Nice guys get the girl! Part 1

[sagetalk]

I've read so many sad posts about the "nice guys" always getting the short straw, getting dumped. Well, whether you are or are not a nice guy, this information should help you greatly in your goal of being successful in dating attractive women.

 

I'm writing this partly because a thread was deleted that contained this info and I wanted guys on here to read it because they need it.

 

The biggest mistake unsuccessful with women males make is they try to get the girl to "like" them as a person. Do you think guys watch Baywatch because they like the girls on there as people? No, they like Baywatch because the girls drive them out of their mind with physical desire. This same principle applies to girls and dating.

 

First and foremost, what you need to understand is, you ARE NOT trying to get a woman to like you. You should be trying to get her to physically desire you and gauge her level of interest in this attempt. Big difference. It is way too difficult to pull off the "like me!" game, almost impossible. Unless they are desperate, lonely, or not hot they will likely friendzone you.

 

If you learn nothing from this post except this, then it's a great start.

 

Do you think Sandra Bullock likes Jesse James as a person? Heck No! He's a complete jerk. But she sure as heck likes him physically (sexually) you can bet on that. He's a challenge because he doesn't do what she says, he does his own thing. Even if it means crushing her heart. He didn't create "like", he created desire and lust. She didn't like him as a person, she lusted for him as a lover.

 

Women's curves create sexual desire in men and men's actions create sexual desire in women. That is why jerks get the girl, lust and desire. They get women so fired up they can't think straight.

 

In a post, a girl will list off things like:

 

My boyfriend talks to naked girls on Skype

My boyfriend never listens to me

My boyfriend calls me a whore

My boyfriend is so rude

 

Do you think the post is about how they can break up with this guy? I hope you guessed no. The post is usually about how they can keep him interested. Why? They physically desire him, but they don't like him. Physical desire is the key. Is it better for her to like you and physically desire you? Yes, but the physical desire is the more important one.

 

So should you become a jerk? No, but you can learn how they attract women. How do they?

 

By being mean? No.

By being selfish? No.

By being muscular and hot? No but that helps.

By cheating on them? No.

 

They do it by generating physical desire in women by their actions, plain and simple. Being challenging is a part of that.

 

How do you become a challenge?

 

1. Do not show emotions in the early stage of relationships

2. On the first few dates make her talk the entire time about herself (keeps you mysterious).

3. Keep all conversations positive and steer her away from all negativity

4. Bombard her with teasing and flirting but don't act on it on the first few dates.

5. Try to touch her at least once during the date without being perverted about it.

6. After the date make sure you have generated in her my mind these two questions, "Does he like me?", "Are we going on a second/third date?".

 

This is not easy, but when you get the hang of it, you are in great shape.

 

Remember, they should want you physically first, and not just you physically want them. Dating is a two way street. Even if you are a virgin and want to save yourself til marriage, you still have to create these feelings of physical desire. They will help get you through the times when you screw up as a person. These sexual desires scramble their brains and gives you more room to work with. And most importantly, this will keep you out of the friendszone.

 

Always focus on the fact that if a girl dumps you, it's because her interest was low and/or you failed to generate enough physical desire. Tell her to have a nice life (no bad feelings needed) and move to next one.

 

I could go on for a long time (I'm preaching to myself as well BTW).

 

I'll post part 2 at some point.

 

Others can feel free to add to it, this in no way covered everything about generating physical desire.

[Green]

First off the people who complain about nice guys getting a girl litteraly are crazy. Second all you have to do to get a girl is TRY... YES ITS TRUE... THEY WON"T JUST COME TO YOU... THEY WON'T JUST BE LIKE WOW YOU ARE SO POLITE>>> LETS GET MARRIED

 

IF THIS GUY COULD DO IT SO CAN YOU http://www.worldbuzznow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/The-Man-With-Half-a-Body-Kenny-Easterday.jpg

[sagetalk]

First off the people who complain about nice guys getting a girl litteraly are crazy. Second all you have to do to get a girl is TRY... YES ITS TRUE... THEY WON"T JUST COME TO YOU... THEY WON'T JUST BE LIKE WOW YOU ARE SO POLITE>>> LETS GET MARRIED

 

IF THIS GUY COULD DO IT SO CAN YOU http://www.worldbuzznow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/The-Man-With-Half-a-Body-Kenny-Easterday.jpg

 

Good point about trying, but if you're trying the wrong things, it won't help much except with experience. My post mainly helps with attractive, lots of options girls. The girls who have no guys coming after them will obviously be easier to date. But, I still think they would enjoy men who approached it this way then guys who try to get them to "like" their politeness and niceness.

