AD1980 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I know Men arent allowed to ever feel pain or lack of confidence or its the "woe is me men" label from women who just want their problems solved but im sorry im hurting from not feeling like women are into me, it just hurts No i dont judge my life on having a women besides me but humans want to feel wanted needed and a sense of companionship and never having that does depress me Id like for once that some women shows some interest and i get some level fo female effection/companionship but as time goes by and i near 30 i realize it may not happen
xpaperxcutx Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Sorry AD, but cheer up, it's summer! The season of showing skin. If you're not shape already, hit the gym then the beach. There' bound to be alot of girls at the beaches. You got to stop putting yourself down and actually do something about it.
Author AD1980 Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 You got to stop putting yourself down and actually do something about it. Easier said then done,without any results it impossible to blindly have confidence no amount of cliche fluff can magically change that
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 So what do you think the problem is? What are the stories of your past, that didn't work out, and rejections? First I'd like to say that attitude really is important. Women are just as human as you are. We aren't a different species. (although it may seem like it sometimes!)
Author AD1980 Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 So what do you think the problem is? What are the stories of your past, that didn't work out, and rejections? First I'd like to say that attitude really is important. Women are just as human as you are. We aren't a different species. (although it may seem like it sometimes!) Ive never had a relationship,only time ive even amde out with a women she claimed she was drunk and begged me not to tell anyone as if im a leper My attitude is fine everyone thinks im a laid back a happy go lucky guy i just cant get women
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I don't think your attitude is fine. You say that girl acted like you are a leper. Did she say that? No, but you did. See? She said don't tell people. Well who knows why. Maybe because she had a bf? Maybe because in your circle of friends you two were only friends? Do you approach women with a smile, and a little charm, or do you sulk in the corner? Honestly, I would guess that most guys who have trouble have low self-esteem. Women gravitate to confidence. I know, it's not fair, and it's true--because often the confident guys are the players. They get the women because they know the game--charm. I'm not suggesting you become fake at all. I'm suggesting you take a look at how you are behaving when you do find someone you want to get to know better. Tell us how you approach women, and ask them out, or even just talk to them before asking them out. Get that sparkle in your eye and your attitude. Find the way to do that while still being real.
Author AD1980 Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 I don't think your attitude is fine. You say that girl acted like you are a leper. Did she say that? No, but you did. See? She said don't tell people. Well who knows why. Maybe because she had a bf? Maybe because in your circle of friends you two were only friends? Do you approach women with a smile, and a little charm, or do you sulk in the corner? Honestly, I would guess that most guys who have trouble have low self-esteem. Women gravitate to confidence. I know, it's not fair, and it's true--because often the confident guys are the players. They get the women because they know the game--charm. I'm not suggesting you become fake at all. I'm suggesting you take a look at how you are behaving when you do find someone you want to get to know better. Tell us how you approach women, and ask them out, or even just talk to them before asking them out. Get that sparkle in your eye and your attitude. Find the way to do that while still being real. I appreciate the help and all but to me its all fluff if someobdy isnt physically attracted to you nothing u can do will change that
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I appreciate the help and all but to me its all fluff if someobdy isnt physically attracted to you nothing u can do will change that You're focusing on instant physical attraction? Women don't work that way. Women look at the whole package, looks, and definitely personality. Your personality decides how attractive your face is. A man with a chisel cut movie face will ruin all attraction if his personality stinks. Your average guy with a great personality will attract many women. Is there something about your physical appearance that you are unhappy with?
Cracker Jack Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) I hear ya, man. Sometimes I wish it didn't bother me as much, but now that I'm 22, it really sucks. And...I think I can be better, but I still need to make changes. My lack of progress with women is entirely my fault, as I never blame anyone else for my lack of success. Most of it is due to my reluctance to pursuit women, I believe. I ain't gonna lie, most of the advice I've been reading (Here and from my friends) has me motivated to be successful, but I'm wondering if that's just me being overly hopeful, or if I really believe it. Seeing stories of 40-50 yr old guys with no true relationship scares the crap outta me, so I really want to improve. But yeah, feeling sorry for yourself will do nothing but hurt you even more. I agree that attraction does go pretty far in determining your placement with women. Edit: You Go Girl, I really wish I could believe that. I think women like that are out there, but the ones who value looks & power seem to outnumber those types, though. I agree that personality is important, but it depends on how high that's on the list for the woman. Edited May 23, 2010 by Cracker Jack
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Edit: You Go Girl, I really wish I could believe that. I think women like that are out there, but the ones who value looks & power seem to outnumber those types, though. I agree that personality is important, but it depends on how high that's on the list for the woman. I'm giving you the secrets to women...believe them.
lab_brat Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Its an awful feeling, i know. Are you doing the best you can with what you've got? It sounds a bit shallow, but when you look the best you possibly can, you have more confidence, stand taller and are more likely to seem open and available for women. Really, start running or join a gym. It sounds shallow, like we're only into looks, but so much of what you exude non verbally comes from how you perceive yourself. I hate getting up at 5am to go running, seriously hate it. I swear a lot for the first few miles. But, getting that exercise allows me to start the day feeling more calm, confident, healthy and attractive, which (hopefully) comes across in my interactions with others. If you're coming across as depressed, self-loathing and hopeless, women might treat you like a leper.
