Jump to content

Tried to start another conversation with a girl, but choked up again

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

By Don'tWannabeAWannabe
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
Posted

I don't know what's wrong with me; I freeze up, run out of things to say, panic and make my exit barely a few seconds into trying to talk to a girl for the first time.

 

I was just sitting outside, reading a news paper on a bench on the street and trying to get some sun at the same time. This really beautiful girl with red/blond hair, sunglasses, a green tank top and white shorts was walking by with her puppy.

 

When she and the puppy walked by, I just slyly said, "Oh wow, you're puppy is adorable." She said "Thank you." I asked, "can I pet it?" She said "sure."

 

I leaned forward, let out my hand and the puppy came and started licking my fingers. I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" She said "It's a boy."

 

I said "He's really sweet." She said. "He is." Then I don't know why, but I just hit a wall inside; I froze up; I couldn't think of anything to say or do. I just decided to end it at that, scratch the puppy behind its ears and leaned back into my seat and said, "well, have a good day." And she said, "Thanks, you too."

 

Like I said, I don't understand why I hit this wall inside me whenever I try to talk to a girl, like I did with that girl in starbucks. I guess I'm afraid of saying something goofy or foolish again, but everytime that happens, I regret not thinking of something to do or say to keep her around. It's really discouraging and makes me want to not try. I went to Borders today and there was this incredibly hot girl just typing in her laptop only a few seats away from me. I wanted to talk to her but couldn't think of anything and was coming up blank. And even if I did, I was afraid I'd run into the same wall as with the other two girls. What can I do?

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

Posted
Posted

"Hi, I'm _____"

"Hey, i'm _____"

"are you from the area?"

"Sure am"

"oh really? Where at?"

"so and so, near the blah blah"

"isn't that near that new Mexican place?"

"Yeah I think so!"

"I'm headed to grab something to eat now, have you been there?"

"no, not yet"

"Do you like spicy food?"

"Yeah, I love it"

"I don't know, you look like you couldn't handle it"

"haha why do you say that?"

"Something about you. Your dog on the other hand..."

"Yeah, he's tough"

"Well I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, let's grab a bite there this week"

"oh, yeah okay"

"Let me have your number ______ and i'll treat you to an enchilada and a margarita"

"It's 555-5555"

"Sure thing"

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
Posted
What can I do?
Honestly dude, for where you are at, keep it up. Ya you hit walls but you are seriously doing much more good than bad with your awkward cold calls... Like it or not, these situations WILL aid you in your future pursuit...

 

For a reference point though: after you say "your puppy is adorable" and she says thank you you need to quit talking about your ice breaker and move onto the "this is more than a curtious stranger" portion of the cold call. Instead of "can I pet it" you say "my name is wallaby, whats yours?"... at this point she will either continue contact or graciously excuse herself and then YOU arent left wondering.

 

You have to go in for the "kill" really fast with a perfect stranger otherwise you will seem like an awkward weirdo...

 

The only people I make awkward smalltalk with are people Im not all that thrilled to be conversing with in the first place.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

Honestly, I don't see a single thing wrong with what happened in your case. You could have introduced yourself, but there's nothing wrong with just saying hello and have a nice day. You shouldn't be pressuring yourself to find a date every time you say hi to a stranger while you're out and about. What you did was show a woman that you have a friendly demeanor but that you're not a creeper just sitting there trolling for dates.

 

You did fine. Keep it up.

Toki Established Member

Toki

Posted
Posted

The ONLY thing I am seeing that you might be doing wrong is 'objectivity' what do you want out of talking to these girls besides having a conversation? If you want a date, just steer the conversation in that direction, ask for her number... other than that, you're pretty much golden! :D

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
Honestly, I don't see a single thing wrong with what happened in your case. You could have introduced yourself, but there's nothing wrong with just saying hello and have a nice day. You shouldn't be pressuring yourself to find a date every time you say hi to a stranger while you're out and about. What you did was show a woman that you have a friendly demeanor but that you're not a creeper just sitting there trolling for dates.

 

You did fine. Keep it up.

 

I concur.

 

I know your goal is to eventually ask these girls out, but you're doing good. You are chatting girls up and they respond.

 

How about giving yourself a period of time where you don't put so much pressure on yourself? Give yourself a couple of weeks where your goal is simply to chat up cute girls. That way, both the Starbucks experience and this one count as successes. And, without the pressure to perform or have a final end product, you'll be less likely to freeze up. You'll be more present in the conversation and therefore more focused on enjoying it and having fun with it.

