Author sagetalk Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 1.) 1. You can't create sexual desire where there is none initially. 2. In order for a woman to desire a man that she already finds sexually attractive on some leve,l it has to happen mentally. 2.) This often happens to his own detriment since having heard certain things that are wayyy too much information about his past or ex or whatever, I don't want to see him again. But something odd happens, these guys are way more into me than I am them and it happens because someone actually took active interest in what they had to say. It builds instant attraction when a person is actively listening and engaging you in conversation. So advice to the men, don't sit back and only let her talk, or try to play "mysterious" and don't do all the talking. Be mysterious by staying in control of how much you divulge and where you also steer the conversation and for heaven's sake READ HER BODY LANGUAGE. 1.) Yes, you can and you can blow it when there is some initially as well. Number 2 is just bologna. Women think with their downstairs region when it comes to dating, not their mind. You're kidding yourself if you think otherwise. 2.) You're agreeing with me, but I think you think your disagreeing, strange . 1.) As a woman, I can say that this is certainly untrue, as much as you and other men like to claim it. It may be true for some women, but not for all, or even most. Also, for someone like you who doesn't sleep with women until you and they have established their stand on abortion and how you are going to provide and care for a child should pregnancy occur (which would logically entail a long-term, stable relationship)... I'm quite curious what you DO plan to do with all that generated physical desire once you hit it off on a date though, if this is going to be your strategy? People who use sexual desire as a bait typically do not wait long to have sex. Otherwise it is considered 'teasing' and 'giving mixed signals'. 2.) Honestly, based on my observation of men, the #1 method to get a girl is: Know her, and tailor your method to HER. . 1.) Sex is a two way street. Just because I have built up tons of physical desire in her does not mean I'm having sex with her yet. It just means I can make alot of mistakes and she will forgive me instead of friendzone me . 2.) Correct and almost all hot women are the same in this regard. 1.) That's not true for me, either. I've been around good-looking guys who I felt physically attracted to, initially, but when they opened their mouths and started talking, *poof*, it all vanished. I've been around not-so-good-looking guys who got me interested in them by what they said and how they acted. 2.) Even if I'm lusting after someone as a lover, I don't ever actually get involved with them unless I - you guessed it! - like him as a person. 1.) Yes, but that physical attraction is not worth much. The better physical attraction is the attraction created from a man acting in a way that makes her hot for you. Not looking a way that does. 2.) I hope that's true, I've known very few girls with lots of options who think this way.
Els Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 1.) Sex is a two way street. Just because I have built up tons of physical desire in her does not mean I'm having sex with her yet. It just means I can make alot of mistakes and she will forgive me instead of friendzone me . Funny. If a woman perpetually went out of her way to build up tons of physical desire but not have sex I believe she would be called a tease and a blue-baller. 2.) Correct and almost all hot women are the same in this regard. Come now, it's silly to believe that all women of a particular physical appearance are the same inside. That would be akin to saying 'all blondes are like this' or 'this is a foolproof way to get to all good-looking men's hearts'.
PJKino Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 These sound like immature games being played i dont have time for that Ill be myself and if that doesnt work she can hit the bricks
marsle85 Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 These sound like immature games being played i dont have time for that Ill be myself and if that doesnt work she can hit the bricks I like that.
Ross PK Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I thought girls were always supposed to be mainly interested in guys because of who they are (and how much money they make), not becuase of what they look like.
Engadget Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I thought girls were always supposed to be mainly interested in guys because of who they are (and how much money they make), not becuase of what they look like. Heh, well looks play a big role obviously. That's just human nature.
Ross PK Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Heh, well looks play a big role obviously. That's just human nature. I know but the OP seems to be saying that girls just want a guy that looks hot and guys shouldn't concentrate on trying to get a girl to like them for them.
PJKino Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I thought girls were always supposed to be mainly interested in guys because of who they are (and how much money they make), not becuase of what they look like. Girls are just as visual and into looks as guys its a myth that their not
Ross PK Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Girls are just as visual and into looks as guys its a myth that their not Looks like there's no hope for me then. Lol, but then I've always known that.
