Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 i agree 1st date sex (or earlier) usually means not GF material for most guys. i generally wait a 1-2 months, and that gives me enough time to decide if i really like the guy. but for me personally, no, if we have had some sexual contact (even if its just making out) he won't be friendzoned. we'll either work out or we won't but i won't see him as "just a friend". although if he hasn't tried to take it to the next level at a certain point and hasnt communicated that he moves slow, i wonder if he's really interested in me. Makes sense. As I posted about there's this girl I find attractive and like spending time with, but she's kind of all over the place with who she likes. Usually after she likes someone, a week or two later she stops talking to them for good. So despite the immense sexual tension and obvious mutual attraction, I haven't tried to kiss her. I like being around her, but being friends is better than getting hot an heavy for a week and then never seeing her again. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, just based on her actions it's not really a good idea I feel.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Makes sense. As I posted about there's this girl I find attractive and like spending time with, but she's kind of all over the place with who she likes. Usually after she likes someone, a week or two later she stops talking to them for good. So despite the immense sexual tension and obvious mutual attraction, I haven't tried to kiss her. I like being around her, but being friends is better than getting hot an heavy for a week and then never seeing her again. Doesn't mean I'm not interested, just based on her actions it's not really a good idea I feel. that's very respectable of you. she probably has some issues that's causing her to do that that she's not even aware of. of course, you could be the "one" that changes her pattern, but thats a big risk to take.
Rorschach Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 So here is a question, as a guy who is more interested in a relationship than in sex I could easily see myself falling into the 'i don't know if he's even interested category' when in truth I'm VERY interested I just don't want to push a women into it. So how does a woman look at a man who doesn't rush after sex (say in the first or second date) but after a number of dates after kissing/making out tries to go further? Say a guy you like but don't want to sleep with grabs your bum when you kiss him and pushes his body up next to yours. Assumably at some point your going to reject a guys advances, but if he does try to take things further than you want and you have to stop him, does that actually make him lose any points in your book or is that just a 'well he's a guy and he'll just have to wait but I don't feel any different' kind of thing.
Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 that's very respectable of you. she probably has some issues that's causing her to do that that she's not even aware of. of course, you could be the "one" that changes her pattern, but thats a big risk to take. Yeah I thought about it, and she wanted me to kiss her but I held back. Trust me, for a young horny guy that's not an easy thing to do.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 So here is a question, as a guy who is more interested in a relationship than in sex I could easily see myself falling into the 'i don't know if he's even interested category' when in truth I'm VERY interested I just don't want to push a women into it. So how does a woman look at a man who doesn't rush after sex (say in the first or second date) but after a number of dates after kissing/making out tries to go further? Say a guy you like but don't want to sleep with grabs your bum when you kiss him and pushes his body up next to yours. Assumably at some point your going to reject a guys advances, but if he does try to take things further than you want and you have to stop him, does that actually make him lose any points in your book or is that just a 'well he's a guy and he'll just have to wait but I don't feel any different' kind of thing. if i have to stop a guy once, i expect that. guys are usually ready for sex far before women. however, if i have to stop him more than once he loses MAJOR points with me, especially if i've already communicated that i'm not ready to go there yet. in fact, i almost stopped seeing my ex early on because he kept trying after i told him to stop multiple times. i find it very disrespectful. (in hindsight i probably should have trusted that instinct haha) however, i find it very refreshing when a guy doesnt try to go there to quickly, and it actually makes me want and like him more because i feel like he respects me and doesnt try to have sex with every girl he meets, like im special. if your pace is very slow (like not moving past kissing for like 2 months) its probably best to communicate that so we don't think youre "just not that into me". if you said something like i really like you, so i want to take this slow so it can last, well then that would probably make me like you even more.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 i agree 1st date sex (or earlier) usually means not GF material for most guys. i generally wait a 1-2 months, and that gives me enough time to decide if i really like the guy. A month or two from when? First time you met them, first time you had a date? I'd be OK having sex with a girl one month or after I first meet her and still think of her as a potential girlfriend. The fact that I've had sex with her will only be a plus. Ideally it would be like this for me. Meet her in a place where I can talk to her at least 2-3 times a week. Chit chat and flirt for a couple of weeks 2-3, which helps me to figure out who she is. Ask her out and go on a couple of dates. Dating phase would be a couple of weeks. Then have sex. The whole thing would take place in about 5 to 6 weeks from after I first met her. If I knew her already for more than a few months but only casually as friends or coworkers, and I decided that I was interested in her. I'd flirt for about a week then ask her out. Everything then continues as above.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 A month or two from when? First time you met them, first time you had a date? I'd be OK having sex with a girl one month or after I first meet her and still think of her as a potential girlfriend. The fact that I've had sex with her will only be a plus. Ideally it would be like this for me. Meet her in a place where I can talk to her at least 2-3 times a week. Chit chat and flirt for a couple of weeks 2-3, which helps me to figure out who she is. Ask her out and go on a couple of dates. Dating phase would be a couple of weeks. Then have sex. The whole thing would take place in about 5 to 6 weeks from after I first met her. If I knew her already for more than a few months but only casually as friends or coworkers, and I decided that I was interested in her. I'd flirt for about a week then ask her out. Everything then continues as above. from when we starting talking and seeing each other on a regular basis. this is assuming we're seeing each other 2-3 times a week and talking every other day or every day. most guys i date act like this is forever but i think its reasonable and allows me to get to know them to see if they're bf material and i can see myself in a relationship with them. if im not at that point, no goodies no matter how long we've been seeing each other. i don't even have the desire to have sex with someone until i start to develop feelings for them, but i think thats where men and women are different. however, i have plenty of friends that don't even wait this long.
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 I guess to answer Sumdude - I don't want a guy who's going out just to have sex for the sake of having sex's sake before they meet me. I want a guy who doesn't do that. It's kind of gross, when you think about it, especially in this day and age where condoms just won't cut it with all STDs.
John K Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 Here are the facts: Most men want a relationship. The men that women want only want sex. Thus the "all men are pigs" line that women spout. /thread Brilliant in truth and simplicity. Brilliant.
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