Cracker Jack Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I work at an antique mall. The owner is a short, older, scrawny guy with a scraggly gray beard. All he wears is old jeans. He's not unattractive, but there's nothing eye catching wow there. There is a frickin' line of miss lonely hearts that come through that door everyday. This man has it nailed, lol Women from their 40's to their 60's. There must be 20 of them. You know what he does? He's just not afraid to talk to them at all. And a bunch of them, after he's talked to them on several occasions, he asks for a hug when they leave. A bunch of women that he gets hugs from every week! This past week he bragged to me that a new woman came through the door, and he got two hugs. Had never spoken to her before that hour. Is he a player? Yep. But that's besides the point, or is it? I can understand someone having a difficult time meeting someone if they have a deformity. But an ordinary looking guy? Nope...it's confidence, getting out there, talking to people. Obviously, first and foremost, one can't be a hermit. Even talking to women on LS is a great start for some? I read a tiny bit of that link posted, there is an inferiority complex, an unnecessary one, for some. You know what made that gorgeous couple at the Mexican resort so unattractive? They were unapproachable. It rained horribly for 4 days, a tropical depression. Ordinary people, or the gorgeous ones, we were all in the same boat. Others made do. They sat at the bar, talked to strangers, and soon there was laughter, because make the best of a situation. Ordinary people with crooked teeth, overweight, whatever, some even with a deformity--they're still human. But those two chiseled people didn't appear human. Never did they mingle with the likes of us ordinary people. They scowled, and never did I feel the urge to even say hello to them. I felt if I did, I might get bit. They were beautiful. And there was no way in hell I was going to approach them. Attitude really does count for a lot. You're right. I like how you broke everything down as well. See, I never give off a miserable aura; I usually just reserve that for the house late at night. However, I don't come off as someone who's having fun (When I'm in a social setting, I roll my eyes more times than I like), and that might be where the problem lies. Most of the time when I'm out, I don't have that "relationship urge" because it's not on my mind; but when I see couples who look quite happy, I do get a little bummed out. I definitely don't want to end up with the unapproachable aura like the couple at the resort had. Confidence definitely is key for a healthy social life, but I often have trouble gaining it. I dunno. Perhaps working out more and neglecting to think about what I don't have (Companionship) will help build it up more. Now that I actually think about it, Confidence, or lack thereof, is most likely my biggest issue because I often think "why would a woman even want someone like me when she can choose better" when I'm out, and that adds to the problem--and ultimately stops me from talking to women and building friendships with them. I hate it and want to stop it.
Els Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 So does a guy having a good personality make you then find them physically attractive? I find intelligent and witty guys extremely hot. Not only good for LTRs, but also the sexual-attraction type of hot. I recall practically orgasming at some of the puns an ex of mine made, although he wasn't great-looking. But that's just me.
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 However, I don't come off as someone who's having fun (When I'm in a social setting, I roll my eyes more times than I like), and that might be where the problem lies. That might make you seem unapproachable. Most of the time when I'm out, I don't have that "relationship urge" because it's not on my mind; I bet most people are going to disagree with this, but honestly? I think it's better not to have that "relationship urge," at least not at the forefront of your mind. In my experience, not being in "I must find a partner. I must get into a relationship. I must fill that role in my life with whoever is willing" mode makes you approach everyone you meet as people, with their potential as a date being secondary, but still there. I've always felt more comfortable and enjoyed myself more in meeting new people when I didn't have that "relationship urge." When I met my SO, I was more approachable and open than I would have been had I been fretting over finding a partner instead of enjoying the process of getting to know someone. It's worked better for me. But of course, ymmv. Now that I actually think about it, Confidence, or lack thereof, is most likely my biggest issue because I often think "why would a woman even want someone like me when she can choose better" when I'm out, and that adds to the problem--and ultimately stops me from talking to women and building friendships with them. I hate it and want to stop it. A lot of the "power of positive thinking!!!" stuff is bunk, but reinforcing negative thought patterns doesn't help, and trying to shift your perspective can be a good thing. If you don't think you're worth someone's time, you'll give off that impression. And even if you're good at hiding it, what would happen if someone wanted you but you didn't particularly like them? Would you be inclined to date someone who's wrong for you because you think you can't do any better, and if she's not-that-great, she won't leave you for someone better? IMO, knowing who you are and what you want and being comfortable with both of those things is very important.
Cracker Jack Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 ^Very true. I don't know myself like I wish I did, and while I think I know what I want to an extent, the desperation would most likely lead me to make some wrong choices. The relationship urge comes in spurts; one minute, I'll ignore the idea, believing I don't need it that badly--then another day, I feel like the lack of a relationship makes me less of a man. It usually happens when someone I know says "You need a girlfriend." After doing some long thinking, I guess "finding a relationship" isn't a priority for me at this point--but...I do want to take a step in the right direction of that area so this issue won't linger over me forever.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I find intelligent and witty guys extremely hot. Not only good for LTRs, but also the sexual-attraction type of hot. I recall practically orgasming at some of the puns an ex of mine made, although he wasn't great-looking. But that's just me. Most girls prefer fun guys who are intellingent but not too intelligent.
