Nikki Sahagin Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 There are so many things i'm struggling with today. My mind is such a mess i'll try to organise my thoughts somehow: My birthday is the 1st June and my ex is going away for 6 months travelling America the day before. Although I know we aren't together, this deeply effects me. I feel I will be haunted by the fact that he is doing something amazing with his life which will finally take him away from me and where he will meet endless amazing new women and have endless amazing new experiences, and I will die in his memory and in his heart for good, and on my BIRTHDAY. I have been crying all day, i'm just caught up in so much fear and anxiety. I'm trying to keep my post simple so i'll list them: 1) I'm afraid all men will hurt and lie to me. 2) I'm afraid of the pressure of always being interesting and beautiful so that a guy wont run off with someone else. 3) I'm afraid of never feeling good enough. 4) I'm upset that even when I feel beautiful, I feel empty inside because he didn't think I was enough 5) I feel guilty that I can't try to be his friend, that I can't push past these feelings and be the friend I once was to him. 6) I feel scared i'll never let anyone love me, or that I never will love anyone else 7) I'm afraid i'll always be haunted by the memory of him and that the damage is done 8) I'm jealous of other girls, even girls I don't find attractive, even though I have a high self-body image. Its my inner insecurity thats eating me away. 9) I'm sad I can't let myself be happy. 10) I'm hurting so much that he doesn't care anymore...that he'll never come back. It feels like poison inside. I'm crying as I type. I don't know how to explain it just, I feel my belief in love is over. I loved him so much and the hurt is so strong - I almost feel emotionally crippled. I don't know how to start getting over this and its been A YEAR. I was doing so well but it just hits me all over again.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 seems it will be good for You for him to be gone...... IMO. why are you placing your selfworth on this guy- or any other for that matter? sounds to me like you blame him for your negative feelings about yourself and well with him not in the picture- you will have only yourself to blame for not liking yourself.... you need to love yourself first.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 seems it will be good for You for him to be gone...... IMO. why are you placing your selfworth on this guy- or any other for that matter? sounds to me like you blame him for your negative feelings about yourself and well with him not in the picture- you will have only yourself to blame for not liking yourself.... you need to love yourself first. I don't know why I am. I don't do it intentionally. I honestly don't know where it began or why. I know that I like myself as a person but I am always comparing myself. I am never content. I think you have a point that I am blaming him and with him gone I have to confront my own issues. But I really don't know how to go about that. I've been to therapy before....honestly it didn't help me. Everything she said was great, everything we did was great, but its like these thoughts/feelings/habits/beliefs are so deeply engrained.
laRubiaBonita Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 i do feel this sometimes- at a deep level all the time still. but what helps me is just telling myself I AM an awesome loving person. i know this because my many friends tell me this, my family tells me this.... but really YOU have to tell yourself You are a great person and just because one person isn't your boyfriend anymore doesn't mean you are not/ were not good enough..... maybe He couldn't handle your greatness - or he changed... it is no reflection on you. what helps me get over lost loves is knowing that because i was in their life they are a better person because of me.... maybe they are more patient now, maybe they stop and look for four leaf clovers and slow down now, maybe i introduced them to a new song or view of art...... but i know they are better people because i affected their lives. you may think it's egotistical, but it's not.... you gotta toot your own horn for yourself, it makes you feel better. doing daily affirmation in front of the mirror each day will help too- it seems stupid and cheesey- telling your reflection that you are great and a wonderful worthwhile person- but you just fake until you make it.... you will soon believe what you tell yourself. just like you are telling yourself you are scared and a failure- well by your original post- it does seem like you believe that, so change your outlook and keep telling yourself positive affirmations.
collegemommy Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Like you said in response to my post, I'm not exactly in the best position to comfort you with my own crappy day going on. I just wanted you to know that I completely understand where you are coming from! I often feel sad for myself because I think that this was the only person out there for me. That I will never be able to give my heart to someone else again... I gave my ex my whole heart. Huge mistake because although I will get most of it back, a small part of it will always belong to him. I worry that because I will never be able to give my whole to someone else again, that it just won't be the same. So basically this was the one person who got to have the best and the worst of me. Anway, sometimes it's incredibly hard to stay positive and remember that no guy on this earth should mean so much that we place our happiness and our entire self worth in their hands. I know I'm not much of a comfort at the moment but I hope your day gets better!
Stephie Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 I know exactly how you feel and it scares the hell out of me to think I could still be here a year later its only been 2 months for me and I have managed to get a tanning membership and drop 20 lbs. I sent him a text last night about some mail and he called I answered and of course he was playing pool volleyball having a blast and when we hung up I cried myself to sleep thinking I could never compare to the life he leads now... Its a horrible feeling to think this person that you loved and made you feel so good can make you hurt so bad. You have to make yourself know that you are worth so much. Stop and think here he is about to go travel have the time of his life and I'm stuck heartbroken... Don't do that to yourself as hard as it is put a smile on your face get out with friends and tell yourself I can either sit here and cry and do nothing with my life/self or I can get out there and be happy again. Feeling bad about yourself and crying wont make him feel bad your only making yourself feel bad. Trust me I am no one to give advice because I still think me and my ex were made for eachother I still want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I also know he fell in love with a different girl not the unhappy moody girl I became. I know if theres any chance for us or any relationship I have to fix me and love me and really know I am worth it to someone. If this never works out again I can honestly say I have learned a lot of things not to do and to do next time! You can't go through life only thinking about the negative things when it comes to your next relationship let it happen and even though you might not think you will ever overcome this pain one day you will wake up and you wont cry anymore when you think of him!!! Good luck hang in there and only you can make yourself happy!!!
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