bolase Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) I started seeing a new guy about 6 weeks ago, who has been a friend for 3 years but we've only both been single in 6 months. He is gorgeous in and out, I like him and now that I've opened up a bit I have some amazing feelings flowing.. (rant..) But he's the quiet, sensitive, creative type whom it usually takes a few drinks to open up with the chatter..on the other hand I'm more outgoing, pretty good at making conversation with anyone and of course this means I like to talk..and talk in bed sometimes. I like it when I can play around in bed with a guy who is responsive and equally playful, then I feel free to share whatever enters my mind. This guy is REALLY, really quiet in bed though, like almost silent. We started sleeping together 3 weeks ago, but havent seen much of each other as we each have had some crazy times. Even when I'm going down on him, he hardly makes a sound and it is bothering me a tiny bit, because I don't know whether he is enjoying anything...I tell him what feels good where he touches me, and guide him a bit when hes going down on me, but I've stopped cause he doesnt talk at all. His face looks like he's enjoying it though?! The thing that makes me feel a bit insecure is, he tends to get sexually bored with girls and everything he's done. But he really is a sensitive person, he falls in love easily and is usually the one to get trampled on...apart from the last one where he just got bored:confused: Recently I got weirded out after he drunkenly told me all about the best sex he had with his ex, which was after they broke up, and said I wasnt sure if I was feeling it any more. A few days ago, he wanted to talk and see if we're on the same page cause he was hurt by that understandably.. We both like and respect each other and want to see what happens. Lately he's also been hanging out with a friend who has a crush on him (he says he isnt into her at all, and I pretty much believe him but its slightly odd that he responds to her requests for his company, knowing that) so I messaged him to ask casually whether he think's we're dating other people, if no then great, same, and if yes then I'm not at the moment and we should talk. to make it less personal and acusatory. Basically (thank you for reading) the strange communication is stifling me and I can't let my walls down any further right now..which is they key to better sex too! Argh! What do you think, how should I approach getting him to be more open which is what I would love? Edited May 23, 2010 by bolase clarifying..i tend to waffle
lissab113 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Getting him to open up doesn't seem to be the issue. You need to trust your own instincts. There seem to be a lot of things already that you find yourself questioning (sexual compatibility is usually kind of a red flag as well as that ex comment). If you really like him, I would just take a step back and see where it goes. Just be careful since there's this many issues this soon.
jenifer1972 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 At the beginning of a relationship, people are actually putting their best foot forward, so if his way of relating while intimite is off-putting, it likely will stay that way. Sounds like that is who he is, and you have to decide if you like it or not. We women like to pick a guy and then work on changing him to be the way we would like him to be, but that never works.
FitChick Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 He sounds like he is the boring one and women probably have the same problems in bed with him that you do.
Author bolase Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Thanks. I really don't want to give up on him yet! Maybe it will take time for his to become more verbal and take the reins...but I don't want to change him at all or control his behaviour in any ways, I'm not like that at all. Maybe I will take a step back like you said.. Another thing that crops up which I mentioned in another poster's post. Its a tiny petty thing but..he wears a carved necklace that that ex gave him, and is never taking it off unless it falls off, cause he likes it. So when we're in bed that's all he's wearing..and it will always be that way I guess. She still isn't over him. end of rant...I'll take him out for a date or something, maybe he just feels vulnerable as he has initiated our dates so far.
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