fnouri Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 I see a lot of posts here about breaking up. I also see a lot of advise about letting go and forgetting, or even revenging. I even posted a little something (by TD Jakes, it was removed by the webmaster!) about letting go. And yes, I am in a situation where my fiancé is breaking up with me, so I know the pain. What I don't see here, or hear from others, is working things out! It is amazing to me how we are trained to let things go, but not to work on them hard. I mean, I understand the need for braking up an abusive or violent relationship. I even agree that repeated offenders, chronic cheaters, constant liars should be forgotten. But what about people who are genuinely are trying to change for better? What about relationships where someone just seems not to be able to understand or do things the way the other want it done? Sometimes I think, based on my own experience, and what I have learned recently is that if there is any hope, work on the relationship rather than tucking tail and running. Stop paying so much attention to what YOU want or how unhappy YOU are, and start noticing good things about him or her. Can't you really compromise? Can't you really see things from his or her point of view? Have you really been listening? I think as long as love is strong in at least one person, the relationship deserves a chance and wholehearted efforts. We should all stop being self-centered and understand that God, life, values, and character are more important than self-fulfillment. And if things break up anyway, remember that the Lord said, "As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you." (Isaiah 66:13)
UCFKevin Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 Sometimes it ain't up to us. I would've done anything humanly possible to work things out with my ex, I truly would've changed for the better, but she wasn't willing to give me that chance.
Author fnouri Posted January 26, 2004 Author Posted January 26, 2004 I know what you are saying. Mine too. She does not believe it, and she does not give me a chance to show her. So she is leaving, because all her "friends" tell her she needs to leave because she is unhappy. That is it, unhappy. She is willing to take a chance on everyone else out there, destroy what we have worked for so hard, just because she loves clubbing and I do not! Go figure. And whats up with all these people saying let them go, let them go! Why, don't anyone wanna sweat a little for love? for a future? Is the whole relationship thing about protecting yourself from hurt? Hey, I love to hear your full story, and I'll tell you mine! Send me PM.
UCFKevin Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 Oh sweet Jesus, you don't want to open that can of worms. It's on this board, though. I have a feeling my ex had a voice or two in her ear telling her to be single again, too. A friend of hers who she babysat for recently got a divorce and started going out a lot. I could be wrong, but...I've heard that women can be pretty persuasive and vindictive with their friends. But buddy, I sweat my ASS off to try to work things out. I did all I possibly could've, short of proposing to her. She's dumped you because you don't like going clubbing? There better be more to it than that, man. Anyway, when the other person shows such disinterest in working things out, eventually it just becomes a defeated situation. Pointless to keep trying. You can't persuade someone to do something they don't want to do when you're in this sort of situation, the little lost puppy with the trembling lips saying, "Come back to me," that just pushes them away even further. Which is something i found out the very hard way. But I suppose if it was meant to be, it wouldn't have pushed her away, it would've brought her closer when I'd show how much I care about her by biting the heads of mice and leaving them on her doorstep. I'm kidding, for God's sake.
Kriz Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 And whats up with all these people saying let them go, let them go! I know. I've had this conversation just two days ago. Everyone always saying to move on, it's for the best, yadayada. Sometimes it's not. Sometimes all it takes is giving up some pride, or trying a little harder. I try my best to be the advocate of the other option.