Author sagetalk Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 I know but the OP seems to be saying that girls just want a guy that looks hot and guys shouldn't concentrate on trying to get a girl to like them for them. I'm saying the opposite . Looks has nothing to do with this and this is only to generate intial attraction, not your entire relationship. She has to want you physically before she finds out you like to plant sandspurs in your neighbors yard to tick him off. Do not create attraction with your looks, create it with your actions. If you try to get a girl to like you as a person before she is physically attracted to you by your actions, she will make you her friend. UNLESS, she has no other options and you're it. But, any guy could get those girls so what's the point of telling you how to get them. What I'm saying is concentrate on generating attraction by your actions towards her. Not by telling her on the first few dates: "I have a great job" (not hot), "My mom is cool" (not hot), "When I was 12....." (not hot), "You're so pretty, I really like you" (not hot), "Do you like me?" (not hot), "My ex girlfriend was awful" (not hot). Are you seeing a pattern here? You're talking and it's not hot. Now if you say, "So what is your favorite thing to do?" (hot), "I bet I can make you laugh/smile/giggle" (hot), "can I see that ____ your wearing?" (hot), "What was the best thing that happened to you today?" (hot), "I love it when women wear -something she's wearing- don't lie though" (hot), "Looking into your eyes is really easy" (hot), "Do you like the beach?" (hot), "You're not one of those mom bathing suite type girls are you?" (hot), "What kind of bathing suites do you wear?" (hot and getting hotter). You get the drift. You want to work your way into making her feel hot and bothered, and thinking about things she likes and enjoys. It's not a game, it's getting her to be attracted to you. It's what dating is all about.
Anela Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I disagree , I don't know about other ladies but I personal hate when guys do this. I think it should be mutual . I hate when I guy says" enough about me what about you?"... and I think to myself he already knows my life story but yet I only know little snippets about his... I just think it should be mutual Me too. I finally just told someone that he knew enough about me, when he asked me another question, but was avoiding my own.
Author sagetalk Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 Me too. I finally just told someone that he knew enough about me, when he asked me another question, but was avoiding my own. Avoiding a girl's question is stupid, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is for the guy to keep the mystery up for the first few dates. If a girl is unwilling to let him do that, then she's acting too masculine which is dumb and counterproductive for her. A feminine women would let him do this and love it.
Anela Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 That's not true for me, either. I've been around good-looking guys who I felt physically attracted to, initially, but when they opened their mouths and started talking, *poof*, it all vanished. I've been around not-so-good-looking guys who got me interested in them by what they said and how they acted. Even if I'm lusting after someone as a lover, I don't ever actually get involved with them unless I - you guessed it! - like him as a person. Yeah, no, those are all unacceptable behaviors, and I'd never stay with someone like that. Not every woman is a doormat who is totally blinded by her physical desires. All of this goes for me, as well. Honestly, desire vanishes when the a**hole behaviour is ongoing. Feelings may not immediately disappear, but there are certain things that are deal-breakers - there's no going back.
Anela Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Avoiding a girl's question is stupid, that's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is for the guy to keep the mystery up for the first few dates. If a girl is unwilling to let him do that, then she's acting too masculine which is dumb and counterproductive for her. A feminine women would let him do this and love it. I'm not too masculine, nor am I dumb. I don't agree. There's a threshold. If I'm the only one disclosing, and he's not reciprocating, that's a big sign of disinterest, and I don't want to have to sit there and pry every little thing out of his mouth. That's extremely annoying. If he's sitting there and making me do all the talking and isn't sharing anything at all, he's not mysterious. He's boring, uninterested, and not worth my time. I don't go on dates to monologue, and if I've learned nothing about him, it kills any desire I might have had to find out more. If he hasn't said anything, he's either terminally shy and emotionally constipated (which I don't find attractive) or he's playing stupid mind games (which I find even less attractive). You can't build any kind of relationship (romantic, platonic, friendship - any kind without mutual self-disclosure. THIS. I feel the same way.
