Uncertain About Ex's Contact

[SadKitty78]

The ex contacted me, acting very friendly, and asking if he could have the pleasure of having dinner with me to catch up. It's been 1.5 month since breakup, and I'm not sure what he wants. Do I ask straight up what his intentions are? Ignore him? I'm not sure what to do! I'm not 100% over him and this invite came out of the blue!!

[Mombot]

Do you want to "catch up?" You could always Facebook him for that. Was it a mutual breakup? If not, and you are the dumped one, you'll have to decide your own position. You can always renegotiaite the date to later if you need more time and don't want to say no.

 

You have to ask your own heart what it wants.

[GrayClouds]

The EX wants to be friends, must likely FWB. By going out for dinner, likely you will be serving your EX his cake and letting him eat it too.

 

If your not over them then meeting will just hurt you. Be kind to yourself.

[monkeymaid]

i swear to god kitty. ....if you go, i will never love you again!. ....stop ****ing thinking about it. ...think about how hot your ass will look when you go to the beach in your new bikini. and how many heads will turn when you just walk by nonchalantly and ignore every single guy knowing they are drooling over you. ...and after the long hard hours of work you have put in at the gym no less!! ....then go shopping. ...yup, you heard it, a man has just given you permission to go shoppping and pamper yourself.

 

 

if you have dinner with that ****ing douche bag tool, you will, i repeat WILL hurt for days, weeks, or worse! do you want that? how many time do you have to get punched in the boob to know that it hurts? let me do it. ill punch em for ya

 

could you do me a favor and rewrite your itinerary? please . im interested to know still, ive just been working 17 hour days and havnt had time to come on the boards like i used to....besides, it somehow got erased.

 

kitty, please ignore him, hes going to play you....i know becasue i got that text message last week and shes trying to play me too. . ..they arent good for us. let him go. let him go. ....LET HIM GO!!!!!!!!!

[SadKitty78]

Oh F him!!!!!!!!!! I knew I shouldn't have looked, but he added his skanky ex gf whom I felt there was still something with when we were together to his FB today and this is all AFTER he contacts me to ask me to hang out!!!! I'm livid! I thought I was over his dumb ass, but apparently I am NOT bc why else would it piss me off like this!!!

 

He is such a retard!!!!!!!!! GOD I HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SadKitty78]

And he is already on an online dating site with pix that I TOOK!!!!!!!!! WTF is going on???!!!!!

[magda]

The best revenge is to be way too busy to see him or give him the time of day. And then forget. He wants to keep you in his back pocket.

[SadKitty78]

Breath kitty breath! Am I talking to myself?! Yes I am! I guess I realized I wasn't as over him as I thought! And that's why ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, NC is the way to go! And don't look at their Facebook pages and apparently can't even browse online dating sites anymore to determine whether you want to join, because you may just see the ex on there! Sigh!!

 

I know he has the right to move on and so do I, but why did he contact me?! I don't want to be some fallback girl he calls until life, or his online dating site yields him another woman!

 

Not a good feeling!

[monkeymaid]

state of mind kitty. ...go for a run. the endorphin rush will put things into perspective. ...life is 10% what happend to you and 90% how you deal with it.

 

 

change the way you are dealing with it.

 

 

your hot right? smart? interested in lots of things? well traveled?

 

 

...tell us something you love about yourself. ....actually, tell me something you love about yourself.

[SadKitty78]

aaawww thanks to everyone who responded! you guys have made me feel better! and of course, big thanks to you monkeymaid! you managed to come just in time to make me feel better! love ya!!!!

 

ok, so i think discovering all this is actually a good thing bc for a second i was contemplating perhaps meeting up with him, even though it was 1% v 99% of not wanting to, but now it's a 100% hell no!!!!!

 

i am angry though, angry!

 

i love that i'm intelligent and caring and that i have INTEGRITY. i tried to make the relationship work and i was a caring partner. he ended it! so he shouldn't have access to me anymore!

 

also monkeymaid, i will post my itinerary soon. i think i'm starting in tokyo!!!!

 

how are you? staying strong?

[monkeymaid]

well, kitty.... i wanted something you love about yourself. please refrain from telling anything about your ex. ...good or bad.

