brainygirl Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Its a boxing analogy. Fighters only fight other fighters in their particular weight class. It means if you are (by looks, intelligence, personality style, interests all combined) a 5, all you're going to get by chasing a 10 is pain, suffering, and failure. I never said I was chasing tens, and I never said I didn't like the way I looked, so again, what's this about being undesirable and insulted? When did I give that impression? I've never claimed to be a ten, but I DO think that I am a catch. I AM frustrated with the emphasis that gets placed on appearance, by guys who are walking around in torn up clothes with big ole bellies hanging over their waste-bands.
SilentVoice Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I never said I was chasing tens, and I never said I didn't like the way I looked, so again, what's this about being undesirable and insulted? When did I give that impression? I've never claimed to be a ten, but I DO think that I am a catch. I AM frustrated with the emphasis that gets placed on appearance, by guys who are walking around in torn up clothes with big ole bellies hanging over their waste-bands. I think they were referring to the girl he seen on the train with the acne... not your...well I think so.
sally4sara Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I never said I was chasing tens, and I never said I didn't like the way I looked, so again, what's this about being undesirable and insulted? When did I give that impression? I've never claimed to be a ten, but I DO think that I am a catch. I AM frustrated with the emphasis that gets placed on appearance, by guys who are walking around in torn up clothes with big ole bellies hanging over their waste-bands. No brainy, the "you" in the analogy, is not specifying you the person. And it was in reference to the girl I saw on the train.
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 OpenGL - your bitterness is making you delusional. It is not easy for women at at all, except for a few that are drop dead gorgeous and/or have very outgoing, charming and ultra confident personality. It's basically the same as for men, only worse as we age. Men can always date women that are years younger while vice versa is not as socially acceptable. Also, men can have kids at 70, while most women have up until mid 40's or so. I would say that women really have it harder. sally4sara - you have touched on an important point when it comes to leagues. This is frowned upon on LS but is very true. Many unrequited love situations come from one person wanting someone that is out of their league. There are even leagues when it comes to friends. Lakeside_runner - both of the girls that you have posted are in top 20 percentile when it comes to looks (especially the second girl), so while you are not after a supermodel your standards are certainly high. This reminds me of a male friend who said something similar, as in "I don't need a bombshell, for example I find Natalie Portman hot while many other guys don't". Dude, Natalie Portman is about 9.5/10 and you are about 4 at most. She is also desired by about 99% of male population. Go figure.
DiDi123 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Fit - size six. Attractive (trust me on this one), age 42 female, 5'7" Salary - $60,000 year College-educated (Masters) looking for a college educated guy who has a solid career. Would like him to be fit. I would say good looking, but I find guys other women don't think are good looking to be good looking. Needs to be at least my height. I don't think this is asking for much. You sound like me! Except I'm a size 8, lol and I'm 44 and 5'9" I'd like to add that I agree with some of the posters about finding someone who is active because I am too. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who expects me to plan everything and what to me amounts to "entertaining him". I have coined the termed "lazy daters"- you know those men who want everything but put forth absolutely NO EFFORT. I also am looking for "him" to be a genuinely nice person, charming and romantic. He also MUST be self-sufficient and have the means to make me a priority in his life. I've been finding that a lot of guys are selfish or just plain cheap. I'm not saying he has to always pay for everything and that we have to do things that cost a lot of money but I think I am being reasonable in expecting he makes some effort. It can be as simple as if were are going to play tennis don't tell me to pick up a few cans of tennis balls for goodness sakes. Don't be so lazy and cheap that you won't cough up $6-7 for a couple of cans of golf balls. At the intial onset of a relationship be a gentleman, pursue me (not "stalker" pursue, but basic things like calling every few days, or emailing) and to really be sweet send/bring flowers every so often, even if they are gotten at the grocery store or picked from your own garden. Take an interest in my life and what I am doing. Engage. And I in return I can open up and do the same. I guess I'm old-fashioned in a lot of ways but until I find someone who is like this I guess I'm staying single.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Lakeside_runner - both of the girls that you have posted are in top 20 percentile when it comes to looks (especially the second girl), so while you are not after a supermodel your standards are certainly high. This reminds me of a male friend who said something similar, as in "I don't need a bombshell, for example I find Natalie Portman hot while many other guys don't". Dude, Natalie Portman is about 9.5/10 and you are about 4 at most. She is also desired by about 99% of male population. Go figure. And I am fully aware of that - that's why I strive to be in the top 20% of males I know that I can make it only so far with what my family's gene pool has given me and while pursuing the goal I am keeping it real. But it's not like I'll give up because I have a 1 in a 5 chance of meeting a girl that is fit. It all depends on what do you bring to the table. So, what am I bringing to the table? Well, let's see... In terms of "brainy" - I've a PhD in math, speak several languages, I think I am knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. I am open to people, like to make them smile, always give a helping hand etc. I always open doors for girls and pull out chairs for them, make sure they feel comfortable. There is much more... In terms of "sporty" - I swim about 4 miles a week, bike about 110 miles a week and run about 40 miles a week. Lift weights five times a week for an hour and practice Aikido three times a week for two hours. I am 5'10'' with 148 lbs. In races I always rank in the top 15%. I refuse to think that if I keep doing what I am doing I won't be able to find a girl who, maybe not necessarily looks like the one on the second photo (yes she's hot!) but a class lower will do as well .
