simplythebest Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Sorry if you read this from another post, but I need help I got married yesterday, no guests, no smiles, no pictures-nothing. We had to do it this way bc Im 5 1/2 months pregnant and his health insurance deductible is considerably lower than mine. I'm not happy, though. So, we signed the paperwork yesterday. He didn't even say a thing about it. He treated it like it was just any another thing. It was worthless, so disappointing. I waited all day to see if he would say something, but he never did. I cried for hours last night. I love him, but I can't do this anymore. He is nice, but I am tired of being treated like I am his roommate. I can't even talk to him about it, because he won't listen. I have no one to talk to, I don't want to tell my friends and family bc I want them to think I'm happy, but it is really killing me. You guys are all I have, please help...
You Go Girl Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Why didn't he say anything... WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY ANYTHING? If you feel that it should have been more romantic, to tug your heart strings, then why didn't you say romantic things? Why is the burden all on him, yet you cry in your pillow for hours and say nothing of your disappointment? The FIRST thing for a marriage to work is open honest communication. If you don't say how you feel, then it's your problem. He doesn't read your mind. I am sorry that your marriage got off on the wrong start. Begin fixing it today. Be romantic yourself. Call him hubby, hug him, look in his eyes, say whatever it is that you would feel and would like said to you.
Author simplythebest Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 You are right, most of the time I wait for him to express himself, to say nice, romantic things. When he doesn't, I feel unattractive, unloved and unwanted. I wait for him to take the initiative and when he doesn't, instead of taking the initiative myself, I complain about his lack of attention. I have stopped being attentive with him, and expect him to be attentive with me. If he doesn't hug or kiss me, I don't either. I guess I need more attention than he does. Thank you for your very straightforward response.
You Go Girl Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You're welcome. Now you can find out what is going to happen with the intimacy in this relationship. When you are affectionate--does he respond? push you away? Pull you closer? It's going to take some attention to what is happening when it is happening, and then thinking about it later, figuring it out, to get your wants and needs met. One thing I've found to being smarter in relationships for myself is--every single time that I am not comfortable, I need to analyze it. I need to figure it out. I need to understand how I work, and what are my needs. I need to evaluate what my partner's needs are. I need to evaluate how my needs and his needs, match up, or don't, and what is the happy place for both of us. When he does something or reacts to you in a way that you are happy--you need to think about that later too. Understand it, so that you know what works for you. This is not only about learning what doesn't work--because half of that equation is understanding what does work for you. All of this takes thinking--there's no simple answer that will fix it in a day. It's an ongoing process.
turnera Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 It will NEVER get better, only worse. Do you and your child a favor and get an annulment and start a life for you and your baby. If he wants to be in your life, make him work for it.
BlackLovely Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 Sorry if you read this from another post, but I need help I got married yesterday, no guests, no smiles, no pictures-nothing. We had to do it this way bc Im 5 1/2 months pregnant and his health insurance deductible is considerably lower than mine. I'm not happy, though. I don't agree that you necessarily "had" to do it this way. You could have waited until you had more money, but you decided in the end that the marriage is more important than a wedding. I understand that completely, dear. My fiance and I are eloping in the fall and as much as I get sad when I look at brides who have lavish weddings, I know that this makes the most sense for us financially and for automony's sake-we could have let my overbearing mom pay the wedding, but it would have been her day. Our elopement will have some trappings of a wedding-the dress, flowers and a photographer/videographer. Would a vow renewal or reception make you feel better? So, we signed the paperwork yesterday. He didn't even say a thing about it. He treated it like it was just any another thing. It was worthless, so disappointing. I waited all day to see if he would say something, but he never did. I cried for hours last night. I love him, but I can't do this anymore. He is nice, but I am tired of being treated like I am his roommate. I can't even talk to him about it, because he won't listen. I have no one to talk to, I don't want to tell my friends and family bc I want them to think I'm happy, but it is really killing me. You guys are all I have, please help... You mentioned that you are pregnant. Not to be rude, but is that the reason you got married? If so, you can't expect him to be happy if he felt that he was forced into the situation. If you "can't do this anymore", I don't understand why you married this man. Wasn't he like this before? I was just talking to my fiance today about how hurt I feel when he doesn't notice the efforts I make to look attractive. A spontaneous compliment would be nice. However, even my very introverted fiance wouldn't say nothing at all on our wedding day. Sometimes men show their love in ways we may not appreciate, because we receive love in a different way. Read up on Love Languages. I don't agree that you necessarily "had" to do it this way. You could have waited until you had more money, but you decided in the end that the marriage is more important than a wedding. I understand that completely, dear. My fiance and I are eloping in the fall and as much as I get sad when I look at brides who have lavish weddings, I know that this makes the most sense for us financially and for automony's sake-we could have let my overbearing mom pay the wedding, but it would have been her day. Our elopement will have some trappings of a wedding-the dress, flowers and a photographer/videographer. Would a vow renewal or reception make you feel better? You mentioned that you are pregnant. Not to be rude, but is that the reason you got married? If so, you can't expect him to be happy if he felt that he was forced into the situation. If you "can't do this anymore", I don't understand why you married this man. Wasn't he like this before? I was just talking to my fiance today about how hurt I feel when he doesn't notice the efforts I make to look attractive. A spontaneous compliment would be nice. However, even my very introverted fiance wouldn't say nothing at all on our wedding day. Sometimes men show their love in ways we may not appreciate, because we receive love in a different way. Read up on Love Languages.
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