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How to have a successful affair.

greengoddess

By greengoddess
in Infidelity

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Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted

Oh, I forgot.....

 

Tell them we rarely to never have sex!:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

califnan Established Member

califnan

Posted
Posted

We're not sleeping together..

califnan Established Member

califnan

Posted
Posted

 

cont...

 

Always understand that when "your" married man goes on vacation with his family that he will be miserable and missing you the whole time and he is just doing it for his kids.

 

------------------

 

"You are Always on my mind"

donnamaybe Established Member

donnamaybe

Posted
Posted

You MUST lose sight of your own wants and needs as you have to be at your MM/MW's beck and call when they get a moment to sneak away and spend time with you.

Mimolicious Established Member

Mimolicious

Posted
Posted

Don't punch in the license plate number on that Mercedez he drives you around in. A registration matches the lease owner, but since he "makes" the payments it is *cough* HER *cough* his car.

 

The "member since" part is wearing out from all the swipping that the date it kinda looks like few years before we met.Weird,I only used it the few times when I got you something. I have this VS credit card just for you...

CrayonAngel Established Member

CrayonAngel

Posted
Posted
:lmao::lmao::lmao: hot oil massages from ''sleeping on the couch" bahahahaha! this thread is great..I hope most know that they are kidding..well not really but we are poking fun.
Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

Here's one:

 

If you're going to have an affair, make sure that the BS didn't spend a large part of his time in the military gathering intelligence on potential targets for elimination. Additional side note...when his wife that you're cheating with tells you that "he knows, and you need to be careful" but she can't tell you why you need to be careful....pay VERY close attention to her advice! :)

sruben Established Member

sruben

Posted
Posted

The "member since" part is wearing out from all the swipping that the date it kinda looks like few years before we met.Weird,I only used it the few times when I got you something. I have this VS credit card just for you...

 

Ouch!

 

My W has a VS card and LOTS of bras from there (but I'm sure I've seen her wear them all...and throw them out when worn out, BUT... She has a LOT of lingerie in her lingerie drawer that I've never seen her in. I became aware of that last year, I just assumed she had them from prior M's (3), but when I asked her if she had any lingerie from prior M's, she looked off distantly and said, "I don't know..."

 

Oh, and she HATES wearing lingerie! If I see her in any twice in one year, that's an exceptional year. Big sore point with me...

 

Funny thread, though... :-D

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted (edited)
That question was asked in another section of this forum and I thought it may be fun for us to answer that from what we've experienced.

 

Ok, I can't tell if you are being sarcastic with all of this or not? Is this a serious set of questions and are you in an affair?

Edited by Dexter Morgan
Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted (edited)

ah, ok, I can see this is poking fun at the question now.

 

how about this.

 

To have a successful affair, tell you MM that you only want sex and that he can back out of the affair at any time without fear of retribution and being ratted out.

 

what man, that wants an affair and only wants and sees someone as just a side piece of ass, is gonna turn that perfect situation down??:cool:

Edited by Dexter Morgan
herenow Established Member

herenow

Posted
Posted
Here's one:

 

If you're going to have an affair, make sure that the BS didn't spend a large part of his time in the military gathering intelligence on potential targets for elimination. Additional side note...when his wife that you're cheating with tells you that "he knows, and you need to be careful" but she can't tell you why you need to be careful....pay VERY close attention to her advice! :)

 

Elimination! Oh my, yes I would say that deserves some attention indeed.

Mombot Established Member

Mombot

Posted
Posted

If you are single and the man is separated, is he having the affair and the single one is not?

OWoman Established Member

OWoman

Posted
Posted
That question was asked in another section of this forum and I thought it may be fun for us to answer that from what we've experienced.

 

So how does one go about having a successful affair?

 

I've had several As, all highly successful.

