I just had to share my broken heart experience with some people who might care :)

[sambo crockett]

OK,

 

So I met the most beautiful girl that I ever got along with. I literally still get speechless when i stare at her. I hadnt been with anyone for four years prior because I have been going to school and its been tough because.....being broke is a major turn off I know......but she didnt mind so much cause she could see I was going to school. Anyway we soon became quite attached to each other. We talked all day through texts and phone conversations and we'd meet up and have sex any time we could. I had never experienced having some one I was so attracted to be mutually attracted to me in the same way. I know that in relationships the first couple of months can be intense but it just seemed so insanely blissful to me. Then she started to make hints about my not having a career or a job bothering her. At that point she started to distance herself from me and soon she wouldnt text me back as frequently. Now I guess I didnt have any reason to really think she was sleeping with some one else but I still felt that way because she wasnt sleeping with me and previously we had been having sex like rabbits. Then about 3 months ago I noticed that she really stopped wanting to hang out with me at all. Anytime I would lean in to kiss her she would move away from me. I felt so hurt because I was and still am deeply in love with her but I just couldnt accept the fact that maybe she didnt have the same feelings for me. Then this past weekend she called me to go to the movies. I was so thrilled just to be with her. We met and she gave me a bday present she had been holding for me and I was ecstatic. Then in the theater I notice she was texting some one. When I looked on the screen I saw a conversation between her and her x that just killed me instantly. I dont remember the whole screen but it was something like " how can I trust you if you keep seeing him" and she replied "Im not the one who got married". My whole body got hot and I had the craziest feeling come over me. It was like when I used to get into fist fights in school. I had this mad rush of intense emotions so crazy I couldnt even cry. I just calmly got up and walked out of the theater with out even saying a word. She came out a couple minutes later and asked what was wrong. I said "who are you texting" and she got all defensive and said "Its none of your business. Just take me home." I didnt yell I didnt make a seen. I just asked her if she had been sleeping with some one else. She wouldnt give me a straight answer. She just kept saying please take me home. It hurt unbelievably bad because I have never fallen so deeply in love with some one in my life. Finally she told me it was her last x. I have to admit that she told me his penis was like 8.5 or 9 inches and really big when i first met her so almost everytime we had sex.....which was alot.....I would wonder if my 6 and 3/4 normal penis was enough to please her. She was obviously attracted to me because she would go down on me anywhere. I guess just the thought of her not being sexually attracted to me because I wasnt up to par with her last guy hurt that much more. Again I asked if she slept with him. She said no they just talked. Finally she told me that maybe I was wasting my time with her. She wasnt sure what she wanted but I made her feel smoothered because I had concentrated all my time on her. I felt like the biggest piece of **** in the world when I left her at her house. I couldnt sleep all night. I tried to fight the urge to text her but I couldnt fight it. I begged her to let me see her texts between her and her x. I dont know why i did I guess I wanted to know if they slept together or if she was talking negatively about my package or something. Later on she texted me saying she did love me just not in the kinda way I did her.......that hurt so bad.....the feeling of being unwanted was so overwhelming I couldnt bear it. I seriously thought about dying but theres no way Id kill myself......**** that!!!!! She called me the next day and said if I wanted to see her and her son that we could go to church togther. I agreed because I honestly have grown really fond of her little boy. I feel bad because his father left them when he was 2 and he doesnt see his son. And apparently I look almost just like the little boys dad. He even tells me so in his little voice. But while I was sitting in church with her I just kept thinking about her and her x. Did she sleep with him? Did she love him more? Was she going to see him and just all together leave me be? I couldnt take it and I broke down in tears right there in the church.....I guess I boosted the pastors ego a bit Anyway.....we went out to eat and when I had regained control of my emotions a bit more I had to ask the same questions again. I didnt do it forcefully but still she said she didnt sleep with him. She told me that the real reason she stopped seeing me was that I had no career and that she didnt think that I was going anywhere in life anytime soon. Honestly that hurt but not nearly as much as the though of her sleeping with her x with the meaty package. By the way Im not small or something.....just a little over average size at about 6 and 3/4......yes I measured it exactly So after that day of self torture I just couldnt get it out of my mind. I kept going over it in my head. I had to know if she slept with him. Finally I texted her to tell me if she had slept with her x while she was seeing me or just leave me alone because I couldnt take being lied to. I never hid anything from her so I wanted her to be honest with me. She never answered back and then finally the next day she texted me " believe it or not I miss you" I called her back and after a long phone call she made me realize that I had smothered her and that since she had to look out for her son she just didnt have the time to be worrying about letting me know where she was or what she was doing and if I could see her soon. She said she still loves me a lot but thinks we need to be seperate a little more in the things we do and I agree but letting go of her is one of the hardest things Ive ever done. Every time I see a car like hers I wonder if it is her. Anytime I see a girl with similar features I immediately see her face. Just writing this on this forum brings some tears to my eyes because I love her so much. I guess that in the long run I want her to be happy and I dont want to be selfish and smother her or make her feel bothered by my presence. I suppose I will always wonder if she did sleep with her x while she was with me but then Ill never know. She did say that I was the first guy to ever be able to make her cum everytime we had sex so I dont feel bad about not being her "biggest" penis. Like I said I love this girl with all my heart but its weird because even though she said we should take time off to get our stuff together she still texted me today and even called me tonight to see if I could meet her for dinner. I so want her for myself. I wanna be selfish. I just want her. I feel like I could never love anyone the same. I noticed that even when I put myself on one of the dating sites that even when I get responses from attractive women Im just not even interested. I dont want other women......I want my cutie back I seriously hope that she doesnt get with her x or go back to him. I'd spend the rest of my life with her if shed have me like that. Hopefully I can pull my stuff together in the next couple of months, get my own place and new career started as Im finishing school. I just hope she can wait for me

