Troubleonitzway Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I have a 16 year old boy who wants to date a 18 year old girl. I have been tryin for months on end to keep her away from him because she has caused nothing but chaos in his life. I have talked to her Mother and Grandmother they refuse to keep her away. She has lied to my son about being pregnaunt not once but twice. I have called the police they do nothing. Her Grandmother and Mother bring her to meet him even when he is grounded. She has had him jumped by 3 boys. She has another boyfriend just down the street. I have beat his ass, taken everything from him, grounded him, taken him to the police station. Now I am waiting on the scared straight program in August and I pray that it works. He skips school now and everthing. I never had a bit of trouble from him till he met her. I have four other children and he is the youngest and I never had any trouble out of the others. If anyone has any advise I am willing to listen because I have tried everything.
turnera Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 I assume you're the mom? Is there a man in his life? He seriously needs one right now. Not a strict, mean one. A gentle, strong one. What about Big Brothers? Or church? An uncle?
Author Troubleonitzway Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 Yes, I am his Mom, and yes, there is a man in his life. Which is my boyfriend who lives with us, he also has Uncles.
Author Troubleonitzway Posted May 20, 2010 Author Posted May 20, 2010 He use to go to church all the time now you can't get him to go.
stellaluna Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 He use to go to church all the time now you can't get him to go. Sounds like he is smarter than you think then. I didn't buy into church crap after I was old enough to form intelligent opinions either. Why would you bring the po-po to intervene in a teenage relationship?
Arabella Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 (edited) I'm not a parent, but I do remember being a teenager once. The more you try to keep something away from a kid that age, the more they want it. So, I think you just gotta let him. You're just making it even more exciting for him to go against your wishes with all the unnecessary fuss you're making. Try faking a supportive stance instead. Take away all the excitement of the forbidden. The appeal will die off and the relationship will fail like just about every other teenager relationship. Invite her over for dinner. Ask them what their plans are for the future. The names of their children, where they will live, etc. You'll freak them out real fast. Sometimes you just have to take a more creative approach... Arabella Edited May 20, 2010 by Arabella
turnera Posted May 20, 2010 Posted May 20, 2010 Yes, I am his Mom, and yes, there is a man in his life. Which is my boyfriend who lives with us, he also has Uncles. What kind of relationship does he have with them? Do they ever take him out to do things? Do they ever talk? What does he do with his time? What kind of rules does he have?
Krytie TV Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Something seems off here, but I can't decide if it's one of the children or you. He may benefit from some male guidance, but really, there comes a time where every child needs to learn their own life lessons. The more you push, the more psychotic you become in this whole affair. Instead of that, try modeling mature adult behavior and be there for him when he falters.
suprisinginsight Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 OP, ever thought about sending your son away to a summer camp? or something similiar Hes 16 years old, if I remember when i was 16 I had the attention span of a peanut. Out of sight out of mind. Send him away for the entire summer to camp or with relatives out of state. Chance are hes going to meet someone new when hes away and will forget all about the girl when he get back.
DaisyLeigh Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 If this were an adult man, after a teen girl, would everyone be so cavalier about it?
suprisinginsight Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 If this were an adult man, after a teen girl, would everyone be so cavalier about it? 18year old male dating 16 year old female? I personally don't see any issues with this especially if they are still both in high school. Even college freshman dating a highschool junior still would be no big deal imo. Now if it was 40year old dating 16 year old female then thats a completely different story.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 If this were an adult man, after a teen girl, would everyone be so cavalier about it? Even if it were an adult man, in some states, an 18 year old boy can get away with dating a 16 year old ( unless the police were informed). Do I condone it? Having been a teenager not so long ago, I think it's more of the appeal of dating someone older that spoke out more to me than actually dating someone because of wanting a relationship. If I have to a take stance from a parent's POF, then I would do something about my son straying from the right path. Sometimes it's almost just impossible to expect a 16 year old to listen to everything their parents said. Thus, if you can't go the " you're grounded" route, then I would play the supporting parent like one of the other posters have said. But at same time I have to reasonable in why I feel the way I do about his so- called relationship. Hence, if you can sit him down and talk with him, and maybe even have dinner with the girlfriend, talk with him about what he wants in love, give him some expectations to seek and live up to, all the while make it seem like you're giving him room to make his own decisions. If there's anything a teenager hates more, it's to feel like they can't make sound decisions. Even though they really can't, you have to make it seem like you're treating them as adults.
Jilly Bean Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 OP - what is the age of consent in your state? If it's 17, then I would take the young lady aside and tell her unilaterally that if she continues to pursue your son, you will press statutory rape charges. If it's 16, then I agree, BACK OFF. A sure way to get a teenager to do something, is to forbid it. And if you say he's been a good kid until this point, then try reasoning with him. Don't "beat his ass" or ground him, etc. When I was a teen, the worst thing I could ever do was know I was disappointing my parents. Sit him down, and explain calmly, and gently, why you are disappointed in his choice of this woman, and how you love him more than anything, and just want him to want better for himself. Explain the lure of her danger is exciting and thrilling, but that you don't want to see him in trouble. But, really emphasize the disappointment thing. That always worked with me (still does - lol).
xpaperxcutx Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 Just to add, from my own observations and experience, kids who have expectations to go to college and become a lawyer, doctor, etc, are more driven to do well in school. Does your son have expectations for what he wants to do in life? If you can get him to figure what he wants to do in the future ( without making it come across as nagging ( which was what my mother used to do) you may help him develop a more constructive look towards the future. That's how I saw things when I was 16. I wanted to be a writer, so I did well in English.
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