rose45 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) I have a much longer thread but i wanted to know if it was ok to send something to my ex but first here is a little background information: My ex and i were with each other for almost 4 years and a year of no contact after the break up..noone cheated..i think we did really love each other..it was petty stuff that i think we can get over from just learning from mistakes etc..i know what i would do differently and told him this. We went a year with no contact after the break up and i was strong but i decided to contact him because i knew i still loved him. We have been talking for months and from knowing him i know he isn't the type where he would jump back quickly into things. He is in his 30's and i am in my mid twenties. I did ask him very direct questions and made direct comments of how maybe he is just trying to be this "nice guy" and doesn't want to say that he just doesn't want me. And he said that isn't exactly right b/c if it was about me then he would be seeing someone already or looking. I think he knew i was upset. He said he isn't going anywhere and we can talk whenever I want. He said he can only offer friendship for right now. We have been having nice conversations although its mostly me calling at this point and in terms of us seeing each other he said let him get his head together. So i figured I should give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe eventually he will come around. I am dating in the meantime. I was organizing alot of things and I came across two pictures of me and him he never saw before. He actually didn't see alot of pictures because i am not really organized with that stuff or take too many. But these caught my eye. One was at a function and someone must have called my name and I looked up and he was looking at me in that moment i guess laughing at something i said. Another is on a boat a friend of mine took. The sun is in our eyes so we both look kinda funny but its still a good picture. I figured maybe if get him on the he phone one night, i can say i am organizing some things etc etc..when we get off the phone i can text him about 20 minutes later and in the text just simply say i came across these 2 pictures i don't think you ever saw before; just wanted to show you. Something plain and simple. I know its not going to change anything at all but I just thought it was something nice since he's never seen them before and its not like we just started talking or I am sending him pictures right after the break up. But i guess i just wanted feedback like is this a completely horrible idea or is it what i thought--just something nice to show him and its only two pictures. Edited May 23, 2010 by rose45
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I don't think it will do any good to send them, honestly. He is being as nice to you as he is willing at this point, and sending him 'couple' pictures is just going to chip away at his willingness to continue being nice to you. Despite what your intentions actually are, he isn't going to see them as anything but manipulative.
northstar1 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Please tread carefully here. Are you sure you are not sending them with the intention he will see them and it will bring back feelings for you again ? Please be honest with yourself. It sounds like you are trying to use them as a way to take him to the past again. I would not send them. Right now he is offering friendship, you obviously want reconcilliation. Perhaps he is very slow to consider things, but I know if I truly missed an ex and they contacted me a year later and I was not over them and did want a second chance, I would be making it known a lot more clear than he seems to be.
Heatemyheart89 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 (edited) please don't do it. I think he just wants to be friends by the sound of it! after a year I think he would have gone for it. I know I would (sorry if this sounds harsh) Edited May 24, 2010 by Heatemyheart89
sedgwick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Definitely a very bad idea. It's a bad idea for you to be talking to him at all, given that you're not over him and he doesn't want a relationship. You said you're the one doing most of the contacting, and you're scheming a story for your next phone call already -- you're going through some stuff, 20 minutes later you pretend to have just found the pics, etc. He is not putting this kind of effort into his communications with you. Therefore, the relationship you do have with him is one-sided and can only end with you feeling bad about yourself or your behavior. This seems like a textbook example of a time to implement NC. If he contacts you, then you can decide if you want to talk. But for now, he knows how you feel, and he's not making the same kind of effort to talk to you that you are to him. Sending pictures (i.e., pushing more) is not going to light his fire.
GrayClouds Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Your diluting yourself to say you just think it would be a nice thing for him. Be honest deep down inside you are hoping he looks at the pictures and all of the memories and love of earlier days fill come flooding back to him leading him to knock your door with flowers and emotional merriment for you. It will not happen. It is very hard but be kind to yourself work on letting go.
