aloneinmyhead Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I have been reading through multiple posts and seeing that this journey is a long roller coaster ride. Today was one of those days where everything that can go wrong has. Mostly job related, but where I would normally turn to my W I now don't really have anyone to talk it out with. That has just made the day worse, the feeling that I can't call her and tell her what's going on and just hear her voice. Having her remind me why I took this job and having her reassurance... So my real question to you all: How do you deal with these days? How do you get through them without picking up the phone and calling the SO?
Gunny376 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 The first thing that you do is you make an appointment with your primary care provider and get a full medical work-up and physical. Give that a week or so the lab work, blood work can come back. Then you tell them what your going through ~ a seperation/divorce. Then you have them refere you to a pyschologist or such. Now that's not as bad as bad as it sounds. Becuase insteading of wearing out your friends and family with your woes and worries? Your actually (or hopefully your insurance company is) is paying someone to listen to your woes and worries. And you know what? They actually have been to college, have advance degrees, have studied in depth what your going through. They fully understnad and comprehend your anger, your pain, your anguish, your heartbreak. They have sympathy for you and will be straight up and righteous with you. If you don't have insurance, or your insurance won't cover it? Seek help out from colleges and universities, your local county health department. but where I would normally turn to my W I now don't really have anyone to talk it out with. And that's just total BS! You've literally thousand upon thousands of people from across the globe right here at LS to talk to about "IT" I don't have all of the answers to all of the questions, nor all of the solutions to all of the problems? But you know what? I KNOW a lot of s*** about a lot of s**! And what I don't know? There are literally hundreds of thousands of people that belong to this site that do have the answers to the questions and the solutions to the problems.
tojaz Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 AloneInMyHead, on the really hard days, like Gunny said, I was here on LS there were days i just couldn't deal, couldn't work, couldn't sleep. I think thats what your talking about. LS was a great help and finding something to take your mind off of it is another great help. Even if it just gives you an hour of peace, it's worth it. Something to engage your mind so your not just sat in a dark house with your thoughts. Work was hard because I couldn't escape. I would often call someone and just ask them to talk about anything. Best medicine me for all though, wasn't IC and didn't go the medication route. It was working it through here with others in the same situation. Now I'm a lot better off, but havent stopped looking for answers, but I don't need them so desperately either. TOJAZ
stepka Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Me 3. You come on here. It's not the same, but when the good days outnumber the bad, you know you're on the mend and things will actually be better than before.
heartbrokensj Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 . So my real question to you all: How do you deal with these days? How do you get through them without picking up the phone and calling the SO? I think all of us on here know exactly how you feel...thats why I joined this site cause we can all relate to each other. I am also in therapy but honestly I think this site is way more helpful than my therapy at this point. When I can't sleep or seem to focus on anything else,I pick up a pen and starting vomitting out my thoughts on paper...haven't journaled in about decade or so but it has also helped me get the thoughts and feelings out, deal with them and somehow makes me feel better. Also forcing myself to exercise....endorfins helps raise your mood level even it is temporary. Maybe you should also try to get back to some activites you used to enjoy..that may help. I feel your pain and keep telling myself, this too shall pass...and I hopeful that someday I will be fully happy to enjoy myself and enjoy life again!
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 The really bad days so so suck! I haven't had one in a long time, but I had them for years. I'd like to see that others don't have them for years, geesh. Agonizing. When some action or thought pattern isn't working--we need to yell at ourselves--THIS ISN'T WORKING. Then adjust. Take steps to correct the path to the abyss. Redirection of energy and thoughts. It's very difficult sometimes. But if you find yourself falling into the abyss, recognition that this is happening, and adjustment out of it, asap, is in order. The Einstein quote comes to mind: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If you have a moping chair, computer seat, whatever--get out of it. Drag your rear up and out of the abyss. Go clean something, fix some broken thing, if all else fails. Do anything but let yourself mope. Analyze and recognize a problem. We push issues to the back of our mind. But do not dwell, which is the abyss. If the answers aren't coming easily with analyzation, abandon efforts temporarily, there will be other days that do have clarity, and there is no point in spinning your wheels and going nowhere. Come to LS when you have a question you can't answer and let others pick your brain. Be as vulnerable and naked about it as you can. The more you reveal--the better your chances of getting feedback that helps you look at the situation in a different light, and others will ask questions of you that you didn't think to ask yourself, and they will zero in on the flaw in thinking, or actions. NEVER drink alone. Oh, and did I say NEVER DRINK ALONE?
