trippi1432 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 "the law of cause and effect is a basic law of life. The Bible calls it the Law of Sowing and Reaping. "you reap whatever you sow. If you sow to your own flesh, you reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit" (Gal. 6:7-8 NRSV) ______________________________________________________________________ I've sat in group sessions and I have seen many here on LS who come on here with their "line in the sand" boundaries in defense of ending a marriage or the subject of having it ended for them....but I have also been privy to seeing men and women who stood by the person they loved and asked...."what can I do for you to make it better". How many of you have truly asked that of your spouse...your SO and gotten an answer...I mean really asked them before it go bad....even if you didn't know.....everyone knows at some point. If you never knew, it's because you weren't really paying attention to your spouse. Marriage Buster's even practices this....taking the temperature every once in a while in a relationship...because going blindly through a relationship expecting that doing the same things but getting different results may as well be the same definition of insanity. If you don't reap what you sow as a man, another man will gladly take the fruits of your labor for what you ignore...and women, you are no better, as a woman will gladly slip between the sheets of your well-made bed. Interestingly enough though, is it the other spouse that is to blame, the one blind-sided....not really...they aren't completely the victim either though. They "choose" to make themselves the victim.....the guilty spouse should have had the respect to say NO and the the victim should have the chance to vindicate their hurt, pain and remorse. Essentially, this person becomes the codependent and unable to establish boundaries in the relationship. Boundaryless relationships cost both parties physically, emotionally and spiritually....the relationship continues out of control and no one is happy. Relationships should be 50/50....while that is not always feasible, there needs to be a balance....boundaries create that balance. By establishing boundaries, it forces each party to reap what they sow equally, both to be responsible for the outcome of their choices. Where many couples fail on establishing boundaries is by being confrontational. Confronting a person to establish a boundary is nothing more than being vile, manipulating and nagging. It is not painful to the person being confronted as much as it is to the person doing the confronting. For those here on LS...is this really where you want to be? How long have you been here? I almost wanted to call up my ex of 9 months and tell him that we had made a terrible mistake, but I know that I am too late since he has already moved on. Gauging by the hatefulness of his voice, there was nothing to salvage and he was never the one who ever brought peace to my life anyway. Intellectually, he would never get it anyway. Where would you rather be......face to face with your loved one asking her/him how you can help.....looking into their eyes (the window of the soul) and knowing that 40 years from now, that window won't change if you nourish what you sow. What happens to poor codependent souls? Typically they relapse...they fall for someone just like the person who jilted them or someone who needs to be rescued....it's a backslide...it can be huge...devastating...enough to rip your heart and soul out of your body because it can be as bad as going back to the very beginning...not the particular current relationship...but back even further than that. Mine took me back to my childhood...I'm still working trough it...something I do alone or here on LS. I recycle in order to move forward in life, learn my lesson and move forward in life....alone. So, for those of you who do have someone to help you through this part of your life, think twice about throwing their feelings to the side...one day you many need them....just to understand you and show some compassion.
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