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New posters on the OW/OM forum and the Infidelity forum

jennie-jennie

By jennie-jennie
in The Other Man / Woman

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bittersweet memories Established Member

bittersweet memories

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Huh? He was already in a relationship at that time with the woman he later married. But we can always rewrite history, can't we? :rolleyes:

 

So what if he was already in a relationship...look at all these MM they are already in a relationship but does not stope them from having another.:rolleyes:

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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There is only one mod, jennie. And he's too busy to read every post in every thread on LS.

 

Only one mod! Really? Is that even possible with all the posts I bet are reported on LS?

 

I thought Tony was perhaps a collective name for all the moderators?

awkward Established Member

awkward

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Yup only one mod. I am so glad that I don't have his job. Really, really glad.

 

When he finds the time, I'm sure he will stop by and lock this thread.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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When he finds the time, I'm sure he will stop by and lock this thread.

 

I'm curious to why you think this thread should be locked ?

 

While I may not agree with some of the posts the thread certainly has value and for the most part the posters haven't trashed the value or what the OP was trying to talk about..

awkward Established Member

awkward

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I have no opinion of whether it should be locked or not.

 

I believe it will be locked because it has gone off-topic.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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I have no opinion of whether it should be locked or not.

 

I believe it will be locked because it has gone off-topic.

 

Then why not post something on topic then :cool:

awkward Established Member

awkward

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Then why not post something on topic then :cool:

 

Good point. ;)

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

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BB- I hope you do not think I'm a part of the personal battle. It's not personal to me at all. Just bringing up some points I felt relevant not just to this board, but any board discussing a controversial topic.

 

So as to bring the thread back on topic, here's another thing to consider. Don't most people read at least a few threads before registering and posting? Most people don't blindly go into a situation not having the slightest idea what to expect.

 

OTOH- I personally realize that my straight shooter style of communicating is different than others. I will try, in all posts, to respond in a courteous manner. But I will not promise to keep my mouth shut.

BB07 Established Member

BB07

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BB- I hope you do not think I'm a part of the personal battle. It's not personal to me at all. Just bringing up some points I felt relevant not just to this board, but any board discussing a controversial topic.

 

So as to bring the thread back on topic, here's another thing to consider. Don't most people read at least a few threads before registering and posting? Most people don't blindly go into a situation not having the slightest idea what to expect.

 

OTOH- I personally realize that my straight shooter style of communicating is different than others. I will try, in all posts, to respond in a courteous manner. But I will not promise to keep my mouth shut.

 

jthorne........you do have a straight shooter style :) I wasn't picking on you or anyone else for that matter. Personalities have a lot to do with how someone posts and also it has a big effect on how the poster receives the advice. There are so many different personalities here, different perspectives and different experiences and it depends on where the poster is at emotionally on a particular day.

 

In answer to your question about people hanging out and reading before they register and post, I would say that's almost always the case, so in some ways they should have at least an idea of the varied responses they are going to get.

 

It's the nature of the subject to be volatile....that won't ever change. :cool:

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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BB- I hope you do not think I'm a part of the personal battle. It's not personal to me at all. Just bringing up some points I felt relevant not just to this board, but any board discussing a controversial topic.

 

So as to bring the thread back on topic, here's another thing to consider. Don't most people read at least a few threads before registering and posting? Most people don't blindly go into a situation not having the slightest idea what to expect.

 

OTOH- I personally realize that my straight shooter style of communicating is different than others. I will try, in all posts, to respond in a courteous manner. But I will not promise to keep my mouth shut.

 

I read a couple of threads in a couple of days before posting my first own thread. I can say that I made an incorrect judgment of the atmosphere on LS and was caught completely off guard by the responses I got and the hostility in the replies. It made me seriously consider never posting on LS again.

