SpanksTheMonkey Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I couldn't agree more, and to each their own. But I still think something is lost when you don't meet that special someone by happen chance in person. At the gym or other hobby, in class, out hiking, the bookstore, a get together with friends, a church function even. These are all places I have met girls and had it turn into a relationship. Call me old fashioned, but there is something instinctive, primal even that you feel when you lock eyes with someone you want, and end up turning it into a relationship - something that is lost when you meet through media that cannot be replaced or matched. The spark you feel when meeting up with someone for the first time after you have already gotten to know them through media is not the same feeling, regardless of how much time/tension has built up. It's how people have done it for thousands of years, and it cannot be replicated over the internet. It feels too generic to me, too much like going to a department store as opposed to the real life chase. It is the difference between taking in a deep breath of fresh mountain air and breathing in the recycled oxygen of an airplane. With dating being so hard and every one turning it into a "game" its a wonder people even reproduce anymore. Long as their happy at the end of the day who cares if cupid uses a broadband connection instead of arrows..
Els Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I don't think anyone purposely seeks out a long distance relationship. You are right though that you can't ignore a connection you make with someone. No regrets here either. This sums up my answer pretty nicely. To be honest, LoneSock, you will notice that the people doing the 'generic' online dating thing... are the same people who are posting on the Dating forum about maximising their 'numbers' and 'speed dating', be it online or RL. Those people spam lots of online listings, go out on dates with 5 different people a week... and that is where the magic of chance is lost. It's more like, "Okay, today's Tuesday, let's see who I can hook up with today....". Whereas for the people on this site having successful long-term relationships that just happened to start online, or that started IRL but ended up LD because one person had to move, it is as much happenstance as it was for you to meet a girl at the cafe. If you notice, most of us did not get our SO by trawling through dating sites, matching numbers (he must be above 6'.. oh yeah this one is!!), interrogating as many people as we could for the sole purpose of deciding whether to date or not. No; we met through forums, chatrooms, games, friends, etc. Sure, something is missing in the initial stages. Nobody said an LDR was ideal. But if you really hit it off with a girl you'd known through a friend and talked online with, more so than you did with any IRL recently, would you discard that just because of the circumstances you happened to meet her in (ie online)? I have had relationships that began IRL, as well as those that did online. I actually find that with the online ones, I got to know them in a much deeper way much faster, because when talk is all you have, you tend to use it to great depths, as opposed to if you're hanging out at the movies together.
nemi26 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I met mine on OkCupid. This gorgeous man messaged me one day in response to my profile. I was actually on there as an experiment, as I'm very firm about what I want and don't want, unafraid of showing that I'm ambitious or sarcastic, and basically figured if something happens great, if not oh well. He lives in Hawaii while I live in Georgia, but we had a 94% compatibility score and I'm planning on leaving Georgia anyway as soon as I have my degree, so decided to go for it. It was a very long thought out email talking about his travels, where he's headed in life, he seemed to have a very good head on his shoulders, and he even started out by complementing me for my sarcasm that most people around here don't know how to grasp, saying that as an English person living in this country it's so hard to meet people who appreciate it! Anyone who appreciates my sarcasm instantly wins points with me, our interests and values are on the same wavelength, and he has been such a huge support to me through a rough patch in my life I experienced recently. Emails quickly turned into phone calls and Skype, and I finally get to meet him 3 weeks from this Wednesday!! Omg, i met mine on OKCUPID
