tigressA Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I've met quite a few guys online in recent months and still don't know why there's such a stigma attached to it. There are bad things that happen, sure, but they are rare. It's tragic that they happen at all, but absolutely anything could happen to you just walking out the door to your house. That doesn't mean we never go outside. That being said, though I've had nothing but pleasant experiences in online dating so far, I still would never meet a guy at their house or have them come to mine for a first date. And I always inform at least a couple of people with details about who I'm with, where I'm going and how to reach me. Your friend is being careless, without a doubt. I only wish no harm comes to her despite her irresponsibility.
Mary3 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I've met quite a few guys online in recent months and still don't know why there's such a stigma attached to it. There are bad things that happen, sure, but they are rare. It's tragic that they happen at all, but absolutely anything could happen to you just walking out the door to your house. That doesn't mean we never go outside. That being said, though I've had nothing but pleasant experiences in online dating so far, I still would never meet a guy at their house or have them come to mine for a first date. And I always inform at least a couple of people with details about who I'm with, where I'm going and how to reach me. Your friend is being careless, without a doubt. I only wish no harm comes to her despite her irresponsibility. I think you having normal pleasant ( online ) dates with no bizarre behaviors and roaming hands from your date is the exception and not the norm. Normal Dates versus Bad Dates : 3 Normal / 53 Bad : Thats a round average figure . Alot of these online men are undatables . How many were heavier than they told you ? How many had VAST difference in picture compared to what you met ? How many had height difference from what they posted ? How many had age difference meaning the picture was taken in 1972 ? How many disclosed ADD , Bi Polar , sometime during your first few dates ? If they didn't , when did you recognize the same ?
Mimolicious Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I've met quite a few guys online in recent months and still don't know why there's such a stigma attached to it. There are bad things that happen, sure, but they are rare. It's tragic that they happen at all, but absolutely anything could happen to you just walking out the door to your house. That doesn't mean we never go outside. That being said, though I've had nothing but pleasant experiences in online dating so far, I still would never meet a guy at their house or have them come to mine for a first date. And I always inform at least a couple of people with details about who I'm with, where I'm going and how to reach me. Your friend is being careless, without a doubt. I only wish no harm comes to her despite her irresponsibility. Then count your blessings. Anything could happen but people sure increase their chances by deliberately putting themselves in harms way.
tigressA Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Alot of these online men are undatables . How many were heavier than they told you ? How many had VAST difference in picture compared to what you met ? How many had height difference from what they posted ? How many had age difference meaning the picture was taken in 1972 ? How many disclosed ADD , Bi Polar , sometime during your first few dates ? If they didn't , when did you recognize the same ? None of them, actually. They were all true representations of their online profiles. The only remotely unpleasant experience I had was the first one; I'd had a gut feeling about him but went through with the date anyway. There was absolutely no spark, he was boring, etc. I guess compared to a lot of people here on LS my experiences are the exception and not the norm.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Here's a possibility -- the guy is under house arrest.
FitChick Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I guess compared to a lot of people here on LS my experiences are the exception and not the norm. Same here. I "interrogate" the men over a period of weeks before I ever meet them and that eliminates most of the dodgy ones.
BobSacamento Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 "She attracts loonies..." Birds of a feather my friend.
Jilly Bean Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Bubble - you are both a good friend, and a wise one at that. I think BOTH of your friends are being foolish and very unsafe. I'd back off of both, honestly. You've said your peace, and we're not talking about teenagers here. As grown women, if they want to put themselves in dangerous situations, there is, sadly, nothing to be done. Hopefully they will come to their senses once you stop pushing on the topic. The other fishy thing about this, is that the guy is OK with having a first date at his house, and having the girl bring a friend along. Who dates with a chaperone? Honestly, both of your friends have NO idea what they could be walking into. Scary, and sad. Let's pray they'll both be OK, but then the downside of that, is it will enable future stupid behavior.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Thanks for all the concern shown in this thread. Clearly my friend doesn't care about her own safety (or putting another friend at risk). She told me she isn't going to meet him this Friday anymore, postponed it to a later day. That wasn't the point of my nagging her. I thought it was great that she was finally going to meet someone, even someone from the internet, but I just wanted her to use common sense about where to have the first date. I think it's important to meet someone in person to know what they are really like. Oh, she told me she only knows his first name but she gave me his house address and I searched it on google streets. Very dilapidated house in a dodgy looking neighbourhood. I wonder if it is even his real address. I agree with someone who posted above- her loony behaviour is probably a big reason she also attracts loons. I could go on and on about her terrible ex boyfriends but I'll spare you the drama.
