Zapbasket Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I've been dating someone for a couple of months and after some uncertainty on my part, things are getting ever better between us. We seem to really enjoy each other sexually, and that's great, and I'm feeling confident that's also only going to get better. I do wonder, though, how I can egg on improvements in two areas: kissing, and sex during my period. For all the heat in our sexual encounters, when we kiss it's not nearly as good as other guys I've dated seriously. I've been told I'm a very good kisser by several men in the past, so I don't *think* it's me...but I don't know whether it's him, or just us, our "kissing chemistry." I don't feel like we connect or communicate in our kisses; there's no back and forth or change in movement that corresponds with what the other person is doing. It feels like for him the kiss is merely a segue into sex, not something to be savored in and of itself. He has started cuddling and holding me to communicate affection, as well as stroking my hair and holding my hand. But he doesn't do it through kissing. How can I improve our kissing without implying that he's inadequate in any way? Also, owing to what he calls a "traumatic" experience in college, he won't have sex with me when I'm on my period. *Once* we did it in the shower during my period, and he loved it. But even though he'll tell me, "God, I want to f*ck you so badly right now," he won't do it until my period is 100% over. I totally respect this and I don't want to push it on him...but it's hard because I LOVE sex during my period, especially the first day as everything is sooooooo sensitive. Is there any way I can encourage him in this regard without making him feel pressured? He knows I would love it if he gave in, and he's apologized for "not satisfying me" during this time, so I really don't want to inadvertently make him feel bad. Any thoughts?
Cealabeala Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Tell him to stay still when your kissing him and show him how you like it. I find that extremely hot. I would let the period thing go, it sounds like hes not into it at all. At the end of the day you can't have everything, nobodys perfect and I'm sure these little things aren't that important if hes a really good guy.
jthorne Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Yeah. If he'll only do it in the shower during your period, that's the best you're gonna get. Some men just won't "go there" during that time.
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Ooh, I like that idea re: kissing, Cealabeala. I just want to slow him down a little so that he will savor the kiss with me. And yeah, I understand not wanting to have sex during a woman's period; it's messy. It's hard for me because I get very easily aroused during my period. And I wondered if there were maybe any way I could somehow assuage his distaste for it--I'm curious to know from the guys what's the most unappealing part of it: is it how the vaginal fluid feels when there's lots of blood? Is it just the whole idea? The smell of blood? I've never had a boyfriend flat-out refuse to have sex with me during my period.
marsle85 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 (edited) Kissing isn't given enough credit. One night, challenge him. Ask him to see how wet he can make you by just kissing you. Hmm...sex on your period. Menstruation does make you more sensitive and tighter. Having sex, or playing with myself after the completion of my period is gloooorious. I'd do it, whatev- but a lot of guys aren't as nonchalant. Do it in the shower, good excuse to share a soapy slather. Edited May 23, 2010 by marsle85
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Omg marsle, that's an awesome idea. I'm so with you that kissing isn't given enough credit. I could kiss FOR HOURS. I think part of the reason I love giving bj's (only to people I'm involved with seriously)--the mouth and tongue are so, so sensual. And two mouths and tongues finding each other with the occasional gentle contribution from the teeth...heaven. I can totally see N. going for the "see how wet you can make me through your kisses alone" challenge. I so wish I could get him to have sex with me during my period. For me, the willingness to get into the "mess" is part of the turn-on; it tells me he accepts all of me...and I know that's not necessarily what it means, or it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't "accept" me by not having sex with me at this time...but it makes me sad there's a whole 5-6 days a month that we can't have sex :-( What are some things I could suggest we do sexually when I'm on my period that could get us both off? If we engage in any foreplay, etc. when I have my period and I get all aroused, I end up feeling wildly physically frustrated that we can't finish the deed...and then I secretly feel grumpy!
D-Lish Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 When a guy is a bad kisser, I will totally take charge and show him how I want to be kissed. I'll tell him to hold still, or I'll get on top of him, pin him down and tell him I'm in charge. You could always tie his hands behind his head and blindfold him:). That way he has to concentrate on kissing instead of trying to go straigth for the prize. I don't have sex on my period- I am too sick for the first couple days with awful cramps, bloating and an overall barfy feeling, there's nothing sexy about it for me.
zebracolors Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 How the heck do you get in the mood for sex with all the cramps? :confused:I can't begin to consider it during my period. Really hard for me to imagine doing myself I would be afraid my cramps would be too bad to really be able to enjoy it unless I took strong pain suppressants or something.
You Go Girl Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Kissing is an art. I find that men make love similarly to how they kiss. So good kissers= good lovers. I say take control. Why should he always lead, or always drive? Say right out--kiss me passionately and make it worth it. A slow kiss where both listen and don't fumble around--is like a good slow dance, and the build up is tremendous. Wrote all that for guys that read Period sex--if he's squirmy about it, maybe eventually you can get him near the very end of it, when there's so very little left anyway. A washcloth on the nightstand for after, and a red towel under you and missionary style. Works for expensive sheets and those of us too lazy to change them often.
electricity Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 You could try a menstrual cup or diaphragm; they'll stem the mess for awhile.
jthorne Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 You have to get the acceptance part out of your head though. That's kind of like a guy saying if you really accept me you'll do anal (or something you don't really care for doing) kwim?
