Am I wrong or am I right for the man to ask me about the state of things?

[mortensorchid]

I can honestly tell all that I might be in a different place these days when it comes to the opposite sex and where we stand. For examples:

 

I had met some guy who was a friend of a friend. He had arranged for a get together, then he texted that he was sick and unable to see me. I was simply waiting for him to reschedule. He never did. So I stopped speaking to him, as I never heard another word from him again. Was this unreasonable of me to do so? I don't think.

 

Another recent situation : I had met this man on Facebook a while ago. We got together twice. Once with him and a group of his friends, another time just me and him. He told me he had a two year old son with a former gf, he said he wasn't sure where he was in life. I figured this was just him telling me more about himself. We communicated through Facebook several times, we had many chats and things. Then he told me that he was going to get serious with the gf who he had the baby with. I said "That's wonderful!", and I meant it. He said he was hoping that he and I would be serious at some point before he made this choice. Well, quite honestly, as I explained to him, he never said anything to me about this. If he had I would have considered otherwise.

 

Is it just me? Was I wrong to just assume things here? It is so bad to be asked to do things? I feel that the man should ask me to do things and not others, because it's his choice and not mine whether or not we are "going steady" or whatever else. If I ask or make the decission, they see me as too crazy or aggressive. Am I wrong? What do others think?

[Ronni_W]

I don't think you're wrong...but I don't think you're right, either.

 

"Going steady" isn't a decision that one person gets to make unilaterally. It is an agreement that is reached, mutually, after discussion, in partnership with. Hhmmm. So, actually. Yeah, I guess I do think it is an inaccurate/distorted view that "going steady" is exclusively the guy's decision to make. Maybe in some past era people used to think like that, but mercifully such is not the case in 2010.

 

A different spin on what he said about "hoping" you and he would get serious: Possibly he thought that he might, but he just never did, develop "serious" feelings with you. Which would also explain why he never said anything -- it remained a non-conversation because the feelings never presented themselves to him...despite the fact that he had hoped they would.

 

As for the first situation, if you never heard another word from that guy...then he actually stopped speaking to you. That is, you didn't speak to him only because he wasn't there to speak to. But, so yeah...you were right not to do any speaking