Chicago_Guy Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 (edited) Sure, there are many guys who want a relationship. Girls want a relationship is well. That is why all of those guys are attached and married. As result of that, most guys who are available for dating are guys who are into casual sex. Do women really think like this? Most of the single guys I know aren't having casual sex at all because they are picky and don't want to have sex with just any woman. Edited May 22, 2010 by Chicago_Guy
lab_brat Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Do women really think like this? Most of the single guys I know aren't having casual sex at all because they are picky and don't want to have sex with just any woman. I think maybe thats part of it? - maybe men that are looking for more than just casual sex are more selective, so women are exposed to the men that just want casual sex more (as they hit on more women)? Like, for every 10 women a guy who is looking for a shag asks out, the picky guy only asks one girl, so the volume of interaction with the sleazy guy vs non-sleazy guy is higher? Who knows. But i agree with the above poster-that sex isnt everything, but it is necessary and damm important in a relationship.
Kamille Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Amen As a collateral, I feel my love life improved once I realized a lot of men weren't only looking for sex - but were also looking for a meaningful relationship. I stopped wasting my time trying to convince non-commitment oriented guys that a relationship would be great and focused on finding guys who wanted the same thing I did: a meaningful, loving relationship.
Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think maybe thats part of it? - maybe men that are looking for more than just casual sex are more selective, so women are exposed to the men that just want casual sex more (as they hit on more women)? Like, for every 10 women a guy who is looking for a shag asks out, the picky guy only asks one girl, so the volume of interaction with the sleazy guy vs non-sleazy guy is higher? Who knows. But i agree with the above poster-that sex isnt everything, but it is necessary and damm important in a relationship. You're exactly right. I am selective and looking for more than just sex, and while I may flirt and talk with more than a few women, it only progresses further than that with women I like. So of course with guys that are interested in just sex, they may approach and take it further with almost every woman they meet.
Rorschach Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Any man who says he doesn't want sex is lying. The problem comes when a guy doesn't show that he wants sex, and the girl ends up thinking he has no interest. This is the golden rule. That said I'm interested in more than just sex and anybody whose been here for awhile may even remember the thread where I explained my reasoning for abstaining from sex completely (for the time being). Its too bad many women will think you're not interested if you don't try to jump into her pants but as a guy you just have to learn to show your interest in other ways.
phineas Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 So... for men: is sex the motivator for the relationship? or is sex a PLUS of the relationship? Sex is the motivator. Enjoying non-sex time with her is the plus.
Els Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think there is a huge difference between men who only want sex ALONG with a meaningful, committed relationship (as in, are not motivated by sex), and men who just don't want sex, period. If you are the former, it will usually be a bonus point with girls who are looking for the same thing. Girls who are just looking for casual flings will avoid you of course... but why do you want them anyway? If you are the latter, you may indeed have some trouble maintaining relationships. Most women do want to be desired, although many don't want sex to be the ONLY thing that's desired of them.
carhill Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Girls who are just looking for casual flings will avoid you of course... but why do you want them anyway?The clear imperative is targeting the subset of women who are compatible in that regard. One clear risk to being a 'serious' relationship-minded man at my age is that most of my peer females have done the 'marriage, children, divorce' thing and have little interest in 'picking up after a man', a sentiment often expressed here on LS by women my age. So, this eliminates a substantial portion of the single female population for myself, but does appear to be a godsend for the men out there who just want sex. Perhaps, in their minds, I'm one who 'doesn't want sex', IDK. Oh well, we all end up at the same place anyway. Enjoy the trip
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Girls who are just looking for casual flings will avoid you of course... but why do you want them anyway? How would a guy know if a woman is wanting a casual fling? Heck how would a girl who wants a casual fling, knows enough about what the guy wants, to avoid him if doesn't just want a casual fling? Is the process of trying to "get her" (for lack of a better term) different from a girl who wants a relationship. Assuming both girls want sex, the former girl just wants sex.
carhill Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 How would a guy know if a woman is wanting a casual fling? One, if she has a wedding ring on. That's a clear determiner Two, if she shows little or no interest in me, but focuses more or mostly on female/male interaction, flirting, and sexual-related subjects. These two indicators have never been wrong, even when I've ignored them
Woggle Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 One, if she has a wedding ring on. That's a clear determiner Very true. If a man wants to be a player dating married women is the easiest way to go. They are so easy to pick up because after blaming their husband for all their unhappiness every other man looks attractive to them. The only thing a player has to be careful about is many times they do fall in love and are ready to leave their husband for you.
Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Very true. If a man wants to be a player dating married women is the easiest way to go. They are so easy to pick up because after blaming their husband for all their unhappiness every other man looks attractive to them. The only thing a player has to be careful about is many times they do fall in love and are ready to leave their husband for you. An old FWB just contacted me a week ago, and she told me the other day they're getting a divorce. Yupppp
Woggle Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 An old FWB just contacted me a week ago, and she told me the other day they're getting a divorce. Yupppp Isn't it amazing how they are willing to throw away everything over some slick talking player?
Green Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I can't speak for other men but when I build up the courage to go talk to a girl.... SEX IS A BIG MOTIVATOR... I'm not sitting there minding my own business and then all of a sudden I see a girl and say to myself... Boy wouldn't it be fun to be in a long term relationship with her that could one day lead to marriage and kids... hmmm I wonder if her family and my family would get along and what kind of vacations we could all take... NO I say WOW SHE IS HOT. I WANT TO KISS HER. I WANT TO TOUCH HER. I WANT TO MAKE HER SCREAM WHILE IM INSIDE HER. AND YES I WANT TO GRAB, SQUEEZ, AND JUST PLAIN PUT MY FACE IN HER BOOBS... SLAP THAT ASS....PULL HER HAIR AND SWING HER AROUND THE ROOM... ect Thes things are major motivators... NOW I DON"T JUST GO UP TO A WOMAN AND SAY LETS F*CK.... But you can gaurantee I am going to touch her and at least try to kiss her on that first date... I enjoy all that other stuff too and life is lonely if you let it be so I get great comfort in relating to my sexy significant other... but lets face it.... attraction is what got us togather... as time goes on it will become a much deeper attraction... based on other things like share experiences and genuine caring for eachothers well being ect.
stillafool Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 You're exactly right. I am selective and looking for more than just sex, and while I may flirt and talk with more than a few women, it only progresses further than that with women I like. So of course with guys that are interested in just sex, they may approach and take it further with almost every woman they meet. I think even guys who are only interested in casual sex have their standards as well. They don't want to bed just any woman.
stillafool Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Very true. If a man wants to be a player dating married women is the easiest way to go. They are so easy to pick up because after blaming their husband for all their unhappiness every other man looks attractive to them. The only thing a player has to be careful about is many times they do fall in love and are ready to leave their husband for you. Unfortunately I may have to agree with you on this one. When I was single and my gfs and I would go out clubbing, us single girls would always marvel at our married gfs because they seemed hungry for other men. We could not figure out how they could be married and so starved for sex.
keaorider Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Depends on your testosterone level. The more juvenile testosterone you have, the more you want sex regardless of having a relationship. The less testosterone you have, you begin to look for the relationship to cater to the emotional part of you. Personally, I'm in the later category but experienced enough to satisfy if needed.
Pink Cupcakes Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think it is about the approach that SOME men take. They will pursue sex only from lots of women, leading them on and using them, until they find one that they want a relationship with. I don't want a guy that would do that, claiming the need for sex is an excuse. I mean, if a guy was wanting a relationship with me. An easy solution, however, is to not get intimate right away. Let the relationship develop. Don't fall for the theory that sex actually helps the bonding process and a guy will commit to a relationship if you sleep with him early on. If he dodges, you know he's that type I mentioned above.
Rorschach Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think it is about the approach that SOME men take. They will pursue sex only from lots of women, leading them on and using them, until they find one that they want a relationship with. I don't want a guy that would do that, claiming the need for sex is an excuse. I mean, if a guy was wanting a relationship with me. An easy solution, however, is to not get intimate right away. Let the relationship develop. Don't fall for the theory that sex actually helps the bonding process and a guy will commit to a relationship if you sleep with him early on. If he dodges, you know he's that type I mentioned above. This pretty much sums up the guys I don't like. When I look at dating being physically intimate is HIGH on the list of priorities, but whenever I'm dating I'm thinking long term and I have no intention of dating or using anybody I don't have a lasting interest in.
Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think even guys who are only interested in casual sex have their standards as well. They don't want to bed just any woman. Ehhhhh, some maybe. My friend will jump in bed with any girl that looks at him twice.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think it is about the approach that SOME men take. They will pursue sex only from lots of women, leading them on and using them, until they find one that they want a relationship with. I don't want a guy that would do that, claiming the need for sex is an excuse. I mean, if a guy was wanting a relationship with me. Sorry but I don't understand what is wrong with pursuing lots of women, sleeping with them, until they find the one they want a relationship with. Of course if the guy is actually lying to the girls by telling them that he loves them and wants to be exclusive with them, that's a different story. An easy solution, however, is to not get intimate right away. Let the relationship develop. Don't fall for the theory that sex actually helps the bonding process and a guy will commit to a relationship if you sleep with him early on. If he dodges, you know he's that type I mentioned above. What does right away mean to you? About your theory that "sex actually helps the bonding process and a guy will commit to a relationship if you sleep with him early on." I've actually heard that used against women. That a guy has to sleep with her early on, or else she will stick him in the friendzone. Or it will cause her to willingly withhold sex for many months and she will begin to think that she has power because she controls the sex.
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Sorry but I don't understand what is wrong with pursuing lots of women, sleeping with them, until they find the one they want a relationship with. Of course if the guy is actually lying to the girls by telling them that he loves them and wants to be exclusive with them, that's a different story. i think its messed up if the guy is taking the girl on dates, and saying other things making her think they're headed towards a relationship when he only wants her for sex. if that's all he wants from her he should be clear and honest about his intentions. if the girl doesnt know he only wants sex and not a relationship it really makes her feel like **** when she finds out that her vagina is good enough for him, but as a person she's not. About your theory that "sex actually helps the bonding process and a guy will commit to a relationship if you sleep with him early on." I've actually heard that used against women. That a guy has to sleep with her early on, or else she will stick him in the friendzone. Or it will cause her to willingly withhold sex for many months and she will begin to think that she has power because she controls the sex. you don't have have sex with the girl to avoid the friendzone, but there must be some contact. if i kiss someone, they're not friendzoned as long as i know we're working towards something. i was always under the impression if a girl has sex with a guy too soon, shes not GF material (in most cases).
Engadget Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 you don't have have sex with the girl to avoid the friendzone, but there must be some contact. if i kiss someone, they're not friendzoned as long as i know we're working towards something. i was always under the impression if a girl has sex with a guy too soon, shes not GF material (in most cases). This very thing made not kissing this girl I know tough, but despite all the times I tell her we're just friends she comes on to me anyway.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 (edited) you don't have have sex with the girl to avoid the friendzone, but there must be some contact. if i kiss someone, they're not friendzoned as long as i know we're working towards something. i was always under the impression if a girl has sex with a guy too soon, shes not GF material (in most cases). I've read that even if the couple is in the making out stage, if sex didn't happen in a reasonable amount of time, there is a chance that the girl will try to prevent sex from happening. This is only from my readings so I don't know if it's true or not. When is too soon? I think most guys will agree that a girl they met at a bar or club and slept with the same night, are not girlfriend material. But anything beyond that is up to the guy. The only real thing that instantly marks a woman as non girlfriend material is if she's a slut. A decent guy wouldn't think a girl he's dating is a slut. Note the keyword is dating or at least has interest in. It gets pretty contradictory when a guy actively tries to sleep with a girl and when he gets her to, he calls her a whore. Those guys are jerks. Edited May 22, 2010 by somedude81
legallyblonde289 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 i agree 1st date sex (or earlier) usually means not GF material for most guys. i generally wait a 1-2 months, and that gives me enough time to decide if i really like the guy. but for me personally, no, if we have had some sexual contact (even if its just making out) he won't be friendzoned. we'll either work out or we won't but i won't see him as "just a friend". although if he hasn't tried to take it to the next level at a certain point and hasnt communicated that he moves slow, i wonder if he's really interested in me.
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