trueluV Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I met this guy last weekend at a party of our mutual friend. we happened to be the first ones there so we sat next to each other and though other people joined we talked to each other almost during the whole time until he had to leave. he was going to another party afterwards and asked me to come with him, but i told him i'm at a friend's party now so i don't want to leave her. so he asked my number and told me to join later since it was happening in my neighborhood. so i gave him my digits, and later i joined him at the other party, and there, he initiated physical contact-holding or touching my hand/hair but i let my hand slip away all the time. i was just so shy that time. he told me straight up he finds me attractive, cute, etc. i was shy again, so i responded with a "thank you". (how else am i supposed to respond to this?) long story short(still long, i know...), he showed great interest in me, but i didn't allow anything physical. i texted him the following day thanking him for the drinks and told him i had a great time, and he texted me right back saying he's happy to hear that, and we texted back and forth a few times, and it ended it with him saying see you soon. and i was out with my friend that time i couldn't reply. so, now, my question is, does it look like i gave out mixed signals? or did i show my interest of joining him at the other party he invited? and i did text him the following day, but then i didn't follow up with his 'see you soon' text. i know it's just wednesday and only a few days since the text, but i'm wondering if i gave out a wrong sign to him. or should i see and assume he'll contact me if he is truly interested in me? what do you guys think? thanks!!
Ihavenoidea Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 This is what about 90% of women do when they are about to blow someone off. Have a good time together, woman shows interest, send a couple texts, then stops responding, or mixed signals. Here's the thing, by being shy and pulling away you sent a bad signal. Then when you didnt respond after the see ya soon comment is another bad signal. Assuming he'll contact you if hes interested is probably not a good idea considering everything that has happened hes probably thinking that if you are interested you will contact him. Then no one is going to contact anyone. If I was the guy I would have assumed you weren't interested. All I can say is don't play games, if you are interested let him know it.
carhill Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 OP, I'll give you a few tips...presuming you find a man attractive. 1. Feel forward, physically, like you're leaning into him. You don't have to actually do that, but *feel* it. Feel like you want to be close to him. 2. Accept his *polite* touch. Don't pull away. Obviously, if he does something inappropriate, respond accordingly. 3. Look in his eyes intently, like you want to devour him. He'll pick up on that. should i see and assume he'll contact me if he is truly interested in me? I'd endorse this perspective. Looking at the totality of your post, you showed *some* interest and, IMO, if he truly found you attractive, he'd follow up. I pay careful attention to the *efforts* women make and your efforts, even in light of the mixed signals, would be something I'd follow up on if I found you attractive. I'd ask you out on a *date*. If he doesn't, then he doesn't. Next
Twenty-ten Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 (edited) so, now, my question is, does it look like i gave out mixed signals? so he asked my number and told me to join later since it was happening in my neighborhood.No, it looks like he was only trying to get lucky that night, and that night only. I wouldn't hold my breath for this one. You played your cards right, if he were truly interested in more than just a quick romp in the hay he would have made some effort to ask you out. You showed plenty of interest and did not owe him anymore physical flirting if you didn't feel comfortable enough with him yet. Showing up to the party later on was interest enough so don't knock yourself down. He wasn't serious about really getting to know you, and that's that. and i did text him the following day, but then i didn't follow up with his 'see you soon' text. and that to me sounds like a brush off, it's better you did not respond to it. Edited May 20, 2010 by Twenty-ten
SomewhatExperienced Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 If you're still worried this guy perceived your behavior as shooting him down and scared he might not call you, well, I've got a quick fix. Ask him out yourself. That's probably the most direct way to show you're interested in him. Plus, you've already set the stage that you don't want to just hook up with the guy, and he knows that, so he'd start you dating with a fairly good idea of what you're looking for.
Author trueluV Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 thank you for your insight guys it does look like though subtle, i gave out signs i'm interested to this guy- is this correct? i don't think he was looking for a quick one night thing, since he asked me to join the party first and later found out it was happening in my neighborhood i was the one who said 'i'll stop by if i can when i'm on my way home'. and he showed great enthusiasm the next day when i texted to thank him, and as i said, i didn't reply to his 'see you soon' text (it was a longer text). If you're still worried this guy perceived your behavior as shooting him down and scared he might not call you, well, I've got a quick fix. Ask him out yourself. That's probably the most direct way to show you're interested in him. now i'm a bit worried if he thought i'm pulling away/not interested and wouldn't try to contact me again. should i wait or text him this weekend with a short text to see how he responds? by the way, i'm not playing games at all, i don't even know how to play games. i'm just trying to be careful and not push the guy away. but, not sure if asking him out is the best approach now. any thoughts??
Ihavenoidea Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Like I said if that happened to me, I would just move on unless the woman makes the next approach. I would text him every so often and see how it goes. If you dont want to play games then offer a date you might be available to get together or make tentative plans. If you wait too long he'll move on. Every guy is different but I give the woman 1 day maybe 2 if I really like them. Communication is so easy and convenient that if someone cant take 5 seconds out of there day to say Hi they arent interested. Thats my opinion though.
Author trueluV Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Like I said if that happened to me, I would just move on unless the woman makes the next approach. I would text him every so often and see how it goes. If you dont want to play games then offer a date you might be available to get together or make tentative plans. If you wait too long he'll move on. thank you. what you said totally makes sense. so in this case it seems like i should text him instead of waiting for him to make the next move. should i wait till this weekend? or should i text today (midweek)? and if i do, should i suggest the next outing, or wait for him to mention it? can i give out hints and make him suggest the get together? i'm not good at this dating thing, so your suggestions would be helpful! thank you!
Author trueluV Posted May 22, 2010 Author Posted May 22, 2010 so i did text him this morning, asking him his email address. so stupid of me!!! i told him there's something i want to tell him and email would be easier than text. i was going to ask him out to an event with me for this weekend, a casual one, and thought i wanted to explain a bit more, so that's why i wanted to email him. anyway, i thought i made it look like a big deal when it was actually not! he replied within 10 minutes (this was all before 9am before starting work) and asked me how i'm doing and all that, but he sounded quite surprised to hear from me. but he gave me his personal email address. we exchanged a few more texts basically me telling him i'll email you later and him saying he'll check it and told me to have a good week. so i thought i blew it up! because that meant he wasn't thinking spending time with me during the weekend (which i was planning) and didn't ask me what i'm up to. anyway, i totally freaked out and decided not to email him, and i will just text him tomorrow and ask if he's interested going to the event with me and see how he responds. i guess this will tell a lot if he was genuinely interested in me or if it was just a one time thing. what do you guys think?
BeautifulMan Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 lol email?? Tell him you're dying to go to *the planned event* and you're looking for a cute date or something
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