mayakukla Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 ex wife of 1 year broke my heart. does not love me anymore. We tried to go though marriage counseling and it did not help her. This happened three months ago, have been NC most of the time. I do not initiate any convos or reply minimally, any convos have been relating to errands, etc. btw, when I met her, she was an illegal immigrant gas station attendant and because of me she is now pursuing medical school. Guess who paid for her education while he, himself was still a student? I am still extremely heart broken. Since we were married less than 2 years one of two things can happen: 1. she files for divorce and has to prove her case that we were in a genuine relationship (we were). However, I have all pictures, including wedding over the last four years, love letters, etc. would you send it to her because you still love her and don't want her to possibly be deported? Or out of spite that she broke your heart and cause so much terrible pain, just ignore everything, not send anything and leave it to her own luck? 2. She does not file for divorce and either do I. 8 months from now (it will be 2 years) she has to file paperwork to ask for a permanent green card. She will probably ask me to lie that we were together that time since it is too late for divorce since the government only gives a certain window to apply for a permanent card. I refuse to lie of course. She gets deported or has a legal battle against the government with lawyer's fees she can't afford. What would you do in option 1 as that is most probable. I said before I would supply the pictures, but now I am not sure. Don't tell me the ethical objective answer. I want you to put yourself in my shoes and tell me.
Citizen Erased Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Send her the photos, keep your word. Definitely do NOT lie for her.
Minnie09 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 She won't get deported just because you don't give her the photos, love letters etc. that prove that the marriage was entered in good faith. If they want to see the evidence, she will tell them you have them and the authorities will contact you, before they extend her green card or decide whether to "deport" her (very unlikely). They will ask you some questions and if you don't want to get in trouble, don't lie. If the marriage was not entered in good faith you're in trouble, too. So you provide all the evidence they need, if you're not totally dumb.
SarahRose Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 They are her pictures too. Just send them to her. Do you think she used you to get into the country legally?
Author mayakukla Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 They are her pictures too. Just send them to her. Do you think she used you to get into the country legally? no, nobody was used, she was already here. She truly loved me for most of our relationship. We got married 3 years after living together. It is a very long story but I blame 95% of our problems on my fear of commitment and the my untreated depression I was going through. I still love her with all my heart. It hurts so much though, I can't stop blaming myself, it's been about 3 months now.
Author mayakukla Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) She won't get deported just because you don't give her the photos, love letters etc. that prove that the marriage was entered in good faith. If they want to see the evidence, she will tell them you have them and the authorities will contact you, before they extend her green card or decide whether to "deport" her (very unlikely). They will ask you some questions and if you don't want to get in trouble, don't lie. If the marriage was not entered in good faith you're in trouble, too. So you provide all the evidence they need, if you're not totally dumb. uhm, no. If it gets that far (rare), I can always tell the authorities I destroyed the pictures/letters and actually destroy them. Also, few people on my side (citizens) would write affidavits about our relationship without my consent). And no, I would not be lying about anything, we loved each other, see my post above. However, in option 2, I will not lie and say our marriage lasted longer than it really did. I would not cosign the paperwork, I will not attend any interviews with immigration officials 8 months from now (I am not required to do either). It is her burden to prove the relationship was real, which she will most likely do successfully. The question is do I help her and make it easier for her because I still love her or just ignore the whole process out of pure raw anger/pain/hurt Edited May 23, 2010 by mayakukla
lomo90 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 You are obviously still in love with her and very hurt and it may feel right now to hurt her for the way she hurt you. I think however you need to heal and holding that stuff back won't help. You will end up feeling guilty if you do this which will make you dwell on her and delay healing. I am putting myself in your shoes and I seriously think you will regret it and feel guilty later in life. If the relationship is beyond repair give her the things, stop contact and move on. This is only my thoughts on th subject feel free to do what you feel.
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