heartbrokensj Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 [quote name=NEVER drink alone. Oh, and did I say NEVER DRINK ALONE?[/quote] My thoughts on drinking when one is already feeling down..is that it is only a temporary fix that often furthers a person into a more sad depressive state because alcohol is considered a depressant.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Somewhere, somehow somebody Must have kicked you around some Tell me why you wanna lay there And revel in your abandon Listen it don't make no difference to me baby Everybody's had to fight to be free You see you don't have to live like a refugee Now baby you don't have to live like a refugee Baby we ain't the first I'm sure a lot of other lover's been burned Right now this seems real to you But it's one of those things You gotta feel to be true
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 My thoughts on drinking when one is already feeling down..is that it is only a temporary fix that often furthers a person into a more sad depressive state because alcohol is considered a depressant. It isn't a fix at all. All it does do is propel one into the abyss that much more quickly.
tojaz Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 AloneinMyHead, pick yourself a theme song something that picks you up, empowers you, and when you get in a funk, play it and play it loud. Stuck at work, play it in your head, hum it, whatever it takes. Check out Trippis "Songs" thread for some suggestions, this was mine The fact that Miranda is gorgeous and my ex hated country is just icing on the cake! TOJAZ
PWSX3 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Some other suggestions are join a group such as a men's group at a good church. Guys you can share your story without any judgment. For me riding my bicycle helps a LOT. You can sort your thoughts while your body is being worn down by the ride. Something else I did was write stuff down on paper, then when you are done shred it!!!!! You are getting your thoughts out on paper so you aren't bottling them all up in your head.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Personally I have found it easier to talk to other woman (if you're a guy)about my separation situation...at work is easiest since there are many there..even at a park or book store...before I got married I didn't mind striking up conversations with the other sex..then marriage set in...took me about 2 1/2 weeks to realize how easy it was again to talk to them..they are really good at listening, giving advice or telling you their problems...just a thought.
scottishlassy Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I am going through the exact same thing. I have no family or friends here in the same state as I am. Here is how I cope as best I can. 1. I take my anti depressants. They don't cure the depression, but they help a little bit. 2. Talk/e-mail my therapist. We are working on self hypnosis and for me, it seems to be working. 3. Call my sister. I know she is getting tired of me repeating the same things over and over again, but she listens any way and encourages me. She reminds me that I am a strong woman and I will be happy again. 4. I spend A LOT of time reading posts on the LS website. At first, I didn't think that reading about other peoples pain and lose would help me at all, but in a way, it is comforting. I know that I am not the only one in pain and I am learning that I will survive this. 5. When I am having a really bad day, I put on my headphones to my MP3 player and listen to binaural tones. I know it sounds crazy, but for me, it works.
V1k1ng0 Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 On the really bad days, I have a good cry and just let it all out. I ask God to see me for who/what I am and what I am going through. I call up some friends from church and ask them to pray for me. Most of all I ask God to help me in my time of distress. I try to keep everything positive the rest of the day and mentally tell myself that I will not let this hinder me from doing good to those around me. http://www.klove.com/ As for drinking to get drunk and just going nuts I've done all of that in the past and I can tell you that it is only temporary and you still have to come back to reality. It is good to reflect on what you think you did to contribute to the whole situation but do not let it rule your life. Ask God to forgive you and those you have hurt and move on. God's grace is sufficient.
christiw Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Everybody on the earth at times face this crucial phase when they don't know how to get rid from that terrible condition. At this time they just need to keep patience as though family and friends can console them but may not be able to solve their problem entirely.At this time never loose hope rather have faith in god and remember that the time soon come when their life will be rocking..as there is always morning after the darkest night.