aerogurl87 Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I couldn't agree more, and to each their own. But I still think something is lost when you don't meet that special someone by happen chance in person. At the gym or other hobby, in class, out hiking, the bookstore, a get together with friends, a church function even. These are all places I have met girls and had it turn into a relationship. Call me old fashioned, but there is something instinctive, primal even that you feel when you lock eyes with someone you want, and end up turning it into a relationship - something that is lost when you meet through media that cannot be replaced or matched. The spark you feel when meeting up with someone for the first time after you have already gotten to know them through media is not the same feeling, regardless of how much time/tension has built up. It's how people have done it for thousands of years, and it cannot be replicated over the internet. It feels too generic to me, too much like going to a department store as opposed to the real life chase. It is the difference between taking in a deep breath of fresh mountain air and breathing in the recycled oxygen of an airplane. Meeting in person for the first time even after talking online, is entirely different than just talking online. Although I had seen pics of my boyfriend online before we met, I'd never seen him on cam so I didn't know how his body moved when he walked or about how he shifted his eyes when he was up to something, lol. None of those things I saw till I got off that plane almost 2 months ago and walked into the airport and laid eyes on him for the first time. And it was like I got to fall in love twice. First I fell in love with him on the inside and although I thought he was cute, I still didn't have him in person. But then I met him in person and it was like I got lucky because once again I fell in love with him even more when we laid eyes on each other. It was awesome. But I know what you mean, I tried the whole finding a guy at college or the club thing when I first got to college. All I ended up meeting were frat boys looking for ONS or the sweetest guys who were taken or ended up being nothing better than friends. I think love is special no matter how you find it, probably because it's so rare nowadays. Everyone is just looking to hook up and the people you do meet who want relationships are usually so preoccupied with getting a boyfriend or girlfriend they try to push a relationship to develop like it's on steroids making the foundation somewhat unstable because both people don't take enough time to get to really know each other. But in a LDR that's all you have time to do, get to know the other person on a deep level that creates the best intimacy in the world.
TheLoneSock Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 This sums up my answer pretty nicely. To be honest, LoneSock, you will notice that the people doing the 'generic' online dating thing... are the same people who are posting on the Dating forum about maximising their 'numbers' and 'speed dating', be it online or RL. Those people spam lots of online listings, go out on dates with 5 different people a week... and that is where the magic of chance is lost. It's more like, "Okay, today's Tuesday, let's see who I can hook up with today....". Even if any of this were fact, what does this have to do with my post? I never once mentioned dating websites specifically. Whereas for the people on this site having successful long-term relationships that just happened to start online, or that started IRL but ended up LD because one person had to move, it is as much happenstance as it was for you to meet a girl at the cafe. Lol, sure it is. Whatever you need to tell yourself in order to believe it was 'fate' If you notice, most of us did not get our SO by trawling through dating sites, matching numbers (he must be above 6'.. oh yeah this one is!!), interrogating as many people as we could for the sole purpose of deciding whether to date or not. No; we met through forums, chatrooms, games, friends, etc. Ok? Sure, something is missing in the initial stages. Nobody said an LDR was ideal. But if you really hit it off with a girl you'd known through a friend and talked online with, more so than you did with any IRL recently, would you discard that just because of the circumstances you happened to meet her in (ie online)? Of course not, captain obvious. I've got a winner for you too: Is the sun hot? I have had relationships that began IRL, as well as those that did online. I actually find that with the online ones, I got to know them in a much deeper way much faster, because when talk is all you have, you tend to use it to great depths, as opposed to if you're hanging out at the movies together. Ok? Thanks for sharing your personal experience. It shows that you think 'deeper and faster' means better when it comes to building a long term relationship with someone.
GorillaTheater Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I met mine at the beach on Galveston Island in August 1980. She was 16 and wearing a bikini. A small bikini.
White Dove Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Met my online. Come Nov -- 4 years together. In 4 days, we'll be together in one city! Can't wait to start our life together. Have you tried online dating or a long distance relationship? Seeing that person for the very first time in person and the times that follow is a feeling that can't be put into words but I feel that its just as nice, if not better than meeting someone through chance. I have done both and doing long distance feels no less than meeting someone through chance. Couldn't have said it any better, Pyro.