Ross PK Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Chemistry, for me, just means that the way the two people's personalities mesh. Its not exactly sharing all the same opinions and preferences, but the way they compliment each other. It can have a sexual component, but sex isn't where chemistry begins or ends. I am sure there is at least one person out there you can experience chemistry with. Ah right, cool.
Els Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Most girls prefer fun guys who are intellingent but not too intelligent. Not too sure about that.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Not too sure about that. Most guys know to take dating tips from successful guys. Not women.
Els Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Right. Be sure you never give advice to women on how to get guys then, since they should only take them from successful women.
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Right. Be sure you never give advice to women on how to get guys then, since they should only take them from successful women. Women don't get guys, guys get them
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Women don't get guys, guys get them Girls tell guys 'be yourself'.
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Girls tell guys 'be yourself'. Do you think that's bad advice? Would you like living your life as a fraud for the sake of getting laid? Would you like to find out you've been living with a fraud who was deceiving you for the sake of getting laid?
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Do you think that's bad advice? Would you like living your life as a fraud for the sake of getting laid? Would you like to find out you've been living with a fraud who was deceiving you for the sake of getting laid? It's non advice. I don't know about you but I like getting laid. The 'men' who follow that don't know why a lay is.
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Do you think that's bad advice? Would you like living your life as a fraud for the sake of getting laid? Would you like to find out you've been living with a fraud who was deceiving you for the sake of getting laid? I think guys who have problems with women are to afraid to be themselves. They refuse to believe it is as easy as just going up to a women they like and flirting with her and asking her out and then kissing them... They are so afraid of getting rejected they think they need to act like some fake guy that in their minds women wants... its so silly
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 It's non advice. I don't know about you but I like getting laid. The 'men' who follow that don't know why a lay is. I don't know about you but I don't like deceiving people or playing games in order to get laid.
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 It's non advice. I don't know about you but I like getting laid. The 'men' who follow that don't know why a lay is. She didn't say act like you don't want to get laid... Look dude just be yourself with minimal manners and try to get laid and im sure it will happen... stop expecting step by step advice off a msg board and go out there and be bold... be who you are and you will get laid
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 She didn't say act like you don't want to get laid... Look dude just be yourself with minimal manners and try to get laid and im sure it will happen... stop expecting step by step advice off a msg board and go out there and be bold... be who you are and you will get laid Telling a guy who has not been laid in 5 years to be himself is non advice. Be bold is advice.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I don't know about you but I don't like deceiving people or playing games in order to get laid. You girls go for it all the time.
samual Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Hey dudes, knowing a girls is not hard. Is just you need a right way to approach the girls. First by knowing your own attitude, why you just can't get any girl at first sight? Secondly your appearance, how you wear reveal how you gonna treat your girlfriend. They will look at your first sight, once they feel that you are not their type, they will straight walk away from you. Third never feel that you are not ready for it. Just prepare yourself everyday before you go out. Your body shape or whatever you feel yourself, put it secondly. Your attitude is the first that you need to be concern about it.
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 You girls go for it all the time. Okay, so what are you waiting for? Lie. Pretend you're someone you're not. Go find one of those chicks who "goes for it all the time" and use her.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Okay, so what are you waiting for? Lie. Pretend you're someone you're not. Go find one of those chicks who "goes for it all the time" and use her. That's most chicks silly. It takes two to have consentual sex so no one gets used.
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Telling a guy who has not been laid in 5 years to be himself is non advice. Be bold is advice. To me being yourself is the only advice worth giving. Being yourself means not letting fear stop you from going up and talking to the people you want to talk to about the things you want to talk about... Being yourself means not being afraid to ask a girl you like out and not being afraid to kiss a girl you want to kiss...
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 A 'nice guy' who hasn't been laid in 5 years has fear ingreained in them. He has to change drastically if he doesn't want to wait 5 years for a lay. 'Be yourself' means don't change. Fail. Are you speaking for yourself... Because I spelled it out for you...GO TALK TO THE WOMEN YOU WANT TO TALK TO AND ASK THEM OUT SPECIFCALY AND KISS THEM ON THE LIPS.... Seriously everbody KNOWS what you need to do... they are just paralyzed by some made up fear of REJECTION.
sweetjasmine Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 That's most chicks silly. Then how come you haven't gotten laid in 5 years? Why aren't you out there lying to women to get in their pants, since "most chicks" respond to it?
Green Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Then how come you haven't gotten laid in 5 years? Why aren't you out there lying to women to get in their pants, since "most chicks" respond to it? Because women hate fake men.... thus his only option is to be himself... obviously not the version of himself that gives up and feels sorry for himself ... but the version of himself that is proud and confident about who he is and actualy RESPECTS himself and others enought to TRY
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