sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 And, I imagine that, most of us find that the occassional incident that massages this pleasant. There's a difference between some attractive person flirting with you, and you going out on a date with an attractive person and having them french kiss you. In twenty years of marriage I have never been unfaithful and, even now, do not have that wish. IMO, you have been unfaithful. Your wife might see it that way, too, or she might not. Why don't you tell her? I was kissed, I didn't initiate anything and went home straight after - we didn't hang around snogging - the event was over in seconds. You went out on a drinking date alone with a student who was "enamored" by your authority. You got drunk with someone you thought was the most beautiful woman you'd ever seen. You crossed several lines and made several decisions that put you in that position. I have often spent social time with my students, hell, that's not so strange. How often have you spent social time, one-on-one, in a pub, with one beautiful female student - the most beautiful woman you've ever seen - who was giving you puppy dog eyes and who was making it hard for you to concentrate? As regards the suggestion that I should not have tutored these women, the fact is that they are resit students who had not attend the lectures or my seminars. They offered to pay me for some help. If you think that accepting money for doing extra work is wrong, I can say nothing to explain. But, this is the way I earn my living. There's nothing wrong with tutoring, paid or unpaid. There is something wrong with going on a date with your student while they're still in your class. And it's not just a matter of morality or being on your high horse. It's also a matter of covering your a--. I'm in academia, and you would not believe the enormous pile of sh-t I've watched people willingly jump into in doing something like this. Had this happened to my wife and she had been kissed by someone sexy, that would be fine. If she then gone to bed with them that would a problem. I confess that I will almost certainly not mention this to my wife (for at least another 20 years) and I confess that I shall enjoy this memory. So you'd be okay with it, but you're not going to tell her...because?
jenifer1972 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I was a HS teacher, and part time college prof before I became an MD. And it is ALWAYS prudent to keep a strong boundary between yourself and your students or patients. You are the one who will get burned if things go south here, not them. You are the one with everything to lose. That is why some posters are a bit heated. They don't want you to ruin what sounds like a very good life you have for some tramps. (And, sorry, that is what they are. Any student who tongues her married professor is a tramp.) Your description really sounds like these two girls had designs on you and set this up. My feeling would be if they didn't come to the lectures, then, gee, I guess they are not really in the class are they? These are the type of air heads I would have turfed to a student tutor..
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I wonder if you're referring to my post as "holier than though?" I was saddened more than anything. I've heard quite often if a man is in a happy marriage, getting plenty of great sex with his wife, and she has kept up her appearance, he won't stray. You acknowledge you have all of these things but were near risking it all. Your words: "When my stop came she kissed me twice. One simple kiss on the lips and another, she slipped her tongue into my mouth". A woman might kiss an unwilling man ONCE, but not twice, and certainly not get her tongue into his unwilling mouth. You also said the kisses were a "surprise." For the first kiss, yes, but can you really claim that about the second? I was not suggesting you lost weight to look for women. But I believe YOUR perception regarding the interest women now have in you is flawed. They are attracted because you lost weight and had you not, they would have ignored you. Yet you "get off" on their superficial attention and seem to rank it higher than the steadfast attention of your wife. There is an old saying "dance with the one that brung ya." What's most concerning is you sincerely don't realize the dangerous situation you were in. That makes you very vulnerable to going a little further next time. And yes, unless YOU decide to set some boundaries, there will be a next time. There are many people who can claim decades of fidelity, not because of a concerted effort on their part, but rather because they simply don't attract the opposite sex, i.e. they are never tempted/tested. It seems that this experience is a first for you? If so, you're off to a shaky start. If you withstand years of such attention and remain faithful, then you will have much to brag about. I hope you will view the "excessive" responses you've received here as warnings and blend them with your own good judgment when faced with temptation. So you wouldn't mind if your wife was kissed by another man. How about if she came to LS and posted on how exciting the experience was and how she would love to have sex with the man? Heartfelt best of luck to you!
txsilkysmoothe Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Your words: Maybe I am naive, and she wants to seduce me so that she can find out the questions in the exam! Maybe when she bombs the exam or fails the course, she will threaten to tell your wife about your kiss? Or threaten to tell your superiors that you failed her because she refused your advances the night you met for tutoring. She was only wanting tutoring and wanted to leave when her friend left, but you suggested the two of you go alone to a bar. You kept buying her drinks despite her protests. You may have even slipped something in her drink because she can't remember many details after that. She remembers you kissed her sucking her tongue into your mouth, and is afraid that you had sex with her while she was passed out on the train. Haven't we read this story in countless newspapers and watched it on countless TV programs? You view this as an innocent flirty experience, but can you not see the numerous ways this could disrupt your professional and personal life?????
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Your words: Maybe I am naive, and she wants to seduce me so that she can find out the questions in the exam! Maybe when she bombs the exam or fails the course, she will threaten to tell your wife about your kiss? Or threaten to tell your superiors that you failed her because she refused your advances the night you met for tutoring. She was only wanting tutoring and wanted to leave when her friend left, but you suggested the two of you go alone to a bar. You kept buying her drinks despite her protests. You may have even slipped something in her drink because she can't remember many details after that. She remembers you kissed her sucking her tongue into your mouth, and is afraid that you had sex with her while she was passed out on the train. Haven't we read this story in countless newspapers and watched it on countless TV programs? You view this as an innocent flirty experience, but can you not see the numerous ways this could disrupt your professional and personal life????? I recommend OP read txsilkysmoothe's post several times. It may sound paranoid and far-fetched, but I've seen something similar happen. It's very easy for a relatively simple situation to blow up at the hands of someone who's manipulative and vindictive. This is why you should never, ever cross that line with students, regardless of how old they are, whether you're married or single. This is why some professors I know never go on any social outing with current students and why they keep their office door open every single time someone is in there with them. If this was all innocent, and you did nothing wrong, and there's no problem with drinking alone with a student, would you feel comfortable telling your wife, colleagues, and department about it? Or do you think it would have negative consequences?
jnj express Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hey ipnez---listen to these posters cuz they are right on point----you could be set up by these girls---believe me blackmail is never out of the realm of anything------- You have a wonderful wife and child---that's where your attention needs to be focused----So you are proud of yourself for trimming down, and muscling up---show off to your wife, and FRIENDS OF YOUR MGE., that's all that is necessary---THAT IS ALL THAT IS IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE----or is it??????????