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 such a nice post & alternative post fnouri, although i am not conventionally religious i am a very spiritual being believing in love and magic making the whole world! i too would like to hear of people who have reconciled, there ain't enough threads about successful reconciliations on this forum ( and logically so as why would 99% of people without further heartbreak look at Loveshack? ) my ex whom i went out with for 4 months broke up with me, i am still totally devasted, i thought she was the one, my girl for ever, totally in love with her after those 4 months just today she invites me out to go bowling, i wasn't sure about how i would be but we ended up having a great time and really enjoyed ourselves, i thanked her in the end saying how good a time i had and how glad i was she invited me out, she then said we'll have to do this again very soon as it was so good! i don't know and won't give myself false hope but today i feel better after seeing her, she looked great and looked very happy and seemed still very close to me, she gave me a big hug after our meeting and really felt a bit better afterwards today i know like i have done for a while that i still love her, i couldn't say this to her but i'm sure she knows what i still feel for her as she said before that my eyes say everything so i still have hope, maybe futile i know judging by experience and threads on loveshack but i like fnouri still have a sense of chance and hope in our hearts... maybe sometimes it is better to follow the heart? sorry to hear about your fiancé fnouri, i wish you all the best!
Author fnouri Posted January 26, 2004 Author Posted January 26, 2004 I guess. UCFKevin, you are right. In my case, I think I am miserable because I don't break it off. All week long she tells me about leaving, that she is looking at apartments, and she even talks about her new boyfriend and how "she gets lost in his eyes". At the same time, she had sex with me last night, twice! She kisses me, she hugs me, she tells me that she loves me but not romantically, she tells me that I am a perfect match for her, that she admires me, and all of that. You know, sometimes I think she is just torturing me! Did you go through the same thing?
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 dear god fnorni, this girl is a freak! how on earth are you listening to such mad s****? she talks about her new boyfriend? yet you allow her to have sex WITH YOU? she 'loves you' ? my god, i have never had that BUT if i did i'd throw her out the front door and probably be OVER her by the time she hit the ground! you gotta wise up here fnouni! she is a piece of s***, you should tell her this fact and shut her out for good!
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 26, 2004 Posted January 26, 2004 fnouri in your circumstance relating to your first post the usual breakup and walk-away and no contact rule is the ONLY method you can do here... if you continue to pursue this girl she will further abuse and manipulate you for as long as YOU ALLOW HER TO DO SO! you deserve better!
Author fnouri Posted January 29, 2004 Author Posted January 29, 2004 I think I am there. I had to really build myself up and get the courage to tell her that. But Monday night I did. I told her that she is a street hooker and that she is not worthy of my love. I also told her that she needs to move out, and no, I am not signing the BMW title over to her. She can have the Toyota, and make the payments on it! But you know, it freaking hurts!
calithin83 Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 well if someone dumps u how are u gonna try to work it out????YA RIGHT i got dumped and when i tried working it out the more he IGNORED ME...so i GAVE UP, once i gave up and IGNORED HIM then 4 weeks later he came back knocking at my door, now we are together again and hes actually nicer and better then ever before....so if i wouldve kept trying after HE broke up with me i would have kept pushing him FARTHER AND FARTHER AWAY, its cos i gave up and focused on ME for once, is that he noticed and he came back.... we've been together for3 years and 2months:)....
faux Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Originally posted by fnouri All week long she tells me about leaving, that she is looking at apartments, and she even talks about her new boyfriend and how "she gets lost in his eyes". At the same time, she had sex with me last night, twice! She kisses me, she hugs me, she tells me that she loves me but not romantically, she tells me that I am a perfect match for her, that she admires me, and all of that... She is trying to tell you she is no longer interested and wants to leave, and most likely is going to. She doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore most likely. Women tend not to come right out and say this, and it's devastating for us men, because we BELIEVE that they want to come back after a "break" and we BELIEVE they still love us, and want to talk to us. In reality she doesn't want a thing to do with you anymore. If she hasn't already (she's being a nut case) break it off and leave. Don't talk to her anymore. If you keep trying to "work things out" after she's left you she might consider it stalking and slap a nice TRO on you.... That could very well be finalized. Save yourself a LOT of trouble. My friends told me this with an ex of mine... I didn't care. You probably don't care now. You'll learn on your own if you have to Just let her be, move away, stop talking to her as much as it hurts. IF there is any chance of you two working things out SHE will come back and initiate it but ONLY after you stop talking to her!
Recommended Posts