sweetjasmine Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 THIS. I feel the same way. Our opinions don't matter because we're masculine women for expecting a guy to actually tell us about himself on a date. It's feminine to go on a date and monologue and then go home not knowing anything about the guy you just spent two hours with. Chicks like to flap their gums and love it when people sit there listening. On the other hand, it's masculine to go on a date with the intent of getting to know each other. Chicks won't like a guy if he lets them know who he is. A conversation should go something like this: Guy: So what do you do for a living? Chick: I work in editing at a publishing house for high school textbooks. Guy: That's fascinating, tell me more! Chick: Well, .... [20 minutes later] Chick: And that's how we handle and distribute all those textbooks. [5 second silence] So what do you do? Guy: I do budget analysis for an insurance company. But enough about me, where did you grow up? Chick: I'm originally from a small town in Missouri, but we moved out here to Cali when I was in middle school. Guy: Oh really? What was Missouri like? I've never been there before! Chick: Well, ... [20 minutes later] Chick: So it's a nice, quiet place, but I'm really glad we moved out of there. [5 second silence] So where did you grow up? Guy: Oregon. But enough about me, what do you think of the wine? Do you generally like reds or whites? ...sounds like a great time.
somedude81 Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 The smooth guy wouldn't use " But enough about me" The typical conversation with a female is usually her talking 2/3rds of the time. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything. They just like to go on and on and rarely ask about me. Which as I've said before, could actually be a sign that they are not interested.
sweetjasmine Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 The typical conversation with a female is usually her talking 2/3rds of the time. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything. They just like to go on and on and rarely ask about me. Which as I've said before, could actually be a sign that they are not interested. Sounds like you're going out on dates with self-centered people. When we were getting to know each other before dating and for our first couple of dates, my SO and I were about 50-50.
Ross PK Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 The smooth guy wouldn't use " But enough about me" The typical conversation with a female is usually her talking 2/3rds of the time. It's not that I'm trying to hide anything. They just like to go on and on and rarely ask about me. Which as I've said before, could actually be a sign that they are not interested. I do hear a lot that girls really like a guy who just listens. Obviously don't become a complete mute though.
SilentVoice Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Our opinions don't matter because we're masculine women for expecting a guy to actually tell us about himself on a date. ...sounds like a great time. True Story Him: So where are your parent from? Me: Oh "that Place" Him:My friend is from there.So what do your parents do Me: Oh my mom is a ...(explanation)my dad is a ....(explanation). "The story of how my parents aren't together. The story of growing up in a single family house yadda yadda"(37 minutes later..this also includes him asking little question for me to continue on about myself" Him: ring ring"he picks up his phone"(talking another language,not one I am familiar with) Me: So what language were you speaking? Him:My first language Me: no **** but what language. Him: "states the town he is from" Me: Oh cool are both your parent from there Him: No,so what do you like to do for fun? Me: "Blank face" - "awkward silence" Stuff! Sadly enough this is the guy I can't get over..facepalm
Els Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 Our opinions don't matter because we're masculine women for expecting a guy to actually tell us about himself on a date. It's feminine to go on a date and monologue and then go home not knowing anything about the guy you just spent two hours with. I wouldn't be too buggered about what the OP considers feminine. Since if you read part 2, he apparently thinks the best way to tell that a woman is feminine is if she wears lots of pink, full-face makeup and heels all the time.
jthorne Posted May 23, 2010 Posted May 23, 2010 *sigh* Well, I'm so glad you think you have all us womanfolk figured out. The love of my life got me by being himself: a man of honesty, integrity, character and good humor. He did not get me by playing games or pretending to be a challenge. YOU CAN'T FAKE CHEMISTRY, GUYS!!
somedude81 Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 *sigh* Well, I'm so glad you think you have all us womanfolk figured out. The love of my life got me by being himself: a man of honesty, integrity, character and good humor. He did not get me by playing games or pretending to be a challenge. YOU CAN'T FAKE CHEMISTRY, GUYS!! Most men don't know what chemistry is beyond the fact that acids burn and bases taste bitter. The OP is trying teach men how to create chemistry in women. Because some guys, the titular nice guys, usually don't have a clue. The same goes for me.