SadandConfusedWA Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 And I am fully aware of that - that's why I strive to be in the top 20% of males I know that I can make it only so far with what my family's gene pool has given me and while pursuing the goal I am keeping it real. But it's not like I'll give up because I have a 1 in a 5 chance of meeting a girl that is fit. It all depends on what do you bring to the table. So, what am I bringing to the table? Well, let's see... In terms of "brainy" - I've a PhD in math, speak several languages, I think I am knowledgeable about a wide variety of topics. I am open to people, like to make them smile, always give a helping hand etc. I always open doors for girls and pull out chairs for them, make sure they feel comfortable. There is much more... In terms of "sporty" - I swim about 4 miles a week, bike about 110 miles a week and run about 40 miles a week. Lift weights five times a week for an hour and practice Aikido three times a week for two hours. I am 5'10'' with 148 lbs. In races I always rank in the top 15%. I refuse to think that if I keep doing what I am doing I won't be able to find a girl who, maybe not necessarily looks like the one on the second photo (yes she's hot!) but a class lower will do as well . Fair enough. You do sound like you have a lot to offer and are not looking for someone that's out of your league. In fact, very few women would probably match you in looks+intelligence+sporting ability - so it's not going to be easy for you unless you are willing to compromise on some of these traits. Best of luck
GoodOnPaper Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Ok ladies, time to show your cards. Any woman on this forum that is single does not have trouble with finding the right man, you are single by choice. You're probably right -- and I understand your frustration -- but I think you have an apples/oranges situation. My sense from LS threads and conversations from my single days is that if a woman is primarily interested in an LTR, short-term experiences may not "count" in her mind. Gaining experience with men is easy and not necessarily something that's valuable in and of itself. For a guy, too little experience with women can be a serious stigma, so even though I was primarily interested in an LTR, I never viewed the few shorter-term relationships I had as a "waste of time". Any success in the initial attraction phase had some value to me. The talk about connection at the beginning of the thread gave me a little optimism, but as usual, things degenerated into how you have to prove that "you have what it takes" in looks to find love. For example . . . Its a boxing analogy. Fighters only fight other fighters in their particular weight class. It means if you are (by looks, intelligence, personality style, interests all combined) a 5, all you're going to get by chasing a 10 is pain, suffering, and failure. Being much closer to a "5" than a "10" myself, I think the more important question is . . . Is it (or should it be) possible for we "5s" to find such a true-love connection that we don't care that we're not "10s" or are we simply mutually settling for each other? I get philosophically stuck on this.
kassy Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I think lakeside runner is pretty realistic personally. Most people who do triathlon are professionals so reasonably intelligent. If they train they are probably not over-weight (with the exception of me, coming back from a long injury). And with his lifestyle it's not going to be all that great a realationship if she doesn't also train... when would they see each other? I have pretty much the same criteria, but for a guy. If he hasn't moved beyond a mere tolerance for lycra to a love for it, get up at 5am to train before work most days and think a great sunday morning is 3-4 hours riding with a lazy lunch at the end and a cold glass of wine, and that sometimes one person does really need 3 bikes well we really are going to have a few problems from the get go. But if you are in that sort of world, then that's usually what everyone is looking for so it's not as 'crazy' a criteria as it sounds, pretty much everyone fits the criteria so it's just a case of hitting it off with someone.
sally4sara Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Being much closer to a "5" than a "10" myself, I think the more important question is . . . Is it (or should it be) possible for we "5s" to find such a true-love connection that we don't care that we're not "10s" or are we simply mutually settling for each other? I get philosophically stuck on this. The rating scale usually irritates me due to most using it to assess only a person's physical appearance. Lots of things come into play depending on your goal in finding someone. A hot guy without a thought in his head isn't going to satisfy a somewhat hot girl with a brilliant mind for very long - but she might respond to him for a casual tryst. An average looking, overly sensitive girl won't be a good long term match for a playful and comedic guy - and he might not be able to draw her in for even something casual if his playfulness is confused for antagonism unless he is brutally hot. But this also means there are ways to improve yourself. Consider what you bring to whatever relationship type you seek. Who will respond favorably to those things and who won't?
FitChick Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 You have to get someone's attention first so they can find out that you have a great personality, are intelligent, kind, loving, etc. They can't tell that from a photo. First you have to attract them. Then to keep their attention, you need the great personality, intelligence, interests, etc. I've noticed that people who complain others are shallow tend to be lazy and not make an effort to look their best. Plenty of us aren't natural beauties but we make the most of what we've got to increase the dating odds in our favor. If you're not willing to make an effort, then don't complain when you can only attract people similar to yourself.
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