Ilovecake Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I think sending the pictures is a horrible idea and will backfire. Manipulating someone into a relationship is never a good idea. Lying to yourself about your real intensions is also a bad idea. So far you’re zero for zero. When his reaction isn’t what you cooked up in your head your heart will break into a million pieces and you will be right back at the beginning of the breakup. I know you feel like you are sure that these pictures will stir up some old feelings but if talking to you hasn’t done that already it’s just not going to happen. Like the above posts said if he wanted to be with you would know that by now. The trying to get his head together line is the oldest one in the book and it’s just a nice way of saying he’s not interested right now. It sounds to me like he’s talking to you because he feel sorry for you, he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings again. He thinks he’s doing a nice thing by letting you stay in touch but in reality he is damaging you even more because he can’t give you what you want.
Author rose45 Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 i think i said in my post that i donot think its going to change anything where he would be coming to my place with flowers or something like that. I know its not going to convince him. Of course its too bring back memories because we do have history together and we are on good terms. Is it such a malicious thing to send him two pictures that are just nice memories? i guess its hard to decide what to do here..i guess it does depend on the state of mind of the person and their feelings. I just really liked the pictures though and wanted him to see even if he deletes them after receiving them
sedgwick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 It is way, way obvious from outside this that sending the pictures is the wrong thing to do. But if you want to do it, nobody can stop you!
Author rose45 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 i made a mistake with the title of my thread..it should read can i text him 2 pictures he's never seen as something nice to do lol
TaraMaiden Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Doesn't change the fact that no, you definitely should not, at all, no way Jose, send them. Lol.
northstar1 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 it doesn't matter if you plan to email them, text them, airdrop them, smoke signal them...........it is still the same result, bad idea. the reason i know where you are coming from is that i did a similiar thing with my prior ex. months after the breakup, i was settling into that void where you are not in agony over a breakup, but you are also not quite in the clear yet. yet you also feel a strange thread still binding you to the past. i emailed her a few pictures from the past that i had found on a camera card. my intentions, as yours is if you truly examine it, was to jump start her feelings for me and the relationship. it was silly and when she replied, it was the same reaction as if i'd just sent a friend a picture from a dinner party we'd been at. cordial, yet with no emotion...at all. i felt upset and mad at myself for trying to employ such trickery to bring back an ex. so no, there is NO upside to doing this at all.
Author rose45 Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 were you in contact for awhile and did you have serious talks about the possibility of getting together? i know its not going to make him come to my door..i just thought of it as a nice reminder of a memory, something that might have even been forgotten about until you see a picture. if you are on good terms with the person, is it such a negative thing? logically i know its not going to bring him back..i just thought it was positive step--like oh remember this time? just to bring a smile even for a moment i guess. What is there to lose i guess i thought I don't want this to cause him to stop talking to me altogether though so i guess i am still undecided.
GrayClouds Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 were you in contact for awhile and did you have serious talks about the possibility of getting together? i know its not going to make him come to my door..i just thought of it as a nice reminder of a memory, something that might have even been forgotten about until you see a picture. if you are on good terms with the person, is it such a negative thing? logically i know its not going to bring him back..i just thought it was positive step--like oh remember this time? just to bring a smile even for a moment i guess. What is there to lose i guess i thought I don't want this to cause him to stop talking to me altogether though so i guess i am still undecided. First of all it sets you up for pain when you do not get the response your hoping for deep down inside, and if your honest you are hoping for a postive responce. It will feel like another rejections. Secondly During a break up remember the saying "No good deed goes unpunished" in other words the things you do that you think is kind, loving, or friendly, will often be interpreted as being needed, controlling, and / or desperate. There by pushing the person even father away. He can not miss you if you always there.
Ckyh Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Don't do it. I did it couple of weeks back when my break up just hit me 6months later. I wasn't thinking straight. I was a mess. Felt that I missed him like crazy. (could only remember good things and non of the bad) Sent him old pics. Some that he hadn't seen. Hoping it would make him miss me. He replied with a harsh message telling me to not send anymore and that if I did, he would change all his contact details and not attend any mutual friends gatherings anymore. What you had is in the past and you broke up for a reason. Don't make things worse by dragging up the past. Just keep the happy memories you had. Today, having calmed myself and forcing myself to think straight. I can see how stupid I was for sending them. If I could turn back time, I def would not have done that again. But at the end if the day. It's up to you. You've seen what everyone above has said. If you still want to do it...do it. Just don't regret it in the future if he turns around and says what my ex did.
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