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Approached a cute girl in Starbucks; froze up after the introduction

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

By Don'tWannabeAWannabe
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carhill Established Member

carhill

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OP, good approach. Reading it, going beyond the boots into details went a bit gay. I know because I do it all the time. Better idea would be to take the 'nice boots' and turn it into a flirt. For my age group, I might have said 'I just had a Nancy Sinatra moment there...mmm'.

 

Here's the thing....by the time you actually got yourself in front of her and opened your mouth, she had a real good idea about whether you were a person she wanted to interact with more than casually. The subsequent discourse was merely the paperwork catching up with her decision. So, no worries. Someone gave me a Starbucks card for my BD. I'll give it a try myself. I need some coffee anyway. ;)

espec10001 Established Member

espec10001

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Dude, you gotta get her laughing. Once you get her laughing, you're in. How do you get her laughing?

 

Once you get a girl laughing, her defensive mechanisms come down and she'll be more open to giving you her number. The thing with the female species is you have to make an emotional connection with them, and the best opening emotional connection with them is laughter.

 

Your goal should be to make her laugh, and if you keep this in mind then approaching will be much easier. Remember females=emotional that's what they respond to.

BubbleFreak Established Member

BubbleFreak

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Overall I thought your effort was super cute and actually I find a bit of awkwardness attractive. "Just getting my learn on" was totally funny and likable, even better you said it spontaneously. Complimenting her boots was great.

 

"Yeah, I got a leather jacket that's that exact same color... (etc)" was too weird. Don't say stuff a gay guy might say, she might misunderstand. Though, if you said in an obviously joking way "I'd probably look funny if I wore the same boots though" she might laugh (and then check you out) and give you a compliment.

 

Focus more on her talking, rather than what you want to say. Ask her something about herself. Some guy who tried to chat me up yesterday actually said "Enough about me, let's talk about you". It's to the point and showing his interest in me (despite me not wanting to talk about myself) was flattering. That line would've worked if I was single.

 

Most importantly, think about how you want to come across to a girl and what kind of girl you're after. Do you want her to think you are super confident when we know you're not, or do you want to show some vulnerability too (some girls like that)? These things should form the basis of how you meet girls and what you actually say to them.

 

Lastly, how do you present yourself? Looks give the first impression and can determine whether or not she gives you the time of day. Don't stink or have bad breath. :sick::laugh:

 

That's all I can think of. Hope you can take something from what I've said.

Twenty-ten Established Member

Twenty-ten

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Maaaaaaybe she she's thinking 'I can't think of anything to say, I better flee to safety before I look dumb!' Some people find extended interactions with strangers stressful, ya know - for the sake of all the guys I constantly 'shoot down' (I guess) please don't view everything through a lens of sexual rejection.

 

 

I totally agree with that, simply because I have been in that situation before where I kind of want to be there talking to him, I kind of want him to ask for my number but I kind of don't. the "kind of don't" only comes into play because I feel awkward being picked up by a guy in a non conventional setting. So don't be so quick to think you bombed.

 

In fact I think you did amazingly and I especially liked the boot comment brought back to how there is a lack of options for men, that would be a great in for me to start talking to a guy about something I do enjoy; fashion.

 

I don't know why that came out of my mouth. I felt so awkward for having said it afterwards; I felt like Paul Rudd in "I Love You Man" after he calls Jason Segel for the first time.

 

That scene was the best :lmao:

 

You think you sounded like that but given what you described I think you did great! I would almost prefer a guy who sounds a little awkward and nervous, because that means he isn't some player who picks up women at random places, for a living.

 

I think you did just fine, keep at it and next time just come out with it and ask her "well I'll let you get on with your day but I was wondering can I call you sometime?"

 

espec10001 has some great points too, humor is always a great way to get a woman on your side. It works wonders on me, for sure.

SomewhatExperienced Established Member

SomewhatExperienced

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I'd agree that you have nothing to feel bad about here. But my advice is when you're going to chat up a girl, don't think about it as if you're trying to pick her up, simply that you're just be friendly and having a little chat. If there's chemistry it will show its head. If the girl is interested she'll ask YOU questions to keep the conversation going.

 

In situations like this, at the end just say "have a nice day" and chalk it up to just not having a lot of chemistry with her.

 

If you're trying to pick up/hit-on a girl, she knows. If you're just trying to be friendly and chat, she'll pick up on it too, and she'll likely be less threatened by the friendly guy than the one on the prowl. So don't think of it as a hunt where you have to get that ONE girl. Just chat and be friendly with lots and then you'll have success meeting girls because of the number you chat too.

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

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Dude, you gotta get her laughing. Once you get her laughing, you're in. How do you get her laughing?