 

what else. ..actually, make it superficial....what do you lust about yourself?

[HurtinginTexas]

I feel for you. I just got dumped. Read my post on Im hurting and believe me you DONT WANT To end up in my sick situation..Im attractive fun sweet sexy and eduacted and have been used from day one. Made love tuesady night and leaves me wed morning and now he left me to go back to his ex wife..how do i find out by reading his emails (bad i know)

[SadKitty78]

I hate my ex! I hate that he still has power over me. I hate all the words that come out of his mouth! I hate that he claims he wants me back, but he's still openly flirting with the ex that he claimed he was "just friends" with when we were together! And I hate that I am so damn attracted to him and I hate this intense chemistry we have that made me relapse and go right back to him, even if only for a night, but I hate that I relapsed! I HATE IT!!!!

[monkeymaid]

welcome to nc day 1. ...you will get through this.

 

strength comes from within.

 

hate is love. ...you cannot know one without the other.

 

 

 

 

 

now, you start over.

 

write here. ...everything you feel. everything you hate, everything you love. write it out. ask questions. help out other people

 

go to the gym. go to the beach. just go somewhere. get your girls together. do it. makeover, and new wardrobe.

 

 

im almost tempted to tell you to have a rebound

[SadKitty78]

I did! I headed out to Stinson beach and laid out in the sun in my bikini because during those 7 weeks, I have been working on myself. Sunday night I pulled out my shortest cocktail dress and went out with a girl friend for drinks and dancing. I got a lot of attention - I felt good...but alas, end of long weekend, back to the daily grind and I'm feeling hurt!

 

But I am disappointed in myself for going ALL the way back to Square 1.

 

Please tell me you did the same at some point? It's almost cliched right? I mean, the word EX is in Sex, right? What a cruel cruel irony! I honestly just want to know that I'm not the only weak idiot who did that in the history of love and breakups!

[monkeymaid]

in all honesty, i did that once over a year ago when i broke up with the same girl. ..we got back together and are now broken up again

 

..this time, i havent talked to her since feb 28th except for a text wich was work related...i think. (she wanted to talk about a work event and proposed a hike as the discussion setting, and my reply to her was im not going and have no time to hike with you so no)

 

 

look kitty, we all **** up. ...learn from it, and move on. look at the positive. ..you got laid. im sure it was a nice release, you revisited a part of your past and are free to walk into your future. ...

 

this really is just a temporary setback. you still have the 7 weeks of hard work you put in behind you. ....your back to like 3 or 4 weeks in rather than starting over. youll be right as rain in 2 weeks

 

personally, im having a hard time getting physical with other women atm. ...never had that problem, but its really hard right now. meh, im sure its temporary

 

keep your chin up kitty your gonna do just fine. ..i promise'

 

 

and ffs! stop talking to your effing ex!

[SadKitty78]

monkeymaid, you are awesome, do you know that?! lol everything you write about just resonates with me and it's so logical and makes so much sense! you are going to be a great therapist! you have this innate ability to show some tough love, but also be understanding at the same time! i REALLY appreciate you talking me through all that i've gone through these last 7 weeks. everyone has been very supportive, but you've just been there with me since day 1, so i have to say a big THANK YOU!!!!

 

since feb 28th? wow! good for you! i think at this point i just cannot communicate with the ex and i don't see the point. i'm not sure what i was wanting when i agreed to see him, but in some ways, while i'm feeling kinda down right now, i am more aware now than i EVER have that he is NOT THE RIGHT GUY FOR ME! i think maybe we just have some intense physical chemistry that overtakes me and i am confusing it for more and have been the whole time. i mean, i gave him almost a year's worth of my time and he showed me he couldn't be trusted and not someone who will be open and upfront with me, but instead someone with secrets and things he keeps hidden from me. i am also starting to think like your ex, he has some attention-seeking issues....enough about him! you are right, i am NOT back at square 1, and it's a setback rather than going back to day 1. i am strong, i can move on!!!!

