LucreziaBorgia Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I pretended to just casually and inadvertently come across the BCP while she was at home. I asked what they were. She replied, "my pills." "What pills?" "My birth control pills." "Why are you taking BCP?" "To help reduce the flow of my menstrual cycle." This is why you don't confront. She will always have 'an answer'.
seibert253 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I don't want to go another year being cuckolded. Not to mention paying all of her bills and living with her. If you've got your bases covered; VAR, keylogger, phone records, it will not take long. In my instance, once I got the email passwords, BAM! Less than 5 days to get EVERYTHING. Patience my friend.
Owl Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I agree with what everyone's been telling you. Confronting a cheating spouse is USELESS. She will lie. You tell me...do you honestly, really believe that if you confront her she's going to admit that she's been doing anything wrong? Or do you think she'll hem, haw, and then come up with some kind of answer to every one of your concerns without doing a single thing to change? Confronting her is a waste of time without proof...UNLESS...your plan is to divorce. You don't need proof to divorce. You DO need proof if you're going to want to get her to change what she's doing. The keyloggers, the voice activated recorders, CHECKMATE, GPS units in her car, PI's to track her, etc... these are all good suggestions to help you get that proof. Once you get evidence she can't deny or gaslight...THEN you can try confronting her. But without hard evidence a confrontation is worse than useless. You'll put her on the defense, and make her work even harder to hide the truth from you. DO NOT CONFRONT UNTIL YOU HAVE PROOF SHE CAN'T DENY. Unless you intend to file for divorce regardless.
sally4sara Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 it still makes no difference what her intentions were when she bought something. this thread is mainly about what the OP is or is not going to do about staying married. if he doesn't intend to stay married - then he needs to gather a plan about how to end things. if he intends to stay married - then he needs to gather a plan together about how he is going to stay married. It does matter because he lists all the reasons why he thinks she is cheating. Her being distant and sexually uninterested only indicates they have SOME issue to work out. If he wants to work it out, knowing what is behind her behavior is very relevant. If he steps to her with "I know you're cheating" and she is not, it isn't going to improve (might even make worse) the situation. So deciphering the clues is necessary. A couple fresh packs of Haines Her Way during a bedroom drought should not indicate the same thing a new racy lacy VS set would. And if not for his list of clues - would he be thinking she is cheating? If he didn't think she was cheating - would he feel they have a huge marital problem. Would his approach to the problem be the same if not for the "clues"? I was only interested in getting some clarification about a couple things. Is that alright with you?
rewe4reel Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I pretended to just casually and inadvertently come across the BCP while she was at home. I asked what they were. She replied, "my pills." "What pills?" "My birth control pills." "Why are you taking BCP?" "To help reduce the flow of my menstrual cycle." Ah ha. Now you got her. Ask her to produce her medical records from the prescribing physician for the BCP's. She won't, obviously, and when she doesn't--there's your answer.
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