audiojunky Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 (edited) I've been dating someone for a bit now, and we have been taking things slow which is great. The other night, her and I went a little further and did almost everything but intercourse. The next night we were talking on the phone and she was interested in knowing if I had any serious problems, etc. I told her that I was a pretty normal guy but at times I could be somewhat of a hypochondriac. The next day I got a text from her asking to talk. We talked and she broke it to me that she has HSV-1, but down on her genitals instead of the usual oral area. She told me that a lot of people she knows wouldn't tell anyone about this, and that since she felt she had morals that she wanted to let me know... and that since I was somewhat of a hypochondriac that she should tell me. After thinking about all of this, I feel like I've definitely hit a RED FLAG. My ex-girlfriend had Herpes HSV2, and I had a lengthy relationship with her and knew what I was getting into because she would never let me touch her until I knew that information. The worrying (that hypochondriac part of me) really made it tough, but it was my decision. After our conversation I felt like a lot of air has been taken out of the balloon. This is the first time in several years that I could potentially see myself with someone long-term, but I now have a severe issue with the fact that she did not tell me about this before we messed around the other night. I know that HSV 1 and 2 are very common and that there is more of a stigma attached, but at the same time it is something that I could have gotten in one exposure without making the choice to do so. I feel bad for her that she received this burden without being told, but I also feel a bit violated. I should also note that I was planning on getting myself checked out for this just to see if I had it already or not and if I was worrying for no reason... but I guess that is a different issue. Any thoughts? Am I crazy? My friends don't think so and agree, but that is what friends are for. A Edited May 20, 2010 by audiojunky
MrNate Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I've been dating someone for a bit now, and we have been taking things slow which is great. The other night, her and I went a little further and did almost everything but intercourse. The next night we were talking on the phone and she was interested in knowing if I had any serious problems, etc. I told her that I was a pretty normal guy but at times I could be somewhat of a hypochondriac. The next day I got a text from her asking to talk. We talked and she broke it to me that she has HSV-1, but down on her genitals instead of the usual oral area. She told me that a lot of people she knows wouldn't tell anyone about this, and that since she felt she had morals that she wanted to let me know... and that since I was somewhat of a hypochondriac that she should tell me. After thinking about all of this, I feel like I've definitely hit a RED FLAG. My ex-girlfriend had Herpes HSV2, and I had a lengthy relationship with her and knew what I was getting into because she would never let me touch her until I knew that information. The worrying (that hypochondriac part of me) really made it tough, but it was my decision. After our conversation I felt like a lot of air has been taken out of the balloon. This is the first time in several years that I could potentially see myself with someone long-term, but I now have a severe issue with the fact that she did not tell me about this before we messed around the other night. I know that HSV 1 and 2 are very common and that there is more of a stigma attached, but at the same time it is something that I could have gotten in one exposure without making the choice to do so. I feel bad for her that she received this burden without being told, but I also feel a bit violated. I should also note that I was planning on getting myself checked out for this just to see if I had it already or not and if I was worrying for no reason... but I guess that is a different issue. Any thoughts? Am I crazy? My friends don't think so and agree, but that is what friends are for. A You're not crazy at all bud. Your health should ALWAYS come first before any woman. You have a perfectly legitimate reason to not pursue anything, and are entitled to a fully healthy body. So don't feel bad bud.
Crazy Magnet Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I'd be pissed off if a guy wasn't up front about his STD history. That said,I always have that conversation prior to any clothes coming off and outside of the bedroom/heavy make out session. I'm no nonsense when it comes to my goods. I'm also regularly tested so I practice what I preach and expect my potential partners to be tested as well. If they can't handle getting a test, they sure as hell can't handle me. Potentially infecting you with a life long virus is bigger than a red flag, it's a red elephant running around the room.
stellaluna Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 What is the difference between HSV1 or 2 besides your percieved "stigma" - it will still result in you getting herpes on your dick. Will you care after getting an open sore on your dick if it's an HSV 1 or HSV 2 weeping sore? 1 or 2, it's a sore on your penis that will never go away. Why take the risk with girl number 1, but not girl number 2? A sore that never goes away, never goes away- who cares what freaking strain it is. If you don't want sores on your penis- you shouldn't have dated girl number one, and you shouldn't date girl number 2.
D-Lish Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I'm confused. Did your last gf have cold sores on her lip, and your currents gf has genital herpes? You can have HSV 1 or 2 in either region - it doesn't discriminate. If your current gf has genital herpes and you didn't have sex, why are you worried?
Knittress Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I get where you're coming from - mostly. But considering how something like 75% of the population ends up having HSV-1 on their mouth at some point and yet nobody stops having oral sex... There's always a small chance of spreading something, even if you're not showing sores. Always. But the odds are miniscule. I guess it just comes down to how much you like this person and whether you consider the risks worth it.
jaxie Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I have genital herpes, I have no idea what type (they both do the same thing BTW), and it is THE most difficult thing in the world to bring up in a relationship. Luckily, most guys I have told have been fine with it, but there was one who bailed after I told him. I am not saying this is how it is with everyone, I actually don't know anyone else diagnosed with it, but I have found that as long as there are no symptoms, there isn't much to worry about. I had four relationships, in the span of six years, and no one has contracted it from me. Anyway, it sounds like you two didn't even have sex, so there shouldn't be much of an issue. Go get tested if you need to feel safe, and then decide if you want a relationship with her.
Pleco Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I got the impression from your post that you have not been tested for HSV since your ex, which means that you may already have it. You also didn't tell your new girl about this before getting intimate with her, which means you were very much in the wrong too. Correct me if I misinterpreted your first post.
lab_brat Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I got the impression from your post that you have not been tested for HSV since your ex, which means that you may already have it. You also didn't tell your new girl about this before getting intimate with her, which means you were very much in the wrong too. Correct me if I misinterpreted your first post. Thats what i got too..... that he was happy to fool around with her, unsure as to whether or not he had it - but is mad at her for it? Strange for a hypochondriac...- Yup, she shoulda told you before any clothes came off. And you shouldve told her the possibility of you being infected before clothes came off. And you shouldve made sure you had the awkward conversation before the clothes came off. Everyones at fault here. I think if you had sex and she didnt tell you, yep, thats a big deal breaker. But she did stop and tell you. And you're a grownup, its your responsibility. You need to ask the tough questions to protect yourself, everytime.
Author audiojunky Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Yes, you are wrong, because I have been tested several times for HSV2 and it was always negative. The recent test I took this week confirmed that once again. I got the impression from your post that you have not been tested for HSV since your ex, which means that you may already have it. You also didn't tell your new girl about this before getting intimate with her, which means you were very much in the wrong too. Correct me if I misinterpreted your first post.
Author audiojunky Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 I forgot to include in my original message that I had been tested for HSV2 several times and it was always negative. Thats what i got too..... that he was happy to fool around with her, unsure as to whether or not he had it - but is mad at her for it? Strange for a hypochondriac...- Yup, she shoulda told you before any clothes came off. And you shouldve told her the possibility of you being infected before clothes came off. And you shouldve made sure you had the awkward conversation before the clothes came off. Everyones at fault here. I think if you had sex and she didnt tell you, yep, thats a big deal breaker. But she did stop and tell you. And you're a grownup, its your responsibility. You need to ask the tough questions to protect yourself, everytime.
Pleco Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 I should also note that I was planning on getting myself checked out for this just to see if I had it already or not and if I was worrying for no reason... but I guess that is a different issue. So sorry if I did misunderstand you, but this is the part that doesn't make sense...what did you mean here?
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