John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 It would be a red flag That's as clear and concise as it gets.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I agree 100%. I have a lot of male friends, but my friendships with females are greater in number and in substance. I'd be wary of anyone who had such trouble forming same-sex friendships. Those who don't have a lot of same sex friendships are undateable.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Well, you guys should know that women talk to their women friends in excruciating detail about their sex life with you, leaving no intimate detail out. "How big is he? What does it look like? What weird stuff does he ask you to do?" etc. I don't engage in similar talk with my male friends.
janie423 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Those who don't have a lot of same sex friendships are undateable. you are all about hard, fast rules, aren't you?
TheBigQuestion Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Yeah and a lot of men talk with their guy friends about their sexual exploits in excruciating detail too. No biggie. As far as women who have a lot of guy friends, it's usually bad news. The guy friends are usually exes, guys they used to bang but presently do not, guys who have an active interest in banging them and are just waiting for their chance, or at the very least, guys who would not turn her down if she asked for some sort of sexual favor. The hotter the girl, the more this rings true. It's called Orbiter Theory. The hotter the girl, the more orbiters she has. Go ahead and ask a woman if her guy friends want to or would sleep with her. Most will deny it, but if she's attractive, it's very likely true. As far as guys being friends with women, I generally believe that men have less to gain from this type of scenario. Most women are incapable of being close friends with a man without turning him into some sort of emotional tampon. I've had two female best friends in my life. The reason both of these worked out as friends is because the first one did not treat me as a dumping ground for her emotional baggage (and was not at all physically attractive), and the second worked because, while she does frequently target me as a person to listen to all of her life issues, she is actually good at listening to my BS as well. Most women do not reciprocate this in friendships with men, at least not in any patient, constructive, or meaningful way.
PJKino Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Well, you guys should know that women talk to their women friends in excruciating detail about their sex life with you, leaving no intimate detail out. "How big is he? What does it look like? What weird stuff does he ask you to do?" etc. I don't engage in similar talk with my male friends. I never got that ive heard women cut down their husbands bedroom ability to their friends..Women are much more brutal then Men with that stuff
carhill Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Well, you guys should know that women talk to their women friends in excruciating detail about their sex life with you, leaving no intimate detail out. "How big is he? What does it look like? What weird stuff does he ask you to do?" etc. I don't engage in similar talk with my male friends. Trust me, I know more about some of my married male friends (or the H's of some of stbx's female friends) than I care to. 'Do you really think it's appropriate to tell me these things' is my current response. IME, disclosure of 'personal business' is more an individual thing than having anything to do with gender and the gender of friends.
marsle85 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 you are all about hard, fast rules, aren't you? Haha, I know... I thought the same thing. he's a stickler, alright.
spookie Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 i don't distrust women, and i've never had the kind of badexperience forming friendships with them that so many talk about, but it's easier for me to form bonds with men. i think thats because the extroverted side of my personality would fit right into a frat house. i live for boys nights - cheap beer, poker, raunchy jokes. i never quite know what to do with girls. with guys, even ones ive just met, i tend to fall back on my sense of humor, but it always feels off-mark with girls.
FitChick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 The hotter the girl, the more orbiters she has. Go ahead and ask a woman if her guy friends want to or would sleep with her. Most will deny it, but if she's attractive, it's very likely true. But that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with them. If she walks down the street and men passing by want to sleep with her, that doesn't mean she has to.
tami-chan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How do men feel about women who have lots of guy friends If she is in a relationship with one particular guy, he should feel proud and lucky that she chose to be with him
Opheliaimmortal Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I see the word "normal" being tossed around a lot. Normal is relative. I'm in the same boat as some of these other girls and have a lot more close guy friends than girl one. And no, I'm not a whore, I'm actually a tomboy. I'm also quite bisexual. Probably why I can relate and get along with guys so well. I'm not bashing on girls, its just who I get along with and can have a good time with. Also, I have a boyfriend who gets along with said male friends without being insecure and silly about it. Stop trying to fit everyone into your little rule filled boxes and let them be. Just because a guy has chick friends does not mean he will cheat, and ditto for girls with guy friends. If people were that easy to peg, life would be much more simple than it is.
PersonMan Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) I know plenty of broads that prefer hanging out with guys cause we're way less catty than girls. When youre single, guys are alot more fun to hang out with. We are simple minded and think pretty directly and its easier to have a good time. Edited May 25, 2010 by PersonMan
ADF Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 You can't tell a woman who she may or may not be friends with. You cannot ask a woman to dump her male friends just to appease your insecurity. Do most of your GF's male friends have the hots for her? Sure. Men almost never go out of their way to form platonic friendships with women. Almost never. If they make any effort to get to know a woman at all, it is because they are attracted to her. But so what? A guy can hope, but often the answer is going to be "no." As long as he understands that, there isn't a problem.
