Author Woggle Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 The reason I don't respond during the day is because I work. I can't be at my desk posting on LS all day. I know all women are not this way and I have a great wife but from what I observe when I watch other people is that many women are drama addicts. My ex used to start aguments in public and you can tell she was getting off on causing a scene. When I think back her constant need to start fights began when we finally bought a house and escaped the craziness we were living in in NY. When it was the two of us against the world in the middle of the ghetto then we were fine but the minute that we actually started building a life she flipped out. Also I do acknowledge the positive threads on LS but any happy relationship thread usually has the same 5 or 6 people posting on it.
Author Woggle Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 I do agree that women tend to project their own issues on to a man. We become the convenient scapegoat for whatever they are dealing with in their life.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I didn't necessarily state that one perspective was right and one was wrong. Both are very possible and, depending on particular situations, very real as well. When a researcher says that women are more likely to be aware of and act upon issues in their relationship, it could just as easily mean that women are more likely to find problems out of the blue. Without comprehensively interviewing the other half of the couple in the process, you wouldn't be able to figure out which hypothesis is correct. As far as the divorce thing goes, I don't think there's any doubt at all. Considering the massive margin by which women initiate divorce over men, it simply has to be that it's easier and more beneficial for a woman to do so. Men are not monsters to a degree that would justify such a lopsided statistic.
marsle85 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 (edited) So yes I have zero tolerance for drama , low lifes and trashy acting people. I find your post rather conflicting; you initiate with "I think it's a mentally unstable thing," (I'm assuming you were referring to the higher number of psychological disorders in these communities; along with the genetic propensity for alcoholism, suicide, drug use, etc.) but conclude with: "I have zero tolerance for drama, low lifes and trashy acting people". I too, carry significant expectations of others- but to acknowledge the likelihood that mental illness is hugely biological (not to mention environmental influence) and later say: "trash breeds trash"? Seems like a relatively uneducated, ignorant, trashy way to approach the subject. I'm also suspicious of this whole "women are proactive in spotting the issues in a relationship and are thus more likely to initiate divorce" thing. It could just as easily mean "women are more likely to become restless in a marriage for no real reason but then project their own failures and insecurities on the man in order to justify her own flightiness." Different perspectives, same end result.Incorrect, I will bold where you're assumptions are scientifically unsound: You jumped from "women are more proactive in recognizing possible issues" to "women are more restless for no reason but then project their own failures and insecurities on the man in order to justify her own fightiness 1. Studies cannot make the conclusions you're making ("for no reason"). We deal with facts (ex: "women test higher on desire for marriage productivity" and "women initiate divorce more often"). Whether it's for a reason or not is regardless... they're reporting higher scores of overall relationship surveillance. You're right, it could be linked to their restlessness, but my stats did not imply either direction... yours did. 2. You leaped and made ANOTHER conclusion about "projecting failures/insecurities...etc." Totally out of bounds, and in no way did the study attempt to test for the variable of "failure". The study's variables tested men and women and aptitude for "relationship surveillance", "iniating divorce" and "desire for consoling". Every study has it's limitations, and it's possible restlessness/personal insecurities are the motivation for the variables I described, but just as I didn't make any conclusions, you're not entitled to either. Ultimately, we have this data: Women initiate divorce more often. Women encourage marital conseling more often. Women "watch" the status of the relationship more intently. For whatever reason, good or bad- these are the end results. This thread void of any meaningful or relevant posting. The majority of the comments are expansively broad, and refer to "most women" or "most men," to verify the poster's current stereotype. It's turning into a rant, instead of honest discussion... and it seems like people care more about proving the next poster wrong, instead of contributing their honest reality. Edited May 24, 2010 by marsle85
TheBigQuestion Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I probably wouldn't have posted anything if I had known all the limitations of the studies ahead of time. My bad.
climbergirl Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I didn't necessarily state that one perspective was right and one was wrong. Both are very possible and, depending on particular situations, very real as well. When a researcher says that women are more likely to be aware of and act upon issues in their relationship, it could just as easily mean that women are more likely to find problems out of the blue. Without comprehensively interviewing the other half of the couple in the process, you wouldn't be able to figure out which hypothesis is correct. As far as the divorce thing goes, I don't think there's any doubt at all. Considering the massive margin by which women initiate divorce over men, it simply has to be that it's easier and more beneficial for a woman to do so. Men are not monsters to a degree that would justify such a lopsided statistic. I do agree that divorce initially benefits women...but it is short lived. Women, IME, do tend to adjust better do to the separation because they do have a support system. I do disagree that women act upon issues that are considered 'out of the blue'. Perhaps we are just more vocal when we see an issue whereas men do not want to do so for fear of rocking the boat. My Bf let an issue go for weeks before addressing it. Simple solution IMO...let me know and I won't do it. Different motivations, maybe. One will not say something for fear that they'll mess things up. One will say something for fear of the relationship being messed up if they don't. And I hope Woggle isn't worried that his wife being 'content' means she may bolt. Hopefully you know your SO to know when something is 'off'...
