for yourself. Read the following to get you started at healing: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Be kind to yourself.
Author carrie3107 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Unfortunately if i was going to do the not put myself in situations that would hurt me i wouldnt be able to leave my house as his house backs onto mine. There is a 90% chance of us bumping into each other during the week or weekend. His brothers are friends of mine and my brothers and are part of the crowd that I hang around with so even though im hurting and i didnt realise how much ive been hurting and angry until now..... For what we split up for it is not a major thing, so in some small way would like a second chance but i know that u cant force someone to do something that they dont want to do
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