TheBigQuestion Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 I see the word "normal" being tossed around a lot. Normal is relative. I'm in the same boat as some of these other girls and have a lot more close guy friends than girl one. And no, I'm not a whore, I'm actually a tomboy. I'm also quite bisexual. Probably why I can relate and get along with guys so well. I'm not bashing on girls, its just who I get along with and can have a good time with. Also, I have a boyfriend who gets along with said male friends without being insecure and silly about it. Stop trying to fit everyone into your little rule filled boxes and let them be. Just because a guy has chick friends does not mean he will cheat, and ditto for girls with guy friends. If people were that easy to peg, life would be much more simple than it is. Saying stuff like this negates the fact that people can and should make decisions about who they involve themselves with if they've recognized patterns in their past relationships that are best to avoid in the future. For example, if I've found that dating girls with a lot of male friends was negative on multiple past occasions, I have no reason to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone else who fits this mold in the future. Just because you may be an exception or that you may know exceptions does not negate my (or anyone else's) personal experiences. Also, by saying that people aren't easy to peg, you're giving humanity way too much credit. People have many, many more similarities than they do differences. If a group of people all possess one characteristic, it is not hard at all to "peg" a majority (or indeed all) of them as having another correlated characteristic.
butterflysil Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 i have many male friends that i would not sleep with. i am aware that they are willing to sleep with me. i also have many female friends who are way quicker to judge or comment on anything i do. honestly though i know a bunch more about my male friends sex life than my female friends. my male friends have also done major c**K BLOCKING. at the end of the day both sexs even themselves out. but when i do get into a relationship my male friends make themselves scarce out of respect for my guy.
phineas Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 But that doesn't mean she wants to sleep with them. If she walks down the street and men passing by want to sleep with her, that doesn't mean she has to. The fact you don't want sex with them isn't really the point. The point is that the only reason these guys are friends with women is because they want to have sex with her. not all guys are just looking for sex, some actually like the girls personality & want sex. LOL! For the most part, these guys interfere in the relationship. Also, who wants GF that enjoys being hit on by her guy friends.
nowomanocry Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 A girl having loads of guys as normal friends is very weird. Any person can have some friends from the opposite sex & that is very normal but if it is too many than I personally would not like that. It shows that the girl attracts one way or the other the attention of males and I am sorry but I can't think liberal on this if she is attracting so many males (on the basis of being friends). These males would: - really share something with her that her b/f can't (which is very normal and acceptable) - benefit from her companion as to get girls when out clubbing etc. FINALLY - just be after getting her into bed Obviously there is a risk of males being with her for sex or using her as to get more girls when out. Because at such places singles bite the dust and a wise male would easily know this. Either way it sucks.
EasyHeart Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How many dozens of threads have we had on whether men and women can be 'just friends'? And in every one, they men admit that they usually befriend women because they want to sleep with them, and the women close their eyes and ears and say, "No, no, no! It's not true! I don't want to believe it!" Whether the woman wants to sleep with the guys is irrelevant. You will have a girlfriend with lots of options and lots of guys hounding her, and that will give the most confident man a good dose of insecurity. Plus, I think the reality is that most women with lots of male friends know damn well that the guys want to sleep with her, and she LOVES the attention, probably because she is insecure or, at minimum, an attention whore. So I generally avoid women who claim to have lots of guy 'friends'. You're just asking for trouble and are better off looking for someone who is more psychologically healthy and capable of forming a commitment.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 (edited) from experience the women I have met with little to no women friends usually come in 2 categories: The really gorgeous woman and the terribly insecure woman. 1) The 'drop dead gorgeous and very sexually attractive' woman (rare) have little to no female friends because they make their female compatriots very angry/catty/jealous not because of being a massive flirt but because her looks alone will pull in the men. Her suitors (and her girl friends suitors) instead become her 'friends'. We all know they don't have a chance so they stick around as 'friends' hoping for the day. 2) The 'terribly insecure and usually has low self esteem' woman may be average to attractive. She flirts with all the men and puts out a sexual vibe/innuendo wherever she goes. This pisses her friends off and they all gang up on her because she is essentially betraying the friendship code by stealing the men underhandedly and with conscious effort . She refers to most men in her life as her 'friends'. She uses them for emotional validation. She does not want to hang around females because her low self esteem prevents her from seeing her peers as equals and they are threatening to her ego. (For more details on this type of woman please see sumdudes thread on girls to avoid and look for the 'flakey flirt') I vote for the 2nd option because rarely have I seen a drop dead gorgeous woman. Also, women of similar attractiveness levels tend to hang with each other. So they tend to cancel each other out when it comes to their boys. Edited May 25, 2010 by gypsy_nicky
Opheliaimmortal Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Saying stuff like this negates the fact that people can and should make decisions about who they involve themselves with if they've recognized patterns in their past relationships that are best to avoid in the future. For example, if I've found that dating girls with a lot of male friends was negative on multiple past occasions, I have no reason to give the benefit of the doubt to anyone else who fits this mold in the future. Just because you may be an exception or that you may know exceptions does not negate my (or anyone else's) personal experiences. Also, by saying that people aren't easy to peg, you're giving humanity way too much credit. People have many, many more similarities than they do differences. If a group of people all possess one characteristic, it is not hard at all to "peg" a majority (or indeed all) of them as having another correlated characteristic. Not really. Not everyone is the same, and while you should learn lessons from relationships in the past you should not allow it to taint your future ones in this way or for you to think its acceptable that you now presumptively judge how someone else is. I'm not saying it negates your or anyone's experiences, but really, the only thing in life you can control is how you react to things. And it seems insulting to throw so many people into a mold when you may not even know them based soley who they are friends with. I don't think I'm giving humanity too much credit at all. Yes, people have many similarities, but they are also each quite different. You say if people have one characteristic you can predict that they have another. What about the correlation between having eyes and being able to see? The correlation between people who can read but not write (or vice versa)? You cannot always peg everyone.