 

as for your problem right now, i think it's all psychological. when you're so familiar with someone, their body, them with yours, when there's so much physical and emotional intimacy, it's hard directing that towards a new person! and i think that's why i ran back to the ex to be comforted by the ex! that sounds so stupid, but i couldn't even rebound with anyone else. i got asked out several times by really cool guys, at least worth going on a date or 2 with, but i just couldn't see myself being able to even go on a date, nevertheless be physical with someone else.

 

i think once you have let all of the past go and any and all anger has dissipated, i think you will be able to date other women and be comfortable with them on both an emotional and physical level. just be patient and give it some time.

 

so.....any cool plans this summer? i'll post my proposed itinerary soon!

[secret29]

hey kitty, i've only just been dumped (12 days ago) and during that time i've spept with my ex three times! that was before i came accross this website though and now i'm going to try NC. was the sex really good? I don't understand why but for me it was way better than it had been for months which just makes it even harder to not contact him. I'm only on day 1 of NC too. You're not weak...you're just human and our emotions are all over the place x

[SadKitty78]

I don't understand why but for me it was way better than it had been for months which just makes it even harder to not contact him. I'm only on day 1 of NC too. You're not weak...you're just human and our emotions are all over the place x

 

I don't even want to say this, because sex with the ex is probably one of those things NOT to do that will turn you into a train wreck, but IT WAS THE BEST I'VE EVER HAD - even better than when I was with him! How is this possible? I think it was the combination of someone knowing your body so well, combined with the time apart, and the strong physical attraction, the emotional connection from the past, the forgetting of past problems (delusion pretty much!), and that tiny glimmer of hope that this time it will work out (insanity pretty much - same actions expecting different outcome), and you've got the most amazing sex EVER!!! But trust me, it will complicate things! Monkeymaid is right when he wrote that, while it doesn't take you back all the way to square 1, it wil take away some of the progress you've made! I'm alright today, but I had a mini breakdown last night thinking about how he could be so shady and so full of secrets and all the anger and bitterness I worked so hard on letting go, trust me, it all comes flooding back! I was so angry at him last night. I have gone so far in becoming a compassionate person towards him and learning how to forget and forgive, but after the incident, as much as I DON'T WANT TO GET BACK WITH HIM, the anger did come back, and that alone is not worth it - it impedes emotional progress! I say don't do it, just go cold turkey and cease all communication.

[monkeymaid]

hahaha i remember ex sex. ...try doing naked yoga with your ex, then skinny dipping, sushi, and a midnight hike all culminating with the craziest, most contorted, most connected sex you have ever had. ...i think we have all lived these moments.

 

they are so good becasue its wrong, right, your are on an emotional rollercoaster, you have endorphins going, cannabanoids being released, and you are being filled (in your case literally) with the thing you want most in the world and thought you would never have again.

 

the only problem is that when it is all said and done ...like completely over with, in that you are over him, and look back on the whole situation, you will not regret those moments. you will savor them, they will be the icing on the cake that you got to enjoy for that brief period of time. the kicker?? ...its that it makes you take more time to get over that person.

 

you did it, you enjoyed yourself in the moment, you regretted it, but not really, you came out the other side of your situation normal and learned, and you really are a better person for having your experiences.

 

kitty, i like your posts becasue they remind me of me the 1st time i broke up with the ex. even now, i could still have her, i just dont see the point anymore as she obviously has not figure out that a relationship involves 2 people putting in 100%. none of this 50-50 ****. i will just keep going on my way chugging along for now. ....its funny,i am picking up speed with my life again, and its so damn refreshing to see just what i am capable of. i always get what i want and i am reminding myself of that as we speak. ..my mind has created some grandiose plans and all, i mean ALL of them are coming to fruition and fast!!