Jersey Shortie Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I have always found that a man's attitude about a woman's body and period, say alot about his level of maturity. Which is why I shy away from men that get "grossed out" by something so very natural and womanly. Ask him if he likes to kiss. And if you two could just hang out and kiss for a while before leading up to sex. Just to enjoy the moment. Tell him you want to experiment, try some different kissing techniques. Be fun with it. Be playful. Ask him if there is anything he wants you to do when kissing that he might like that you don't. Open up a conversation. If you can have sex, you should be able to talk about it without having to worry about egos. You don't have to tell him you're not completely happy but you can open up a conversation about trying new things.
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Kissing is an art. I find that men make love similarly to how they kiss. So good kissers= good lovers. I say take control. Why should he always lead, or always drive? Say right out--kiss me passionately and make it worth it. A slow kiss where both listen and don't fumble around--is like a good slow dance, and the build up is tremendous. Wrote all that for guys that read YouGoGirl...You go, girl! Dang straight. "Kiss me passionately and make it worth it." I'm gonna use exactly those words. It goes back to the issue I've had with this guy since the beginning of our dating (see my most recent previous thread). He's great in a lot of ways, but he isn't overtly "romantic." He gets better all the time...and maybe it's all correlated to his level of certainty regarding how into me he is...but for me kissing is a tremendous bonding agent. Gotta have it and it's gotta be good!
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 You could try a menstrual cup or diaphragm; they'll stem the mess for awhile. I forgot about that option and have never used either. Do they really ensure no mess?
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 jthorne, good point. I don't want him to feel pressured to do something he doesn't like. I think in part it does come down to what Jersey Shortie says: I have always found that a man's attitude about a woman's body and period, say alot about his level of maturity. Which is why I shy away from men that get "grossed out" by something so very natural and womanly. I kind-of agree with this. It goes back to that "acceptance" thing I said earlier. There's a lot of threads with this guy that make me question his maturity for the kind of relationship I want. But I need a few more months to know for certain what I'm picking up on. In so many ways he's really great.... Guys, why DO you hate women's periods so much? (Not all guys, I know.) Vaginas bleed; it's what they do. It just means that much more lubricant.
Rorschach Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I've never had sex when a girl was on her period though I have been EXTREMELY horny sometimes and probably would have done it but she didn't want to. I'd have o be pretty hard up for sex (the first time) to try it, but if it turned out not so bad I'm sure I could get over the mess.
Engadget Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Period sex can be fine, but if it has that nasty copper/iron smell it kills the mood for me.
xxoo Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Guys, why DO you hate women's periods so much? (Not all guys, I know.) Vaginas bleed; it's what they do. It just means that much more lubricant. Don't assume the worst about the reasons he avoids sex during menstruation. My H has always, always been completely accepting of my body, my menstruation, etc. But he associates blood with discomfort (and a lot of that has been reinforced by me over the years, having painful cramps the first days), and wants to comfort me when I have my period--not necessarily have sex with me. Your partner's associations with menstruation have been influenced by the women he knew before you came along--previous girlfriends, female friends, sisters, and even his mother. It may take him some time to "unlearn" his associations, and learn to associate menstruation with sexy fun. He may never be wholy comfortable with sex+blood. That doesn't necessarily mean he accepts you less.
jthorne Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Keep in mind I had a hysterectomy, so no periods. Even before, I took bcp so I only had a few a year. Straight from my very emotionally mature SO: WARNING: some graphic language. me: Honey, if I had wanted to have sex on my period, would you have been up for it? Him: uh... Well... In the shower? Me: nope. Him: well, I guess if you wanted, but I'd have to say it probably wouldn't be as enjoyable if it was heavy. Me: why not? Him: well, having vag juice on my fingers, face and (other places) is sexy. Having blood there is not. Me: but periods are natural! Him: diarrhea is natural too, but I don't expect you to have sex with me when I have that. So there ya go. Straight from a healthy, horny guy's mouth. Disclaimer: he doesn't approve of breastfeeding in public either, just so you get where he's coming from. When I explained that breastfeeding was a natural necessary function, he replied that masturbation was a natural necessary function, but he didn't do it in public.