TheLoneSock Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Meeting in person for the first time even after talking online, is entirely different than just talking online. Although I had seen pics of my boyfriend online before we met, I'd never seen him on cam so I didn't know how his body moved when he walked or about how he shifted his eyes when he was up to something, lol. None of those things I saw till I got off that plane almost 2 months ago and walked into the airport and laid eyes on him for the first time. And it was like I got to fall in love twice. First I fell in love with him on the inside and although I thought he was cute, I still didn't have him in person. But then I met him in person and it was like I got lucky because once again I fell in love with him even more when we laid eyes on each other. It was awesome. That's exactly my point. Interpret it however you wish, but it is not the same as what I was talking about. But I know what you mean, I tried the whole finding a guy at college or the club thing when I first got to college. All I ended up meeting were frat boys looking for ONS No offense to you, but I don't think you know what I mean at all. Meeting someone by chance does not mean 'trying to find a guy at college or the club'. The latter of which is a horrible place to meet someone. But you know this now. I think love is special no matter how you find it, probably because it's so rare nowadays. Ok, I can go with the first part of this. But love is no less rare now of days than it was 50 years ago. It's not some near-impossible to find gem that you must scrape and toil in the earth for. I find this attitude is most common in people who don't get out much. It is much safer for their self esteem/anxiety/persona if they touch the world through distant media instead. Not saying this is you, but you do get the point I hope.
TheLoneSock Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Have you tried online dating or a long distance relationship? Online dating, indeed. Long distance relationship, no - never had a need for it. Seeing that person for the very first time in person and the times that follow is a feeling that can't be put into words but I feel that its just as nice, if not better than meeting someone through chance. I don't doubt that it's a great feeling, but I do think it is a different feeling. I have done both and doing long distance feels no less than meeting someone through chance. To you, yes. I don't think anyone purposely seeks out a long distance relationship. You are right though that you can't ignore a connection you make with someone. No regrets here either. And we are all very happy for the two of you. Now please cut it out with the mushy gushy, before you make me
TheLoneSock Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 I guess I should talk about my experiences too, as long as I'm filling the thread with my opinion. No current SO, but here's what happened with one in particular. Second serious relationship, ended up lasting almost 2 years. I was at the gas station filling up my truck getting ready to go camping, had all my gear packed up and was the last one in the convoy of friends. After filling up I went into the station to get some ice for one of the coolers. I grabbed two large bags out of the freezer, one in each hand, and when I turned around I knocked a bottle out of someone's hand (plastic thank god). She picked it up and then looked up at me. She wasn't strikingly gorgeous, but she was beautiful as dawn to me. I remember the urge to just look away and head for the counter but her eyes pretty much pierced my soul. She said something about me being in a hurry, then I said something about heading up north for the weekend. I wish I could recall the rest of what we said but honestly it was just a blur. I only remember telling her my name and vice versa. I ended up inviting her to come camping with me and my friends, and she came up the following morning. The rest was history. I have a another one hidden away that I won't be sharing but I guess this is just one glimpse of my meaning when I say nothing else compares to true chance.
Pyro Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 Online dating, indeed. Long distance relationship, no - never had a need for it. I don't doubt that it's a great feeling, but I do think it is a different feeling. To you, yes. And we are all very happy for the two of you. Now please cut it out with the mushy gushy, before you make me Long distance, or any type of relationship should never be a need. It just happened by chance. Neither one of us were trying to make a relationship, but it happened. To me yes, so we will have to agree to disagree. Can't promise anything on the last part.
confusedinkansas Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 My husband & I met 33 years ago. He lived in Missouri, I lived in Ohio. I was traveling at the time with our church singing group. We took the train from Ohio out to Oklahoma & then back thru Kansas City. Our group slept in the basement of his church. He was our "tour guide" while we were in KC for 3 days. Nothing happened in those three days, but in my heart, I knew something was brewing. Lo & behold 5 days later received the first of many letters from my soon to be husband. (To this day I still have all the letters we wrote back & forth) We had a 3 year long distance relationship & were married 30 years ago next month.
