CapitalChick Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Hi all, I'll keep this as short and to the point as possible. Met a guy through friends on FB, got chatting to him over 8 months ago, added him to my blackberry IM and spoke to him on & off for the first 4 months. I really like him, I think Ive been infactuated with him from day 1 and always expected/hoped eventually after talking he may display similar feelings. Not quite. Found out a couple of things: 1. Religious, practising muslim.. (im muslim too - not as practising!) is looking to meet a girl eventually to settle down with (not in a rush) however doesnt necessarily wanna date to get there..would rather a friendship form and take its course. 2. Gave me the impression he hadnt been in r'ships (which I now believe to be a white lie..i think he has a past) and certainly now doesnt have many girls (even on his fb list) that he talks to or hangs out with. Right so, to determine whether he liked me in Dec I annoyed him a little and told him i was looking for the "one" etc etc. Eventually I was like "so do u not have nice guy mates u can intro me too" eventually he came back with 1 who got in contact and i wasnt interested. End of. However after 3/4 weeks he came back from hols and fb msged me saying he wanted to go for coffee... sooooo out of the blue! I was obv pretty excited. Up till now thought he didnt like me etc. We go for coffee..goes well..we text constantly over the nxt 3 days..until i broach subject of how he sees me (given i indicate that i see him as more).. i.e. jus a mate etc. He pretty much blows me off or i interpret it as blowing me off by saying "ive always seen u as just a mate from day 1, and still do" I take that as rejection!!! I leave him alone, however a wk later he IM's me as if nothings wrong and we continue chatting. This is where things change.. Last 2 months we've spoken every day on IM, met up once in between..its all developed. We've talked about how i feel for him and how we BOTH want to potentially see this work long term etc. So we've kinda been dating. At one point I actually stopped talking to him because he mentioned he didnt see marriage on the cards for a long time..2 yrs or more...and to be honest that put me off...but then he kinda brought me out of that by talking to me and letting me know that obv if he met someone he cliked with it would be sooner. Oh and he mentioned 2 days later that the way we were he'd consider a yrs time! So anyway needless to say a lot of signs he was into me. RIGHT so heres where it goes downhill... I went to see him as he was in a town near to me to drop him some food because i was seeing my aunt in same town..i went over to his apartment..which is basically a room ..the first evening i went..we spoke i left early ...all innocent. I Expected it to be given we've both pretty much indicated dating and all the intimate stuff is not where we would want to go to. He IM'd me that evening saying "u shouldve stayed longer!" so i figured maybe id go see him again the following day and we'd watch a movie. I did jus that. It was all innocent..he made all the first moves.. i didnt back off tho however HE made the first moves, making out to eventually we ended up sleeping together. It didnt feel dirty or wrong. In fact at one point I even said to him "we shouldnt do this but i dont want to stop" and he replied with "me neither". Right so he was very loving in bed..i mean even in the morning he didnt want me to leave..he did absolutely everything in his power to keep me there. RIGHT so then he stops IM'ing. Didnt hear from him. I IM'd him saying "hey r u ok".. he said "yeah.. i jus dont know what to say you" Then i left him be.. 3 days passed .. so I IM'd him asking him whether he still wanted to chat, and what was up.. he said he felt ashamed and altho his actions didnt show it he totally regretted it and couldnt think of what he was more ashamed of. When i pushed him to talk further or to give me an idea of what he wanted he simply said "i dunno - do whatever u want to do" I felt sooooo rejected..and heartbroken. Then a day later, i basically bugged him and pretty much said "I guess your gonna keep ignoring me so im done with this". That evening he responded saying he was sorry he needed time to think etc. He apologised profusely and said i hadnt bothered him he jus needed time alone etc. I called him a day later because i was fed up to talk about it... I got no answers. He apologised for his behaviour and how he hadnt wanted to hurt me. He then said obv we werent jus friends anymore which meant it put us in a difficult situation now, he kept saying "i dont want to hurt u in long term" to which i said "do u think u will or plan to".. and he said "no" I told him i still wanted it to work, i still had feelings and he sorta said that in his ideal scenario he'd go back to a month where we were jus mates more or less IM'ing and getting to know each other and take it from there. He said to me I dont think we should make so much of an effort becuz clearly it leads to these situations.. and then he made a funny remark as to how if we were both in same room again the same thing would prob happen all over again. I left it by saying that I had feelings for him and he clearly didnt have enough if he just wanted it to be more casually. If anything i said that surely his feelings shouldve developed by now to an extent. If he didnt feel same way we shouldnt talk. In the past he would talk me around whereas this time he simply seemed happy to do whatever I wanted given he believe hes already hurt me and he doesnt want to continue. I did put quite a lot of pressure on him to figure out how much he liked me. Anyway we left it at that.... Been 3 days, we havent spoken. He clearly has issues esp around commitment or getting to close to a girl. Do I ignore him and continue. Im now starting to doubt whether he ever had feelings for me. Its insane. I clearly miss him. Last night I IM'd him really late (like an idiot) with a casual IM saying i couldnt sleep.. Is it sad that Id rather continue talkin to him and being his friend even if it means the subject of us remains kinda dormant..well until a point where he brings it up etc. Is the guy simply not into me!?
Cealabeala Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I'm sorry but I don't think he is. He is so half hearted about the entire thing. If this was going anywhere he would have made that obvious, thats the harsh reality. The one thing you should be thankful for is that he is not going to continue sleeping with you and giving you false hope. He clearly feels really guilty about sex due to his beliefs, and though I don't think thats good for him, it certainly saves you the pain of being used in that way. When you meet a guy who is really into yo, you won't need to work so hard for him to communicate with you. I hope you take care and stay hopeful that you'll meet that person eventually. I know you must be disappointed and hurt, but this gave you experience and whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger Good luck and be nice to yourself for the next while. I hope you feel better soon x
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