 

Once you get a girl laughing, her defensive mechanisms come down and she'll be more open to giving you her number. The thing with the female species is you have to make an emotional connection with them, and the best opening emotional connection with them is laughter.

 

Your goal should be to make her laugh, and if you keep this in mind then approaching will be much easier. Remember females=emotional that's what they respond to.

 

Oh reeeeeaaaaally? Make girls laugh? Emotionally connect?

 

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

 

I didn't know you're supposed to make girls laugh or try to create and emotional connection! I thought you're supposed to come off boring and do your best to not connect as possible!

 

Thank you espec, for the wonderful, original, brilliant advice (end sarcasm)

 

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS TRYING TO DO?!

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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believe me' date=' i am a firm believer in not buying anything for a girl until we've locked down.[/quote']

 

...... Fail

St. Nick Established Member

St. Nick

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...... Fail

:laugh:And so does a hospital worker who spends $200 just to get blueballed. If that dude doesn't learn his lesson from his last experience then he's gonna have to work a lot of overtime just to pay his six dates.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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:laugh:And so does a hospital worker who spends $200 just to get blueballed. If that dude doesn't learn his lesson from his last experience then he's gonna have to work a lot of overtime just to pay his six dates.

 

 

My pussy > $200 ;)

St. Nick Established Member

St. Nick

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Oh reeeeeaaaaally? Make girls laugh? Emotionally connect?

 

WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?

 

I didn't know you're supposed to make girls laugh or try to create and emotional connection! I thought you're supposed to come off boring and do your best to not connect as possible!

 

Thank you espec, for the wonderful, original, brilliant advice (end sarcasm)

 

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS TRYING TO DO?!

Aw, come on, the poster was just trying to help. Take a chill pill. You're getting yourself frustrated over one chick. It's time you started meeting more women.

Lakeside_runner Established Member

Lakeside_runner

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Aw, come on, the poster was just trying to help. Take a chill pill. You're getting yourself frustrated over one chick. It's time you started meeting more women.

 

...or drink less coffee...

espec10001 Established Member

espec10001

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I don't mean to be overdramatic, but I feel like a fool/tool. Almost a year of not interacting with girls on a meaningful level since college has made me really awkward.

 

I was reading at Starbucks today. There were a lot of cute girls, and I wanted to talk to a few of them, but for some reason, I was afraid of having strangers overhear my attempts to chat up girls and what they would think if I got shot down.

 

Then it got quiet. I went to refill my drink and then went to the little side-bar where the straws and sugar packets and milk are. There was this cute, short girl with long black hair, a khaki skirt and knee-high light-brown leather boots with stiletto heels. There was no one around, so I thought this was my chance.

 

I just casually said, from the side, "Killer boots." She just looked at me and said, "hmm? What?"

 

I said "I said those are some killer boots." She was like, "Oh thank you."

 

And I said, "Yeah, I got a leather jacket that's that exact same color and texture. I've been looking for shoes to match them, but we guys don't have the selection of shoes you girls have."

 

That line was something I've had in my head for a while. It's something that I thought would be really clever when said aloud, but she only gave a weak laugh for it. I then told her my name, and then she said hers. I asked her, "How's your day going?"

 

She said, "It's going good." I asked her, "Enjoying the weather? Trying to get some sun before the rain comes again?"

 

She just said "Yeah." She seemed friendly, but at the same time, not entirely enthusiastic about talking to me. I just replied, "Yeah, I'm just studying at that table over there... Just getting my learn on." She just nodded and said "cool."

 

I don't know why that came out of my mouth. I felt so awkward for having said it afterwards; I felt like Paul Rudd in "I Love You Man" after he calls Jason Segel for the first time.

 

I then realized that we had been silent for like a couple of seconds. Then I just panicked and then said "Well, have a good night," but then I realized it was day and said "I mean, have a good day." She said "You too," waved and walked away.

 

I then just felt really embarrassed afterward. I was discouraged from even just wanting to talk to any girls after that. A year or two ago, I never would have imagined that talking to girls "in the real world" would be so hard, or that I'd become so flustered and awkward when talking to one for the first time.

 

What can I do? What could I have done different with this one to make some chemistry?

 

You are asking what you could've done to 'create' some chemistry. And when you first saw her, as you went to refill your cup, could've done differently.

 

Like for instance, say "i wonder what all these coffee's mixed together would taste? LOL" or "oops I am so clumsy! LOL" and drop something next to her and pick it up laughing or ask her to help you with it. OR try saying something completely random and laugh about it.

 

The key is to keep it light hearted fun, a playful teasing. You kind of have to pretend you're dumb, but not in an offensive way, but like I said, a playful way. Because girls really do just want to have fun, and they want guys that they can have fun with. It really isn't any more complicated than that.