 

IME, "how to have a successful A":

 

  • negotiate groundrules upfront - and stick to them
  • make sure you're getting what you want, on your own terms
  • expect no less from him than you would from an SG - being M is HIS problem, not yours
  • remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A
  • live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. He is not the centre of your universe, even if you are the centre of his
  • the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work.
  • make sure the power balance is equal - or, if not, that it tips in your favour.
  • if anything changes - renegotiate the ground rules, or get out. Don't assume he's on the same page as you.

MadMission Established Member

MadMission

Posted
Posted (edited)

Be prepared for "your man" to say "no, I just want to go home" during a quick call on his way home from work...to you asking him to stop by your house on his way...because you desperately need to see him or talk to him (true story.)

 

On the days he does make time for you, be prepared to 'get ready'...smell nice, clean & straighten up your home, light a fragrant candle, maybe pour a couple drinks, get the bedroom ready, etc....only to have him watching the clock the whole time, giving you an hour or so, then him leaving. That total silence after he closes the door behind him. Then, you wash the glasses, blow out the candle, straighten up the bed, and spend the night alone wondering what he and his W are doing together for the remaining 4 - 5 hrs of the day . (true story)

 

Be prepared to try and keep busy, so that you don't miss "your man" so much...feel lonely...long to see him...or wonder what he's doing with his W and kids.

 

When you are lying alone in bed each night, be prepared for thoughts and images to fill your head...of "your man" and his W together in their bed...talking, touching, having sex.

 

Be prepared to try to find something to do on every holiday so you don't miss "your man" so much while he spends every holiday with his W (true story.)

 

Be prepared to frequently get a "no" when you ask "your man" for some time. And, then be prepared for him to expect you to 'get it'...that, in real life, he has a whole, full life with his family, thus doesn't always have time for you (true story.)

 

Be prepared to wonder how genuine his love is, or how special and desired you really are...if you are only an option to him... with his W and kids being his priority. You look at his life and see the conflict between what he tells you and how he lives. Your are left to just trust that he is being honest with you. But, is he?

 

If you find this short list of scenarios acceptable and can imagine being quite happy, then you may actually have a 'successful' A in your future.

*The 'true stories' were actually told to me by 'OW's man.'

Edited by MadMission
reboot Established Member

reboot

Posted
Posted

No fair. You're being serious. :)

 

I've had several As, all highly successful.

 

IME, "how to have a successful A":

 

  • negotiate groundrules upfront - and stick to them
  • make sure you're getting what you want, on your own terms
  • expect no less from him than you would from an SG - being M is HIS problem, not yours
  • remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A
  • live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. He is not the centre of your universe, even if you are the centre of his
  • the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work.
  • make sure the power balance is equal - or, if not, that it tips in your favour.
  • if anything changes - renegotiate the ground rules, or get out. Don't assume he's on the same page as you.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted

I agree with OWoman, especially with these points:

 

remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A... right.. I'm single.. he's got a place to hide.. :laugh:

 

live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. He is not the centre of your universe, even if you are the centre of his ... This is totally true in my case. :)

 

the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work... I've ended many.. :o

delirious Established Member

delirious

Posted
Posted
If you must wear perfume always wear the kind "your" married man buys for his wife.

 

I do think that there is a hint of bitterness in this thread.:sick:

Most OW know that affairs are rarely successful but mostly very painful. So you can be sure that we get our Karma.

 

 

"Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life."

--Aphra Behn

rewe4reel Established Member

rewe4reel

Posted
Posted
I agree with OWoman, especially with these points:

 

remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A... right.. I'm single.. he's got a place to hide.. :laugh:

 

If he's lucky, what does that make the affair partner?

 

Right. UNlucky. He's not doing the affair partner a favor, that much is clear. Why is the affair partner doing him a favor?

 

 

 

live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. He is not the centre of your universe, even if you are the centre of his ... This is totally true in my case. :)

 

I'm sorry honey, but "you" are not the centre of his universe. The sex he can get from you may be the centre of his universe. But, if you cut off the sex, or the possibility of it, you would quickly be relegated to the asteroid belt.

 

 

 

the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work... I've ended many.. :o

 

Why do you keep screwing up your affairs so that they stop being "fun" and you have to end them?