Gunny376 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 For the first twenty years self medicating with the Scotch and Canadian Whiskey worked really real. Then when the boss threatened to fire me because I was drinking too much and going into work half hung over The antidepressant an anxiety drugs seemed to kick in and turn things around. And it took two months for them to fully kick in ~ which is why my psychologist made me next appointment two months later. For a lot of years? I was angry at the world and everyone on or n It. It wouldn't take the least little of anything to PMO! Since I"V been on the Antidepressant and Axity drugs? The least little thing would set me off. Now I'm more respectful and polite! I saw "Please" and "Thank You! Appreciate You!" Before? I would go "Gunny" and just tell them to kiss my every-loving @ss~ Little things that once set me off" Ain't nothing but a Thing! I'm not there yet? TriCare (My Health Care provider through the military authorized 22 visits with my psychologist visits.) Nomrally its eight? My meds are trough 2011? My primary promlems are failure to adjust (instiionaled from civlian life to military life ~ back to civlian liife?), stress, depresopn, anxiety ALL of which I fell ashamed of? Through in a healtyh dose of "surviors" guilt! Three months ago? I would have told you were crazy to go and see a professional, a therapist, a psychologist If nothing else? Just go and pay someone to hear you bitch, moan and complain1 Better yet! Let the insurance companies pay for it!
Gunny376 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I would suggest you speak to you MD. The anxiety drugs I'm on $137 a month for a thirty day supply. My insurance covered all but about $3? Still cheaper than the $350 a month I was spending out of pocket for Scotch and Canadian Whiskey. They alone have worked wonders for me! I care amd worry about NOTHING! Though I still have the same worries, troubles and issues I had two months ago. There are side effects, wanting to sleep all of the time, constipation, the potential of suicidal thoughts in younger people? But you overcome them within a couple of weeks or months (It takes them awhile to kick in ~ too much too soon could be deadly) If you go this route do so in conjunction with both and MD amd a psychologist.
aeren944 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I had that day about 3 days ago. Do it... it will help. Embrace it and just let it out... it really helps.
scottishlassy Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I had that day about 3 days ago. Do it... it will help. Embrace it and just let it out... it really helps. I don't think it is going to help this time. To much going on. I finally caved in to what my H wanted give financially, and now he is saying no. He wants to give even less now. What I can't understand is he is the one that wanted the divorce, he is the one that walked out, now, he won't give me the divorce and keeps stalling. The boys (17 and 14) see me crying and want to know why and I can't tell them it's becuase of the H. I don't want to say anything negative towards him to them. Even though he is the one who is having the affairs and taking these women with him when he has the boys for the weekend and then tells them not to tell me about taking these other women with them. He's the one telling the boys that he is just "flirting" with these other women. Sorry, had to vent!
V1k1ng0 Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 I don't think it is going to help this time. To much going on. I finally caved in to what my H wanted give financially, and now he is saying no. He wants to give even less now. What I can't understand is he is the one that wanted the divorce, he is the one that walked out, now, he won't give me the divorce and keeps stalling. The boys (17 and 14) see me crying and want to know why and I can't tell them it's becuase of the H. I don't want to say anything negative towards him to them. Even though he is the one who is having the affairs and taking these women with him when he has the boys for the weekend and then tells them not to tell me about taking these other women with them. He's the one telling the boys that he is just "flirting" with these other women. Sorry, had to vent! Sorry you are having a tough time today. I had one last monday at work. I went on my break and called to talk to my boys and me being stupid was thinking she was having a change of heart about the whole divorce thing. Long story short, I went back to work and these tear drops were just coming out of my eyes. No emotion, no nothing. I didnt even realize I was crying until one of my coworkers said something. It was like someone turned on the faucet and didnt close it all the way. I went home and allowed myself to cry. Not something I do. Another thing I've also started to do is write a journal talking to my boys since I'm not going to be seeing them for some time since she apparently gets everything good from our marriage. I do not plan on giving it to them but it has really helped me out. You might give it a try. Praying for you scotish lassy.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_t-PaBRSQY
tojaz Posted May 28, 2010 Posted May 28, 2010 Sorry you are having a tough time today. I had one last monday at work. I went on my break and called to talk to my boys and me being stupid was thinking she was having a change of heart about the whole divorce thing. Long story short, I went back to work and these tear drops were just coming out of my eyes. No emotion, no nothing. I didnt even realize I was crying until one of my coworkers said something. It was like someone turned on the faucet and didnt close it all the way. I went home and allowed myself to cry. Not something I do. Another thing I've also started to do is write a journal talking to my boys since I'm not going to be seeing them for some time since she apparently gets everything good from our marriage. I do not plan on giving it to them but it has really helped me out. You might give it a try. Praying for you scotish lassy.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_t-PaBRSQY Journaling can be a great help, I took to keeping a pad and paper by my bed and another in my locker at work, even in the car. I've written a lot over the past year and have learned a lot by going back and reading it. Some i've shared here on LS and some it just helped to get it out. TOJAZ
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