 

Look at it as a step in a class: right now you're mastering feeling comfortable approaching girls and not freezing up. Once you master that, then you can focus on the next step.

  • Author
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I concur.

 

I know your goal is to eventually ask these girls out, but you're doing good. You are chatting girls up and they respond.

 

How about giving yourself a period of time where you don't put so much pressure on yourself? Give yourself a couple of weeks where your goal is simply to chat up cute girls. That way, both the Starbucks experience and this one count as successes. And, without the pressure to perform or have a final end product, you'll be less likely to freeze up. You'll be more present in the conversation and therefore more focused on enjoying it and having fun with it.

 

Look at it as a step in a class: right now you're mastering feeling comfortable approaching girls and not freezing up. Once you master that, then you can focus on the next step.

 

I'm worried I'll have blown all my chances with all the girls I've practiced on though. Can you ever make up for an awkward first impression?

 

It'd be on thing if I live in the city. I live in a pretty sprawled out, suburban area. You have to travel pretty far and wide to get a decent spread of attractive young girls in my area.

 

I don't want to have to drive 10 miles to hang out, blow it with all the girls there, start having to hang out 20 miles away, blow it with all the girls there, start having to hang out 30 miles away, blow it with all the girls thre and so on and so forth.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

But you haven't blown it! I don't see why you think you have. If anything, you've met a girl and can say hi to her if ever you run into her again.

 

I think you're being extremely harsh on yourself. What are your expectations of a successful encounter?

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
I don't know what's wrong with me; I freeze up' date=' run out of things to say, panic and make my exit barely a few seconds into trying to talk to a girl for the first time.[/quote']

 

Dude nothing is wrong with you... I wish you had read an employed my advice from your other Starbux thread... I told you to just enjoy yourself and PULL THE TRIGGER...that means ask the girl out put her on the spot.... FACE THE REJECTION... and yes she will most likely reject you... but with the ammount of women a man sees in a day he can easily get a great gf in a few weeks... once you get a few numbers and you are dating a few women it will be a very soon process untill it becomes seriouse

 

I was just sitting outside, reading a news paper on a bench on the street and trying to get some sun at the same time. This really beautiful girl with red/blond hair, sunglasses, a green tank top and white shorts was walking by with her puppy.

 

When she and the puppy walked by, I just slyly said, "Oh wow, you're puppy is adorable." She said "Thank you." I asked, "can I pet it?" She said "sure."

 

I leaned forward, let out my hand and the puppy came and started licking my fingers. I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" She said "It's a boy."

 

I said "He's really sweet." She said. "He is." Then I don't know why, but I just hit a wall inside; I froze up; I couldn't think of anything to say or do. I just decided to end it at that, scratch the puppy behind its ears and leaned back into my seat and said, "well, have a good day." And she said, "Thanks, you too."

 

Dude this is a cute little interaction... You don't have to have some incredible conversation... Just enjoy yourself dude.... Seriously if you were like "Is that a puppy?" and she was like "Yeah it is, only 9 weeks old" and then you were like "I'm thinking about getting a dog would you mind if I picked your brain about it over lunch some time.... like after your done walking ur dog"... then when she comes to lunch be like... I really just wanted to take you out to eat becaue you are so pretty... or what ever and flirt and try to kiss her......

 

My point is how lame is "is that a puppy" its like duh... no its a kitten... no its just a small dog.... looky what you did say was great... you just don't seem to enjoy yourself... and you think you have to say impressive sht when you really don't. Just make silly small talk like you did... AND ASK THE GIRL OUT... then whether she says yes or no just take ur phone out and ask her to put her number in.... txt her so she has ur name and number right away... that way she answers ur calls.. txt should say "Hey its BLANK nice meeting you"

 

Like I said' date=' I don't understand why I hit this wall inside me whenever I try to talk to a girl, like I did with that girl in starbucks. I guess I'm afraid of saying something goofy or foolish again, but everytime that happens, I regret not thinking of something to do or say to keep her around. It's really discouraging and makes me want to not try. I went to Borders today and there was this incredibly hot girl just typing in her laptop only a few seats away from me. I wanted to talk to her but couldn't think of anything and was coming up blank. And even if I did, I was afraid I'd run into the same wall as with the other two girls. What can I do? [/quote']

 

YOU HIT A WALL BECAUSE YOUR EXPECTATIONS ARE TO HIGH. Your only expectation should be I'm going to enjoy being goofy and awkward with this girl and I will ask her out and get her contact info.

