Author veryconfuzed Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 I think you need to ask yourself what if in case OM is single ? would you want to be with him as you said you are attracted to him ? If your answer is yes , then you already know what you need to do. That's probably the most important question at this point. As much as I'm attracted to OM, my head (and gut) tell me that it might be incredibly exciting for a while but would eventually end in much pain, heartache, and misery. Not to mention, a terribly broken work relationship. That would be really tragic, because the work we're doing together is very important and rewarding to both of us.
Author veryconfuzed Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Leave your marriage because you feel it's not working, or you feel you've given it your best and it's time to be on your own - Reguardless of what the OM does or doesn't do. If you end your marriage and go be with the OM, after 20 years of marriage without being alone for a while, things more than likely will end and not in a good way. Trust could be a huge issue (she cheated on her H with me, now she's with me, what if she cheats on me, a man who she didn't say vows to) and you may look at him differently down the line, wishing that you had tried harder in your marriage because he wasn't who you thought he was, once the honeymoon/affairyland phase wears off. I hope you take time ALONE to figure out what is best for you.. Do you have children to consider? If yes, then please, make sure you and your H have given it your all before throwing in the towel. All very good points. Fortunately, there are no children to consider in this.
ComputerJock Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 You have already threatened your H by moving out. He is going to be supersensitive to any thing you do or say, and you will not be able to hide either a EA or PA as they are both considered CHEATING. If you want to work on your marriage try IC and MC, not by letting men hit on you even if it makes you feel good. I think you have already made up your mind to get a D as I have not read anything that makes me think you still love your husband and want to save your marriage. Instead you say you would not be a OW to a MM, but you are Married and he would be the OM even if he isn't married. Now is the time to stop and think. Once you cheat and your husband finds out as he will the marriage is over and you have to start all over. A man cheated on never forgets or forgives. Do you have children? When you cheat it is on the whole family and it will be obvious to those you work with and those you love and who's trust you will betray. Get a divorce and let your husband find someone else he can trust. You can screw around all you want as divorced woman.
MorningCoffee Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 (edited) A man cheated on never forgets or forgives.Ain't necessarily so. I was BH a long time ago (we were 9 years into the M). We separated and lived apart for almost 10 months. During that time, she ended the A, we worked through a lot of things, and we ultimately reconciled. It was a better marriage in every way after that. We went on to stay married for more than another 20 years. It only ended when she passed away. Can't say I forgot, but it became just a part of our distant shared history, and I truly did forgive. Perhaps the OP will reconcile, perhaps not. But it is an unfair generalization to say that a man cheated on NEVER forgets or forgives. Edited May 22, 2010 by MorningCoffee clarification
lkjh Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Good job on wanting to end this before it gets too late. There are a couple of points to consider, for starters the friends of yours that encouraged you to go for the OM are basically telling you to betray your family. You may like those people but they are toxic, be careful about keeping them around. Second, you said that you would tell if it became a PA because you consider that worse of an offense. I agree that a PA is more harmful but don't for a second think that you could get into a full blown EA and think clearly. It will be like a slippery slope and you will end up becoming someone you never thought possible. Lying will become your second nature. If you want to make it work with your H you need to cut the OM out of your life, or at least as much as possible. Stop all inappropriate contact with him and really start working on your marriage. Your current setup seems more like friends, you need to get proactive and change that.
Passion4Life Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 That's probably the most important question at this point. As much as I'm attracted to OM, my head (and gut) tell me that it might be incredibly exciting for a while but would eventually end in much pain, heartache, and misery. Not to mention, a terribly broken work relationship. That would be really tragic, because the work we're doing together is very important and rewarding to both of us. so you dont want to pursue a relatiionship with OM because it might affect your work relationship or end in heartache & not because you want to improve your marriage ? From so many similar stories on this site , I can tell you if you continue with OM for some more time , soon you will be back here asking tips on how to tell your husband you are in love with someone else & want a a divorce . Best Of luck
Author veryconfuzed Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 so you dont want to pursue a relatiionship with OM because it might affect your work relationship or end in heartache & not because you want to improve your marriage ? From so many similar stories on this site , I can tell you if you continue with OM for some more time , soon you will be back here asking tips on how to tell your husband you are in love with someone else & want a a divorce. No, I wasn't saying that. I want to end EA (or inappropriate contact, feelings, flirting, whatever) with OM because that's the only way I'll be able to focus on my marriage. Secondarily, I recognize that an A with OM is 99% sure to be a losing proposition that would hurt both of us and also affect our work that is so important to us. OM and I are actually at a good point right now, I think, to establish that we are going to be friends (only) and not go down that other road.
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