[ALombard]

Um wow. So I'm hear to help but I have to say and ask a few things first. First off how old are you man? I've never heard anyone talk about his dick so much before. How long have you been with this girl and do you really have no confidence in yourself? You remind me of myself when my ex broke up with me the first time but she actually started dating someone else behind my back.

 

So here's what I'm gonna tell you to do to save yourself from a lot of heartbreak, depression, and wasted time. Just leave it alone, if this girl wants to have all the perks of a relationship without commitment than screw her. You don't want to spend the rest of your life with a woman like this. I was with my ex for 5 years the last 1 1/2 being a back and forth game with her leaving me for other dudes and coming back. Stop the game before it starts man, and really stop worrying so much about her ex. What she does on her time isnt your problem. Move on, grow up, be heartbroken and then learn. It sounds harsh but seriously I was with a girl for 5 years, planned on marrying her, wanted to be with her, had her living with me. Even the last year, it wasn't great all the time but I still loved her. Now it's been a month and i'm finally doing good cus I grabbed my balls off the floor and walked away.

[sambo crockett]

Im 32 bro. Its not that I dont have any confidence in myself......I just suppose I have a hard time dealing with the reality that I'm not the biggest or best or whatever shes ever had in bed......she actually told me that I made her cum with my dick more than her previous X but for some reason it just stuck in my head. Things like that never bothered me before at all until I met her, fell in love with her and stuff like that. I just feel like I wanted some kind of assurance of mutual attraction.....I know it doesnt really matter but its something that I just cant let go of......I will move on and have already started talking to some prospects to try to help but I know itll take a while to heal up in my head. I so want her......I know how I sound but I cant help it......I suppose Ill just have to focus harder on my schooling and work or something. Believe me dude I am way better in the head than I was over this past weekend. I appreciate the response and its like therapy being able to talk to people about it.

[BetterOffWithoutYou]

just so you know, its not about the size as it is the orgasm! stop worrying about ur penis compared to his! i can vouch for this, been with a very big guy but no orgasm...a rather small guy that i truly loved and i could orgasm. so pls stop worrying about that

 

ok, this is just a guess but maybe her attraction lies in the fact u look like her son's father, but that is the exact same reason she is afraid to get too close? just a thought. honestly it sounds like she is just scared as hell to be left again...ppl with commitment issues are hopeless unless they get professional help. this article helped me realize my ex is a commitment phobe, maybe it will help you: http://breakups.com/commitmentphobia.html.

 

also, is this woman is so superficial that your lack of money/career is worth leaving you, then why do you want to stay around? thats not what you deserve from someone, especially if they "love" you! trust me, i understand how low self esteem can make you stay in the wrong relationship and also that it can make you beg or wait around like a fool. i feel like this is the main reason you are willing to put up with her behavior... i hope you can find your own self confidence and move on! you deserve someone who is willing to fight for you the same way you are willing to fight for them! i truly hope you can start with no contact and move on unless she agrees to treat you completely and in every way like her bf! i know being single (and sexless) sucks but it is better than being used and confused! good luck!!!

 

also if you'd like to comment on my story the thread is http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231985/

[sambo crockett]

I know I know I know.....I shouldnt worry about my size I suppose I get it from watching all that porn hahahahaha......that and growing up I got picked on by a group of really pretty girls in school so I suppose I used to have a negative image of myself so sometimes its easy to dent my ego in one form or another......but yeah pretty girls can make me or break me.....sad but true and at least I dont lie to myself about it. I suppose I want her because I never had such a passionate relationship with anyone before plus she was the most attractive person I have ever been with ( I know that last part sounds shallow hahaha)......just today I met up with her for lunch to see her and when we parted I hugged her and when we were parting we kissed really passionately.......she said"Do you feel better now?" I said yeah but I started to tear up and I could tell she was like geez it was only meeting at lunch......Hmmmmm I just dont know......I suppose Im addicted to her in a way. Im kinda at a loss on how to cope with the thought of moving on and not seeing her anymore.......It sucks and I wish I had a cold heart or something but I dont. Anyway I know Ill survive Ive had worse things happen but this one feels like its up there.

 

Thank you for the heart felt advice