Author Woggle Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 I don't think that my wife will bolt because she does not think like the average woman.
Pyro Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 The reason I don't respond during the day is because I work. I can't be at my desk posting on LS all day. I know all women are not this way and I have a great wife but from what I observe when I watch other people is that many women are drama addicts. My ex used to start aguments in public and you can tell she was getting off on causing a scene. When I think back her constant need to start fights began when we finally bought a house and escaped the craziness we were living in in NY. When it was the two of us against the world in the middle of the ghetto then we were fine but the minute that we actually started building a life she flipped out. Also I do acknowledge the positive threads on LS but any happy relationship thread usually has the same 5 or 6 people posting on it. How can you have the nerve to use your ex as an example? She was an abusive druggie (based on what you have said) and she is no where near the average/typical woman. When you have interacted with more normal women then your theorys may have some truth behind them, but until then your theorys are based on one woman and that woman is very off-balanced.
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How can you have the nerve to use your ex as an example? She was an abusive druggie (based on what you have said) and she is no where near the average/typical woman. When you have interacted with more normal women then your theorys may have some truth behind them, but until then your theorys are based on one woman and that woman is very off-balanced. I agree. Woggle, your last impression of women was based on your experience with women who reacted -positively- to your friends and you hollering at them on the street... not the women who ignored you/were disgusted. If anything, this should give you hope. I'm truly glad your wife isn't like that.
Author Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I agree. Woggle, your last impression of women was based on your experience with women who reacted -positively- to your friends and you hollering at them on the street... not the women who ignored you/were disgusted. If anything, this should give you hope. I'm truly glad your wife isn't like that. That was way back in the days when the World Trade was still standing so that is not my last impression. I just see what my friends go through. All I have to do is read this board actually.
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 That was way back in the days when the World Trade was still standing so that is not my last impression. I just see what my friends go through. All I have to do is read this board actually. Ok, let's try this again. It's very likely your friend will have dated similar people to who you dated... it's very likely you will date similar people to who you dated in the past, we tend to follow patterns. Just like what I was trying to show with my prior example, your limited amount of experience with women (you, your friends) is NOT sufficient to make claims like "most women".
sally4sara Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I don't think that my wife will bolt because she does not think like the average woman. You get in a twist of drama too when things are going well in your relationship with your wife. Are you the "average" woman too?
Author Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 You get in a twist of drama too when things are going well in your relationship with your wife. Are you the "average" woman too? I am not in a twist of drama. Things are going very well in my marriage. I am not talking about all women but there is a pattern that can't be denied.
Pyro Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am not in a twist of drama. Things are going very well in my marriage. I am not talking about all women but there is a pattern that can't be denied. you can deny it all you want, but the fact is that you do not trust her all that much and you continuously post on here about the evils of women. If things are going well then you wouldn't need to post on here about the evils of women. Again, you are in denial.
Mr White Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) Ultimately, we have this data: Women initiate divorce more often. Women encourage marital conseling more often. Women "watch" the status of the relationship more intently. For whatever reason, good or bad- these are the end results. . Well DUH, that's exactly the line of thinkin y'all accuse Woogle of engaging in. OF COURSE if you LOOK for problems for the sake of it ("relationship surveliance":rolleyes::rolleyes:) you WILL FIND them. No matter how you tease it out, the data simply shows the fundamental spurious relationship - for whatever reason, being a woman is associated with greater likelihood of questioning and terminating a relationship. In other words - being a woman is the problem :D Woogle is right. Most women cannot be content. Every once in a while a guy might get lucky, but not as a rule. Edited May 25, 2010 by Mr White
sally4sara Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am not in a twist of drama. Things are going very well in my marriage. I am not talking about all women but there is a pattern that can't be denied. But you do get all worked up (often affect your relationship) over scenarios your wife wasn't even involved in. And in your life there is reason for you to have a skewed perspective of what defines "average woman" behavior to you, compared to what average probably is. Surely you can see this is possible? What you experienced growing up is not an everyone or common childhood. It has left you impaired. I worry that till you consider this has molded your instincts in a negative way, you will not be able to free yourself from it. Come on Woggle! Why do you care if women have a problem with being content? You say you want one woman. You have one woman you feel is a good partner. Even if ALL other women were unable to be content, what does it mean for you? Is your continued quick judgments and hateful impulses over things that have nothing to do with you really so important to you that you will risk never having a content life to keep them? Do these things you brood over make your relationship and existence work better? Or do they eat time you could be enjoying with an unfettered mind?