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

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My pussy > $200 ;)

Hmmm - I suppose starting a bidding war would be considered off-topic... ;)

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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...or drink less coffee...

 

Tehee:)

 

Hmmm - I suppose starting a bidding war would be considered off-topic... ;)

 

Nooope, isn't dating just a bidding war?

BeautifulMan Established Member

BeautifulMan

Posted
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I liked it. At the end would have been a time for another joke like "you're not here writing a novel on your mac like the rest of these guys are you?" then you could dig into what's going on in her life.

TheBigQuestion Established Member

TheBigQuestion

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...... Fail

 

I'm not sure what he means by "locked down," but I do have a similar policy. I try to avoid spending much money (if at all) unless I sense some real potential for future interaction (i.e. I've already hung out with the girl once, then she keeps talking to me and we actually hang out a second time). I fail to see why this is a "fail." As I said in a previous thread, there's no point in losing both time and money if you have the option of just losing time. I've been accused of being many things in my life, but cheap has never been one of them. I'll spend well once I feel there's a reason to do so.

FryFish Established Member

FryFish

Posted
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My pussy > $200

 

Nooope, isn't dating just a bidding war?
Please dont think Im calling YOU a whore... but....
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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What can I do? What could I have done different with this one to make some chemistry?

only approach girls that give you the signals to come hither....these "cold" pick up attempts almost never work no matter what you say or do.

Skump Established Member

Skump

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What can I do? What could I have done different with this one to make some chemistry?

 

Make some real chemistry: See Aniracetam, a marvelous little nootropic that reduces anxiety and improves loquaciousness.

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
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Posted (edited)
...... Fail

 

Alright, let's say I DID buy the coffee.

 

Then what? What comes next?

 

What girl has ever fallen over a guy simply because he bought her coffee?

Edited by Don'tWannabeAWannabe
marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

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Posted
Alright, let's say I DID buy the coffee.

 

Then what?

 

What girl has ever fallen over a guy simply because he bought her coffee?

 

 

I'm not sure any woman has. But your theory on super gluing your wallet shut until you have a woman is backwards. I understand you can't buy every single girl a coffee, but don't underestimate the power of generosity. You're not a doormat when you take a woman out. It's a way that you can show her you're genuinely interested in getting to know her. I know personally, I'm always very gracious when someone takes me out (even a friend)... and it's important I reciprocate in some way.

Trimmer Established Member

Trimmer

Posted
Posted (edited)
Alright, let's say I DID buy the coffee.

 

Then what? What comes next?

 

What girl has ever fallen over a guy simply because he bought her coffee?

You're focusing on "getting her" to fall for you, or "making" there be chemistry, always measuring it as some kind of a quid pro quo...

 

Hey, if I had the chance to sit and talk with a new woman for 5 or 10 minutes, who turned out to be at least the little tiniest bit interesting, that would be a positive thing in my life, and anything beyond that is pure gravy. If you look at it like that's already a win, then you go away a happy guy.

 

If you look at it like a conversation over coffee is a LOSS unless you eventually get laid, then yes, it's going to seem like that's a lot of $2 failures stretched out in front of you.

 

I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.

 

ETA: I'd buy marsle a $201 cup of coffee any day...

Edited by Trimmer
marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

Posted
Posted

If you look at it like a conversation over coffee is a LOSS unless you eventually get laid, then yes, it's going to seem like that's a lot of $2 failures stretched out in front of you.

 

I suppose it's all a matter of perspective.

ETA: I'd buy marsle a $201 cup of coffee any day...

 

My kinda guy

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Don'tWannabeAWannabe Established Member

Don'tWannabeAWannabe

Posted
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I'm not sure any woman has. But your theory on super gluing your wallet shut until you have a woman is backwards. I understand you can't buy every single girl a coffee, but don't underestimate the power of generosity. You're not a doormat when you take a woman out. It's a way that you can show her you're genuinely interested in getting to know her. I know personally, I'm always very gracious when someone takes me out (even a friend)... and it's important I reciprocate in some way.

 

We're not talking about taking anyone out. We're not talking about dates.

 

I'm asking about what should be done or said when you meet a girl for the very first time; BEFORE the date; BEFORE you even get the phone number.

marsle85 Established Member

marsle85

Posted
Posted
We're not talking about taking anyone out. We're not talking about dates.

 

I'm asking about what should be done or said when you meet a girl for the very first time; BEFORE the date; BEFORE you even get the phone number.

 

Well unless you're in a bar setting, it's unnatural to buy someone anything. And remember, you said "until you were locked down".

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