Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 to me it was true love mostly initiated by her aswell to be honest, in the beginnin she was the one who rushed and pushed it, when she had got me she then changed! just fitted the npd diagnosis of needing attention and approval and the facter of her childhood i think also play a part in this! Well, I would say that her growing up without her siblings etc could have contributed for her to be sort of erratic and fleeting. She is also pretty young at 23 or so. At least you had a good thing with her and now you have your son.. Just think that you are paying for what you did to your first wife and that you have to man up. Life is like this sometimes. Sometimes worse.
Author brownowl90 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 thats another thing, i know i need to man up and even in a way accept my karma, but i am struggling. i havent seen my son in 4 weeks cos dealing with her for contact is too painfull, she still constantly lies and manipulates and im not in a mentally strong enough place to deal with it, harsh as it is too say it hurts to see my son, to be reminded of what ive lost, to drive to her/his home to pick him up breaks my heart, dropping him off is 10x worse, on advice of my friends and councilor i have stopped seeing my son till im stronger and that hurts as much as anything else, dont know how im draggin myself to work everyday to be honest
Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 Hey, Sounds like you feel like you lost her and your son together. But that is not the truth, your son is going to be yours always. I think bonding time is very important, that will be enough fuel to last till the next time so you are not so anxious. But you see what will work best.. Good luck to you and just remember something very difficult in your life and how that is not so important now. That will give you perspective as how this will not be so horrible at some point and you'll feel a little better.
Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 (I've been recommending listening to this guy to people.. but it works. You can try for now if you can't sleep. Good night).
Author brownowl90 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 im thinking of hypnosis??? to help me more mentally strong and to rid of the false image i have of her and the horrible thoughts of her with her new man, ive created a fantasy in my head that they are living the life we had when we first met, that he has my family and everything i want, 24/7 it buzzes round my head and makes me feel like im under a black cloud, its nearly 6 months now, no better, no easier, when i talk to her she tells me how happy they are and when i said you used to be like that with me she replied in his earshot "well u have to kiss a few frogs first" i did try and stir up trouble in their relationship and is response was to send a picture of them happy together saying that he loves her!!
Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 im thinking of hypnosis??? to help me more mentally strong and to rid of the false image i have of her and the horrible thoughts of her with her new man, ive created a fantasy in my head that they are living the life we had when we first met, that he has my family and everything i want, 24/7 it buzzes round my head and makes me feel like im under a black cloud, its nearly 6 months now, no better, no easier, when i talk to her she tells me how happy they are and when i said you used to be like that with me she replied in his earshot "well u have to kiss a few frogs first" i did try and stir up trouble in their relationship and is response was to send a picture of them happy together saying that he loves her!! Yeah... It sucks. Most people here have it pretty tough also. At least you are not alone if you look around.
Author brownowl90 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 i know im not alone, thats why i come on here, thanks for your help! i just cant help feeling deep down that its all a big mistake, that she will ring one day and admit it, that shes ill or something forced her away! just seem sone day my life was perfect and planned out and now my happy family and ending has been stolen away! how can she walk away from everything we had at the drop of a hat then turn into someone i dont even recognise! she owed me more, if she had talked about our problems then given 100% together to try and make it work i could have probably accepted it, but the first i knew that she was seriously unhappy was the day she left! surely she will regret not making that effort, not trying to save our family! nobody can surely just turn off their emotions and feelings and be so selfish when a child is also involved????
Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 This guy had the same problem, you can read his story. Usually when girls leave the guys, most of the times everything is seemingly ok, the guy is responsible, and then bam, she meets someone online, at work, etc and out of the blue it all goes to hell. It happens over and over, even more so with the internet.
Author brownowl90 Posted June 16, 2010 Author Posted June 16, 2010 yeah this guy came on the scene as a friend like a brother about 6 months before the split up as a facebook friend, she assures me that when she left it was nothing to do with anybody else, this to me seems like a lie, she did for the first few months say she wanted us to work it out but her heart was never in it and when ever we would meet up she would make me feel guilty for being down and upset but i was going through hell and needed something for her she could no longer give or show me, she now uses this and says "see we just dont get on anymore". if there was nobody else or the idea of somebody else then surley she would have tried for our son, this is a point i try to get across but still she denies that it was for any reason other than she wasnt happy anymore. she has recently admitted that this guy was an ex casual lover of hers and that she as always had feelings for him and thats why the relationship as developed into love so quickly! i hope it is just a grass is greener syndrome and the reality crumbles infront of her and she realises what she lost by being imature and selfish! but im scared of the thought that she thought she loved me until this guy showed her what real love is and that now they will live happily ever after, with my son!
Ariadne Posted June 16, 2010 Posted June 16, 2010 the reality crumbles infront of her and she realises what she lost by being imature and selfish! but im scared of the thought that she thought she loved me until this guy showed her what real love is and that now they will live happily ever after, with my son! When a person loves another, no other guy is going to come around and show true love and that person is going to leave. Maybe the bond wasn't as strong as you wished. I don't know what is going to happen with this new guy, but it will help you if you accept that she is with him now and this is the reality. Is like a new movie now. It may change in the future, but for now you'll have to make peace with this and be strong for your son who needs you and you need him too. And it doesn't seem like they are so happy since she is having so many medical problems, so maybe you are imagining things are so romantic and maybe it's not even like that. Hugs and take it easy. It'll get better I promise.
Author brownowl90 Posted June 17, 2010 Author Posted June 17, 2010 thanks again for your advice, your opinions are honest and strong! does you know anybody on here who has experience in npd?
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