FearandLoathing Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I'm new and this is probably a little long, I'm sorry, but I hope someone will read and tell me something good =( Please I started dating a guy about a year ago, everything moved really fast - we fell in love (first love), I moved out of my parents house and he basically lived with me all summer and we just spent every moment together. After six months, he broke up with me and I was absolutely devastated, I couldn't eat or sleep or do anything. Just cry. Well..the problem was that he didn't just disappear. He always came back - we would get back together for a week and then break up, the longest we got back together for was a month and that ended just this past February. After that we still had sex (BIG mistake, I know) up until just this April when he got a new girlfriend. Which, again, left me heartbroken because I had been in love with him this entire time. I recently found out about all sorts of girls he was seeing and sleeping with in between me; about times when he'd tell my friend I wasn't the one for him and then not long after how he still loved me. I found out about all the times he said he was bored of me and didn't love me anymore, while at the same time he was telling me he loved me and we'd still talk about our future. =(. Anyway, after I found out about his new girlfriend we stopped talking - we had been fighting every time we talked for awhile before that anyway. We haven't talked for two months up until recently. I found out he was moving out of the country and he contacted me, so I suggested we hang out once before he goes. That was supposed to be yesterday...and today... but yesterday he slept too late and today he just didn't respond after he said he wanted to sleep a little longer =(. It hurts a lot because at one point I meant so much to him and now I mean so little that he can't even respond to me - he can't even see me one more time before he goes. It's been months and I am still so sad. I can still remember everything, even stuff like exactly how it feels to kiss him or hug him. How can someone be so in love with someone and then use them and ignore them? How do I get over this? =( I just don't understand, why am I so worthless to him now even when he's leaving?
witabix Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Your first love? How sad. You will find in time that there are no answers to your questions, not really. That is often the course of first loves, wonderful and hurtful, uplifting and devastating. You will always remember it, it will never leave you. In time you will look back and smile at how you are feeling now, it will all pass in time, honestly, believe me. Be happy and look forward to meeting someone new. Someone with a little less growing up to do. Someone who will respond to you properly. I am sorry for your pain now, but I do know it will pass. As the seasons pass into each other, slowly, changing into something else, as we all do.
BetterOffWithoutYou Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I know this may be hard to hear but it sounds like he does not love. Look what you wrote I recently found out about all sorts of girls he was seeing and sleeping with in between me; about times when he'd tell my friend I wasn't the one for him and then not long after how he still loved me. I found out about all the times he said he was bored of me and didn't love me anymore, while at the same time he was telling me he loved me and we'd still talk about our future. If someone on here had posted this would you tell them the guy must love them? I think that if you can step out of the situation and think what you would say to someone else with the same problem this might help. also, remember, actions speak louder than words. anyone can say i love you. if they mean it they will show it. he clearly hasn't showed you this. sounds like he was stringing you along for the sex. I can only imagine how much this hurts. I promise it will go away eventually. How long it takes to heal is different to everyone. I think you really need to focus on the bad things about him, the things he has done and said that have hurt you, even the little things that annoyed you. write these down and every time you start to miss him read it! remember that he isn't the guy you fell in love with, he is the man on the paper. when we are in love we blind ourselves by making our partners out to be WAY better than they are in reality. Most of the time we miss the person we thought they were, not the actual person. i would also suggest making a list of all the qualities you want in a man he didn't possess. this will remind you all the things he wasn't and that you DESERVE. make sure you talk to friends and family. journal your feelings. cry it all out. don't bottle up the emotion or it will come back to haunt you later. if you think you are depressed then please get a therapist...this will help you immensely to move on and also learn to love yourself. also keep no contact...remove all reminders of him, don't check his facebook, etc, ignore him if he contacts you. only once you completely remove him from your life will you be able to move on! it's so hard...i know first hand...but you can move on! if you need anymore support message back. also, remember you can do this!!!! you are stronger than you think <3
Author FearandLoathing Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Thank you guys so much =) I know that you're both right - especially about the part where he just strung me along for sex and didn't actually love me. It's just mind boggling to me how someone could do that to someone who they used to love =(, but I guess it's true that I'll never understand why. Thank you for the suggestion to write things down BOWY, I think I might try it and see if it does help me!
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