White Flower Established Member

White Flower

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It's the nature of the subject to be volatile....that won't ever change. :cool:

I do think it has changed. 40 years ago it was unthinkable. 30 years ago it was unspeakable. 20 years ago it was practically the norm but overlooked. Now we're all just hashing it out in internet forums. 10 or 20 years from now it may be hashed out in open circles and family dining tables, depending on the culture you live in.

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

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Yes it would be nice if all posters responded courteously and supportively to an OP regardless of their situation.

 

And it would also be nice if married people didn't cheat on each other... and instead treated one another with a little more respect, kindness and consideration.

 

But how likely is that to happen? Wishing it doesn't make it so. The world is just going to keep on spinnin'.

 

I have no control over other people's behavior. Only my own.

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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When I was new on LS, I was told unanimously to go NC. I wasn't even considering ending my relationship when I came to LS. This was not what I was asking for support with. Still it was the only answer offered to me. An answer to a question I did not have was not in any way helpful.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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When I was new on LS, I was told unanimously to go NC. I wasn't even considering ending my relationship when I came to LS. This was not what I was asking for support with. Still it was the only answer offered to me. An answer to a question I did not have was not in any way helpful.

 

How do you know if it would've been helpful or not ?.. you never took that advice :)

If you had gone NC you might be in a totally different place today

 

Just saying...

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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How do you know if it would've been helpful or not ?.. you never took that advice :)

If you had gone NC you might be in a totally different place today

 

Just saying...

 

We went NC last fall because my MM wanted to work on his marriage. Its only result was that it made us bond even tighter.

 

NC is not sustainable without the desire to end the relationship. Since I have never entailed this desire, the advice of NC is not useful to me.

califnan Established Member

califnan

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It's the nature of the subject to be volatile....that won't ever change. :cool:

 

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I wouldn't consider it the nature of the Subject.. Having posted just a few threads on other subjects - I guess volatile could be on any forum ..

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

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From another thread currently open:

 

Thanks, jthorne, I appreciate being given an opportunity to read this information from the moderator. I missed those posts.

BB07 Established Member

BB07

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I wouldn't consider it the nature of the Subject.. Having posted just a few threads on other subjects - I guess volatile could be on any forum ..

 

 

IMO.....this subject is more volatile than most. A lot of hurt, broken expectations and sometimes wrong choices is what gets most people here.

 

Yet......volatile is on almost on any forum, people are passionate on their viewpoint no matter what it might be about and with the nature of the internet, some of us type what we would not say out loud if there was another person sitting in front of us. Just the nature of the beast. :) I'm not saying it's right.......but it is the way it is. ;)

califnan Established Member

califnan

Posted
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IMO.....this subject is more volatile than most. A lot of hurt, broken expectations and sometimes wrong choices is what gets most people here.

 

Yet......volatile is on almost on any forum, people are passionate on their viewpoint no matter what it might be about and with the nature of the internet, some of us type what we would not say out loud if there was another person sitting in front of us. Just the nature of the beast. :) I'm not saying it's right.......but it is the way it is. ;)

 

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I agree with you BB .. Have a great Sunday afternoon.. :)

BB07 Established Member

BB07

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Yes it would be nice if all posters responded courteously and supportively to an OP regardless of their situation.

 

And it would also be nice if married people didn't cheat on each other... and instead treated one another with a little more respect, kindness and consideration.

 

But how likely is that to happen? Wishing it doesn't make it so. The world is just going to keep on spinnin'.

 

I have no control over other people's behavior. Only my own.

 

 

Great post!!!

BB07 Established Member

BB07

Posted
Posted
When I was new on LS, I was told unanimously to go NC. I wasn't even considering ending my relationship when I came to LS. This was not what I was asking for support with. Still it was the only answer offered to me. An answer to a question I did not have was not in any way helpful.

 

 

I tend to think that NC is stressed to heavily. Obviously the option should be presented because newbies are probably like I was and don't know what the concept is, but it should be presented as an OPTION. I think most people have to be so deep in the pain phase, that they realize that is the only thing that is going to save their sanity and bring them back to some balance in their life is NC......but until they are ready for it, it is going to go right over their head and who the heck wants to be preached to?