[Engadget]

Good post sage, what I keep pointing out is that being a "nice guy" and a "doormat" is interchangable to some of these people that are complaining.

 

Having no confidence, and allowing the woman to walk all over you and having no passion isn't being a nice guy, it's being a doormat. People who say nice guys get screwed don't get this.

 

Deep down I'm a nice guy, but I'm also extremely confident and let no one walk over me. Being able to pick up on body language and signals is a necessary skill too, and I'm glad I have good social intelligence.

[carhill]

I've pretty much always done 1 through 6, and did so during my recent re-entry into the dating world. The clear imperative, for myself anyway, is to not fixate on any one lady; rather, enjoy their potential in the moment and, if I don't see things flowing the way I want, just move on. Prior to being married, I would get stuck in 'making it work'. Unhealthy. Another area being married helped me with is accepting someone being angry at me and not processing it as 'I want to get away from this'. Prior, I would always avoid angry people but, after marriage, I'm like whatever, own it, get out, tell someone who cares.

[somedude81]

Do you think Sandra Bullock likes Jesse James as a person? Heck No! He's a complete jerk. But she sure as heck likes him physically (sexually) you can bet on that. He's a challenge because he doesn't do what she says, he does his own thing. Even if it means crushing her heart. He didn't create "like", he created desire and lust. She didn't like him as a person, she lusted for him as a lover.

 

Women's curves create sexual desire in men and men's actions create sexual desire in women. That is why jerks get the girl, lust and desire. They get women so fired up they can't think straight.

 

In a post, a girl will list off things like:

 

My boyfriend talks to naked girls on Skype

My boyfriend never listens to me

My boyfriend calls me a whore

My boyfriend is so rude

 

Do you think the post is about how they can break up with this guy? I hope you guessed no. The post is usually about how they can keep him interested. Why? They physically desire him, but they don't like him. Physical desire is the key. Is it better for her to like you and physically desire you? Yes, but the physical desire is the more important one.

First thing I got to say is, women are crazy.

 

A man looking at that list realizes the other guy doing those things is an as*hole. And yet the girl still desires him.

 

So should you become a jerk? No, but you can learn how they attract women. How do they?

 

By being mean? No.

By being selfish? No.

By being muscular and hot? No but that helps.

By cheating on them? No.

 

They do it by generating physical desire in women by their actions, plain and simple. Being challenging is a part of that.

 

How do you become a challenge?

 

1. Do not show emotions in the early stage of relationships

2. On the first few dates make her talk the entire time about herself (keeps you mysterious).

3. Keep all conversations positive and steer her away from all negativity

4. Bombard her with teasing and flirting but don't act on it on the first few dates.

5. Try to touch her at least once during the date without being perverted about it.

6. After the date make sure you have generated in her my mind these two questions, "Does he like me?", "Are we going on a second/third date?".

While your tips are good they don't seem to be about being a challenge. From my readings, being a challenge implies that the girl doesn't know if she has you or not. She knows that she is not the mans priority even though she wishes she was.

 

#6 on your list is about as helpful as telling somebody to get rich. It doesn't give any details at all on how to accomplish the goal.

 

#2 is very easy to accomplish as woman love to talk about themselves. Though from what I've experienced. If a woman only talks about herself but never asks about you, it's a sign that she is not interested.

 

Lack of leasing and flirting is what most likely sets the nice guy apart from the average dude. A nice guy is too respectful to tease a woman. He may also be afraid that it will make her dislike him. The problem is that the doesn't realize that being too nice is actually a very bad thing.

 

The same can be said for touching. Nice guys keep their hands to themselves and in the end they only end up playing with themselves

[carhill]

#2 is very easy to accomplish as woman love to talk about themselves. Though from what I've experienced. If a woman only talks about herself but never asks about you, it's a sign that she is not interested.

 

Yes, it's so simple that it's mind-numbing. This *is* my primary test now. Proactive mutual interest. If I don't see it, and quickly, next

[sagetalk]

Yes, it's so simple that it's mind-numbing. This *is* my primary test now. Proactive mutual interest. If I don't see it, and quickly, next

 

True, but keep your talking far less in the beginning. The more you talk, the less the mystery. Mystery is great to get the initial spark started. Once you're on date twop or three, I think that's a better time to find out if she only care about herself or not. I think the first date is too early.