MadMission Established Member

MadMission

Posted
Posted (edited)
I've had several As, all highly successful.

 

IME, "how to have a successful A":

 

  • negotiate groundrules upfront - and stick to them

This IS work and not fun, which conflicts with your 6th point below. And, does sound more like a business agreement than a romantic, passionate relationship.

  • make sure you're getting what you want, on your own terms

You won't know that you're NOT getting what you want until after a series of disappointments with MM...and after he's used you for awhile.

  • expect no less from him than you would from an SG - being M is HIS problem, not yours

You must expect less because you will get less. A single guy can answer his phone anytime and talk to you anywhere. SG does not have to hide the relationship and thus can take you out anywhere to do all kinds of things together, rather than the relationship existing mostly in within the confines of 4 walls...or in select locations. SG is free to spend his vacations with you, holidays and birthdays with you, etc. MM being M is your problem because of all the ways his M effects your relationship with him in negative ways.

  • remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A

I agree with this. He IS lucky to have a woman who is willing to do what OW do. He's not doing you a favor, that's for sure.

  • live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. -around his availability.

  • the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work.

Agree. And, you are left with memories of all the fun times you had together. I guess that's nice (?)

  • make sure the power balance is equal - or, if not, that it tips in your favour.

Monitoring the power balance does not sound like fun at all, but even more work in addition to the negotiating ground rules in your 1st point, the REnegotiating ground rules in your 8th point, and generally conducting the A around HIS schedule which is the reality of the situation. It's all work, which again conflicts with point #6.

  • if anything changes - renegotiate the ground rules, or get out. Don't assume he's on the same page as you.

Again, none of this sounds like 'fun,' but sounds like a lot of work.

You can never assume he is on the same page with you because how he 'presents' himself...what he says and does...is the manifestation of his own agenda and includes any necessary deception and manipulation to keep you in the A.

 

 

 

OWoman, I hope you don't mind that I inserted my comments in bold into your quote. Just seemed to be the best way to do it.

Edited by MadMission
Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

Posted
Posted
If he's lucky, what does that make the affair partner?

 

Right. UNlucky. He's not doing the affair partner a favor, that much is clear. Why is the affair partner doing him a favor?

 

Because, since I'm single, I can have any guy I want.. but I chose him.. so he's got to be grateful for that.. :laugh:

 

I'm sorry honey, but "you" are not the centre of his universe. The sex he can get from you may be the centre of his universe. But, if you cut off the sex, or the possibility of it, you would quickly be relegated to the asteroid belt.

 

I never said I was.. I 'bolded' the part I was responding to...

 

Why do you keep screwing up your affairs so that they stop being "fun" and you have to end them?

 

If something I don't like happens, or if I get tired of him (most of the time this is what happened).. I dump him.. life is too short.. ;)

 

................

lilagirl Established Member

lilagirl

Posted
Posted

  • Always give him a full-body massage because sleeping on the "couch" must be killing his back.

  • Hope his kids are in super accelerated classes so they can go to college at 16. He's waiting for the kids to head off to "college" so he can get a D.

 

LOL - My MM sleeps on a broken couch... :laugh:

 

Be ready for that quick phone call on evenings and weekends from "your" married man with the sounds of bathroom noises in the background.

 

I had two last night... omg... :D

 

If you must wear perfume always wear the kind "your" married man buys for his wife.

 

Ya... I miss wearing perfume...

 

This is funny... and while i see the pathetic nature of us OWs, it is what it is...here is my add (hope OWs can play):

 

- Look around for PIs after each kiss while parked hidden in a dark street under a tree.

- Check under the car on a daily basis at MMs request, for GPS that may have been attached by PI.

lilagirl Established Member

lilagirl

Posted
Posted
Be prepared for "your man" to say "no, I just want to go home" during a quick call on his way home from work...to you asking him to stop by your house on his way...because you desperately need to see him or talk to him (true story.)