Author sagetalk Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 *sigh* Well, I'm so glad you think you have all us womanfolk figured out. The love of my life got me by being himself: a man of honesty, integrity, character and good humor. He did not get me by playing games or pretending to be a challenge. YOU CAN'T FAKE CHEMISTRY, GUYS!! This is not fake chemistry, nor is it playing games. Some guys do this naturally without even knowing what they are doing. Other guys need a few pointers to help them along. I never said I have figured women out, hearing someone say that is a true sign they are a moron. Maybe he was himself, but being himself probably meant he was doing most of the stuff I've posted about.
lofi_tokyo Posted May 24, 2010 Posted May 24, 2010 How do you become a challenge? 1. Do not show emotions in the early stage of relationships 2. On the first few dates make her talk the entire time about herself (keeps you mysterious). 3. Keep all conversations positive and steer her away from all negativity 4. Bombard her with teasing and flirting but don't act on it on the first few dates. 5. Try to touch her at least once during the date without being perverted about it. 6. After the date make sure you have generated in her my mind these two questions, "Does he like me?", "Are we going on a second/third date?". Waaaa! I guess part of them problem with any sort of relationship coaching is having the reader meeting the writer of a post on the same level. By this I mean - do not show emotions early on? How early on are we talking? What sort of emotions do you mean? If a guy started crying to me about all his deep inner turmoils on date one, well yeah, thats pretty early, and pretty emotional. But... I don't know, a couple weeks in? Its okay to show a softer side. And making her talk the entire time about herself?! Actually?! Maybe this is true in some cases but I love learning about new people. Getting to know others is fascinating to me. I've had guys let me ramble on during a first date, and trust me, I was not enjoying myself. I just kept going because I needed to kill time over the dinner date. #3and #5 make sense to me. So does #6... I mean obviously. If I really like a guy, even if I'm 99% sure he'll call for a second date, I still worry. I mean, I really like him and sort of get my hopes up. I dunno... My big issue with all this "nice guy" vs. "jerk" stuff is that there seems to be an assumption that its a binary relationship. You're either one or the other. Can't it be a gradient? I'd say the guy I'm dating is pretty darn nice. He has his sinister moments, but I mean COMMON, who doesn't?
Author sagetalk Posted May 24, 2010 Author Posted May 24, 2010 Waaaa! 1.) I guess part of them problem with any sort of relationship coaching is having the reader meeting the writer of a post on the same level. By this I mean - do not show emotions early on? How early on are we talking? What sort of emotions do you mean? 2.) And making her talk the entire time about herself?! Actually?! Maybe this is true in some cases but I love learning about new people. Getting to know others is fascinating to me. I've had guys let me ramble on during a first date, and trust me, I was not enjoying myself. I just kept going because I needed to kill time over the dinner date. 3.) My big issue with all this "nice guy" vs. "jerk" stuff is that there seems to be an assumption that its a binary relationship. You're either one or the other. Can't it be a gradient? I'd say the guy I'm dating is pretty darn nice. He has his sinister moments, but I mean COMMON, who doesn't? 1.) It means don't show her how emotional vulnerable you are on the first few dates. You have to let physical attraction build so she can handle the slight let down that you're a little bit sappy. 2.) No, the point isn't to make her talk the entire time. The point is to get her to talk about things that make her happy and excited, and show that you care about her life and like listening to her. This builds physical attraction. Saying, "I really like my job mopping floors all day" on the first few dates makes a guy her friend and puts her mind in the wrong mentality. A guy wants you to see him and desire him and never think of him just as a friend. 3.) There are guys who are in between and they are the most desired by women. They are also the rarest because naturally men fall in one of those two categories. Jerks have no problem getting women, so why would I write something helping them? What I'm trying to do is get the nice guys close enough to jerks were girls will start being attracted to their behavior without actually becoming jerks. So I'm trying to create .5 guys who are not 0 or 1 .
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