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Remind me to never marry a professor... This must be a joke...
BettyBoop Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Ipnez, I just wanted to make a comment that will make you realize what really happened. You got kissed by a woman who had absolutely no respect for you, your wife or your marriage. I had a huge crush on one of my teachers, we were perfect for each other with common interests and views on life etc...BUT he was married. And I respected him sooooo much I would have never ever wanted to put him in an awkward position like that. I respected him and his marriage and think his wife is the luckiest woman on earth to have him. We had alone time and there were opportunities but I never acted on them. However, I did tell him I thought his wife was very very lucky to have a man like him. Wouldn't you rather not not be kissed by a woman who adored you but respected you too much to do so, than be kissed by a woman who has no respect for you and is having fun seeing how far she can make you go?
MizFit Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Well...you're on an infidelity forum talking about a near seduction by a beautiful woman. And you're thinking this is all ok and normal? I think not. I think you came in here to tell your story and you were a little surprised about the reactions...I think you were feeling guilty, but trying to deflect it a little with some lovely prose and a story of a night out and about...a story that stroked your ego...you should have gotten yourself to the playboy website or somewhere...maybe that audience would have reacted more appropriately for you. Over here you're just going to get the truth.
Dexter Morgan Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 This story is DEPRESSING! A man who knows he has a sexy loving wife who loved and desired him even when he was overweight. He enjoys GREAT sex with his wife and YET: He entertains the thought of risking it all for sex with a stranger. He improves his appearance and looks for someone NEW to stroke his ego! Shameful and Very Sad! thats the sad world we live in. those of us who were faithful and loved our spouses whether they were fat or thin didn't matter as much in the end. all I can say is, once my x-wife balloons up again, her new man will be out on the prowl.
2long Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I confess that I will almost certainly not mention this to my wife (for at least another 20 years) and I confess that I shall enjoy this memory. And so the chances that you cave in 2 your temptations will increase with time. No accountability. You will even2ally discover, or convince yourself, that so long as you're discrete, "no real harm" will be done. But you've already compromised your fidelity by planning 2 keep this incident from the person you promised 2 be faithful 2 for the rest of your life. The more smuggly moralistic of you maybe should consider whether you have already or are capable of twenty years of faithfully being in the same relationship. Don't be so smug yourself. I've been faithful 2 my wife for over 34 years. I think everyone is tempted at times. But those with real morals and integrity don't give in2 these temptations, and the really strong ones are open and honest about what they're up 2 when their spouse is not around. -ol' 2long
2sunny Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 so what steps have to taken to INSURE that YOU will never cross paths with this beautiful woman again? IF YOU haven't taken extreme measures to be sure of this - a time bomb is just ticking away and you will soon find yourself in a heap of trouble. i want to know exactly how you plan to NEVER see her again? IF you have taken every precaution to never see her - THEN i will believe that you have no further intentions with this gal that feeds your ego, kisses you passionately and fills your mind with fantasies.
You Go Girl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Has he abandoned the thread? Never to return to LS and those of us who have, yes, absolutely chastized him, wanting to stop the impending train wreck should he cherish this memory so much it motivates him to go there again? Yeah, it was just a kiss. This much is true. That's not what we're concerned about. We're concerned that you'll take on the oh so typical prof ego trip and that next time, next girl, or next year, you'll commit the big A. Everybody that has attacked you has one goal in mind, and that's to stop it before it goes further...to save your wife heartbreak. If it was just a kiss, never will be anything more, then why did you go so far as to seek out an infidelity forum? hmmm? Because you're thinking past that kiss... I wanted to be a prof for many years. The thought of the ego, woah! How huge could it be for me? I could wear tweed, patronize people in the name of lofty braininess, walk around carrying books to bloat my importance in the world, become a demi-god...ahhh...the fantasy still remains to some degree I see. Great for you for never cheating on your wife! Kudos! Now confess. Why over one silly kiss? Because you need to be stopped in your tracks...and be humbled. Somebody knows that under the tweed jacket is just a man...and she loves you in spite of it.
MizFit Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Something about this seems fake I personally think he's in it more deeply than he's admitted it...in all fairness he could have brought up the kiss and it would have been easily discussed and sorted...he balked far too much. He either slept with the woman or at the very least let it go just a bit too far...
lkjh Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 I personally think he's in it more deeply than he's admitted it...in all fairness he could have brought up the kiss and it would have been easily discussed and sorted...he balked far too much. He either slept with the woman or at the very least let it go just a bit too far... No I mean I think this is a troll. I could be wrong but it seems like someones fantasy.....Former chubby teachers has hot student fall for him meanwhile he has a hot wife waiting for him at home. On top of that he doesn't seem to bother by the kiss yet he came to a website for advice/brag. Something just doesn't sit well I'm prob wrong but its just my opinion
Recommended Posts