 

Girls will be scared and will be awkward too... that doesn't mean they don't like it... it doesn't mean they won't go home and tell all their friends how excited they are that some guy hit on them.

 

Don't put the pressure on yourself to say great witty crap... Just say "Hey is that a laptop" if thats all you can think up... "what are you doing " she will answer with some crap like studying or writing a poem... who the heck knows... JUST BE NATURAL DUDE AND SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT... IF YOU CAN"T THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY... .then just ask the girl out... Lets see IRON MAN 2.... Want to go get coffee with me right now..... if the girl says yes GREAT do that thing where you pull out ur phone and have her put her number in and then the txt thing... if she says no pull out your phone any ways and try to get the number... then like the next day call her and FLIRT and try to convince her to go out...

 

DON"T EXPECT A GIRL TO JUST LIKE YOU ... THEY WILL REJECT YOU... AND EVEN IF THEY REJECT YOU... USE YOUR JUDGMENT ONE REJECTION DOESN"T MEAN YOU CAN"T CALL BACK IN A DAY OR SO AND TRY AGAIN.

 

Re Read my response to your starbux post and for the love of god keep this up... YOU ARE ALMOST AT THE POINT WHERE YOU ARE ACTUALY TRYING .... the last piece of the puzzle is YOU NEED TO FACE REJECTION BY ASKING THE GIRLS OUT... AND ON THE DATE YOU NEED TO JUST GO IN AND TRY FOR A KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS verry important

 

AND WHEN OR IF YOU SEE PUPPY GIRL AGAIN YOU TALK TO HER AGAIN AND ASK HER OUT... SAME WITH STARBUX GIRL... LIKE IF YOU SEE PUPPY GIRL AT THE MALL... "wheres your puppy haha" then "lets go out some time ect....

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted
I'm worried I'll have blown all my chances with all the girls I've practiced on though. Can you ever make up for an awkward first impression?

 

It'd be on thing if I live in the city. I live in a pretty sprawled out, suburban area. You have to travel pretty far and wide to get a decent spread of attractive young girls in my area.

 

I don't want to have to drive 10 miles to hang out, blow it with all the girls there, start having to hang out 20 miles away, blow it with all the girls there, start having to hang out 30 miles away, blow it with all the girls thre and so on and so forth.

 

This mind set is exactly what will cause you to be this fake lame person so afraid to offend any one and blow anyting.... YOU CAN"T BLOW IT.... ITS IMPOSIBLE... IF THERE WERE 6 SINGLE GIRLS IN ALL OF THE UNIVERSE I WOULD BE GIVING YOU THe SAME ADVICE.

 

YOU BLOW IT BY TRYING TO FIND SOME TRICK AROUND FACING REJECTION. YOU BLOW IT BY SAYING HEY I"LLL JUST PLAY THIS AS ITS ALL FRIENDLY AND I HAVE NO DICK AND IF SHE DECIDES TO BE THE MAN AND JUST START EVERYTHING UP THEN GREAT

 

GIRLS LIKE BEING FLIRTED WITH... GIRLS LIKE BEING ASKED OUT... A GIRl CAN SAY NO ANd THEN YOU JUST kEEP ASKING THEM OUT TILL THEY SAY YES...

 

YOU BloW IT BY DECIDING TO REJECT YOURSElf AS YOU HAVE IN BOTH YOUR STORIES

  • Author
Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
  • Author
Posted
But you haven't blown it! I don't see why you think you have. If anything, you've met a girl and can say hi to her if ever you run into her again.

 

I think you're being extremely harsh on yourself. What are your expectations of a successful encounter?

 

A phone number, a date and a gf.

TheBigQuestion Established Member

TheBigQuestion

Posted
Posted
A phone number' date=' a date and a gf.[/quote']

 

I certainly hope that's not your goal from one interaction alone. You could feasibly get 20 phone numbers, get only 7 of those to actually want to go out of their way to see you, sleep with 2, and not have enough of an emotional connection to want either of those two to be your girlfriend. It's possible that you can hit the jackpot, but dating truly is a numbers game a lot of the time, especially for men. Just focus on getting numbers first. Don't think any further ahead just yet. Those other things are absolutely meaningless until you can secure a way to contact your potential dates.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted
A phone number' date=' a date and a gf.[/quote']

 

 

...Okay, I'll be reasonable and assume that you mean the 'gf' part ultimately as a result of the date, not an instantaneous thing. Still. You expect a random girl that you start conversation up with on the street, to agree to go out on a date with you on the spot!?!?! Are we living on the same planet here??? If you're a celebrity or something, that MAY be possible, but even then it'd probably be more of an 'OMG Tiger Woods asked me to his apartment tonight!' thing. :rolleyes:

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
A phone number' date=' a date and a gf.[/quote']

 

Wow that's a tall order for a chat with a stranger. No wonder you feel like you're choking when you're not. As has been said, eloquently, by Green: your first goal in chatting girls up should be to have fun and, yes, try to get phone numbers.

