seychelles Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) My ex boyfriend cheated on me the first time. He apologized four months later and begged for us to get back together. Like a fool, I decided to give it another go thinking he's changed for good since he had to learn it the hard way. Four months after us agreeing to work things out (not officially dating, but we do things almost like a couple and I wanted time to see if he will redeem himself, to show that he really has changed), I catch him texting another girl. He met this girl at a game site and exchanged emails, which then led to texting. He had been talking to her privately for two weeks (but he told me one, so he's also a liar, what a big surprise). I overheard him talking on the phone with her after I found out he was "cheating" on me. He was saying what would it be like to go visit her, or she should come visit him, etc. Just flirting phone talk, getting to know each other crap. But we know that this can escalate. He obviously wants to have sex with her since they're making plans on how to meet up. We live in Texas. She's in Hawaii. My question is, why was it that he cried and begged for things to be back to normal again, for us to be serious and date, then a few months later, try to hook up with other girls? His thoughts still stray, even though he told me he is so in love with me? He cheated on me once. There's no need to cheat again just to have sex with someone else, just break up with me! Why do it behind my back?! He was never going to tell me; I just caught him texting. The one thing I was so afraid of of happening again -- being cheated on, happens. He knows it too, but he still does it. His reason for doing this to me again -- I'm going to quote him from a text he sent me: "When I said what it wasn't a lie [begging me back]. It was how I felt. I don't know why I am the way I am. For some reason my carnal male instincts kick in and I enjoy "the chase" like a lion on a gazelle. Nothing has happened but talking. Just because sometimes I like to talk and try my cocky and funny routine... Nothing more. I am sorry you had to find out this way. It only just recently happened." That's it. No apology, no consolation, the I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings like this. Not that I needed an apology from him. I just want your opinion. Why is it so hard to come clean? Why continue hurting someone who loves you when you know what you're doing is so wrong? Does he have no conscience? He would text her and stay up till 6 am doing who knows what, then come to bed with me. I wouldn't know a thing because I've been asleep. [Yes, 6 am; he stays up the whole night.] Am I back up plan? Is his reasoning/excuse valid? Men naturally want to have sex with more than one girl? So that makes it hard for them to faithfully commit? So once a cheater, always a cheater? Any input will be greatly appreciated because I am so lost right now. I've been making up excuses for why things happened the way they happened. Like maybe I wasn't affectionate enough and because these other girls are new and better looking and I'm four years old. Edited May 21, 2010 by seychelles
GrayClouds Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Why is it so hard to come clean? Why continue hurting someone who loves you when you know what you're doing is so wrong? Does he have no conscience? Because as you have said he know he is wrong and while he is worthless he is not an idiot. Am I back up plan? Yes Is his reasoning/excuse valid? Men naturally want to have sex with more than one girl? So that makes it hard for them to faithfully commit? Your EX, and I hope that is the current and continuing name for this guy for you, is a insecure self absorbed piece of crap. In stead of healthy self esteem he needs his ego stroked by proving he can get someone new but does not even have the confident to break up with you in case he cant. It may be in his case yes once a cheater always a cheater for people can make mistakes but repeating mistakes is a choice of behavior. Any input will be greatly appreciated because I am so lost right now. I've been making up excuses for why things happened the way they happened. Like maybe I wasn't affectionate enough and because these other girls are new and better looking and I'm four years old. Now the most important thing THIS IS ABOUT HIM NOT YOU, he is disrespecting you and it is important that you do not let him. He wants you to think you deserve this and should put up with this behavior but you now need to find your own self esteem and understand you deserve better. It it time to walk away for good, go NC and focus on yourself. Do not let this loser's low option of himself, with his desperate need for other to build it up, to pull you down. Go heal from this relationship and then find that person who respects you.
sally4sara Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Because she is in Hawaii and you are local. He will cheat if he gets a meet up, but before and after - well that is where you come in.
Author seychelles Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 thank you so much gray clouds for telling me all that. i haven't really talked to many people about this, and to get a outside person's point of view of him helps me understand the situation. it's hard to see him as a worthless piece of crap since i care for him and we had been together for a while now. you're especially right about him being self absorbed. he is very vain and looks at himself a lot in the mirror each day; and if he's on his game website he will look at his default picture of himself over and over again. i don't know if that's normal. also, a couple of months ago he even told me, "You're lucky, because you have such a good looking guy. I look better than you." Yes, just that. I didn't have to read between the lines. It brought my self esteem down. I just hope that it works out between him and whoever it is he's trying to get with, because if he comes back to me again for a relationship I will be very angry. that's another thing I don't understand: why does he leave me and then come back (this time, IF he comes back)? Why doesn't he try for a relationship with her (or someone else) since she has more to offer?
GrayClouds Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I just hope that it works out between him and whoever it is he's trying to get with, because if he comes back to me again for a relationship I will be very angry. that's another thing I don't understand: why does he leave me and then come back (this time, IF he comes back)? Why doesn't he try for a relationship with her (or someone else) since she has more to offer? He leaves and comes back because you let him (and just has to put up with some who "will be very angry" for a bit). Sorry seychelles, but if you act like a doormat, people will walk all over you. He doesn't not try because he does not have the confidence he pretends to, being overly vain is just overcompensation for insecurity. Sad I afraid that is a trait you share with him, for you are allow him to disrespect you way to much for the sake of love. Real love requires respect otherwise it is a relationship bases on need. You deserve real love. It is time you let this relationship go. It is time for you to focus on yourself, not relationships. It is time to grow to love yourself so much you would never let someone like this into your life. It it time to figure who you are, what you want out of life and how to be happy even if there no boyfriend in your life. When you get there you will get that real love. Be kind to yourself.
Recommended Posts