 

Sorry you didn't get what you needed in the beginning Jennie.

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jennie-jennie Established Member

jennie-jennie

Posted
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I tend to think that NC is stressed to heavily. Obviously the option should be presented because newbies are probably like I was and don't know what the concept is, but it should be presented as an OPTION. I think most people have to be so deep in the pain phase, that they realize that is the only thing that is going to save their sanity and bring them back to some balance in their life is NC......but until they are ready for it, it is going to go right over their head and who the heck wants to be preached to?

 

Sorry you didn't get what you needed in the beginning Jennie.

 

Thanks, BB, and I could have written your post, I agree with every word in it.

pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

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I've been pm'd by one frequent poster on Infidelity and told that my opinions were not valued and asked not to post on their threads. So I don't. I post on others on Infidelity if I feel I have something of importance to say but mostly I pick and choose what I like to read.

JAST

 

Hi JAST,

 

*Disclaimer*I am using JAST's post to express "my" own views and opinions. What I am about to say has never been (to my knowledge) been said by JAST before.

 

I am going to vent "my" opinion based on what "I've" seen.

 

Just out of curiousity do threads exist in the Infidelity forum...asking the OW/OM/WS to chill because they are rude, crude and socially unacceptable?

 

I find some BS's and some reformed/former OW/OM (can't think of any WS's that fit this catagory) to operate in a bully mentality...this is quite scary.

 

In having the unpleasant experience to work with many bullies, I found the agenda was to create fear by using force, whether it be words that are passive/nonpassive or actions to control by fear.

 

They have extremely strong personalities and usually have a "following" of people who desire to be controlled, or are intimidated by them. They seek to subdue anyone who they perceive to be weak, or anyone who might stand in the way of "their" agenda.

 

Having spoken my peace, I hope for change in this forum...peace.

Edited by pureinheart
pureinheart Established Member

pureinheart

Posted
Posted
I tend to think that NC is stressed to heavily. Obviously the option should be presented because newbies are probably like I was and don't know what the concept is, but it should be presented as an OPTION. I think most people have to be so deep in the pain phase, that they realize that is the only thing that is going to save their sanity and bring them back to some balance in their life is NC......but until they are ready for it, it is going to go right over their head and who the heck wants to be preached to?

 

Sorry you didn't get what you needed in the beginning Jennie.

 

I think those speaking NC are sincere to a degree, meaning some of them see that as the only solution to protect the poster...although there are some that think NC is the only option, and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it sends the poster right back into the possibly dangerous situation.

 

For me, I was dealing with a psycho family...so NC was the only option.

 

In bold is where it is at...completely.

 

BTW, thanks jennie for this thread, I hve had the opportunity to vent, and it's felt very good :)

jthorne Established Member

jthorne

Posted
Posted
Hi JAST,

 

*Disclaimer*I am using JAST's post to express "my" own views and opinions. What I am about to say has never been (to my knowledge) been said by JAST before.

 

I am going to vent "my" opinion based on what "I've" seen.

 

Just out of curiousity do threads exist in the Infidelity forum...asking the OW/OM/WS to chill because they are rude, crude and socially unacceptable?

 

I find some BS's and some reformed/former OW/OM (can't think of any WS's that fit this catagory) to operate in a bully mentality...this is quite scary.

 

In having the unpleasant experience to work with many bullies, I found the agenda was to create fear by using force, whether it be words that are passive/nonpassive or actions to control by fear.

 

They have extremely strong personalities and usually have a "following" of people who desire to be controlled, or are intimidated by them. They seek to subdue anyone who they perceive to be weak, or anyone who might stand in the way of "their" agenda.

 

Having spoken my peace, I hope for change in this forum...peace.

I think this is pretty rich complaining about "bullies" while launching barbs of your own. Just sayin'.
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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