 

On the days he does make time for you, be prepared to 'get ready'...smell nice, clean & straighten up your home, light a fragrant candle, maybe pour a couple drinks, get the bedroom ready, etc....only to have him watching the clock the whole time, giving you an hour or so, then him leaving. That total silence after he closes the door behind him. Then, you wash the glasses, blow out the candle, straighten up the bed, and spend the night alone wondering what he and his W are doing together for the remaining 4 - 5 hrs of the day . (true story)

 

Be prepared to try and keep busy, so that you don't miss "your man" so much...feel lonely...long to see him...or wonder what he's doing with his W and kids.

 

When you are lying alone in bed each night, be prepared for thoughts and images to fill your head...of "your man" and his W together in their bed...talking, touching, having sex.

 

Be prepared to try to find something to do on every holiday so you don't miss "your man" so much while he spends every holiday with his W (true story.)

 

Be prepared to frequently get a "no" when you ask "your man" for some time. And, then be prepared for him to expect you to 'get it'...that, in real life, he has a whole, full life with his family, thus doesn't always have time for you (true story.)

 

Be prepared to wonder how genuine his love is, or how special and desired you really are...if you are only an option to him... with his W and kids being his priority. You look at his life and see the conflict between what he tells you and how he lives. Your are left to just trust that he is being honest with you. But, is he?

 

If you find this short list of scenarios acceptable and can imagine being quite happy, then you may actually have a 'successful' A in your future.

*The 'true stories' were actually told to me by 'OW's man.'

 

Taking the fun out of the thread... yep....This is my life

kuma Established Member

kuma

Posted
Posted
LOL - My MM sleeps on a broken couch... :laugh:

 

 

 

I had two last night... omg... :D

 

 

 

Ya... I miss wearing perfume...

 

This is funny... and while i see the pathetic nature of us OWs, it is what it is...here is my add (hope OWs can play):

 

- Look around for PIs after each kiss while parked hidden in a dark street under a tree.

- Check under the car on a daily basis at MMs request, for GPS that may have been attached by PI.

 

lilagirl, if I were you, I would make him take a polygraph test. He's unbelievable. :sick:

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted

remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you,

 

 

LOL!!! BWHAHA!! :lmao::lmao: oh my *choke*.....ah. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.

OWoman Established Member

OWoman

Posted
Posted
Originally Posted by OWoman

I've had several As, all highly successful.

 

IME, "how to have a successful A":

negotiate groundrules upfront - and stick to them

 

 

This IS work and not fun, which conflicts with your 6th point below. And, does sound more like a business agreement than a romantic, passionate relationship.

 

Business first, pleasure later :)

 

I just find it a lot more helpful to eliminate misunderstandings and assumptions upfront. I do that in all of my relationships, be they business, pleasure, platonic or sexual. I'm direct and straightforward that way - and it certainly works for me. I've never had a broken heart or a disappointment of that kind, because everyone knows where they stand from the outset. And it certainly doesn't rule out fun... ;)

 

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

 

make sure you're getting what you want, on your own terms

You won't know that you're NOT getting what you want until after a series of disappointments with MM...and after he's used you for awhile.

 

OTC - If I'm getting what I want, I can know that instantly, at the time. And if I don't get it - dealbreaker, goodbye. I've never had a single disappointment with a MM, and I've never been "used" - though I've done a fair bit of using, myself.

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

 

expect no less from him than you would from an SG - being M is HIS problem, not yours

You must expect less because you will get less. A single guy can answer his phone anytime and talk to you anywhere. SG does not have to hide the relationship and thus can take you out anywhere to do all kinds of things together, rather than the relationship existing mostly in within the confines of 4 walls...or in select locations. SG is free to spend his vacations with you, holidays and birthdays with you, etc. MM being M is your problem because of all the ways his M effects your relationship with him in negative ways.

 

I certainly never got less, and I mostly got a good deal more. Answering his phone anytime, talking to me anywhere? Check. It was a requirement. I don't care what hoops he had to jump through to make that possible - that was HIS problem, not mine. If I phoned, I expected an answer within three rings, or I'd phone someone else. (I always got an answer within three rings, whoever I called, whenever.)