Author Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I will come clean and admit that this does make me worry about my marriage. I just have a hard time trusting women. When I read certain threads on here my heart just drops and I imagine myself in the man's position. When you boil it down that is what it is about. It also angers me on here how men who to me are just venting about what they go through get ripped apart and told to stop whining but a woman cheating on her husband who is obsessed with a married man gets treated as a victim. Maybe it is because of my experiences in life but I truly have no patience for this.
marsle85 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I think it's great you're going to therapy Woggle, everyone has problems. Your views admittedly, may be more extreme- but atleast you're pursing a more balanced life. I'm not sure if LS is the best place to look for advice though, to be honest.
Author Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 I think it's great you're going to therapy Woggle, everyone has problems. Your views admittedly, may be more extreme- but atleast you're pursing a more balanced life. I'm not sure if LS is the best place to look for advice though, to be honest. I am trying to not be so negative towards women but I refuse to end up a doormat like my father who did everything right and ended up getting royally screwed. I have heard my father say that if he could do it over again he would have married a stepford wife who was under his thumb and as sexist as that sounds I bet life would have been better for both of us if that happened.
climbergirl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I will come clean and admit that this does make me worry about my marriage. I just have a hard time trusting women. When I read certain threads on here my heart just drops and I imagine myself in the man's position. When you boil it down that is what it is about. It also angers me on here how men who to me are just venting about what they go through get ripped apart and told to stop whining but a woman cheating on her husband who is obsessed with a married man gets treated as a victim. Maybe it is because of my experiences in life but I truly have no patience for this. Truly, Woggle, I get what what you're saying, but that is why I made the inference that just because a woman is content doesn't necessarily mean that she is unhappy. If she is telling you she has issues and you ignore them...then worry. I don't think you need to, however. I never meant to imply that I thought your wife would bolt. Just stating that there are certain circumstances that a woman would and why.
sally4sara Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I am trying to not be so negative towards women but I refuse to end up a doormat like my father who did everything right and ended up getting royally screwed. I have heard my father say that if he could do it over again he would have married a stepford wife who was under his thumb and as sexist as that sounds I bet life would have been better for both of us if that happened. You are not married to your father's wife or one like her. Do you PLAN to have another wife?
Author Woggle Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 You are not married to your father's wife or one like her. Do you PLAN to have another wife? No I don't and I know my wife is trustworthy but I prepared to take my balls and run if I have to. I hope to never have to but I am prepared if I ever do.
thisismystory Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I will come clean and admit that this does make me worry about my marriage. I just have a hard time trusting women. When I read certain threads on here my heart just drops and I imagine myself in the man's position. When you boil it down that is what it is about. It also angers me on here how men who to me are just venting about what they go through get ripped apart and told to stop whining but a woman cheating on her husband who is obsessed with a married man gets treated as a victim. Maybe it is because of my experiences in life but I truly have no patience for this. Not everyone's like that. Everyone's situation is different. People post on here for advice or to rant. It's an outlets of sorts. I admit I don't really post happy stuff about my relationship. Happy and sad threads may seem disproportionate. While you can learn from other people's problems, it's their problem and not yours. I hope you can trust women with time I understand it's hard to be "bashed on" when your opinions differ from the majority. I'm sure no one is actually out to get anyone. On the topic of the thread, I don't think every woman is like that. But I did read somewhere that woman are better at analyzing social cues than men. Maybe it just seems like women are never content because we're better at assessing the status of the relationship. I personally would NOT bring something up unless I feel deep down there is a problem we can discuss. And most of the time I post here first for a second opinion. I would rather be in a peaceful relationship. In the one relationship I was ALWAYS dissatisfied, it was because we were incompatible.
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