[carhill]

Having a lot of traveling experience and talking to strangers, I tend to be an enabler of conversation. People feel like they can talk to me. It's that empathy and caring thing. So, no, I don't talk much about myself, but rather ask open-ended questions and support the resultant responses. It's just a natural habit.

 

And, yes, by the time a few dates have occurred, I get a good sense of whether there is any mutual interest. I can sense it in the lady's responses, facial expressions and body language. If unimpressive, next.

[SilentVoice]

2. On the first few dates make her talk the entire time about herself (keeps you mysterious).

I disagree , I don't know about other ladies but I personal hate when guys do this. I think it should be mutual . I hate when I guy says" enough about me what about you?"... and I think to myself he already knows my life story but yet I only know little snippets about his... I just think it should be mutual

[sagetalk]

I disagree , I don't know about other ladies but I personal hate when guys do this. I think it should be mutual . I hate when I guy says" enough about me what about you?"... and I think to myself he already knows my life story but yet I only know little snippets about his... I just think it should be mutual

 

That's because you know you're giving him power. It's ok to give him power as long as he isn't a jerk. All this does is keep men from being friendzoned, I would hope they could care less about having power over a woman.

 

If a woman learns too much friend information about a man before she develops physical desire, it leads to her seeing him as a friend. A man will never friendzone you, so you can talk all you want. Your body is what is attracting him in the beginning.

[SilentVoice]

That's because you know you're giving him power. It's ok to give him power as long as he isn't a jerk. All this does is keep men from being friendzoned, I would hope they could care less about having power over a woman.

 

If a woman learns too much friend information about a man before she develops physical desire, it leads to her seeing him as a friend. A man will never friendzone you, so you can talk all you want. Your body is what is attracting him in the beginning.

You are right... I am not to keen to giving someone the upper hand in the beginning of dating.I tend to try to play the role of what you explained the man should be doing. I am not to sure if I do it to save my emotions in the end but a lot of guys I deal with usually do get friend zoned . The more I know about a guy the less I want him . Like I am seeing this guy right now and I don't know nothing about him and that is the only thing keeping me interested sexually.Don't mind this --just a little self evaluation.. don't mean to change your topic.

[FitChick]

IF THIS GUY COULD DO IT SO CAN YOU http://www.worldbuzznow.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/The-Man-With-Half-a-Body-Kenny-Easterday.jpg

 

Yikes! At least Stephen Hawking has a chair. That proves my point that women will go after any guy if they are desperate enough.

[FitChick]

A guy who doesn't talk isn't mysterious. He's boring.

[VertexSquared]

There's a difference between being quiet/reserved/boring and being mysterious. You can ask someone a lot of questions and still be mysterious. Someone who engages you in conversation and responds to what you're saying in a way that lets you know they're listening won't come across as boring in the slightest.

 

I am finding that my conversations are a lot more interesting when you just. Ask. Questions. Even if I have nothing to say about myself or my day, I can ask a billion questions and get a conversation going. It's a skill I've only begun developing very recently, but it's working wonders.

[electricity]

Good post sage, what I keep pointing out is that being a "nice guy" and a "doormat" is interchangable to some of these people that are complaining.

Having no confidence, and allowing the woman to walk all over you and having no passion isn't being a nice guy, it's being a doormat. People who say nice guys get screwed don't get this.

 

This. Always being available for her, always doing what she asks, never questioning what she says - that's not being nice, that's having no individuality. A nice guy politely and eloquently explains how his views differ from her's, a jerk tells her she's wrong and stupid, a pushover agrees with her and fawns over her intelligence. A nice guy tells her he's already made plans tonight but would she like to get dinner tomorrow night, a jerk tells her to f- off and only calls her for sex, a pushover cancels his plans whenever she calls to do whatever she says.

[Cracker Jack]

Woah. I thought this information was gone for good. Glad you put it up back up, Sage.

 

Now only if I can only apply this in real-time....

 

The mysterious bit being mentioned always intrigued me, though. I've actually had women tell me I came off as such, and it made them want to learn more about me. Problem is...I never opened up anymore than I did up to that point.

 

I only know how to be myself, and I'll admit, I'm more reserved than I need to be. One of my bigger issues, most likely.

