Sarah14 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I have been dating my boyfriend, Dan, for around 6 months. He treats me really well especially compared to some past boyfriends. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before and he says that same about me. I have always been friends with a lot of boys. Before I got with my boyfriend there was one guy, Andrew, that I used to hang out with quite a bit, people would joke with him saying I was his girlfriend etc but never really thought anything of it. Sometimes I would stay at his house after drinking, but never kissed etc. I also started to get close with my Dan hanging out with him more, also staying at his house, but again never kissing etc. Andrew and Dan were also friends (not close friends). Andrew told Dan one night that he was in love with me and asked him to back off, Dan said he would but found that harder than he thought. He then said to me I had to choose between them. At this point I had started to develop feelings for Dan and choose him. Andrew started to get a wee bit obsessive with me when he was drunk telling me he was in love with me, being outside my house etc even though I had told him I didn't want to be with him. After being with Dan for a month or so I had to return to uni for study (few hours away). One night when I was drunk I kissed another guy. I felt terrible and told Dan and he forgave me. I had never cheated on anyone before. Then I was home for the weekend and drinking at a party with both Dan and Andrew. Dan said he still wanted me to be friends with Andrew and that I should go talk to him. Dan left a while later. I had been talking to Andrew for a while and he wanted me to talk to him in his room. Initially I ignored this, he then text me several times asking me to come and talk to him which I did. I was sitting on his bed talking to him and he said to lie down which I also did. Another guy was also in the bed (half commered). One of their mates walked in and thought we were doing something we shouldn't have been. We didn't do anything but when Dan found out he got really angry and broke up with me. I told him I never done anything with him but he said I should never have been in his bed as I know he is in love with me. Dan gets quite jealous and I realize now that I shouldn't have been there, although at the time I didn't think I was doing anything wrong. Dan and I are back together now but he is doubting if I love him and if he can trust me. I often have guys come up to me at clubs and flirt with me, although I never do anything with them I never tell them to back off either. I know that I should when I look at it now but when I drink I don't mind. I have been in a relationship for 2 years before and never had any problems with commitment, now that I have someone that treats me better and I love more I find myself hurting him. I said to Dan that maybe I should stop drinking, but he doesn't want me to stop having fun because of him. I know that I can make him happy and both him and his friend have said his life has been better since I have been in it. I can see myself being with him for a long time and I know he feels the same way but I think I need to change my character to deserve him. How do I do this?
Reality Drip Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You do NOT have to change your character or yourself to be with him. He's being insecure and over-reacting to any bit of news he gets or anything you do. Just be YOURSELF and enjoy your life since you only have one shot at it. Drinking is a slippery slope so show some restraint if you typically get into bad situations when you do (not to mention the health concerns). But it's ok to have some fun on occasion and let loose. If he made the decision to be with you after the break-up then this is on HIM. Nobody is making him stay with you so he should drop what his issues were before and move forward. If you have to watch everything you do to keep him happy that's being a pet not a girlfriend and there are a LOT of other guys out there with open minds and less "leash." -Max
stace79 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 He will eventually have to let go of his insecurity, but you have a little maturing to do. If you don't love him/like him enough to behave accordingly, then maybe he isn't right for you. You don't have to change the person you are -- but maybe you just aren't ready now to be in a serious relationship. I mean, when I'm in love with somebody, I don't WANT to sit on some other guy's bed or flirt with a bunch of random dudes at a bar. You guys both sound very young -- maybe you need to put less stock in this relationship.
LSNoob Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Your BF is not insecure, nope he is 100% perfect and fine. You cheated on him 5months ago remember? So he have trust issues and that's absolutely normal. So his reaction when he heard about you sleeping with other boys in bed drunk, obviously he will react in a bad way. What you think give you a round of applause? What you need to do is to stop being so "easy" and flirt with this and that, what you trying to be the village bicycle or something. Please stop your drunken nights at pubs and bars and flirting at the parking lots etc etc. Time for you to show respect for YOURSELF and your BF of course and show everybody that you are happily taken by your man. Let me tell you something about boys, they don't just hit on any girl with a BF, they know who to go for. Usually they always go for the weak ones and naive ones, of course boys don't call them weak and naive, those kinda girls boys call them "sluts", "whores" etc. So why you want everybody to call you a slut? And make your BF look like a fool in front of everybody, they will always talk behind his back "look its this fool who is going out with that slut that I banged last night haha". Be strong, draw the lines, show everybody that you are a strong woman and no man can take you or seduce because you are happily taken by your man. You will see how ever body gonna respect you for that.
Author Sarah14 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 To clarify I havn't been sleeping in other boys beds. "look its this fool who is going out with that slut that I banged last night haha" - I have never "banged" anyone since I have been with him and have never heard of anyone referring to me as a slut or a whore. But, yes, I accpet I need to mature.
FitChick Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Stop drinking. It clearly impairs your judgment. Can't you two think of anything else to do? Boring!
rewe4reel Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Now this sort of foolishness is why young impressionable girls used to be required to have chaperones when they went out to socialize. Ah for the good old days.
LSNoob Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Sorry, I didn't mean they call you those names. What I was trying to say is if you continue in this path you may end up like that. But you sound like a good girl who is willing to change. I have faith in you that you will do the right thing. Good luck. =)
jnj express Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 You have 2 things to decide. 1st are you in a committed relationship---If so, then stop screwing around with ALL OTHER MALES. If not, and you want to act single, and get drunk, and party---THEN DO SO. As to the drinking---If you can't handle yourself, when you are drunk, then cut it out---drink non-alcoholic beverages-----You don't have to be the drunk life of the party---that is right in the middle of everything. As to your kissing other guys, and going to this other guys room----you knew you had a BF, and you went to this other guy's room anyway---WHY??????Do you not know how to say NO, and mean it?????? Tell the other guy once and for all to get the fu*k out of your life, and stay out. It's just that simple. Then just plain ignore him. If he continues to bother you, tell him you will file harrasment, and assault charges agst. him.
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