Scarlett513 Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I've been out with this guy 3 times, our 4th date is scheduled for Saturday. I like him enough, he's pleasant to be around, and I find him attractive (I think). Really, I'm just not sure about him. He seems like a fantastic guy, but I'm just missing that X factor or whatever you want to call it. I know these things don't just develop overnight, so I'm trying to give it time. On the other hand, I don't want to force something just for the sake of being in a relationship. How many dates would you let it go before you decide that the chemistry just isn't right?
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I've been out with this guy 3 times, our 4th date is scheduled for Saturday. I like him enough, he's pleasant to be around, and I find him attractive (I think). Really, I'm just not sure about him. He seems like a fantastic guy, but I'm just missing that X factor or whatever you want to call it. I know these things don't just develop overnight, so I'm trying to give it time. On the other hand, I don't want to force something just for the sake of being in a relationship. How many dates would you let it go before you decide that the chemistry just isn't right? Whenever you feel: "I'm just missing that X factor or whatever you want to call it," whether that happens at date 1 or 3 or 7...you seem to be having so many doubts about him and the "chemistry" (which I personally feel is a lame bullsh*t idea) that it doesn't seem like any greater feelings will develop... Bottom line: If the word "chemistry" even pops into your head, then things don't look promising...
marsle85 Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 The X factor is they guy being a jerk. The X factor is NOT the guy being a jerk. The X factor she's referring to is chemistry, attraction, flow, etc.
Mr White Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I dated my current GF for about 7-8 months before I decided I was actually really into her. That's why I'm personally ecxeedingly skeptical of the "X factor" and claiming that if you don't "feel it" by date 3 things ain't happenin'.
Mr White Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Whenever you feel: "I'm just missing that X factor or whatever you want to call it," whether that happens at date 1 or 3 or 7...you seem to be having so many doubts about him and the "chemistry" (which I personally feel is a lame bullsh*t idea) that it doesn't seem like any greater feelings will develop... Bottom line: If the word "chemistry" even pops into your head, then things don't look promising... Take note, kids, wiseguy Hokie tells it like it is!
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Take note, kids, wiseguy Hokie tells it like it is! Different strokes for different folks. If a woman told me that she was on the fence about her attraction or interest in me and wanted me to wait and hope that she comes around, then good for her. I'm out. I wouldn't really want to waste her or my time. There's enough other people out there... So let me flip things around and ask you this...if your girlfriend, or a girl you were dating, had told you early on that she wasn't really sure if she wanted to be with you but wanted to stick around because she had no one else lined up, you'd be ok with that...? Perhaps in hopes that she'd eventually fall head over heels for you...?
Ruby Slippers Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I strongly believe that the natural energies between people give you tons of information about natural compatibility and attraction. If you're not feeling even a hint of that by the third date, it will probably be lukewarm at best.
USMCHokie Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I strongly believe that the natural energies between people give you tons of information about natural compatibility and attraction. If you're not feeling even a hint of that by the third date, it will probably be lukewarm at best. Agreed...if you're attracted/interested in someone, you'll know...and you'll know early on...in my opinion, those that stick around for any longer do so primarily for lack of better options...so they settle with what they have at that moment...
summerl0vesyou Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 sometimes the first date isnt a good indicator due to nerves etc, but by the 2-3rd, you should have a good idea. the x factor isnt going to show up, and if you are ok with that then id pursue it. but if you are looking for that spark, i dont think its likely to be there, if you're going on date 4. BUT...if each date has gotten BETTER each time, there is hope. if its been about the same everytime, then this is what its going to be.
Sanman Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Different strokes for different folks. If a woman told me that she was on the fence about her attraction or interest in me and wanted me to wait and hope that she comes around, then good for her. I'm out. I wouldn't really want to waste her or my time. There's enough other people out there... So let me flip things around and ask you this...if your girlfriend, or a girl you were dating, had told you early on that she wasn't really sure if she wanted to be with you but wanted to stick around because she had no one else lined up, you'd be ok with that...? Perhaps in hopes that she'd eventually fall head over heels for you...? Well, that depends on what she wants. I am fine with sticking around as long as I am free to date other people and she doesn't expect me to pay for her on our dates. If it ends up working out, then it ends up working out. If not and I find someone else then I am gone.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 can I ask the OP, the guy your dating from a looks perspective how would you rate him (1-10)? From a status perspective (popularity, job etc) where is he?
Author Scarlett513 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 I hate rating people in terms of attractiveness but since you asked, I would say that on my own personal scale he's somewhere around a 7 or an 8. It isn't that I'm not attracted, I'm just not feeling things click. As far as his "status," as you put it, he seems to be in decent shape. He seems to come from a supportive family, he has a good job that he loves but not one that earns him tons of money (not important to me anyway), and he's a homeowner.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 he sounds good on paper. Put the dating period aside, how long have you known him? Weeks, months, years etc... Do you think if you invested more time with him, then you would be able to come to a decision? Just asking because some people (mostly women) actually screen mates in a potentially longer period before accepting exclusivity.
malala7 Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I know how you feel. There is nothing wrong with the guy, he is attractive and has personality but you don't feel a romantic connection just yet. In my opinion, woman can take longer to decide wether or not a man is a good match or not. Sometimes is unfair to waste the man's time while you decide but in most cases is just the right thing to do. Get to know him well and see where things go. The best relationships I have been involved in are the ones where you are just not sure at first and gradually start to onnect to the person instead of a relationship where the chemistry is so strong that one ignores willingly or not many red flags.
Mr White Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Different strokes for different folks. If a woman told me that she was on the fence about her attraction or interest in me and wanted me to wait and hope that she comes around, then good for her. I'm out. I wouldn't really want to waste her or my time. There's enough other people out there... So let me flip things around and ask you this...if your girlfriend, or a girl you were dating, had told you early on that she wasn't really sure if she wanted to be with you but wanted to stick around because she had no one else lined up, you'd be ok with that...? Perhaps in hopes that she'd eventually fall head over heels for you...? Its just the same. It's not about "better options" , it's about the idea that you "know" after 3 dates. So, I'm pretty sure that my gf too has been fairly casual about the whole thing for at least about 3 months. Which I would say is the minimum time one could collect barebones necessary info to determine viability. 3 dates? Please...
Engadget Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I guess it depends, the girl I've been seeing as a friend didn't interest me at all until the other day and it was probably the 8th time I saw her. I finally got to spend time with just her and she opened up to me, and I saw who she was underneath which I liked.
FitChick Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 It's silly to put a timetable on things. I've "clicked" with some men instantly only to find shortly thereafter that they were unsuitable. I've let other relationships build over time and they were better. If there are no obvious red flags, i.e. he wears women's underwear, he has pictures of naked little girls in his wallet, don't worry about it. Of course, if you are only looking for an affair, then chemistry is key and to hell with anything else because it will be short lived anyway.
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