Rorschach Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Keep in mind I had a hysterectomy, so no periods. Even before, I took bcp so I only had a few a year. Straight from my very emotionally mature SO: WARNING: some graphic language. me: Honey, if I had wanted to have sex on my period, would you have been up for it? Him: uh... Well... In the shower? Me: nope. Him: well, I guess if you wanted, but I'd have to say it probably wouldn't be as enjoyable if it was heavy. Me: why not? Him: well, having vag juice on my fingers, face and (other places) is sexy. Having blood there is not. Me: but periods are natural! Him: diarrhea is natural too, but I don't expect you to have sex with me when I have that. So there ya go. Straight from a healthy, horny guy's mouth. Disclaimer: he doesn't approve of breastfeeding in public either, just so you get where he's coming from. When I explained that breastfeeding was a natural necessary function, he replied that masturbation was a natural necessary function, but he didn't do it in public. I agree with your SO on the breastfeeding that always annoyed me. I think the biggest thing for period sex for me is seeing it, I'd have to either avert my eyes or just close them otherwise I'd probably get very turned off very quickly. Maybe periods would be a good time to be blindfolded
xxoo Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Disclaimer: he doesn't approve of breastfeeding in public either, just so you get where he's coming from. When I explained that breastfeeding was a natural necessary function, he replied that masturbation was a natural necessary function, but he didn't do it in public. I agree with your SO on the breastfeeding that always annoyed me. Ok, you lost me with the breastfeeding thing. How is blood, diarrhea, and masturbation comparable to food? Babies need to eat when they need to eat. Feel free to cover your head with a blanket if it offends, though
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Keep in mind I had a hysterectomy, so no periods. Even before, I took bcp so I only had a few a year. Straight from my very emotionally mature SO: WARNING: some graphic language. me: Honey, if I had wanted to have sex on my period, would you have been up for it? Him: uh... Well... In the shower? Me: nope. Him: well, I guess if you wanted, but I'd have to say it probably wouldn't be as enjoyable if it was heavy. Me: why not? Him: well, having vag juice on my fingers, face and (other places) is sexy. Having blood there is not. Me: but periods are natural! Him: diarrhea is natural too, but I don't expect you to have sex with me when I have that. So there ya go. Straight from a healthy, horny guy's mouth. Disclaimer: he doesn't approve of breastfeeding in public either, just so you get where he's coming from. When I explained that breastfeeding was a natural necessary function, he replied that masturbation was a natural necessary function, but he didn't do it in public. This had me roaring with laughter! Your H makes many good points ("diarrhea is natural too...)...though fwiw I don't agree with his breastfeeding analogy even though it's pretty funny. And I hear you that I shouldn't read too much into his not liking period sex. It's just that based on what Jersey Shortie said this guy *does* have some immature ideas about women generally at times ("emotional," etc.).... Maybe I'm just too sensitive about being dubbed "overly emotional" just because I'm intuitive a lot of the time and then equated with all of womankind
Author Zapbasket Posted May 23, 2010 Author Posted May 23, 2010 Maybe periods would be a good time to be blindfolded lol, ooooh, me likey me likey! Though I thought most guys get off on the visual aspect of sex? I'll have to ask N. what that would be like for him.
Jersey Shortie Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I kind-of agree with this. It goes back to that "acceptance" thing I said earlier. There's a lot of threads with this guy that make me question his maturity for the kind of relationship I want. But I need a few more months to know for certain what I'm picking up on. In so many ways he's really great.... Guys, why DO you hate women's periods so much? (Not all guys, I know.) Vaginas bleed; it's what they do. It just means that much more lubricant. Not only more lubricant but I know when I have my period, some days, I'm even more horny. Studies show that men subconsciously respond to menstrating women more then women aren't menstrating. So it's so strange to me that society has an issue with it. I also don't think it's fair to compare going to the bathroom, something completely unrelated to anything hormonal sexually wise going on with the body, with something like menstrating where it shows men respond on a subconcious level to menstrating women because that all has to do with fertility. Further, it's okay to swallow a man's sperm or even have anal sex, clearly something not very sanitary either yet ALOT of men enjoy anal or enjoy women accpeting him so much that she is willing to put his sperm in her mouth. Hate to tell you guys but that doesn't taste like candy. How about we even talk about how A2M porn is a popular subset that men seem to enjoy. But to have sex during something like your period is gross? Now, I am NOT saying he should be giving you oral..umm yeah, that would be gross. But to avoid sex because of your period? I do consider that not accepting of a womans' body and her natural process. It seems that we are saying there should be a certian amount of shame associated with it. There is no shame in doing a woman up the butt, not too sanitary, but there is an issue with having period sex? that's not right. OP, I will agree that giving him some time to see where the relationship is going is fair. And giving him some time to maybe help him to let go some of old beliefs.
tincanman99 Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 I am guy so I am warning you all before I respond . Totally NOT into sex during a womans period. The blood is a HUGE turn off. Its not that I am turned off by the person or dont accept you as a woman. It has nothing to do with that. It has nothing do with maturity either. It has to do with the blood. Its like playing with an open wound which I dont do either. Having accidently cut/punctured and done aweful things to myself over the years where there was blood everywhere I have no desire to engage in an activity where there is blood involved. And that includes sex. So you cant have sex for 5-6 days, get over it. Its not that long.
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