Els Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 I guess I should talk about my experiences too, as long as I'm filling the thread with my opinion. No current SO, but here's what happened with one in particular. Second serious relationship, ended up lasting almost 2 years. I was at the gas station filling up my truck getting ready to go camping, had all my gear packed up and was the last one in the convoy of friends. After filling up I went into the station to get some ice for one of the coolers. I grabbed two large bags out of the freezer, one in each hand, and when I turned around I knocked a bottle out of someone's hand (plastic thank god). She picked it up and then looked up at me. She wasn't strikingly gorgeous, but she was beautiful as dawn to me. I remember the urge to just look away and head for the counter but her eyes pretty much pierced my soul. She said something about me being in a hurry, then I said something about heading up north for the weekend. I wish I could recall the rest of what we said but honestly it was just a blur. I only remember telling her my name and vice versa. I ended up inviting her to come camping with me and my friends, and she came up the following morning. The rest was history. I have a another one hidden away that I won't be sharing but I guess this is just one glimpse of my meaning when I say nothing else compares to true chance. Errr okay, thanks for sharing your personal experience. It shows you think 'love that begins with being struck by someone's beauty' means 'better' when it comes to building a long term R with someone. In case you begin to dispute that, yes, it IS a gross misinterpretation... exactly like yours of my experience.
TheLoneSock Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Errr okay, thanks for sharing your personal experience. It shows you think 'love that begins with being struck by someone's beauty' means 'better' when it comes to building a long term R with someone. In case you begin to dispute that, yes, it IS a gross misinterpretation... exactly like yours of my experience. How did I misinterpret? I used your exact words, which you used to imply that 'deeper and faster' is better in your opinion. I actually find that with the online ones, I got to know them in a much deeper way much faster If you meant differently, explain.
aerogurl87 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 No offense to you, but I don't think you know what I mean at all. Meeting someone by chance does not mean 'trying to find a guy at college or the club'. The latter of which is a horrible place to meet someone. But you know this now. Actually my parents met at a club and they've been married almost 26 years now, so it's not impossible just improbable to meet a long term partner there. But yes I did learn it wasn't a good idea, lol. Ok, I can go with the first part of this. But love is no less rare now of days than it was 50 years ago. It's not some near-impossible to find gem that you must scrape and toil in the earth for. I find this attitude is most common in people who don't get out much. It is much safer for their self esteem/anxiety/persona if they touch the world through distant media instead. Not saying this is you, but you do get the point I hope. Yes I know some people like that. I'm not saying you must go to another country to fall love, but my baby just happened to live in the country next to mine. My sister asked me the other day why I couldn't just find someone in the same city as me to date. And I told her, it's not that I haven't tried to find someone, I have. In fact I really didn't want to be in a LDR as I hate them. But he was too good to pass up so I went with it and I'm happier being with him even if he is across the border, than I would be dating a regular, average, run of the mill guy here who I don't really like and am using to pass the time with. But yeah I know some people who use a computer screen to hide behind because 1) they are extremely socially awkward or 2) they're just not good at having real true life experiences with people. I prefer real life to that of the virtual and that's one of the main problems I had with my ex who preferred living out his life through the online game we met on while I preferred going out with my friends in the real world and only using our online community as a hobby to pass the time when I was bored.
Cypripedium Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 It's how people have done it for thousands of years, and it cannot be replicated over the internet. It feels too generic to me, too much like going to a department store as opposed to the real life chase. It is the difference between taking in a deep breath of fresh mountain air and breathing in the recycled oxygen of an airplane. Aw man, "recycled oxygen"? That's harsh. I'd venture that throughout human history, more intimate human relationships have been instigated by proximity, convenience, familial ties, and business agreements (the institution of marriage up until recently), or some combination of the above. I don't disagree with you at all that there is something incredibly appealing about stumbling across the right person at the right time, but I honestly don't think this largely organic experience has been shared by most people, and no matter how great it is it shouldn't be prescribed as the best model. Full disclosure: I found a rug, my apartment, and my boyfriend all on the same website. Sometimes I wish the story of how we met was the fodder of, oh, I don't know, an epic poem or at least a hit pop song, but the important thing is that we found each other, and the relationship that developed afterward.