Hide the R? none of that! I've gone out anywhere and everywhere with MMs that I'd have gone with SGs or with friends. We went wherever I wanted to go. There was no hiding, and no looking over our shoulders. We lived.

Holidays, birthdays ("vacation" is american for holiday, isn't it? not sure how you're using the two differently...?) again, at my whim. If I wanted to go away with a MM, I'd phone them up and tell them. They knew that if they couldn't make it, there'd be someone else who could, so I never had any mutterings or excuses - always just immediate agreement, and plans put into place for imminent departure. Given the busyness of my life, when I had a gap for holidaying I had to grab it, so it was always short notice, and they just had to jump. And jump they did.

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

remember that HE'S the one who's lucky to have you, he's not doing you a favour with the A

I agree with this. He IS lucky to have a woman who is willing to do what OW do. He's not doing you a favor, that's for sure.

 

"what OW do"?? :confused: What's that? Have sex? Have fun? Enjoy life? :confused:

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

live your life as you would anyway - fitting him in as or when suits you. -around his availability.

 

Nope - around mine. His "commitments" were his problem, not mine. If he couldn't change his schedule to fit in with my availability requirements, he was history. I never had a MM not make a plan and get there when summoned. This "around his availability" thing is a myth - or an indication of OWs being willing to settle for less than they could. I was never like that, and I was never disappointed.

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

the minute it no longer works for you, end it. It's an A, it's supposed to be fun, not hard work.

Agree. And, you are left with memories of all the fun times you had together. I guess that's nice (?)

 

Perhaps. I've never been a great one for memories. I'm far too busy living in the present to cling to the past. Past fun is :cool:, but I'm more into present fun... :bunny:

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

make sure the power balance is equal - or, if not, that it tips in your favour.

Monitoring the power balance does not sound like fun at all, but even more work in addition to the negotiating ground rules in your 1st point, the REnegotiating ground rules in your 8th point, and generally conducting the A around HIS schedule which is the reality of the situation. It's all work, which again conflicts with point #6.

 

Monitoring the power balance is NOT work - it's something all of us are aware of (whether consciously or not) in any R at any time. It's just a matter of acting on that if things get out of kilter.

 

And NO, it was never around HIS schedule, as I stated earlier. I'm not that kind of woman, I would never put up with being the underdog in any R. I used to be one of those "my way or the highway" types - and all my As were run on that basis - but I'm learning to be a little more compromising in my M :)

 

Originally Posted by OWoman

if anything changes - renegotiate the ground rules, or get out. Don't assume he's on the same page as you.

Again, none of this sounds like 'fun,' but sounds like a lot of work.

You can never assume he is on the same page with you because how he 'presents' himself...what he says and does...is the manifestation of his own agenda and includes any necessary deception and manipulation to keep you in the A.

 

Of course it's not "fun" when ANY R gets out of kilter... and ALL Rs have those "we need to talk" moments. People ignore them to their (and the R's) peril. But it does seem, from some of the As described by some OW here at LS, that sometimes OWs DO let these slide, delaying the "we need to talk" moments because they don't feel they have enough power or agency to get the changes that THEY want, and they worry that any changes would be at their expense, so they'd rather accept the situation as it is. I don't, personally, think that's healthy - not for the OW, and not for the R. But then, I'm not them, I'm not in their R, I don't have their reasons for making the choices they make.

 

And no - there has never been any "deception and manipulation" by any MMs, it's all been completely upfront and open. They've not been the ones with the agenda - they'd never even considered an A before I'd put it to them - and they knew that I was only in it for as long as it suited me, anyway.

 

Sure, there were some changed agendas - I did have MMs that fell in love with me, despite the groundrules, and some that left their Ws for me, and some who wanted "more"... but that wasn't what I wanted, and they got unceremoniously dumped.

 

When my own agenda changed, I renegotiated - and here I am now. :love:

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