Opheliaimmortal Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 How many dozens of threads have we had on whether men and women can be 'just friends'? And in every one, they men admit that they usually befriend women because they want to sleep with them, and the women close their eyes and ears and say, "No, no, no! It's not true! I don't want to believe it!" Whether the woman wants to sleep with the guys is irrelevant. You will have a girlfriend with lots of options and lots of guys hounding her, and that will give the most confident man a good dose of insecurity. Plus, I think the reality is that most women with lots of male friends know damn well that the guys want to sleep with her, and she LOVES the attention, probably because she is insecure or, at minimum, an attention whore. So I generally avoid women who claim to have lots of guy 'friends'. You're just asking for trouble and are better off looking for someone who is more psychologically healthy and capable of forming a commitment. How on earth does this make the woman psychologically unhealthy or incapable of forming a commitment? Also, women with a ton of male friends insecure? Are you sure its not just you who is insecure? I hate the word whore, its used by guys more often than not trying to make their jump start reactions to things seems more logical.
dubs Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 from experience the women I have met with little to no women friends usually come in 2 categories: The really gorgeous woman and the terribly insecure woman. 1) The 'drop dead gorgeous and very sexually attractive' woman (rare) have little to no female friends because they make their female compatriots very angry/catty/jealous not because of being a massive flirt but because her looks alone will pull in the men. Her suitors (and her girl friends suitors) instead become her 'friends'. We all know they don't have a chance so they stick around as 'friends' hoping for the day. 2) The 'terribly insecure and usually has low self esteem' woman may be average to attractive. She flirts with all the men and puts out a sexual vibe/innuendo wherever she goes. This pisses her friends off and they all gang up on her because she is essentially betraying the friendship code by stealing the men underhandedly and with conscious effort . She refers to most men in her life as her 'friends'. She uses them for emotional validation. She does not want to hang around females because her low self esteem prevents her from seeing her peers as equals and they are threatening to her ego. (For more details on this type of woman please see sumdudes thread on girls to avoid and look for the 'flakey flirt') I vote for the 2nd option because rarely have I seen a drop dead gorgeous woman. Also, women of similar attractiveness levels tend to hang with each other. So they tend to cancel each other out when it comes to their boys. wow that was very insightful! In my experiences I find the same thing. I also believe that a REAL guy friend would fall back from his girl friend when she finds a guy she likes. I mean if he didn't want the girl himself, then he should be happy she found someone and should try to let them grow and try not to be too involved in her life. Otherwise, I feel like the guy friend just wants the girl for himself.
Opheliaimmortal Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 wow that was very insightful! In my experiences I find the same thing. I also believe that a REAL guy friend would fall back from his girl friend when she finds a guy she likes. I mean if he didn't want the girl himself, then he should be happy she found someone and should try to let them grow and try not to be too involved in her life. Otherwise, I feel like the guy friend just wants the girl for himself. So, if a guy is genuinely friends with a girl and she gets a boyfriend he should just drop off the map? But the girl friends are free to stay?
carhill Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 So, if a guy is genuinely friends with a girl and she gets a boyfriend he should just drop off the map? But the girl friends are free to stay? Yeah, IME, I'm thinking that's more orbiter stuff than being 'real' friends. Contact frequency might change, due to different priorities, but the depth and content should remain as 'friendly' as it did before, if it is a true friendship. With #2 in the insightful post prior (thanks for that!), most male 'friends' are vampiral receptacles; orbiters, knowing and unknowing, who satisfy the 'lust' of the female for the validation she desires.
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