[phineas]

This. Always being available for her, always doing what she asks, never questioning what she says - that's not being nice, that's having no individuality. A nice guy politely and eloquently explains how his views differ from her's, a jerk tells her she's wrong and stupid, a pushover agrees with her and fawns over her intelligence. A nice guy tells her he's already made plans tonight but would she like to get dinner tomorrow night, a jerk tells her to f- off and only calls her for sex, a pushover cancels his plans whenever she calls to do whatever she says.

 

I agree with this.

I don't change plans for a chick. Ever anymore. in the past, when I did i wound up feeling like a sap because I would get blown off or cancelled on last minute or they actually showed & it was a train wreck of a date.

 

I have to admit, the fact I have a house works out for me because I have an endless list of projects I can use as an excuse to dcline an invite from a woman just so I seem anything but desperate.

 

It works. It's like women get jealous of your house & want to be more important than your latest project.

 

And what is the best way for a woman to get a man's attention?

[Twenty-ten]

First and foremost, what you need to understand is, you ARE NOT trying to get a woman to like you. You should be trying to get her to physically desire you and gauge her level of interest in this attempt. Big difference. It is way too difficult to pull off the "like me!" game, almost impossible. Unless they are desperate, lonely, or not hot they will likely friendzone you.

1. You can't create sexual desire where there is none initially.

2. In order for a woman to desire a man that she already finds sexually attractive on some leve,l it has to happen mentally. and not through telling her what she wants to hear but through a genuine mental and intellectual connection. That can't happen if only one person is doing all the talking or the asking.

 

 

So on the topic of who does more talking on first dates, I have very strong communication skills in person and I can get a virtual stranger to tell me their life story and personal details in a matter of seconds. This is a blessing and curse all in one. I cannot remember the last time I went out on a date (no longer single but when I was) and the guy didn't do most of the talking, and I knew everything I needed to know about him to the point that sometimes I felt turned off from knowing too much.

 

 

I tend to steer the conversation as I want it to go, and the conversation flows naturally it is not a grilling session or an interview, men just really open up to me on the first date. So personally I hate the "enough about me what about you" line, it basically says to me the guy hasn't shut up for the entire time and now he expects you to also voluntarily spew your own life story in a matter of seconds and without any form of engagement on his part. Doesn't work that way.

 

This often happens to his own detriment since having heard certain things that are wayyy too much information about his past or ex or whatever, I don't want to see him again. But something odd happens, these guys are way more into me than I am them and it happens because someone actually took active interest in what they had to say. It builds instant attraction when a person is actively listening and engaging you in conversation.

 

So advice to the men, don't sit back and only let her talk, or try to play "mysterious" and don't do all the talking. Be mysterious by staying in control of how much you divulge and where you also steer the conversation and for heaven's sake READ HER BODY LANGUAGE. If her eyes are glazing over and she tells you she was up really early that day, take that as a sign that you are talking through your elbows and you are no longer interesting.

 

Find a balance it's the best way to build attraction.

[marsle85]

Nice guys get the short end of the stick.

 

 

Look familiar?

 

 

Hahhahahahhaha:p

[Els]

 

First and foremost, what you need to understand is, you ARE NOT trying to get a woman to like you. You should be trying to get her to physically desire you and gauge her level of interest in this attempt. Big difference. It is way too difficult to pull off the "like me!" game, almost impossible. Unless they are desperate, lonely, or not hot they will likely friendzone you.

 

As a woman, I can say that this is certainly untrue, as much as you and other men like to claim it. It may be true for some women, but not for all, or even most. Also, for someone like you who doesn't sleep with women until you and they have established their stand on abortion and how you are going to provide and care for a child should pregnancy occur (which would logically entail a long-term, stable relationship)... I'm quite curious what you DO plan to do with all that generated physical desire once you hit it off on a date though, if this is going to be your strategy? People who use sexual desire as a bait typically do not wait long to have sex. Otherwise it is considered 'teasing' and 'giving mixed signals'.

 

1. Do not show emotions in the early stage of relationships

2. On the first few dates make her talk the entire time about herself (keeps you mysterious).

3. Keep all conversations positive and steer her away from all negativity

4. Bombard her with teasing and flirting but don't act on it on the first few dates.

5. Try to touch her at least once during the date without being perverted about it.

6. After the date make sure you have generated in her my mind these two questions, "Does he like me?", "Are we going on a second/third date?".