Cypripedium Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Let me throw my story onto the heap. (Oh - hi all. I've browsed these forums a bit the last few months, after my relationship went all long distance on me.) We met via the most patently ridiculous post on Craigslist (better known of course for its hawking of wares and patronage by creeps). I was tentatively looking for jogging buddies and/or latenight dance party buddies under "Strictly Platonic." In the same forum, the boy had left a separate post hilarious but too strange to summarize. I guess I was the only one who responded who got that it was a joke, and we started emailing back and forth. We lived about a mile apart at the time. After a week we met up for coffee, went on a date that I wasn't totally sure was a date til I asked if he was going to kiss me at some point. After that, we had six months in person. But he had been planning to move to Sweden, where his family is from, for years, and he moved in February. Now we have about a year left before I plan to join him or for us to establish some new homebase.
aerogurl87 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Let me throw my story onto the heap. (Oh - hi all. I've browsed these forums a bit the last few months, after my relationship went all long distance on me.) We met via the most patently ridiculous post on Craigslist (better known of course for its hawking of wares and patronage by creeps). I was tentatively looking for jogging buddies and/or latenight dance party buddies under "Strictly Platonic." In the same forum, the boy had left a separate post hilarious but too strange to summarize. I guess I was the only one who responded who got that it was a joke, and we started emailing back and forth. We lived about a mile apart at the time. After a week we met up for coffee, went on a date that I wasn't totally sure was a date til I asked if he was going to kiss me at some point. After that, we had six months in person. But he had been planning to move to Sweden, where his family is from, for years, and he moved in February. Now we have about a year left before I plan to join him or for us to establish some new homebase. Aww well welcome to LS Cypripedium.
SassyKitten Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Nemi - Nice, very good website! Just out of curiosity how accurate did you find the compatibility scores on there? Haven't met anyone from there in person yet.
nemi26 Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 Nemi - Nice, very good website! Just out of curiosity how accurate did you find the compatibility scores on there? Haven't met anyone from there in person yet. Hi sassykitten and tbh i didnt look at the match and enemy percent, i never knew how it worked soo ..think it was something to do with questions you answered but idk.. It's good the site, found a lot of guy friends to chat to who are genuine but more pervy creeps tbh, full of them wanting to meet me in a hotel freaks! even a 61 year old haha.. But i found my boyfriend from the site btw guys what does 'SO'mean? special other or special someone or neither
TMichaels Posted July 14, 2010 Posted July 14, 2010 btw guys what does 'SO'mean? special other or special someone or neither "Significant Other" Best, TMichaels
Els Posted July 15, 2010 Posted July 15, 2010 How did I misinterpret? I used your exact words, which you used to imply that 'deeper and faster' is better in your opinion. If you meant differently, explain. In my case, the context is that building an intimate mental connection quicker and easier, as in the case of LDRs, helped to make up for some of the things we lack (such as physical contact) when starting out LD. I used your exact words too, did I not? 'She wasn't strikingly gorgeous, but she was beautiful as dawn to me. Her eyes <snip> pierced my soul etc' Regardless, I think we have all been very respectful of your personal opinion, without being derogatory or condescending, as some of your responses towards us come across as. It is not that we 'do not get it', not that 'we are trying to convince our deluded selves of something'. I have at least tried both sides of the story (ie starting out LD, and starting out IRL much the way you described), and I can thus reasonably make a comparison and say, the latter was no more intense and no better a foundation for a solid relationship. You might want to try the former before coming here and making blanket statements about it. Also, respecting opinions that are different from yours, is a really good trait to build a good long-term relationship on.
SassyKitten Posted July 16, 2010 Posted July 16, 2010 Yeah, significant other. I had a few creepy messages from guys for a while, I also seem to be a magnet for men who are way too old for me! But then my SO came along, making it all worth it.
electricity Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 GEEZE. Does no one meet people in person any more? Has the romance of meeting someone by chance in REAL life disappeared? 'You've Got Mail' seems to be a blueprint for people now of days. Why is running into someone at a bar more romantic than online? Is a brick and mortar store more of a store than an online one? New technology opens up new options, so of course some people choose to take advantage of that. I met my guy through mutual friends in person, but at the time we weren't all that interested in each other. It wasn't until other circumstances occurred that we started talking more, but by that time we were in different states.
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