wheelwright Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 ..about my outburst. Last Friday, so 5 days before my confrontation (for those who have followed) I find out xMM had a minor (i.e. not sex, but kissing in that way) encounter with an 18 year old daughter of a mutual friend. (We call it snogging in UK, what about US?) He was 45. This is not like him, though I dare say I'll hear all sorts to the contrary. It was at a party type event. This was after the A finished for him to work on his M, but before DDay. In fact hours before DDay. All concerned were very drunk, and reports say he was an emotional wreck at the time. So, any thoughts why this event triggered DDay? Any thoughts why he behaved in this uncharacteristic way in the first place? Any thoughts about the relationship between this and my outburst? I did not feel jealous. It added a piece of the jigsaw to me.
califnan Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 Wow. Yes, it could explain the Silence. He is letting the wife rant and rave, he is hardly showing his face - and in the meantime, does he have a new love?
fooled once Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 ..about my outburst. Last Friday, so 5 days before my confrontation (for those who have followed) I find out xMM had a minor (i.e. not sex, but kissing in that way) encounter with an 18 year old daughter of a mutual friend. (We call it snogging in UK, what about US?) He was 45. This is not like him, though I dare say I'll hear all sorts to the contrary. It was at a party type event. This was after the A finished for him to work on his M, but before DDay. In fact hours before DDay. All concerned were very drunk, and reports say he was an emotional wreck at the time. So, any thoughts why this event triggered DDay? Any thoughts why he behaved in this uncharacteristic way in the first place? Any thoughts about the relationship between this and my outburst? I did not feel jealous. It added a piece of the jigsaw to me. Seriously, you have to let it go. You are still emotionally involved with him, even though he went NC with you (and from your other thread, there is no rule he must send you a polite "don't contact me ever again" email). Stop talking about him, stop wondering about him, stop caring about him. It is the only way you really are going to move on. To answer you post - the only person who knows the answers is him. If you need to know and won't move on until you know, ask him.
jthorne Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 (edited) Uh, I find it a little... Nauseating that he'd be snogging with someone young enough to be his daughter, but the fact it was right after d-day is especially nauseating. I'd chalk it up to alcohol, but who knows? WHO KNOWS?!?! The fact is, you're never going to know about a lot of things. Closure doesn't come packaged in a pretty little bow, you know that. You have to take it as it is, and no more. There are always going to be unanswered questions. It's up to you to decide to take your life back, stop obsessing, and start healing. Edited May 21, 2010 by jthorne
Author wheelwright Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Seriously, you have to let it go. You are still emotionally involved with him, even though he went NC with you (and from your other thread, there is no rule he must send you a polite "don't contact me ever again" email). Stop talking about him, stop wondering about him, stop caring about him. It is the only way you really are going to move on. To answer you post - the only person who knows the answers is him. If you need to know and won't move on until you know, ask him. I think I can get by without asking him. I think I know the answer. Just curious if people here have the same story in mind. This is very fresh for me. The dust hasn't settled totally. I have spent a year in the dark wondering about things, and right now a lot is coming to light. If you found out something like this a week ago about someone you once loved, oh, all of three weeks ago, would you be moving on from the issues and the puzzle so easily? And yes, there is a rule that we should go into NC with direct knowledge. It's the law of decency. No-one who knows they are loved, or who has loved in return, who has shared a level of intimacy that both have declared goes beyond their other experiences, should blank the other in the street by way of farewell.
Author wheelwright Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Uh, I find it a little... Nauseating that he'd be snogging with someone young enough to be his daughter, but the fact it was right after d-day is especially nauseating. I'd chalk it up to alcohol, but who knows? WHO KNOWS?!?! The fact is, you're never going to know about a lot of things. Closure doesn't come packaged in a pretty little bow, you know that. You have to take it as it is, and no more. There are always going to be unanswered questions. It's up to you to decide to take your life back, stop obsessing, and start healing. This is my closure obsessing. My getting it all out obsessing. Can it be part of my healing to do this? I haven't been allowed before, because I had to pretend to myself it was easy to re-dedicate to H. It happened hours before DDay. It triggered DDAy.
califnan Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 And to add to the others WW .. The saying that "It will all come out in the wash" rings true. You don't have to wonder too much .. things could surface in the future, to answer questions.. But as I have said before: concentrate on the gem - your husband..
jthorne Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 This is my closure obsessing. My getting it all out obsessing. Can it be part of my healing to do this? I haven't been allowed before, because I had to pretend to myself it was easy to re-dedicate to H. It happened hours before DDay. It triggered DDAy.Im sorry, I misread. Well, if you must know, kissing the teenager tells me he's a slimebag who can't be faithful to anyone. He says pretty words, but his actions speak otherwise.
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