 

The date and the gf operate on a completely different timeline then the first run in.

 

And, other thing, where do you get to have input on whether the girl and you are compatible? I mean, just cause a girl is cute doesn't immediately make her compatible. The random chat with strangers are as much about you figuring out if you have something in common with these girls as them figuring out if they like you.

 

So keep going! Have fun with it. Take it easy! I still think you should spend the next few weeks just focusing on getting comfortable, being yourself and having fun in these situations, regardless of if you get a number or not.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

I think you're being extremely harsh on yourself. What are your expectations of a successful encounter?

 

Good Question

 

A phone number' date=' a date and a gf.[/quote']

 

This is what I thought his answer would be.

 

I certainly hope that's not your goal from one interaction alone.

 

Yes it is his goal and very unrealistic also the reason he is so hard on himself for NO REASON

 

...Okay, I'll be reasonable and assume that you mean the 'gf' part ultimately as a result of the date, not an instantaneous thing. Still. You expect a random girl that you start conversation up with on the street, to agree to go out on a date with you on the spot!?!?! Are we living on the same planet here???

 

No he means instantaneously... he refuses to live in the moment and goes into these things with great expectations

 

Wow that's a tall order for a chat with a stranger. No wonder you feel like you're choking when you're not. As has been said, eloquently, by Green: your first goal in chatting girls up should be to have fun and, yes, try to get phone numbers.

 

The date and the gf operate on a completely different timeline then the first run in.

 

And, other thing, where do you get to have input on whether the girl and you are compatible? I mean, just cause a girl is cute doesn't immediately make her compatible. The random chat with strangers are as much about you figuring out if you have something in common with these girls as them figuring out if they like you.

 

So keep going! Have fun with it. Take it easy! I still think you should spend the next few weeks just focusing on getting comfortable, being yourself and having fun in these situations, regardless of if you get a number or not.

 

He needs to live in the moment.... Enjoy the chat, be silly, be flirty... finaly he has to ask the girl to do something and get some kind of contact info....

 

HE IS WAY TO HARD ON HIMSELF... IT REALLY DOES NOT MATTER IF A GIRL SAYS NO TO HIM... IT DOESN"T EVEN MEAN THAT HE HAS BLOWN HIS CHANCE... THAT SAME GIRL MAY SAY HI TO HIM THE NEXT TIME SHE SEE's HIM.... GIRLS SOME TIMES SAY NO AND REGRET IT.... AND REALLY WHO CARES IF SOME GIRL SAYS NO EVEN IF YOU LIVE IN A SMALL TOWN

reservoirdog1 Established Member

reservoirdog1

Posted
Posted
I don't know what's wrong with me; I freeze up, run out of things to say, panic and make my exit barely a few seconds into trying to talk to a girl for the first time.

 

I was just sitting outside, reading a news paper on a bench on the street and trying to get some sun at the same time. This really beautiful girl with red/blond hair, sunglasses, a green tank top and white shorts was walking by with her puppy.

 

When she and the puppy walked by, I just slyly said, "Oh wow, you're puppy is adorable." She said "Thank you." I asked, "can I pet it?" She said "sure."

 

I leaned forward, let out my hand and the puppy came and started licking my fingers. I asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?" She said "It's a boy."

 

I said "He's really sweet." She said. "He is." Then I don't know why, but I just hit a wall inside; I froze up; I couldn't think of anything to say or do. I just decided to end it at that, scratch the puppy behind its ears and leaned back into my seat and said, "well, have a good day." And she said, "Thanks, you too."

Don't be so hard on yourself, dude. The cold call isn't my favourite thing either. And on the other side, the girl wasn't exactly giving you a lot to work with. You try to start the convo, and she responds with four or five answers of no more than three words each. Not exactly a fountain of conversation. She was probably busy, or preoccupied, or just plain had her own shyt going on. No bad reflection on you.

 

Keep working at it. It'll get easier with time and experience.

Els Established Member

Els

Posted
Posted

Btw, isn't there a huge factor in the random-conversation thing that you aren't considering... that all the girls you've chatted up might already have boyfriends?

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...