worlybear Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Its my birthday tomorrow and I have just found out that my oldest son(27) who has not returned any calls and had apparently fallen off the planet, is in fact staying with his father and ow. I saw him 3 weeks ago and tried to help him but as I have no spare money or space at home, he soon moved on. I know my son has multiple problems at the moment and is currently waiting for court case outcome(drink/driving + causing an accident) but I am so mad that he is staying with them and hasn't even bothered to contact me. I have 2 other sons and 2 daughters who are great and very supportive. I know they think I should not bother with my oldest son but it hurts. I can't talk to my family about this as I don't want to upset them but it just flags up to me how catastrophically divided our once happy family now is. I feel that my son is so dis-loyal. He saw how much his father and the ow hurt me and our family -how can he stay with them? He has told my older daughter he has nowhere else to go and whilst I understand it I find it very hard to accept.
anne1707 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Worly Trying to think of where I can start. I can only imagine the pain, knowing what you have posted here on LS. All I can do is post based on my experience. My father had an affair and left my mother. I hated the OW at that time (I was about 14/15). My mother then started to bad mouth my father but what was I supposed to do. My father had hurt me but I knew he stilll loved me and I still loved him. I was torn by the pressure my mother put on me - although I should add that this was totally exaggerated by her now very obvious alcoholism. Because of the way she "forced" me to choose, I ended up "choosing" my father. I did not want to pick one over the other, I wanted both but she would not let me have that. You know I am behind you - I have been from the very beginning. But do not pressure your children to choose one parent over the other. As hard as it is, the best thing you can do is show them that you will love them regardless.
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