 

for example ...motorcycle was planned for august, got it 3 weeks ago. ...was gonna get an extra 15000 in the bank by december, just hit the 7500 mark last friday, and it only took 2.5 months, was going to finish a truck that i am building by sepember, it will be done in july, i just ran 8 miles after 3 weeks of training. ...the plan was 8 miles after 12 weeks of training. ...wanted to be down to 185lbs by july 1st. ...hit 185 yesterday. ...i mean really! i have to give myself harder goals to reach. ...i want to buy a sail boat and a house with land for a small farm, by the end of next year in the santa monica mountains. im not sure how, but its gonna happen. i promise. i want to run a marathon, compete in an adventure race in san luis obispo, want to tour san francisco/ berkeley area on my motorcycle, visit the carribean for a few weeks. ...the list goes on

 

 

kitty what im trying to say is to focus your life on you and you will always come out on top. if its about anyone else no matter how great they are, it will never be fullfilling. what would you do if your ex suddenly came back and made his life all about you? you would stop loving him and even be disgusted by him for his lack of drive. you like being important to him, but no the most important thing to him. you dont want to be his motivation in life. ...you have to be your own motivation.

 

i realize what you are going through. now feel all of it and do other **** at the same time. ...get out and do something new. something way not kitty. something out of character and exciting. and do it for yourself

 

 

 

...wow i just wrote a book. ...this is also directed at myself so....

[SadKitty78]

I will respond more tomorrow as I'm exhausted but can I just say, "Wow I am so impressed by the accomplishment of all your goals?!!!!!":D Wow, wow, wow!!!!!!!! And that is the best "revenge"!!!!! This is an example right here of taking an otherwise "unpleasant" situation and instead of letting the negativity pull you under, used it to improve yourself and your life, with amazing results! I am so happy to read all that!

[elizabeth26]

I am right there with you. I am just barely coming to terms with my ex. He dumped me out of the blue a month ago. Said he didn't remember what it felt like to be in love. Said he still loved me and always would. My family and friends were as shocked as I was, we've been together for 7 years and he had asked me to marry him. He broke up with me on a tuesday and went to a friend of ours on a saturday, (a slutty little sister of his best friend and I adore his best friend.) My father and his own father tried to talk to him about what he was doing. Of course I was the last to find out. He came over when I was moving out of our house, he gave me this weird hug, hugged me with my back to him and said it took everything he had not to comfort me and return. He wanted to talk. I was an emotional wreck, but I spoke to him, trying to maintain calm. He said he hadn't loved me for a long time and he thought it was mutual. He said he thought that he was just very selfish. I asked him to stay with me one more time.

He sat next to me and said there's another girl.

He slept with me, then said he wished he hadn't. He started crying saying, "you're going to be so mad at me!" then he made me "guess" I got it right on the third try. I Burned inside, I knew she was a filthy little slut, but I trusted him. I wanted so badly to be friends. Or so I felt at the time, that I helped him get ready, but he wouldn't even shave for her, he "didn't want to change for anyone." I made him brush his teeth made him wear his good shirt and let him go, he petted the top of my head... And he still calls me every now and then when he finds something of mine, acting normal, like nothing happened... I feel like he may try for a comeback as well, but I'll be goddamned if I allow it. I am thinking about starting to date again, but know it's best to just wait until all the anger subsides.

[SadKitty78]

So..........the ex has just asked me if i would consider getting back with him - as in a relationship! For weeks, there was nothing more I wanted than this! For weeks, I pined away hoping to hear these words being uttered from his mouth. Even after hooking up with him last weekend, a part of me wanted to hear it.

 

And now, I've finally heard it and I AM NOT SURE I WANT TO GET BACK WITH HIM!!! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I said it! All those times of NC and reflecting on the ex, even the wonderful hookup last weekend, has made me see clearly that I don't think I want to look back. I want to look forward! I want to find someone who is my perfect match! I want someone who I can trust, who I can be open with and who is open and honest towards me. I didn't have that with him. So perhaps this is the final closure? He wants me back and I don't think I want to go back!

[monkeymaid]

sit on this one kitty. ...like for 2-3 weeks. ...tell him that also. ..if he wants you back, he can wait at least that much longer.

 

if you go back to him, make him work for it.

 

 

if you really dont want him back, then keep up the good work. this is an ego boost for you and as long as you keep the control, you will be happier about the whole situation. .

 

**** it, date around now while your at it. ...learn to enjoy the company of other men. loose you mind!!!!

 

and no matter what desicion you make, keep up the self love you have found. no one can take that away ever as long as you hold yourself close!

 

:cool:im glad to hear you are doing well!

[ADF]

Male exes contact their female exes for one reason and one reason only: sex.