Author sruben Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Sruben you're alright.....You are not a jealous, insecure and controlling man. You are here bouncing questions off of everybody because you are trying to fix something that is broken and nobody has the blueprints. I think what you are doing however will end up in analysis paralysis. Been there done that.I still say trust your God given common sense. As far as the "kick her to the curb" cult, I think these people (myself included) have been there done that so many times and seen this play out so many times that we want to chop down the learning curve for you. Your posts dont only raise red flags, they set off sirens, set off car alarms,church bells start clanging, fish jump out of their aquariums and the Goodyear blimp just exploded. Its like telling someone their hair is on fire and they wont listen. So forgive those that seem to be a little bent out of shape with you.... People just dont want to see you hurt anymore, but you seem to be getting a grip on that. Its all good Thank you for the encouragement. I did get to a point of anaylsis paralysis last year when all this was going on, and I definitely don't want to repeat that (hence, why I am posting and why I'm going to IC -- next appt is Thur). The more I think about what I DO know and what she HAS said (not that I can confront her with that -- since she denies ever saying such things), the more pissed I am getting and the more willing I am to end this if she doesn't change what she's doing and start being open and honest. I took another look in her lingerie drawer this morning (don't know why). I remember the first question I ever asked her after finding that one thing in the dryer was did she still have any lingerie from her previous M's. She looked off and quietly said, "I don't know..." although she's in that drawer regularly. With all her half-truth language and "I don't know"'s and "I don't remember"'s, I am starting to learn to decipher it. Something someone posted here or elsewhere said something about WS's, especially WW's, say those kinds of things when they mean "I know but don't want to tell you because it'll hurt you." Okay, break it down: "I don't know [if I still have lingerie from my previous M's]" plus LOTS of lingerie in her drawer that I've never seen on her equals one of two things: 1) I do still have them, but it would hurt your feelings to know that I still have lingerie from my previous M's; or 2) I don't still have them, but I've bought and worn some for one or several BF's I've stroked off since we've been married, but it would hurt your feelings to know that! Um, I really wouldn't be hurt to know if she still has anything from her previous M's (it's part of her life, after all, especially the older girls), and she must realize that (although I don't know why she wouldn't have burned them like my sister did stuff from HER H#1 who was a real lout, even his mom said so). Am I off-base by accepting answer #2 above? Someone, please check my math!
Doing it Since '78 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Did I read it correctly that you have a strain of herpes? And since your marriage? Unless either yourself or your wife are into shooting dope, or get a tattoo every other week from a dirty needle, or share beer bottles with the neighborhood wino, she gave you a STD! What other proof do you need bro? WAKE THE FCK UP!!!!!
Author sruben Posted May 25, 2010 Author Posted May 25, 2010 Did I read it correctly that you have a strain of herpes? And since your marriage? Unless either yourself or your wife are into shooting dope, or get a tattoo every other week from a dirty needle, or share beer bottles with the neighborhood wino, she gave you a STD! What other proof do you need bro? WAKE THE FCK UP!!!!! Dude, no need to shout. Yes, I know that she gave me an STD, and early in our marriage -- although I didn't get the specific test to tell if it was HSV2 at the time, my urologist said it was "probably" Type 1, I "could have" given it to myself, or if she gets cold sores, maybe she did (although I don't think she did oral on me until V-day '04). My PCP said that it didn't really matter, that the treatment for both was the same. I should have insisted back then, although I had NO reason to doubt her at that time. In ANY case, when I told her that my Dr had diagnosed HSV, she told me it was probably from H#2, who was a drug addict and who exposed her to Hepatitus C -- which she tested negative for before we got M'd. At the time, that explanation seemed plausible to me. She seemed truly remorsefull that she'd "made me sick, too" as a result of her poor decision in M'g H#2. Was it more gaslighting? Didn't seem like it. Not like what I've been getting the last year or so...
Doing it Since '78 Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Dude, no need to shout. Yes, I know that she gave me an STD, and early in our marriage -- although I didn't get the specific test to tell if it was HSV2 at the time, my urologist said it was "probably" Type 1, I "could have" given it to myself, or if she gets cold sores, maybe she did (although I don't think she did oral on me until V-day '04). My PCP said that it didn't really matter, that the treatment for both was the same. I should have insisted back then, although I had NO reason to doubt her at that time. In ANY case, when I told her that my Dr had diagnosed HSV, she told me it was probably from H#2, who was a drug addict and who exposed her to Hepatitus C -- which she tested negative for before we got M'd. At the time, that explanation seemed plausible to me. She seemed truly remorsefull that she'd "made me sick, too" as a result of her poor decision in M'g H#2. Was it more gaslighting? Didn't seem like it. Not like what I've been getting the last year or so... You know what bro, in life you have some that learn the easy way, and then you have some that need to witness the OM blowing out thier old ladies back in living color before they get it. However based on some of your responses, you may find that excusable too. " Nothing really happened, she told me he was just helping her stretch for her yoga, do you think she was gaslighting?" No offense bro and good luck
Author sruben Posted May 29, 2010 Author Posted May 29, 2010 Thank you for the encouragement. I did get to a point of anaylsis paralysis last year when all this was going on, and I definitely don't want to repeat that (hence, why I am posting and why I'm going to IC -- next appt is Thur). The more I think about what I DO know and what she HAS said (not that I can confront her with that -- since she denies ever saying such things), the more pissed I am getting and the more willing I am to end this if she doesn't change what she's doing and start being open and honest. I took another look in her lingerie drawer this morning (don't know why). I remember the first question I ever asked her after finding that one thing in the dryer was did she still have any lingerie from her previous M's. She looked off and quietly said, "I don't know..." although she's in that drawer regularly. With all her half-truth language and "I don't know"'s and "I don't remember"'s, I am starting to learn to decipher it. Something someone posted here or elsewhere said something about WS's, especially WW's, say those kinds of things when they mean "I know but don't want to tell you because it'll hurt you." Okay, break it down: "I don't know [if I still have lingerie from my previous M's]" plus LOTS of lingerie in her drawer that I've never seen on her equals one of two things: 1) I do still have them, but it would hurt your feelings to know that I still have lingerie from my previous M's; or 2) I don't still have them, but I've bought and worn some for one or several BF's I've stroked off since we've been married, but it would hurt your feelings to know that! Um, I really wouldn't be hurt to know if she still has anything from her previous M's (it's part of her life, after all, especially the older girls), and she must realize that (although I don't know why she wouldn't have burned them like my sister did stuff from HER H#1 who was a real lout, even his mom said so). Am I off-base by accepting answer #2 above? Someone, please check my math! Okay, I understand what "DoingIt" is saying, sure, but no one has checked my math. Seriously. I especially want to hear from (f)WW's on this one...
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