pollyanna22 Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Hi Everyone, Im new on here, and this is'nt usually something I would do, but i need some opionions other than my own, my parents, my best friend, my therapist, or anyone else who knows us...so here goes, My husband and I have been married for 18 years, we've been married since we were 18 we were highschool sweethearts, we have 4 wonderful kids, we've had our share of bumps in the road, some nasty fights and some really hard times, but we've managed to stay together, because we really love eachother, and never let eachother forget it on a regular basis, we are both young for our age, he is in a band..(typical right) but really we spend a lot of time with that and our jobs and kids and obviously we are stressed a lot! Even with all that I never thouht I 'd find out what I did two years ago. After weeks of him kind of being depressed and just 'exhisisting" he told me he wanted to move out, I knew there was more to it, so he finally told me he was seeing somebody, never in a million years did I ever think this would happen ,after all we had an amazing sex life, always had fun together, always were affectionate with eachother and so on, he almost left for this woman, but changed his mind when he saw what it did to me...mistake number 1, I should of threw him out, but I just could'nt do it, I still wanted him. I asked him if this was the first time.. I wanted the whole truth...mistake number 2...I think sometimes .because he spilled it all! he had his first affair 5 years before that with his partner at work, he never told me and it ended, they stayed friends, and somehow I met her..and we became friends, pic-nics, camping shopping, all of it, and I never knew! there were also about 8 other woman in the middle most he worked with , some more than once and a couple just one nighters! I knew them all!! I was so messed up for a while, and I ended up haveing an affair as well, a short one but I did and am not proud of it. It has been two years and for the most part we are stronger than ever, we even renewed our vows and gave eachother new rings, we still fight sometimes but for the most part I think we are bettter, we've been in therapy for two years too, Most people think i'm crazy for staying, I think about it everyday esp, the girl he almosst left for, I wish I could just let it go, everyday i'm afraid of it happening, yet for some reason I trust him. I love him and I know he loves me, I jsut wish I could figure out if I'm being really stupid, or really lucky, what do you guys think? tx for listening!
ladydesigner Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Yeah I understand. My hubby has had 3 A's that I know of, one that was a PA not sure about the other 2 and I had a revenge A as well. I fell in love with my XOM so I understand the A dynamic. If you feel like you still love him and things have been working then I don't think you're crazy. I am going through the motions as well. I don't think there are many M's that don't confront infidelity at some point. I guess it's about how you handle things in the M from here forward and stick to your boundaries. If my H cheats again I am going to leave and he is well aware of this. Good luck
Author pollyanna22 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Yes me too, what people, who know what happend don't realize, is that even though there were many women, I found out all at once, if that makes sence, I think If I found out once and then found out again a few years later it would be different, and it would be it that ends up being the case...tx for your reply:)
MizFit Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Yes me too, what people, who know what happend don't realize, is that even though there were many women, I found out all at once, if that makes sence, I think If I found out once and then found out again a few years later it would be different, and it would be it that ends up being the case...tx for your reply:) I'm just curious what would make it different if the flow of information had been different? If you'd heard about them as they happened would you have reacted sooner? If that's the case then by hearing about 10 women basically in 1 go, why is that more comforting? I am an OW and I have been a BS...I left my H when I found out from him the A was going on...I wouldn't have had the courage to stay and face what you are. I hope your faith in him, your past, and your future is justified. I hope you are able to get through this...hugs...xx
scatterd Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Do you hurt everyday how do you feel.I am wondering how you get past this.But I wish you the best and hope it stops.
Author pollyanna22 Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 The affairs happend way after our fourth was born,(after I lost about 50 pounds..go figure) and yes I hurt but not everyday, as time goes on it gets better, and as far as the sequence I found out, I guess I just realize, he did'nt have to tell me about the others, no matter what I said to him about wanting to know, the fact that he was that honest made me feel like he was really trying to change..so if I found out now or in the future that it happens again, there would be no hope...tx everyone for the replies.
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