Mary3 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Thanks for all the concern shown in this thread. Clearly my friend doesn't care about her own safety (or putting another friend at risk). She told me she isn't going to meet him this Friday anymore, postponed it to a later day. That wasn't the point of my nagging her. I thought it was great that she was finally going to meet someone, even someone from the internet, but I just wanted her to use common sense about where to have the first date. I think it's important to meet someone in person to know what they are really like. Oh, she told me she only knows his first name but she gave me his house address and I searched it on google streets. Very dilapidated house in a dodgy looking neighbourhood. I wonder if it is even his real address. I agree with someone who posted above- her loony behaviour is probably a big reason she also attracts loons. I could go on and on about her terrible ex boyfriends but I'll spare you the drama. This is still pretty scarey . I hope she reconsiders and meets him at a Starbucks or something ....
FitChick Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Using his address, is there some way you could search a sex offender registry or website to see if he is on there? My city offers that. Quite scary when you see how many live close by.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Finally! She told me she isn't going to meet him at his house anymore. Going somewhere public instead. I hope she didn't say that just so I would back off on the issue. Using his address, is there some way you could search a sex offender registry or website to see if he is on there? My city offers that. Quite scary when you see how many live close by. Where I live you can only search by name (first and last name required), not street address. I no longer work with the government so I can't use their databases either. I can, however, ask a real estate friend to check the ownership details of the address and, if he is the actual owner, it will show his full name. Then I can search him on the sex registry from there. I won't be telling my friend I searched the guy, she will definitely think I am acting like a stalker, but you know I just have a bad feeling about it. But if she says she won't meet him at his house anymore as a first date, then all I can do is take her word for it. It's her life. In the end she is responsible for it, not me.
Mary3 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Finally! She told me she isn't going to meet him at his house anymore. Going somewhere public instead. I hope she didn't say that just so I would back off on the issue. Where I live you can only search by name (first and last name required), not street address. I no longer work with the government so I can't use their databases either. I can, however, ask a real estate friend to check the ownership details of the address and, if he is the actual owner, it will show his full name. Then I can search him on the sex registry from there. I won't be telling my friend I searched the guy, she will definitely think I am acting like a stalker, but you know I just have a bad feeling about it. But if she says she won't meet him at his house anymore as a first date, then all I can do is take her word for it. It's her life. In the end she is responsible for it, not me. Go to WhitePages.com . There you can get his name , his telephone number and his street address. Take it further do people searches to find out if he has a wife or kids , family... Nowadays a girl HAS to know more . Like if he is a serial killer . But for that you have to pay for extra information on the people searches....it does arrests , crimes , ect.
Mimolicious Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Nowadays, there is an APP for that! LOL! Seriously, if her phone has GPS, tell her to have it on.
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Go to WhitePages.com . There you can get his name , his telephone number and his street address. Take it further do people searches to find out if he has a wife or kids , family... Nowadays a girl HAS to know more . Like if he is a serial killer . But for that you have to pay for extra information on the people searches....it does arrests , crimes , ect. Even on that website you need a surname. Anyways, my real estate friend let me look up the address on RP Data and whaddya know, the house is owned by the Department of Housing. So again, no surname for this mystery guy. He must be in some very unfortunate circumstances but lucky enough to even have a place to stay. It's a big house (albeit dilapidated looking) so I'm betting he shares the place with other people.
Jilly Bean Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Even on that website you need a surname. Anyways, my real estate friend let me look up the address on RP Data and whaddya know, the house is owned by the Department of Housing. So again, no surname for this mystery guy. He must be in some very unfortunate circumstances but lucky enough to even have a place to stay. It's a big house (albeit dilapidated looking) so I'm betting he shares the place with other people. I do a lot of volunteer work with the homeless. Sounds like he could be in either section 8, or a home for working poor. Those tend to be larger houses with many residents. They have house rules (curfews, no drugs, limited guests, etc.), and must maintain work, etc. It's a transitional housing situation for people who are getting off the streets. Or, it could be a traditional halfway house - for the formerly incarcerated or addicted... You're still being a great friend. Honestly, I'd be exhausted dealing with her poor choices if this kind of thing is more the rule than the exception...
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 You're still being a great friend. Honestly, I'd be exhausted dealing with her poor choices if this kind of thing is more the rule than the exception... Thank you Jilly Bean. As irresponsible as she is when it comes to relationships with men, she is surprisingly successful in other areas of her life. She owns her own business, owns her own house, is independent etc and she is only 24. I've known her since we were kids so, despite her crazy choices when it comes to men, I'll still always be there for her when she needs me most. Or he can be a sex offender. Hope not.
Mary3 Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Even on that website you need a surname. Anyways, my real estate friend let me look up the address on RP Data and whaddya know, the house is owned by the Department of Housing. So again, no surname for this mystery guy. He must be in some very unfortunate circumstances but lucky enough to even have a place to stay. It's a big house (albeit dilapidated looking) so I'm betting he shares the place with other people. I dunno . I have typed in names and came up with everything on White Pages ! . ;lol..
Author BubbleFreak Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 www.pipl.com Last Name is missing Please enter the person's last name (That's the message I got on that site.)
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