This is pretty good advice, though. #1 is probably good in moderation - don't come across as an emotionless robot, but certainly don't be a weepy pansy. Again, moderation in #2. #3, #4, #5, and #6 are great, although I would not say they are the most crucial determinants of how you get a girl interested in you.

 

Honestly, based on my observation of men, the #1 method to get a girl is: Know her, and tailor your method to HER. Different things will work on different women. Once you know what she has a soft spot for, you've one foot in the door.

Edited May 21, 2010 by Elswyth

[sweetjasmine]

The biggest mistake unsuccessful with women males make is they try to get the girl to "like" them as a person. Do you think guys watch Baywatch because they like the girls on there as people? No, they like Baywatch because the girls drive them out of their mind with physical desire. This same principle applies to girls and dating.

 

First and foremost, what you need to understand is, you ARE NOT trying to get a woman to like you. You should be trying to get her to physically desire you and gauge her level of interest in this attempt. Big difference. It is way too difficult to pull off the "like me!" game, almost impossible. Unless they are desperate, lonely, or not hot they will likely friendzone you.

 

That's not true for me, either. I've been around good-looking guys who I felt physically attracted to, initially, but when they opened their mouths and started talking, *poof*, it all vanished. I've been around not-so-good-looking guys who got me interested in them by what they said and how they acted.

 

He didn't create "like", he created desire and lust. She didn't like him as a person, she lusted for him as a lover.

 

Even if I'm lusting after someone as a lover, I don't ever actually get involved with them unless I - you guessed it! - like him as a person.

 

In a post, a girl will list off things like:

 

My boyfriend talks to naked girls on Skype

My boyfriend never listens to me

My boyfriend calls me a whore

My boyfriend is so rude

 

Yeah, no, those are all unacceptable behaviors, and I'd never stay with someone like that.

 

Not every woman is a doormat who is totally blinded by her physical desires.

[sagetalk]

I am finding that my conversations are a lot more interesting when you just. Ask. Questions. Even if I have nothing to say about myself or my day, I can ask a billion questions and get a conversation going. It's a skill I've only begun developing very recently, but it's working wonders.

 

That's exactly what I'm saying, ask questions don't blab your mouth. The less she knows about you early on, the more mysterious you are. It creates attraction, plus you are listening to her and showing her she has value which also creates attraction.

[sweetjasmine]

The less she knows about you early on, the more mysterious you are.

 

I don't agree. There's a threshold. If I'm the only one disclosing, and he's not reciprocating, that's a big sign of disinterest, and I don't want to have to sit there and pry every little thing out of his mouth. That's extremely annoying. If he's sitting there and making me do all the talking and isn't sharing anything at all, he's not mysterious. He's boring, uninterested, and not worth my time. I don't go on dates to monologue, and if I've learned nothing about him, it kills any desire I might have had to find out more. If he hasn't said anything, he's either terminally shy and emotionally constipated (which I don't find attractive) or he's playing stupid mind games (which I find even less attractive).

 

You can't build any kind of relationship (romantic, platonic, friendship - any kind without mutual self-disclosure.

[sagetalk]

A guy who doesn't talk isn't mysterious. He's boring.

 

Wrong, a guy who tells you about his whole life, his dreams, and how much he likes you on the first date is boring. A guy that asks you questions and lets you talk alot is a good listener and attractive.

 

You are right... I am not to keen to giving someone the upper hand in the beginning of dating.I tend to try to play the role of what you explained the man should be doing. I am not to sure if I do it to save my emotions in the end but a lot of guys I deal with usually do get friend zoned . The more I know about a guy the less I want him . Like I am seeing this guy right now and I don't know nothing about him and that is the only thing keeping me interested sexually.Don't mind this --just a little self evaluation.. don't mean to change your topic.

 

I thought so, it was obvious, and good for you in admitting it.

 

You are a woman, being feminine is not weak, it's being who you are supposed to be in dating. Being feminine is hot, powerful, and can land you the best of the best guys. It is natural to let the guy take the lead in a date, you're just warping your dating life by trying to do things the wrong way. You're forcing these guys to jump into the friendszone and you're not even giving them a chance.

 

Everything you said is what I'm saying in my main post. This guy makes you hot because you don't know anything about him. You can't like him, you don't even know him. You just want him physically/sexually, and I bet you'd never friendzone him either. Maybe guys will read it straight from a woman and then will finally get it.