Ross PK Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I'm in the same boat as you man, but I'm 34. If it's any consolation the more older I get the less painful it feels.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Easier said then done,without any results it impossible to blindly have confidence no amount of cliche fluff can magically change that Yes it is easier said then done but what you are currently doing isn't working. So it's worth a shot to try something new. I agree with You Go Girl. You can shoot down the advice as "fluff" but what do you have to loose in trying something different with women?
PJKino Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 i kinda feel the same way but im not depressd anymore i feel free not caring anymore about women liking me.I used to feel sad angry,lonely all types of negative emotions becasue everyoen around me had women interested in them and not me and id always wonder why Now i just dont care,im not gonna waste the womens or my time approaching and have her give me a death stare before i even approach it causes too much pain Some people just cant attract the opposite sex it is what it is and nothing will change that
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Ok! I have a case in point! Who is super ugly in my view, and has been married 7 times? Larry King. How that guy gets so many wives is beyond me. He is super ewwwy in looks. He must exude a lot of confidence.
PJKino Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 He must exude a lot of confidence. Yeah im sure its confidence not his millions:rolleyes:
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Yeah im sure its confidence not his millions:rolleyes: Was he always rich? I doubt it.
PJKino Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Was he always rich? I doubt it. And i seriously doubt he was getting that many women before he was "Larry King"
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 And i seriously doubt he was getting that many women before he was "Larry King" Alright, I may have given an imperfect example. Fair enough. However I know short fat balding guys that get tons of attention and women dropping by, running into them, and simply chasing them. Trust me on this one, it sure isn't all about a man's looks. How approachable does the man appear to be? Does he look women straight in the eye, start conversation, is available for conversation and not too quiet, elusive, or appearing unresponsive? If you like a woman, walk up to her and say Hi! with a big smile. Ask her how her day is going. Simply show her some attention. Some of you guys are making this far too complicated...it's not.
Yamaha Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I know short fat balding guys I love it when this description is used for an undesirable man ( to women ).
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I love it when this description is used for an undesirable man ( to women ). It's a stereotype. In no way do I mean to harm the self-esteem of any man with those characteristics. Perhaps it appeared callous; if so I apologize. On the same note, there are fat women with missing teeth, too many pimples, saggy boobs, whatever you want to point out that is less than the stereotypical desirable woman-- and these women have dates too if they are confident, even with men placing more value on looks than women do overall. That's perhaps the most ironic part of this thread actually--because it is men who value looks far more than women do.
Yamaha Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 It's a stereotype. In no way do I mean to harm the self-esteem of any man with those characteristics. Perhaps it appeared callous; if so I apologize. On the same note, there are fat women with missing teeth, too many pimples, saggy boobs, whatever you want to point out that is less than the stereotypical desirable woman-- and these women have dates too if they are confident, even with men placing more value on looks than women do overall. That's perhaps the most ironic part of this thread actually--because it is men who value looks far more than women do. None taken. I was just commenting on the universal description given for an undersirable man. If a guy meets this decription it is understandable why they have problems/low self-esteem based on this very common analogy.
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 None taken. I was just commenting on the universal description given for an undersirable man. If a guy meets this decription it is understandable why they have problems/low self-esteem based on this very common analogy. Well I'm glad you're not offended. However millions of people could read what I wrote and never comment, and fit that description. Which makes me feel like I opened my mouth without thinking. I certainly don't want short, overweight, bald guys to have low self-esteem after reading my post. My sister fell in love with one. He wasn't emotionally available. She chased him for months before giving up. Actually, I think he dumped her for somebody else. You just never know who is going to find you attractive, and when..surprises happen all the time. Not meeting some stereotypical idealization of beauty shouldn't hold anybody back. What is more troubling is when people pigeon-hole themselves, thus shooting down their attempts to start a relationship. Words like "I CAN'T" get a date. Balderdash! NO women like me" As if the entire planet of women don't like them. ALL women want to just be my friend. As if they have interviewed ALL women. We all make generalizations and absolutes, and they're never right, whether in dating or otherwise in life. Throw the absolutes out the window, they're self-sabotage.
Yamaha Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Many times we speak or write based on information others have given on who we should date, marry, ect ( usually the media ). We probably don't even feel that way but are programmed by advertising/marketing elites. Not picking on you just trying to let people understand those stereotypes go deep in society.
Ross PK Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Ok! I have a case in point! Who is super ugly in my view, and has been married 7 times? Larry King. How that guy gets so many wives is beyond me. He is super ewwwy in looks. He must exude a lot of confidence. There are plenty of guys that have confidence that can't get anyone. And there are plenty of guys who aren't confident who are in relationships. So while confidence might just might help, it's not the ultimate cure all for attracting women which many people seem to think it is.
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